Flatmate is gay, I am Muslim. I want him to know I have no problem with his sexuality
My flatmate is gay, and we got on well enough from the start, but he found out I was Muslim when he walked into my room whilst I was praying on accident. I think because of this, he thought that I would be a bigot, and disapprove of his sexuality. Since then he hasn't talked to me at all and has left the room anytime I walk into it. While homosexuality is against my religion, times have changed. I do not have a personal problem with him being gay, but I'm not sure how to approach it. He was a nice person and I don't want him to think that I disapprove of him.
Original post by Anonymous
My flatmate is gay, and we got on well enough from the start, but he found out I was Muslim when he walked into my room whilst I was praying on accident. I think because of this, he thought that I would be a bigot, and disapprove of his sexuality. Since then he hasn't talked to me at all and has left the room anytime I walk into it. While homosexuality is against my religion, times have changed. I do not have a personal problem with him being gay, but I'm not sure how to approach it. He was a nice person and I don't want him to think that I disapprove of him.
Tbh its quite disappointing that he has made an assumption about you based off of your religion, that's not cool. Not all Muslims are the same. Maybe ask him why he's stopped talking to you then go from there?
He's still a nice person. Can't you find some way to get him to talk? Does he have a friend you could reach out to? Could you write him a letter? A NICE letter.
Wear a rainbow badge?
Wear a rainbow badge?
well you do kind of have a problem because in your religion you have to believe it is wrong
Original post by Anonymous
My flatmate is gay, and we got on well enough from the start, but he found out I was Muslim when he walked into my room whilst I was praying on accident. I think because of this, he thought that I would be a bigot, and disapprove of his sexuality. Since then he hasn't talked to me at all and has left the room anytime I walk into it. While homosexuality is against my religion, times have changed. I do not have a personal problem with him being gay, but I'm not sure how to approach it. He was a nice person and I don't want him to think that I disapprove of him.
It's a shame that he's made these assumptions, you could try talking to him and ask if everything is okay, talk to your other housemates and ask if there's anything you've done to bother him, invite him out to things and help him feel involved overall. Neither of you have done anything wrong, you're both good people caught in a misunderstanding and it seems 100% fully reasonable to want to get along with anyone.
Original post by karl pilkington
well you do kind of have a problem because in your religion you have to believe it is wrong
As a Muslim myself, just because someone identifies as gay or anything different to me - it doesn't mean that I can't be friends with them or treat them negatively - that's just wrong. I've had many friends over the years that are a part of the LGBT community and in all honesty when I'd greet them every morning I'd simply see these lovely people that are my friends, I'm not bothered by what they identify as (that's their own business anyway) and I'd treat them as any other person. You've got an interesting point there, but if you look at the bigger picture - I'd be a bad person (or a bad muslim) to treat these people unfairly when they've been reasonable with me, but that's just my opinion and everyone has their differences.
I guess the bottom line of this thread would be to 'not to judge a book by it's cover'; as cliche as it sounds lol.
Original post by karl pilkington
well you do kind of have a problem because in your religion you have to believe it is wrong
As a Muslim, I believe that everyone should be treated with respect. I do not have to believe any kind of identity is wrong if I don't believe it is.
Original post by karl pilkington
no you have to agree with the holy quran that they are engaging in sinful behaviour and will not enter heaven as well
I don't personally with homosexuality because of my religion, but that doesn't mean I need to outwardly need to be cold to someone because they are gay.
He has every right to not want to talk to you. You are apart of a community that does not accept people like him. Move on .
I can't believe some of the comments made on here, and I'm surprised there isn't more support for the OP. Even in Christianity, they preach to "hate the sin, but not the sinner" (not that I consider it to be a sin, but I hope you get where I'm coming from). Besides, I'm sure there's more to the OP than just his religion... and there's more to his flatmate than just his sexuality.
You may need to go through a neutral 3rd party, if he's not willing to speak to you... and then get them to have a sit-down discussion with you about this.
A similar thing happened to me... I'm black and one of the guys I worked with in the Students Union was gay, but did his best to keep it from me. I think he assumed I'd be homophobic because I'm black. In fact, I only found out about him because I saw him coming out of a well known gay bar in our town with another group of people . Anyways, after a few (irritating) questions from him that I accept him fully for who he is, we bonded and became good friends (ironically, I think it was the fact that he was gay and I'm black... and we're both trying to make it in a world that was very biased towards the typical WASP (white Anglo-Saxon protestant)
Oh, and he made an excellent wing-man when we went out... I remember there was a group of about 8 of us, and he managed to hook us all up with some lovely ladies
I don't think the OP wearing the rainbow badge is appropriate.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I always thought that was a symbol to others that they were part of the LGBTQ community, and it was OK to approach them. Besides, that could cause big-problems for the OP if other Muslims saw him wearing that.
Good post from what seems a well rounded individual
Original post by Anonymous
My flatmate is gay, and we got on well enough from the start, but he found out I was Muslim when he walked into my room whilst I was praying on accident. I think because of this, he thought that I would be a bigot, and disapprove of his sexuality. Since then he hasn't talked to me at all and has left the room anytime I walk into it. While homosexuality is against my religion, times have changed. I do not have a personal problem with him being gay, but I'm not sure how to approach it. He was a nice person and I don't want him to think that I disapprove of him.
You may need to go through a neutral 3rd party, if he's not willing to speak to you... and then get them to have a sit-down discussion with you about this.
A similar thing happened to me... I'm black and one of the guys I worked with in the Students Union was gay, but did his best to keep it from me. I think he assumed I'd be homophobic because I'm black. In fact, I only found out about him because I saw him coming out of a well known gay bar in our town with another group of people . Anyways, after a few (irritating) questions from him that I accept him fully for who he is, we bonded and became good friends (ironically, I think it was the fact that he was gay and I'm black... and we're both trying to make it in a world that was very biased towards the typical WASP (white Anglo-Saxon protestant)
Oh, and he made an excellent wing-man when we went out... I remember there was a group of about 8 of us, and he managed to hook us all up with some lovely ladies
Original post by redhouse48
He's still a nice person. Can't you find some way to get him to talk? Does he have a friend you could reach out to? Could you write him a letter? A NICE letter.
Wear a rainbow badge?
Wear a rainbow badge?
I don't think the OP wearing the rainbow badge is appropriate.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I always thought that was a symbol to others that they were part of the LGBTQ community, and it was OK to approach them. Besides, that could cause big-problems for the OP if other Muslims saw him wearing that.
Original post by Anonymous
It's a shame that he's made these assumptions, you could try talking to him and ask if everything is okay, talk to your other housemates and ask if there's anything you've done to bother him, invite him out to things and help him feel involved overall. Neither of you have done anything wrong, you're both good people caught in a misunderstanding and it seems 100% fully reasonable to want to get along with anyone.
As a Muslim myself, just because someone identifies as gay or anything different to me - it doesn't mean that I can't be friends with them or treat them negatively - that's just wrong. I've had many friends over the years that are a part of the LGBT community and in all honesty when I'd greet them every morning I'd simply see these lovely people that are my friends, I'm not bothered by what they identify as (that's their own business anyway) and I'd treat them as any other person. You've got an interesting point there, but if you look at the bigger picture - I'd be a bad person (or a bad muslim) to treat these people unfairly when they've been reasonable with me, but that's just my opinion and everyone has their differences.
I guess the bottom line of this thread would be to 'not to judge a book by it's cover'; as cliche as it sounds lol.
As a Muslim myself, just because someone identifies as gay or anything different to me - it doesn't mean that I can't be friends with them or treat them negatively - that's just wrong. I've had many friends over the years that are a part of the LGBT community and in all honesty when I'd greet them every morning I'd simply see these lovely people that are my friends, I'm not bothered by what they identify as (that's their own business anyway) and I'd treat them as any other person. You've got an interesting point there, but if you look at the bigger picture - I'd be a bad person (or a bad muslim) to treat these people unfairly when they've been reasonable with me, but that's just my opinion and everyone has their differences.
I guess the bottom line of this thread would be to 'not to judge a book by it's cover'; as cliche as it sounds lol.
Good post from what seems a well rounded individual
Original post by Anonymous
My flatmate is gay, and we got on well enough from the start, but he found out I was Muslim when he walked into my room whilst I was praying on accident. I think because of this, he thought that I would be a bigot, and disapprove of his sexuality. Since then he hasn't talked to me at all and has left the room anytime I walk into it. While homosexuality is against my religion, times have changed. I do not have a personal problem with him being gay, but I'm not sure how to approach it. He was a nice person and I don't want him to think that I disapprove of him.
He's the one in the wrong for being judgemental
Original post by karl pilkington
no you have to agree with the holy quran that they are engaging in sinful behaviour and will not enter heaven as well
Uhm what??? They dont "have" to do anything
Original post by redhouse48
He's still a nice person. Can't you find some way to get him to talk? Does he have a friend you could reach out to? Could you write him a letter? A NICE letter.
Wear a rainbow badge?
Wear a rainbow badge?
Wearing a rainbow badge is an act of supporting it, which in Islam is wrong? So that isn’t a good suggestion.
Original post by nonchalant-
He has every right to not want to talk to you. You are apart of a community that does not accept people like him. Move on .
What a helpful answer... not
Original post by Anonymous
What a helpful answer... not
Because it's not what you want to hear?
Moving on is a great answer if someone is avoiding you.
Original post by Old Skool Freak
I can't believe some of the comments made on here, and I'm surprised there isn't more support for the OP. Even in Christianity, they preach to "hate the sin, but not the sinner" (not that I consider it to be a sin, but I hope you get where I'm coming from). Besides, I'm sure there's more to the OP than just his religion... and there's more to his flatmate than just his sexuality.
You may need to go through a neutral 3rd party, if he's not willing to speak to you... and then get them to have a sit-down discussion with you about this.
A similar thing happened to me... I'm black and one of the guys I worked with in the Students Union was gay, but did his best to keep it from me. I think he assumed I'd be homophobic because I'm black. In fact, I only found out about him because I saw him coming out of a well known gay bar in our town with another group of people . Anyways, after a few (irritating) questions from him that I accept him fully for who he is, we bonded and became good friends (ironically, I think it was the fact that he was gay and I'm black... and we're both trying to make it in a world that was very biased towards the typical WASP (white Anglo-Saxon protestant)
Oh, and he made an excellent wing-man when we went out... I remember there was a group of about 8 of us, and he managed to hook us all up with some lovely ladies
I don't think the OP wearing the rainbow badge is appropriate.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I always thought that was a symbol to others that they were part of the LGBTQ community, and it was OK to approach them. Besides, that could cause big-problems for the OP if other Muslims saw him wearing that.
Good post from what seems a well rounded individual
You may need to go through a neutral 3rd party, if he's not willing to speak to you... and then get them to have a sit-down discussion with you about this.
A similar thing happened to me... I'm black and one of the guys I worked with in the Students Union was gay, but did his best to keep it from me. I think he assumed I'd be homophobic because I'm black. In fact, I only found out about him because I saw him coming out of a well known gay bar in our town with another group of people . Anyways, after a few (irritating) questions from him that I accept him fully for who he is, we bonded and became good friends (ironically, I think it was the fact that he was gay and I'm black... and we're both trying to make it in a world that was very biased towards the typical WASP (white Anglo-Saxon protestant)
Oh, and he made an excellent wing-man when we went out... I remember there was a group of about 8 of us, and he managed to hook us all up with some lovely ladies
I don't think the OP wearing the rainbow badge is appropriate.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I always thought that was a symbol to others that they were part of the LGBTQ community, and it was OK to approach them. Besides, that could cause big-problems for the OP if other Muslims saw him wearing that.
Good post from what seems a well rounded individual
Thank you for your response. It was very helpful, so I appreciate it.
As an update, I decided to ask him to talk. He told me the reason why he was avoiding me was because he was bullied by a group of Muslim girls in secondary school for being gay. He said he was sorry for assuming that about me, but he was close to taking his life because of it. Maybe the reason he thought that I wasn't a Muslim or religious previously is because I am a white Muslim (Bosnian) and maybe didn't fit into the box typically given to Muslims. He and I have gone out grocery shopping and to a pub since, and everything is normal again.
Thank you all for the advice, and even those whose advice I didn't take, thank you for taking an interest in helping.
Thank you all for the advice, and even those whose advice I didn't take, thank you for taking an interest in helping.
im muslim too but i dont have any problem with gay guys
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