The Student Room Group

Is this cheating?

A girl gave me her phone number from the hotel I was staying at. And I messaged her. It was just generally chit chat absolutely nothing inappropriate. She just asked me what I was doing at the hotel and was telling me about what was in the area etc. but my gf isn’t happy with me but I didn’t ever delete the evidence or nothing. I have told her the truth I can see why she’s annoyed
Reply 1
I imagine there'll only be a few reasons as to why the girl gave the number. Save yourself the hassle of explaining to your girlfriend why she isn't anything to worry about and maybe just delete her from your phone. If it's nothing in terms of business/friendship, just delete her and just move on in life with just you and your girlfriend. I know how innocent messaging can seem, but the girl probably wasn't interested in just friends, similar to what your girlfriend feels now. I hope this helps!
Reply 2
Original post by olly2811
I imagine there'll only be a few reasons as to why the girl gave the number. Save yourself the hassle of explaining to your girlfriend why she isn't anything to worry about and maybe just delete her from your phone. If it's nothing in terms of business/friendship, just delete her and just move on in life with just you and your girlfriend. I know how innocent messaging can seem, but the girl probably wasn't interested in just friends, similar to what your girlfriend feels now. I hope this helps!


What do you reckon she gave me the number for? I feel bad now for messaging her. I wasn’t trying to entertain her
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous #1
What do you reckon she gave me the number for? I feel bad now for messaging her. I wasn’t trying to entertain her
Of course not, I know you probably meant nothing by it. It could've been anything from genuinely wanting information to wanting to form a relationship. Either way, she could've done both without you. So, your girlfriend probably wonders why you're bothering with her, giving her advice/attention when she can easily find it somewhere else, hence, becoming slightly suspicious.
Does sound a bit suss tbh. Like if I'm not single and a girl gives me/asks for a number that's the point I should make it clear I'm not available if I haven't already. If I've done that then I wouldn't have any issue telling my partner or defending my actions.
Reply 5
Original post by StriderHort
Does sound a bit suss tbh. Like if I'm not single and a girl gives me/asks for a number that's the point I should make it clear I'm not available if I haven't already. If I've done that then I wouldn't have any issue telling my partner or defending my actions.


I won’t hide my actions I’ve even said she can see my Snapchat etc. but nothing like that generally happened
Original post by Anonymous #1
I won’t hide my actions I’ve even said she can see my Snapchat etc. but nothing like that generally happened

Did you make it clear to them you weren't single though?

How did your girlfriend become aware of this anyway? Did you volunteer the info or has she looked through your phone or something?
Reply 7
Original post by StriderHort
Did you make it clear to them you weren't single though?
How did your girlfriend become aware of this anyway? Did you volunteer the info or has she looked through your phone or something?


No I didn’t make it clear because she never asked. But she never said anything that gave me a thought of wanting like a relationship. She literally was asking what I was doing at that hotel she never said like do you wanna go for a drink or nothing like that. And yeah she went through my phone and was like who’s this and I just said who it was
Original post by Anonymous #1
No I didn’t make it clear because she never asked. But she never said anything that gave me a thought of wanting like a relationship. She literally was asking what I was doing at that hotel she never said like do you wanna go for a drink or nothing like that. And yeah she went through my phone and was like who’s this and I just said who it was

Yeah a little suss, as said the number would have prompted me to make things clear to avoid misunderstanding.

But if your partner is already raking through your phone I can only guess there is already trust issues? I would take my partner raking my phone as a clear insult to me and everyone I know.
Original post by Anonymous #1
A girl gave me her phone number from the hotel I was staying at. And I messaged her. It was just generally chit chat absolutely nothing inappropriate. She just asked me what I was doing at the hotel and was telling me about what was in the area etc. but my gf isn’t happy with me but I didn’t ever delete the evidence or nothing. I have told her the truth I can see why she’s annoyed
you may not have had any intentions but the girl probably did. I see why ur gf would be unhappy but i wouldn't call it cheating as you didnt have a romantic or sexual relationship with her
No its not cheating your gf is just being jealous and controlling
Original post by Anonymous #1
No I didn’t make it clear because she never asked. But she never said anything that gave me a thought of wanting like a relationship. She literally was asking what I was doing at that hotel she never said like do you wanna go for a drink or nothing like that. And yeah she went through my phone and was like who’s this and I just said who it was
Asking to go out for a drink may just be stereotypical. Relationships can spark from anything, anywhere.

Regarding going through phones, it's mostly fine I believe, so long as you aren't doing it regularly and without reason/consent.
Original post by shimmyjimmyfor3
No its not cheating your gf is just being jealous and controlling
Quite a conclusion to jump to so fast. Controlling and jealousy may be what is happening here, however, considering how he accepted a girls number without reason, his girlfriend has a right to be confused and question why he is bothering with the girl.
so lemme get this right, a girl came up to you and gave you her number, you took her number and then proceeded to message her, she then asked what are you doing at the hotel... and you again proceeded to message her, blindly thinking it was general chitchat. omds:facepalm:. is this cheating? you ask, no. is this wrong in every way? yes. let's delve into this a sec. when the girl came up to you, that should have been the first indication of interest, girls dont usually come up to guys, let's say it was pure innocence at that point, so she comes to u and speaks to you and asks for the number, why would she ask for your number? why would you give it? why did you think she has no motivation? in what life would a girl randomly want to ask for your number if you arent friends, unless she was interested? this is where you gave the girl the green light because you taking her number basically meant your single and now interested. you then said there was nothing inappropriate, well you did JUST meet her, unless she was 1) a big natural confident flirt, or 2) intoxicated so then confident, she wouldn't off the bat start being sexual or heavily flirty cause that would scare you off...
anyways, next time learn from this and don't take numbers from girls x
Original post by olly2811
Asking to go out for a drink may just be stereotypical. Relationships can spark from anything, anywhere.
Regarding going through phones, it's mostly fine I believe, so long as you aren't doing it regularly and without reason/consent.

Why do you think it's fine to rake through others people correspondence? again, you're not just violating their privacy, but everyone they speak to as they sure as hell haven't gave you consent.

IMO if you're at the point of feeling you need to check someone's phone your relationship is already half over.
Original post by StriderHort
Why do you think it's fine to rake through others people correspondence? again, you're not just violating their privacy, but everyone they speak to as they sure as hell haven't gave you consent.
IMO if you're at the point of feeling you need to check someone's phone your relationship is already half over.
As I said, it depends on what you mean by rake. If you asked, it could be a quick check to see what someone put or a complete deep search into their phone, both have their rights and wrongs in each situation. As for violating other people's privacy, whatever is private between other people is private between the person's phone you're going through. The people you speak to should have mutual trust and understanding in what they do with that information, whether that's private or shared with someone else. Therefore, when you're asking to look through someone else's phone, there's trust between everyone involved with the information being shared.

Of course, it goes without saying, that if you go through someone's phone without consent it does violate everyone's privacy involved, yes
Original post by Anonymous #1
A girl gave me her phone number from the hotel I was staying at. And I messaged her. It was just generally chit chat absolutely nothing inappropriate. She just asked me what I was doing at the hotel and was telling me about what was in the area etc. but my gf isn’t happy with me but I didn’t ever delete the evidence or nothing. I have told her the truth I can see why she’s annoyed
Reverse the situation.
If your GF gave her number to a random bloke in a hotel and started chatting with him, how would you feel?
Original post by olly2811
As I said, it depends on what you mean by rake. If you asked, it could be a quick check to see what someone put or a complete deep search into their phone, both have their rights and wrongs in each situation. As for violating other people's privacy, whatever is private between other people is private between the person's phone you're going through. The people you speak to should have mutual trust and understanding in what they do with that information, whether that's private or shared with someone else. Therefore, when you're asking to look through someone else's phone, there's trust between everyone involved with the information being shared.
Of course, it goes without saying, that if you go through someone's phone without consent it does violate everyone's privacy involved, yes

I agree about the going through it without consent thing, but I think even with consent its a bit iffy as 3rd parties messaging you will often presume privacy and that their message will not essentially be published without their knowledge or ability to object. I also think it's just plain unhealthy tbf, people should have some degree of privacy.

I think it's odd to talk of their being trust between everyone here as going through someone's phone implies a complete lack of trust whether it's regular or wanting to read 1 single text - you're telling your partner you don't believe them so as said, you're already half broke up at that point.
Original post by mathperson
Reverse the situation.
If your GF gave her number to a random bloke in a hotel and started chatting with him, how would you feel?
OP referred to a girl giving her number out, not the opposite. A better comparison would be a man approaching her and giving his number to her, instead.
Original post by StriderHort
I agree about the going through it without consent thing, but I think even with consent its a bit iffy as 3rd parties messaging you will often presume privacy and that their message will not essentially be published without their knowledge or ability to object. I also think it's just plain unhealthy tbf, people should have some degree of privacy.
I think it's odd to talk of their being trust between everyone here as going through someone's phone implies a complete lack of trust whether it's regular or wanting to read 1 single text - you're telling your partner you don't believe them so as said, you're already half broke up at that point.
Fair enough, sometimes you just have to be careful with what is shared. Not everything should be public.

Again, with it being considered unhealthy and untrustworthy, etc depends on the situation. I may check my girlfriend's phone to see what her mum messaged her as she's busy doing something and can't answer. That is more trustworthy than not going on her phone as she knows I can check without going through anything else. You're making the assumption that it's plainly for checking something someone doesn't believe. OP never stated how it was shared. Looking through messages can also be a way of clarifying what was said or showing what actually happened as it may be hard to tell people what was said straight. Half broken up is taking it a bit far for just checking a phone.

Quick Reply

Latest

Trending

Trending