Self esteem

hi
i suffer from bad eating habits and have since I was 13, I’m 17 now. it’s getting better with time and I’m in a healthier place than I was. the issue is that any progress I make is shattered with a single word. my sister constantly insults my weight, calling me fat- thought I’m still underweight- and I’m saying I’m ugly. if I ever insult her it’s about her behaviour, mines always bout the way I look. she is beautiful, and far better looking than me so it isn’t jealously. she means it. my parents spoke to her about it and now she only does it privately but I don’t know what to do. i need to be healthy and I hide the food I eat away from her because I know what she’ll say. my confidence is non-existent and I couldn’t imagine having a boyfriend or having someone look at me.
any advice?

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

hi
i suffer from bad eating habits and have since I was 13, I’m 17 now. it’s getting better with time and I’m in a healthier place than I was. the issue is that any progress I make is shattered with a single word. my sister constantly insults my weight, calling me fat- thought I’m still underweight- and I’m saying I’m ugly. if I ever insult her it’s about her behaviour, mines always bout the way I look. she is beautiful, and far better looking than me so it isn’t jealously. she means it. my parents spoke to her about it and now she only does it privately but I don’t know what to do. i need to be healthy and I hide the food I eat away from her because I know what she’ll say. my confidence is non-existent and I couldn’t imagine having a boyfriend or having someone look at me.
any advice?

See a counsellor and a coach. You're in a vulnerable place, so you would need support.

I think it would be a challenge to build something positive in your self perception without it getting out of control or becoming something equally unhealthy e.g. delusional, toxic, or entitled. I consider it more important to build on your self esteem before you work on your weight; you can change a lot about your weight in 3 months, but your self esteem issues can take years, depending on the issue.
I don't know what your personal issues are, so the counsellor would be the person to help.

If you have bad eating habits, then the first thing I would do is to swap the food you are eating. I cannot advise you on this since I am not a nutritionist or dietician, but there is generally some foods that you can eat loads of and have a very difficult time putting on weight e.g. fresh fruit and veg (in fact, these can generally help you lose weight).
After your diet, you can then work on exercise. Exercise generally can be mood boosters, so long you don't spend hours doing it (1 hour a day max).

Your sister is toxic and she has her own issues, so I would focus more on yourself before you can think of others.

I don't think your main problem is your eating habits as opposed to your self esteem. Sure, if you're several hundred pounds overweight, you need to lose weight to avoid critical health issues. However, if you're excessively overweight or underweight, then it's a psychological issue. However, if you can't work on your psychological issue, set yourself up so that it's harder to be unhealthy i.e. swapping the food.

I also recommend getting the mental help soon. The nutrition/personal training advice can come in later, but it's also something you should look into.

I think it's also more important that you're happy with how you look. If you can look yourself in the mirror and be happy with the person you are, then you're usually OK (as long the doctor also say so).

Do also note, looks alone won't get you a bf; you need personality and generally be in good mental health.

Reply 2

ImaoKat

7

Original post by Anonymous

hi
i suffer from bad eating habits and have since I was 13, I’m 17 now. it’s getting better with time and I’m in a healthier place than I was. the issue is that any progress I make is shattered with a single word. my sister constantly insults my weight, calling me fat- thought I’m still underweight- and I’m saying I’m ugly. if I ever insult her it’s about her behaviour, mines always bout the way I look. she is beautiful, and far better looking than me so it isn’t jealously. she means it. my parents spoke to her about it and now she only does it privately but I don’t know what to do. i need to be healthy and I hide the food I eat away from her because I know what she’ll say. my confidence is non-existent and I couldn’t imagine having a boyfriend or having someone look at me.
any advice

is there anyway that you could have a conversation with your sister about how she treats you and how its effecting you? like for example, if she does insult you again because of eating or your appearance, then instead of insulting her back try to express that what shes doing is really effecting you mentally. i don't really know your relationship with your sister or anything like that but the best thing to do is to try to communicate your feelings to her and maybe she will understand that what shes doing is really wrong.

also you could maybe talk with your parents and sister as like a group discussion so you can try to somehow fix this issue where your sister is mistreating you. Maybe this could also help with finding out why your sister is treating you this way in the first place because usually there is a reason why people do those types of things.

You've said your parents have spoke to her about it already but maybe if you tried again but with you more involved as well it could maybe help more hopefully.

I also wanted to add that self-confidence is something that's achievable and i know that you can grow to be a confident person in the future. Always try your best to be positive about your appearance even though its difficult sometimes!!

do things that you love and that make you happy, wear clothes that you feel comfortable in and even try to find a style that suits you (you can by looking on pinterest for ideas!!) , try to take care of yourself more e.g maybe try a new hairstyle or try to do self care days where you do skincare and a hygiene routine or anything similar to that. I promise you that the more you take care of yourself the more better you will feel about you on the inside and you on the outside.

I also like to think of myself in this way; if you see yourself as your own daughter, then think about how you would treat that kid. Like for example, you would want your daughter to eat, you wouldn't insult your own daughter, you would compliment your daughter, you would want them to take care of themselves etc etc etc.

or maybe write on a piece of paper of the best version of you, like for example, the best version of yourself could be someone who is in a healthy romantic relationship or they have long healthy hair or they dress in this certain way etc. Really think about who you want to become and eventually if you try your best to work up to what you wrote down then you will become that best version.

also like this just makes me realise that i should be nicer to myself because at the end of the day, the person that's going to be with me till the day i die is going to be me so why should i live my life hating myself when i should just try to change and grow into a person who i want to be with all the time.

i also wanted to say how i'm really proud of you for trying your best and i know that you will eventually heal, its all about consistency and resilience. I understand how hard it can be for you at this current moment as family life really does effect you mentally and its not something you can really run away from but the fact that you are trying and asking for help is amazing :} also don't forget that life won't stay this way forever if you try your best to get through it and i know you will!!!

we are basically the same age and i've been through eating problems too and i really do understand how hard it is to try to work your way back up.
i promise you that you will get better !!! and i hope that your relationship with your sister gets better too!!!

Self esteem

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