Ok I need real life help. I’m really going thru it.

My dad passed away my 4 years ago due to covid and I lived with both parents. My mum ( who’s an immigrant) has worked her ass off since she arrived in the Uk 30 years ago and she has a child older than me(24) my half sister(35). Who lives close to me. After my dad passed he left us all lump sum inheritance money. Which because we was grieving majority has been spent now. I haven’t worked since he passed away I don’t know why. I’ve been studying and I do find it easier to be in uni and not work I’m more focussed hence why I’m still in uni. Anyways it’s getting very real that my dad isn’t here I’m still in shock and very much serverly grieving I don’t let my mum know either. I’ve been living off student finance and my inheritance to live and support myself.

My dad paid all the bills and dealt with everything ( he was British) and now I have to deal with everything. My mum is on UC because she can’t work full time due to mild arthritis so she works 20 hours a week roughly. However she tops up the rent £200 and obviously pays for the other bills in the house. I’ve taken on the wifi bill it’s not much but yeah.

She’s saying she can’t wait to get off UC and the only way is if I work and help her with the rent. She wasn’t asking she was telling me. This has put me under so much stress and obviously if my dad was alive I wouldn’t have to deal with this. What will happen if I want to get married and move in with my bf??? Will I still have to pay my mums rent too.
I haven’t worked in years and I was thinking to just work part time because I feel like I can’t work full time due to my mental health.

What do I do??? Please be real with me and give me advice

Advice from an inexperienced source -

Priority is to cut family costs. It might be reasonable to downsize your mums residence if there is any space for it. Just anything living expenses that are bearing burden should be cut as a priority. With the mental liberty this gives you (less financial pressures…) you’ll be able to finish your degree and get into stable work. If you move in with your bf and if he’s familiar with the situation then it might be sensible to contribute towards your mothers rent at least until she’s on her own feet or you’re able to gain promotion.

Regardless of any advice, my deepest condolences for the tragedy you’ve had to suffer. I also lost a family member during covid and whilst it is incomparable to parting with your father, I can sympathise.

I hope any of this was helpful!

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

im trying to bumper car your post

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous #3

Advice from an inexperienced source -
Priority is to cut family costs. It might be reasonable to downsize your mums residence if there is any space for it. Just anything living expenses that are bearing burden should be cut as a priority. With the mental liberty this gives you (less financial pressures…) you’ll be able to finish your degree and get into stable work. If you move in with your bf and if he’s familiar with the situation then it might be sensible to contribute towards your mothers rent at least until she’s on her own feet or you’re able to gain promotion.
Regardless of any advice, my deepest condolences for the tragedy you’ve had to suffer. I also lost a family member during covid and whilst it is incomparable to parting with your father, I can sympathise.
I hope any of this was helpful!

Hi, no we can’t downsize it’s only a 2 bed flat. She has a house she’s paid in full back in Africa and will be going back there when she retires but 6 months there 6 months here. Probably when I’m settled and married.

I mean I’m 24 now am I out of order for only now paying the wifi bill of £30.
She keeps saying recently she can’t wait for me to start working so I can help her.
But I really don’t want to work full time. I don’t know why or if I can. I haven’t worked for almost 4 years now tbh since my fathers passing.

Reply 6

mathperson

Hang in there mate.
You'll get through this and be a better person for it x

Reply 7

Surnia

First, very sorry for the loss of your dad. Everyone grieves differently, but you can't stay at uni; you will have to work sometime, so have you considered/had counselling to help you move on?

What do you mean about your mum topping up the rent? Why does she want to get off UC; it's there to help? Have you discussed this with your sister?