In a committee for a society and I am tired of dealing with this
Just want to rant. I am currently the president of a big society at my uni but I am having a lot of trouble with the vice president basically ruining the whole experience for me. I have been in the committee for this society since first year and now I am finally the president so it is quite important for me. I am supposed to be leading and they just try to control everything and tell me what to do. What makes it worse is that they have befriended the whole committee and I feel completely excluded as they all go off and socialise after events and leave me out.
My problem with the VP is that they are basically trying to steal my role and lead the society themselves, they take credit for things I've done and in meetings talk over me all the time to the point I just stop talking and zone out. It's clear they don't respect me as a person and probably feel like I'm socially inferior to them. I am an introverted person and they tell everyone they are very extroverted and have ADHD.
But someone please tell me, does having ADHD make you want to control other people, make big decisions without consulting the person in charge, gatekeep important information, try to talk before anyone else can and claim everything is your idea when in reality - you've just copied everything I've said to you privately before talking to the rest of the committee?? Oh yeah, and once I stepped out of an event for 10 minutes and when we were packing up, they came up to me looking very concerned claiming they hadn't seen me for the whole event where was I? Like literally demanding an answer from me, when I literally helped set up and everyone clearly knew I was there. I actually stepped out to have a quick meeting about a potential collab and in reality I'm sure the VP watched me leave and felt some type of way. I feel so gross how they have a complete lack of boundaries like this and feel like they can keep tabs on me, talk down to me, demanding where I went and who I was talking to.....
What's really weird is that this person also tries to claim they know everyone - I have a friend who I've known since first year and he is very popular. The VP of my society talked to him for the first time last week and now she claims they were always good friends - they even had the audacity to ask me how I know them lol?? I can't deal with this narcissistic crap, they try to take everything away from me like they want to erase my existence. If I confront them everyone will take their side, they have a cult of personality and put on this cute girl act so everyone shows them affection.
A major red flag also - I have seen the VP meet people for the first time and completely lovebomb them, saying it feels like they've know them their whole life and they're already best friends after only talking for an hour.....I've seen them do this with almost every person they talk to at our events. It's hilarious and creepy, and the VP has never talked to me in this way like they do every other person on our committee. It's very clear they don't like me and the feeling is mutual, they probably want to be the president and feel angry that I have been voted in for this position. I am sick of this person, I wish I never met them.
My problem with the VP is that they are basically trying to steal my role and lead the society themselves, they take credit for things I've done and in meetings talk over me all the time to the point I just stop talking and zone out. It's clear they don't respect me as a person and probably feel like I'm socially inferior to them. I am an introverted person and they tell everyone they are very extroverted and have ADHD.
But someone please tell me, does having ADHD make you want to control other people, make big decisions without consulting the person in charge, gatekeep important information, try to talk before anyone else can and claim everything is your idea when in reality - you've just copied everything I've said to you privately before talking to the rest of the committee?? Oh yeah, and once I stepped out of an event for 10 minutes and when we were packing up, they came up to me looking very concerned claiming they hadn't seen me for the whole event where was I? Like literally demanding an answer from me, when I literally helped set up and everyone clearly knew I was there. I actually stepped out to have a quick meeting about a potential collab and in reality I'm sure the VP watched me leave and felt some type of way. I feel so gross how they have a complete lack of boundaries like this and feel like they can keep tabs on me, talk down to me, demanding where I went and who I was talking to.....
What's really weird is that this person also tries to claim they know everyone - I have a friend who I've known since first year and he is very popular. The VP of my society talked to him for the first time last week and now she claims they were always good friends - they even had the audacity to ask me how I know them lol?? I can't deal with this narcissistic crap, they try to take everything away from me like they want to erase my existence. If I confront them everyone will take their side, they have a cult of personality and put on this cute girl act so everyone shows them affection.
A major red flag also - I have seen the VP meet people for the first time and completely lovebomb them, saying it feels like they've know them their whole life and they're already best friends after only talking for an hour.....I've seen them do this with almost every person they talk to at our events. It's hilarious and creepy, and the VP has never talked to me in this way like they do every other person on our committee. It's very clear they don't like me and the feeling is mutual, they probably want to be the president and feel angry that I have been voted in for this position. I am sick of this person, I wish I never met them.
Well, I hear what you say but you are your own worst enemy. Walking out of a meeting to be involved in another meeting when you have 'enemies' within your camp is just the worst thing you could have ever done to show that you have no commitment to that society. What was so important it couldn't wait?
There were clearly enough people who voted you in - so what did they vote you in for? What aims did your committee have? Are you able to get the agenda you were elected in for underway first and foremost. Maybe your performance has disappointed members? Get back there, take control and find out what matters to the society and what needs to be done. One person may be a threat but why treat them as the 'enemy' - they may be loud and brash but that does not mean they make good decisions or do what is right by other members. You are that figurehead and members will look up to you to hold this 'loud mouth' in check. Be careful who you share information with.
If you are the president then take back control. Stop people talking over others and yourself at meetings. Know the constitution and the rules. Own the space and the floor. You are in it until you are elected out. Talk to every member and find out what they think are the important issues of the day. Don't lose any sleep over the loud mouth because they will probably 'crash and burn'
Deal with this in a matter of fact way. Do you all (including the big mister) all agree on the same shared vision for your society? If so focus on that and make sure you hold steady and make sensible decisions. Each brash loudmouth has a number of hangers on but not everyone will warm to them, and if they are fake most people will see straight through them. The people on the edges of this singular loud mouth are counting on you to be their voice. The fact you are not part of the social 'in crowd' is irrelevant right now (probably better off without them) This is a power struggle and you have someone who wants to prove a point. You have to from them up and be confident whether you feel like or not. Resign or hold your nerve. Then dig deep to find that confidence to face everyone.
There were clearly enough people who voted you in - so what did they vote you in for? What aims did your committee have? Are you able to get the agenda you were elected in for underway first and foremost. Maybe your performance has disappointed members? Get back there, take control and find out what matters to the society and what needs to be done. One person may be a threat but why treat them as the 'enemy' - they may be loud and brash but that does not mean they make good decisions or do what is right by other members. You are that figurehead and members will look up to you to hold this 'loud mouth' in check. Be careful who you share information with.
If you are the president then take back control. Stop people talking over others and yourself at meetings. Know the constitution and the rules. Own the space and the floor. You are in it until you are elected out. Talk to every member and find out what they think are the important issues of the day. Don't lose any sleep over the loud mouth because they will probably 'crash and burn'
Deal with this in a matter of fact way. Do you all (including the big mister) all agree on the same shared vision for your society? If so focus on that and make sure you hold steady and make sensible decisions. Each brash loudmouth has a number of hangers on but not everyone will warm to them, and if they are fake most people will see straight through them. The people on the edges of this singular loud mouth are counting on you to be their voice. The fact you are not part of the social 'in crowd' is irrelevant right now (probably better off without them) This is a power struggle and you have someone who wants to prove a point. You have to from them up and be confident whether you feel like or not. Resign or hold your nerve. Then dig deep to find that confidence to face everyone.
(edited 5 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
Just want to rant. I am currently the president of a big society at my uni but I am having a lot of trouble with the vice president basically ruining the whole experience for me. I have been in the committee for this society since first year and now I am finally the president so it is quite important for me. I am supposed to be leading and they just try to control everything and tell me what to do. What makes it worse is that they have befriended the whole committee and I feel completely excluded as they all go off and socialise after events and leave me out.
My problem with the VP is that they are basically trying to steal my role and lead the society themselves, they take credit for things I've done and in meetings talk over me all the time to the point I just stop talking and zone out. It's clear they don't respect me as a person and probably feel like I'm socially inferior to them. I am an introverted person and they tell everyone they are very extroverted and have ADHD.
But someone please tell me, does having ADHD make you want to control other people, make big decisions without consulting the person in charge, gatekeep important information, try to talk before anyone else can and claim everything is your idea when in reality - you've just copied everything I've said to you privately before talking to the rest of the committee?? Oh yeah, and once I stepped out of an event for 10 minutes and when we were packing up, they came up to me looking very concerned claiming they hadn't seen me for the whole event where was I? Like literally demanding an answer from me, when I literally helped set up and everyone clearly knew I was there. I actually stepped out to have a quick meeting about a potential collab and in reality I'm sure the VP watched me leave and felt some type of way. I feel so gross how they have a complete lack of boundaries like this and feel like they can keep tabs on me, talk down to me, demanding where I went and who I was talking to.....
What's really weird is that this person also tries to claim they know everyone - I have a friend who I've known since first year and he is very popular. The VP of my society talked to him for the first time last week and now she claims they were always good friends - they even had the audacity to ask me how I know them lol?? I can't deal with this narcissistic crap, they try to take everything away from me like they want to erase my existence. If I confront them everyone will take their side, they have a cult of personality and put on this cute girl act so everyone shows them affection.
A major red flag also - I have seen the VP meet people for the first time and completely lovebomb them, saying it feels like they've know them their whole life and they're already best friends after only talking for an hour.....I've seen them do this with almost every person they talk to at our events. It's hilarious and creepy, and the VP has never talked to me in this way like they do every other person on our committee. It's very clear they don't like me and the feeling is mutual, they probably want to be the president and feel angry that I have been voted in for this position. I am sick of this person, I wish I never met them.
My problem with the VP is that they are basically trying to steal my role and lead the society themselves, they take credit for things I've done and in meetings talk over me all the time to the point I just stop talking and zone out. It's clear they don't respect me as a person and probably feel like I'm socially inferior to them. I am an introverted person and they tell everyone they are very extroverted and have ADHD.
But someone please tell me, does having ADHD make you want to control other people, make big decisions without consulting the person in charge, gatekeep important information, try to talk before anyone else can and claim everything is your idea when in reality - you've just copied everything I've said to you privately before talking to the rest of the committee?? Oh yeah, and once I stepped out of an event for 10 minutes and when we were packing up, they came up to me looking very concerned claiming they hadn't seen me for the whole event where was I? Like literally demanding an answer from me, when I literally helped set up and everyone clearly knew I was there. I actually stepped out to have a quick meeting about a potential collab and in reality I'm sure the VP watched me leave and felt some type of way. I feel so gross how they have a complete lack of boundaries like this and feel like they can keep tabs on me, talk down to me, demanding where I went and who I was talking to.....
What's really weird is that this person also tries to claim they know everyone - I have a friend who I've known since first year and he is very popular. The VP of my society talked to him for the first time last week and now she claims they were always good friends - they even had the audacity to ask me how I know them lol?? I can't deal with this narcissistic crap, they try to take everything away from me like they want to erase my existence. If I confront them everyone will take their side, they have a cult of personality and put on this cute girl act so everyone shows them affection.
A major red flag also - I have seen the VP meet people for the first time and completely lovebomb them, saying it feels like they've know them their whole life and they're already best friends after only talking for an hour.....I've seen them do this with almost every person they talk to at our events. It's hilarious and creepy, and the VP has never talked to me in this way like they do every other person on our committee. It's very clear they don't like me and the feeling is mutual, they probably want to be the president and feel angry that I have been voted in for this position. I am sick of this person, I wish I never met them.
Sounds like Downing Street...
Original post by ageshallnot
Sounds like Downing Street...
Laughing out loud!
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield
Hi there,
I’m Pip a third year television production student.
Sorry to hear you’re having issues. I am station co-manager of BU’s student station and I know how tough it can be to run a society - not everyone always gets along!
Do you know if your SU has a clubs and societies officer or head of communications? We do here at SUBU and they officer support and advice which could help you get through something like this.
Good luck!
Pip
I’m Pip a third year television production student.
Sorry to hear you’re having issues. I am station co-manager of BU’s student station and I know how tough it can be to run a society - not everyone always gets along!
Do you know if your SU has a clubs and societies officer or head of communications? We do here at SUBU and they officer support and advice which could help you get through something like this.
Good luck!
Pip
Original post by Anonymous
Just want to rant. I am currently the president of a big society at my uni but I am having a lot of trouble with the vice president basically ruining the whole experience for me. I have been in the committee for this society since first year and now I am finally the president so it is quite important for me. I am supposed to be leading and they just try to control everything and tell me what to do. What makes it worse is that they have befriended the whole committee and I feel completely excluded as they all go off and socialise after events and leave me out.
My problem with the VP is that they are basically trying to steal my role and lead the society themselves, they take credit for things I've done and in meetings talk over me all the time to the point I just stop talking and zone out. It's clear they don't respect me as a person and probably feel like I'm socially inferior to them. I am an introverted person and they tell everyone they are very extroverted and have ADHD.
But someone please tell me, does having ADHD make you want to control other people, make big decisions without consulting the person in charge, gatekeep important information, try to talk before anyone else can and claim everything is your idea when in reality - you've just copied everything I've said to you privately before talking to the rest of the committee?? Oh yeah, and once I stepped out of an event for 10 minutes and when we were packing up, they came up to me looking very concerned claiming they hadn't seen me for the whole event where was I? Like literally demanding an answer from me, when I literally helped set up and everyone clearly knew I was there. I actually stepped out to have a quick meeting about a potential collab and in reality I'm sure the VP watched me leave and felt some type of way. I feel so gross how they have a complete lack of boundaries like this and feel like they can keep tabs on me, talk down to me, demanding where I went and who I was talking to.....
What's really weird is that this person also tries to claim they know everyone - I have a friend who I've known since first year and he is very popular. The VP of my society talked to him for the first time last week and now she claims they were always good friends - they even had the audacity to ask me how I know them lol?? I can't deal with this narcissistic crap, they try to take everything away from me like they want to erase my existence. If I confront them everyone will take their side, they have a cult of personality and put on this cute girl act so everyone shows them affection.
A major red flag also - I have seen the VP meet people for the first time and completely lovebomb them, saying it feels like they've know them their whole life and they're already best friends after only talking for an hour.....I've seen them do this with almost every person they talk to at our events. It's hilarious and creepy, and the VP has never talked to me in this way like they do every other person on our committee. It's very clear they don't like me and the feeling is mutual, they probably want to be the president and feel angry that I have been voted in for this position. I am sick of this person, I wish I never met them.
My problem with the VP is that they are basically trying to steal my role and lead the society themselves, they take credit for things I've done and in meetings talk over me all the time to the point I just stop talking and zone out. It's clear they don't respect me as a person and probably feel like I'm socially inferior to them. I am an introverted person and they tell everyone they are very extroverted and have ADHD.
But someone please tell me, does having ADHD make you want to control other people, make big decisions without consulting the person in charge, gatekeep important information, try to talk before anyone else can and claim everything is your idea when in reality - you've just copied everything I've said to you privately before talking to the rest of the committee?? Oh yeah, and once I stepped out of an event for 10 minutes and when we were packing up, they came up to me looking very concerned claiming they hadn't seen me for the whole event where was I? Like literally demanding an answer from me, when I literally helped set up and everyone clearly knew I was there. I actually stepped out to have a quick meeting about a potential collab and in reality I'm sure the VP watched me leave and felt some type of way. I feel so gross how they have a complete lack of boundaries like this and feel like they can keep tabs on me, talk down to me, demanding where I went and who I was talking to.....
What's really weird is that this person also tries to claim they know everyone - I have a friend who I've known since first year and he is very popular. The VP of my society talked to him for the first time last week and now she claims they were always good friends - they even had the audacity to ask me how I know them lol?? I can't deal with this narcissistic crap, they try to take everything away from me like they want to erase my existence. If I confront them everyone will take their side, they have a cult of personality and put on this cute girl act so everyone shows them affection.
A major red flag also - I have seen the VP meet people for the first time and completely lovebomb them, saying it feels like they've know them their whole life and they're already best friends after only talking for an hour.....I've seen them do this with almost every person they talk to at our events. It's hilarious and creepy, and the VP has never talked to me in this way like they do every other person on our committee. It's very clear they don't like me and the feeling is mutual, they probably want to be the president and feel angry that I have been voted in for this position. I am sick of this person, I wish I never met them.
Anon,
It's not easy to lead and there are many people who see somebody else lead, who then think, that they would make a better leader. They then start trying to undermine the other person to prove that they are worthy to lead.
I think you need to remember that you are the president of your society and that even if this person wants to take charge that you are the one who makes the final decision. You are the one who actually holds the power!
They are keen and eager to show that they can lead so use that to your advantage. Delegate things for them to and leave them to sort it out. In this way they can 'lead' but actually you are still the one leading as you are delegating the responsibility. You can then focus on the things that you want to do.
You don't need to compete with them – so don't worry if they are befriending everyone, sucking up to them and trying to win the popularity contest – it's not an election! You already have your post and you have it for the year. They might be trying to earn points for next year, but you need to focus on just running the society well, this year.
If they become president next year, they will see it's not as easy as they think.
Learn from your experiences, if they are going to steal your ideas then talk generally to them without going into detail about your ideas until your discussing with the whole team.
Don't let them talk over you in meetings, whether you say 'I haven't finished....' or whether you say, 'One moment, let me just finish what I am saying' or 'I can see that you want to say something but I haven't finished yet....' Make sure your voice is heard and that other people's voices are also being heard.
If you need to go to meetings, delegate responsibility to someone and as they are the vice president it should really be them. They will feel important and respected. Maybe their behaviour is them struggling with self-esteem and validation. Maybe you need to think about ways to affirm them so they feel valued and appreciated.
Remember that you are the president. You might have to sometimes remind people of that, but try not to do it all the time as you will come across as proud or vain, but when your authority is being challenged for the umpteenth time, then you might need to say something along the lines of 'As the president....'
Try not to let your frustration make you bitter. Don't let the sun go down upon your anger.
All the best,
Oluwatosin – 3rd year student – University of Huddersfield
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