Can't get over someone I lost

I'm still grieving. Need someone's advice. And before you assume what it is...
A) She and I aren't that high on other peoples lists.
B) She didn't reject me, she made clear what she wanted but I went off by accident, with personal problems overwhelming me.

Now I regret rejecting her everyday of my life, it wasn't even an intended thing and we were made for each other.

I can't get over her loss.

And she has no online presence I don't even know where she is.

Plenty more fish..

OP

Original post by Zarek

Plenty more fish..

Not when you have a truly unique connection. And have nothing in common with the vast majority. So respectfully, no there are not plenty more fish.

Reply 3

imscareddaddy

11

Original post by Anonymous #1

Not when you have a truly unique connection. And have nothing in common with the vast majority. So respectfully, no there are not plenty more fish.

time to hit the gym brother

Reply 4

Admit-One

Universities Forum Helper

21

I think this is the kind of mindset that people have when they haven’t dated that many people. Honestly, some of the diary stuff that I wrote about my first crush/love was absolutely excruciating.

Going back to the original question, it just takes time and a fair bit of looking after yourself in n the interim.

Reply 5

ikrashafwi

7

Make yourself busy thats only way to get through it.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by ikrashafwi

Make yourself busy thats only way to get through it.

First but of half decent advice

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Admit-One

I think this is the kind of mindset that people have when they haven’t dated that many people. Honestly, some of the diary stuff that I wrote about my first crush/love was absolutely excruciating.

Going back to the original question, it just takes time and a fair bit of looking after yourself in n the interim.

The honest response to that? I'm 42 and gave met countless people I have nothing in common with.

Reply 8

ErasistratusV

19

It will become easier in time. Instead of looking outward at what you have lost, which will only serve to recreate your pain, look inward toward yourself and act to help yourself. I don't know you so I can't tell you how this will take shape but think of it as a programme of continual self-improvement. If you ever catch yourself looking back, just remember that was the old you, it isn't the person you are today.

It is the only way. Hitting the gym and improving yourself physically and mentally is the only way. The alternative is a road to ruin, of self-pity and despair that will erode you, physically, mentally and emotionally. I've been down that road and I certainly wouldn't want anyone to tread there out of choice.

(edited 3 months ago)

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by ErasistratusV

It will become easier in time. Instead of looking outward at what you have lost, which will only serve to recreate your pain, look inward toward yourself and act to help yourself. I don't know you so I can't tell you how this will take shape but think of it as a programme of continual self-improvement. If you ever catch yourself looking back, just remember that was the old you, it isn't the person you are today.

Ok thanks. But I can't settle for some soulless non connection. I MUST get used to being alone.

Reply 10

ErasistratusV

19

Original post by Anonymous #1

Ok thanks. But I can't settle for some soulless non connection. I MUST get used to being alone.

You don't have to live like a monk or a hermit.

Earlier in my life I relied heavily on my friends and peers. No man is an island, I can assure you of that. People might pretend they are, but they aren't in reality. Human beings are social creatures- in this way we are not dissimilar from the primates from which we descended.

Find some other friends. Close ones. Male or female. You could also try a counselling service which are reasonable money. Your GP practice will have contact details for some.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by ErasistratusV

You don't have to live like a monk or a hermit.

Earlier in my life I relied heavily on my friends and peers. No man is an island, I can assure you of that. People might pretend they are, but they aren't in reality. Human beings are social creatures- in this way we are not dissimilar from the primates from which we descended.

Find some other friends. Close ones. Male or female. You could also try a counselling service which are reasonable money. Your GP practice will have contact details for some.

I don't keep up my friendships I lost touch. I'd have to make new ones. I think it is better to learn to be alone and stop depending on someone outside. Then I have to get over looking back.

Reply 12

Zarek

21

Original post by Anonymous #1

Not when you have a truly unique connection. And have nothing in common with the vast majority. So respectfully, no there are not plenty more fish.

This is maybe how is seems at the time. All connections are in some ways unique anyway. In reality you do come across someone new and there is no future in the past

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Zarek

This is maybe how is seems at the time. All connections are in some ways unique anyway. In reality you do come across someone new and there is no future in the past

It's very true logically that all connections are unique, and also I have had a good few not just one. What I do find, though, is that the world is increasingly bland and soulless nowadays. It's very hard to find anything authentic like I found in the past.

Reply 14

Zarek

21

Original post by undefined

It's very true logically that all connections are unique, and also I have had a good few not just one. What I do find, though, is that the world is increasingly bland and soulless nowadays. It's very hard to find anything authentic like I found in the past.