Is it bad not to want to go home on weekends at uni ?

Hi, so I am about to start uni in September, and I was just having a conversation with my parents on how I would come back to see them in the holidays, you know as they feel quite sad that I am going. They asked me why not come home most weekends, and I said tbh I don’t really see my myself coming back every weekend cuz I enjoy my own company. But they always go on about how I said that and they always say how naive am I and like that it isn’t realistic. So I wonder whether my feelings are bad. But I would speak to them every day over the phone like they ask so idk whether I am overreacting or they are?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, so I am about to start uni in September, and I was just having a conversation with my parents on how I would come back to see them in the holidays, you know as they feel quite sad that I am going. They asked me why not come home most weekends, and I said tbh I don’t really see my myself coming back every weekend cuz I enjoy my own company. But they always go on about how I said that and they always say how naive am I and like that it isn’t realistic. So I wonder whether my feelings are bad. But I would speak to them every day over the phone like they ask so idk whether I am overreacting or they are?

I think they're guilt tripping you. You don't have to go back home every weekend, but I would still go back every so often or at least in the holidays.

If you're an introvert, you might want more alone time to recharge. This is natural. This can also mean alone from your parents as well.

You also don't need to be on the phone with them all the time. It's nice to be connected and close to your parents, but you don't have to be attached to them at the hip. You have your own life to live.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

I think they're guilt tripping you. You don't have to go back home every weekend, but I would still go back every so often or at least in the holidays.

If you're an introvert, you might want more alone time to recharge. This is natural. This can also mean alone from your parents as well.

You also don't need to be on the phone with them all the time. It's nice to be connected and close to your parents, but you don't have to be attached to them at the hip. You have your own life to live.

Thank you for your response. It is nice to get another person’s perspective on this, that is not just my own or my parents. I think you are right and they are guilt tripping. And I would consider myself an introvert.

I want to keep a connection with them but not always be there cuz I am embarking on a new adventure, that I want to immerse myself in you know.

But whenever I suggest the idea that I might want to do my own things. They always scoff at that are like what could you possibly be doing other then studying. So that really annoys me as well.

Reply 3

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

I think few students choose to move out where travelling back home every weekend is practical.

Maybe try once a month whilst you are still bringing the odd thing to uni, but otherwise your folks should appreciate that your studies, social activities and chores will have to become your priorities. You are moving out to find out what it’s like being independent after all.

Reply 4

Callicious

22

I went home once a year, and not at all during COVID. It's perfectly fine.

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, so I am about to start uni in September, and I was just having a conversation with my parents on how I would come back to see them in the holidays, you know as they feel quite sad that I am going. They asked me why not come home most weekends, and I said tbh I don’t really see my myself coming back every weekend cuz I enjoy my own company. But they always go on about how I said that and they always say how naive am I and like that it isn’t realistic. So I wonder whether my feelings are bad. But I would speak to them every day over the phone like they ask so idk whether I am overreacting or they are?

Heya 👋

It's good to stay in touch with family as uni can feel a little isolating being away from home for the first time. It's also your first time exploring your indepence and carving out what your life looks like, living by your own schedule. You need time to settle in, in order to do that.

Going home too regularly can be disruptive to the experience, and you will find with assignments, you need time at the weekends to study. Your parents may say "but you can study here at home!" which brings a lot of distractions and it's hard to focus when you also would want to just hang out and spend time with the family while you're there.

It might be a good idea to make plans for a couple of weekends to visit before going back for Christmas. It's a good compromise and can be something for them to look forward to seeing you, having a plan on the calendar for when you'll be home, maybe once a month, rather than expecting to see you every weekend.

You might want to get a part time job while you're at uni to earn some extra spending money, and they may also require you to be available to work some weekends, depending what you do.

Ultimately you won't know how you'll feel until you get to uni and can experience what your lectures, assignments and daily life is like. Hopefully you'll meet some people you get on with and can make some friends as having a social life while at uni is important. That doesn't mean going out getting drunk every night, but having social connections, with people like you, can only enhance your work-life balance.

Wish you the best of luck for your first year! Hope you have a great time ☺️

Best wishes
Essex Student Rep - Hayley

Reply 6

Muttley79

20

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, so I am about to start uni in September, and I was just having a conversation with my parents on how I would come back to see them in the holidays, you know as they feel quite sad that I am going. They asked me why not come home most weekends, and I said tbh I don’t really see my myself coming back every weekend cuz I enjoy my own company. But they always go on about how I said that and they always say how naive am I and like that it isn’t realistic. So I wonder whether my feelings are bad. But I would speak to them every day over the phone like they ask so idk whether I am overreacting or they are?

How will you make friends if you go home every weekend? I didn't when I was at uni and mobiles didn't exist. I did not expect my son to come home either.

Reply 7

Scotland Yard

Clearing and Applications Advisor, Universities Forum Helper

20

It's absolutely fine not to visit them every weekend. You're becoming your own person now, you'll visit them when you can and when you want to, and that's not you being mean or anything along those lines, that's just you growing up and leaving the nest, so don't feel bad about it. Good luck with university :smile:

Reply 8

hilly-harrier

7

Most people don't go home every weekend and it's definitely not the usual thing to do. I'd ask them why they want you to miss out on socialising - lots of societies meet up on the weekend as well as midweek.

Reply 9

Chronoscope

Volunteer Section Leader

21

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, so I am about to start uni in September, and I was just having a conversation with my parents on how I would come back to see them in the holidays, you know as they feel quite sad that I am going. They asked me why not come home most weekends, and I said tbh I don’t really see my myself coming back every weekend cuz I enjoy my own company. But they always go on about how I said that and they always say how naive am I and like that it isn’t realistic. So I wonder whether my feelings are bad. But I would speak to them every day over the phone like they ask so idk whether I am overreacting or they are?

How far are you from home? Have you checked train ticket prices? :smile:

They could could get quite expensive even with a railcard. Most people don't go home each weekend unless they're local.
I'm going into third year and only go home at Christmas, Easter weekend, and the long summer holidays :yep:

I quite like staying at uni for reading weeks because it's quieter.

(edited 7 months ago)

Reply 10

domonict

17

It is rare to go home every weekend.
You’ll have a better experience if you don’t.
A lot of Uni is just the experience of first steps in adult life.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Chronoscope

How far are you from home? Have you checked train ticket prices? :smile:

They could could get quite expensive even with a railcard. Most people don't go home each weekend unless they're local.
I'm going into third year and only go home at Christmas, Easter weekend, and the long summer holidays :yep:

I quite like staying at uni for reading weeks because it's quieter.

Thank you every one for your responses. For reference my uni is about a 2 hour drive from where my parents are. So you can imagine even longer on a train or coach. But thank you all for you advice and perspectives xx

Reply 12

hilly-harrier

7

Expecting you to trek a two hour drive away every weekend is really unreasonable. Tbh your parents don't sound very nice, belittling you all the time isn't good. I think you should have fun and enjoy yourself and stick your phone on 'do not disturb' at the weekend 😉

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by hilly-harrier

Expecting you to trek a two hour drive away every weekend is really unreasonable. Tbh your parents don't sound very nice, belittling you all the time isn't good. I think you should have fun and enjoy yourself and stick your phone on 'do not disturb' at the weekend 😉

I mean I wouldn’t say they are mean but they are clingy and don’t give you space to breath. Thank you for your response xx I think I know how to act now :smile:

Reply 14

lalexm

16

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, so I am about to start uni in September, and I was just having a conversation with my parents on how I would come back to see them in the holidays, you know as they feel quite sad that I am going. They asked me why not come home most weekends, and I said tbh I don’t really see my myself coming back every weekend cuz I enjoy my own company. But they always go on about how I said that and they always say how naive am I and like that it isn’t realistic. So I wonder whether my feelings are bad. But I would speak to them every day over the phone like they ask so idk whether I am overreacting or they are?

Don't do it. It can take a bit of time to settle, to stop being homesick, and to make close friends, so if you get into the trap of coming home every weekend, or every other weekend, you will not be doing yourself any favours as it will just prolong everything. Especially in the first term, try to limit it to going home just once, or maybe twice max, and ideally it should only be for a good reason e.g. someone's birthday.

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, so I am about to start uni in September, and I was just having a conversation with my parents on how I would come back to see them in the holidays, you know as they feel quite sad that I am going. They asked me why not come home most weekends, and I said tbh I don’t really see my myself coming back every weekend cuz I enjoy my own company. But they always go on about how I said that and they always say how naive am I and like that it isn’t realistic. So I wonder whether my feelings are bad. But I would speak to them every day over the phone like they ask so idk whether I am overreacting or they are?

Hi there

It is really normal to enjoy your own company. Everyone needs their time alone to recharge and you should not feel bad about it. :smile:

Your decision to call them frequently is very thoughtful of their feelings. Most people at University do not go home often, whilst you may be a little homesick at the start, you will gain more independence throughout University.

If you are home sick or needed to, you could always travel home more frequently at the start of the term and gradually reduce this as you gain confidence at University.

Afterall, whilst you are given a lot of free time during University, you do have to allocate your time accordingly for friends and studies as well as family. Therefore, going home every weekend may in fact be slightly demanding depending on your course and workload.

Hope this help. :smile:

Chloe
-University of Kent Student Rep

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, so I am about to start uni in September, and I was just having a conversation with my parents on how I would come back to see them in the holidays, you know as they feel quite sad that I am going. They asked me why not come home most weekends, and I said tbh I don’t really see my myself coming back every weekend cuz I enjoy my own company. But they always go on about how I said that and they always say how naive am I and like that it isn’t realistic. So I wonder whether my feelings are bad. But I would speak to them every day over the phone like they ask so idk whether I am overreacting or they are?

Hi there!

I’m Pip, a third year TV Production student.

I want to start by saying it is absolutely not bad to feel this way, and I’d say the same to someone who did want visit home every weekend. This is your uni experience and it’s all about finding yourself in your own time and space. Especially as you’re very open to calling and catching up with them!

I don’t visit home as often as my peers, and I would say it’s a mix of me living quite close to home and me being happy and busy in my own space! Uni is a few years compared to 18 or so year of you living at home so make the most of it and spend it how you want to.

I hope you have a great time 🙂

Pip

Reply 17

Coventry University Student Ambassadors

Official Rep

16

Hi,

It's totally fine to not want to go home every weekend, as others have pointed out you're embarking on a new chapter in your life and it's normal to not only want a bit of space to do that but also to explore it on your own. It sounds like your parents are just anxious for you, which is sweet, but if you feel it's overbearing then you can try talking to them about that or taking whatever action you feel is best. Your time at university is exactly that, your time, and as an adult it's up to you to spend it in whatever way makes you the most happy and fulfilled. Besides, weekends are the best time to hang out with your friends, so it's entirely understandable if you don't want to travel home to your parents over your valuable social time.

Best,
Courtney H

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, so I am about to start uni in September, and I was just having a conversation with my parents on how I would come back to see them in the holidays, you know as they feel quite sad that I am going. They asked me why not come home most weekends, and I said tbh I don’t really see my myself coming back every weekend cuz I enjoy my own company. But they always go on about how I said that and they always say how naive am I and like that it isn’t realistic. So I wonder whether my feelings are bad. But I would speak to them every day over the phone like they ask so idk whether I am overreacting or they are?

Hi

It is good to stay in touch with friends and family but this doesnt mean needing to go home every weekend some people keep in touch by phone. When i started i felt a bit home sick so ended up going home to see friends and family however by the end of my final year i was mainly keeping in touch by phone. It also depends how far from home you are for me i was about 2 hours however other flat mates were between 4-6 hours away which isnt practical to go home every weekend.

Good luck with your uni course😊😊😊

Emma
UCLAN Student Ambassador

Reply 19

unknown_____098

9

Original post by Callicious

I went home once a year, and not at all during COVID. It's perfectly fine.