how can i get a grade 9 on this english literature essay?

I am stuck on Grade 6-7, no matter how hard I try. Here is a practice paragraph I did. I just wanna know where i keep going wrong lol

How does Priestley present the character of Inspector Goole and why is he significant?

In the morality play of An Inspector Calls, J.B. Priestley uses Inspector Goole as a mouthpiece for the socialist views on how inequality must be abolished from society in order to avoid long-term conflict, as well as the ideas that every individual in society must work together in order to prevent tragedy.

At the beginning of the play, Inspector Goole interrupts the celebratory dinner regarding the financially motivated marriage of Sheila Birling and Gerald Croft. Once the Inspector walks in, the relaxed atmosphere is disrupted by his harsh and rough character, which is evident as the “pink and intimate” lighting depicted in the beginning switches to a much more “brighter and harder” lighting. The key metaphor “intimate” personifies the light as it depicts it as if it were a human with “intimate” and comforting behaviours. Soon, the Inspector walks in and disturbs this “intimate” and comforting environment as he sets a “brighter and harder” environment. This juxtaposes against the “intimate” and peaceful environment created by the rich Birling family. The key verb “harder” juxtaposes and contrasts against the “intimate” lighting in order to bring a sense of reality into the play. The “intimate” lighting is very unrealistic and optimistic, as lighting is not usually this behaviour, which is then contrasted by a discomforting and logical “harder” lighting. The audience would link the idea that the “intimate” lighting must be removed by the “harder” lighting in order to face reality and life’s consequences. As this story was set in the Edwardian era of 1912, this idea illustrates how the ignorance in society and not focusing on society’s problems results in war and conflict. Therefore, Priestley uses the “intimate” lighting to symbolise ignorance by the upper class which is soon disrupted by the socialist mouthpiece of Inspector Goole as he creates a “harder” environment to remove this ignorant bubble. This makes the wealthy and rich audience feel compelled to step out of this bubble and feel responsible to change their ways in the corrupt society.