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Bulimia... :/
Anon or delete please. Not sure if this is in the right forum, sorry.
Basically I have a messed up relationship with food. I was always a relatively skinny kid, and then when I hit puberty I got a massive arse, but everything else was fine and I didn't care about my weight at all, and eventually I looked pretty much in proportion. Then during my 2nd GCSE year, I stopped eating normally after a prolonged spat of self-harm. After I'd finished my GCSEs, I then started making myself sick 2-3 times a day (I didn't think I was losing enough weight by pretty much starving myself),and was eating nothing else except these meals that I then threw up.
After around 6 months of throwing up, I eventually got up one day and decided not to do it anymore. And I hadn't (well, not regularly anyway, only if I have a major binging session).
My problem at the moment is that, since I started eating normally maybe a year ago, I've put on around 2 stone, and can almost feel myself going back into my old ways. It sounds stupid but I have rubbish self-esteem, which isn't helped by the fact I'm definitely the fattest girl my boyfriend has ever been out with, let alone the ugliest. Another issue is happening at home at the moment; for the past 3 months, my parents have been on Weight Watchers. I would have gone on it with them but during revision all I wanted to do was eat (which is probably again the reason I'm so heavy atm). Anyway, all I hear about is how much weight my parents have lost, and it literally KILLS me that my mum can now fit into my skinny jeans. Oh, and she brags about the fact that she's now half a stone lighter than me. She honestly doesn't realise she's doing it, and has no idea about my previous issues with food so it would seem ridiculous if I suddenly got upset about it, but she's doing my head in.
I don't really know why I'm posting... basically to ask how the hell I get out of the mindset that I now want to start throwing up again, get skinny again and feel good about myself again. I'm worried about going to uni and turning into the mess I used to be.
Sorry for the long post guys.
Basically I have a messed up relationship with food. I was always a relatively skinny kid, and then when I hit puberty I got a massive arse, but everything else was fine and I didn't care about my weight at all, and eventually I looked pretty much in proportion. Then during my 2nd GCSE year, I stopped eating normally after a prolonged spat of self-harm. After I'd finished my GCSEs, I then started making myself sick 2-3 times a day (I didn't think I was losing enough weight by pretty much starving myself),and was eating nothing else except these meals that I then threw up.
After around 6 months of throwing up, I eventually got up one day and decided not to do it anymore. And I hadn't (well, not regularly anyway, only if I have a major binging session).
My problem at the moment is that, since I started eating normally maybe a year ago, I've put on around 2 stone, and can almost feel myself going back into my old ways. It sounds stupid but I have rubbish self-esteem, which isn't helped by the fact I'm definitely the fattest girl my boyfriend has ever been out with, let alone the ugliest. Another issue is happening at home at the moment; for the past 3 months, my parents have been on Weight Watchers. I would have gone on it with them but during revision all I wanted to do was eat (which is probably again the reason I'm so heavy atm). Anyway, all I hear about is how much weight my parents have lost, and it literally KILLS me that my mum can now fit into my skinny jeans. Oh, and she brags about the fact that she's now half a stone lighter than me. She honestly doesn't realise she's doing it, and has no idea about my previous issues with food so it would seem ridiculous if I suddenly got upset about it, but she's doing my head in.
I don't really know why I'm posting... basically to ask how the hell I get out of the mindset that I now want to start throwing up again, get skinny again and feel good about myself again. I'm worried about going to uni and turning into the mess I used to be.
Sorry for the long post guys.
Come on guys...reply?!
Anonymous
Anon or delete please. Not sure if this is in the right forum, sorry.
Basically I have a messed up relationship with food. I was always a relatively skinny kid, and then when I hit puberty I got a massive arse, but everything else was fine and I didn't care about my weight at all, and eventually I looked pretty much in proportion. Then during my 2nd GCSE year, I stopped eating normally after a prolonged spat of self-harm. After I'd finished my GCSEs, I then started making myself sick 2-3 times a day (I didn't think I was losing enough weight by pretty much starving myself),and was eating nothing else except these meals that I then threw up.
After around 6 months of throwing up, I eventually got up one day and decided not to do it anymore. And I hadn't (well, not regularly anyway, only if I have a major binging session).
My problem at the moment is that, since I started eating normally maybe a year ago, I've put on around 2 stone, and can almost feel myself going back into my old ways. It sounds stupid but I have rubbish self-esteem, which isn't helped by the fact I'm definitely the fattest girl my boyfriend has ever been out with, let alone the ugliest. Another issue is happening at home at the moment; for the past 3 months, my parents have been on Weight Watchers. I would have gone on it with them but during revision all I wanted to do was eat (which is probably again the reason I'm so heavy atm). Anyway, all I hear about is how much weight my parents have lost, and it literally KILLS me that my mum can now fit into my skinny jeans. Oh, and she brags about the fact that she's now half a stone lighter than me. She honestly doesn't realise she's doing it, and has no idea about my previous issues with food so it would seem ridiculous if I suddenly got upset about it, but she's doing my head in.
I don't really know why I'm posting... basically to ask how the hell I get out of the mindset that I now want to start throwing up again, get skinny again and feel good about myself again. I'm worried about going to uni and turning into the mess I used to be.
Sorry for the long post guys.
Basically I have a messed up relationship with food. I was always a relatively skinny kid, and then when I hit puberty I got a massive arse, but everything else was fine and I didn't care about my weight at all, and eventually I looked pretty much in proportion. Then during my 2nd GCSE year, I stopped eating normally after a prolonged spat of self-harm. After I'd finished my GCSEs, I then started making myself sick 2-3 times a day (I didn't think I was losing enough weight by pretty much starving myself),and was eating nothing else except these meals that I then threw up.
After around 6 months of throwing up, I eventually got up one day and decided not to do it anymore. And I hadn't (well, not regularly anyway, only if I have a major binging session).
My problem at the moment is that, since I started eating normally maybe a year ago, I've put on around 2 stone, and can almost feel myself going back into my old ways. It sounds stupid but I have rubbish self-esteem, which isn't helped by the fact I'm definitely the fattest girl my boyfriend has ever been out with, let alone the ugliest. Another issue is happening at home at the moment; for the past 3 months, my parents have been on Weight Watchers. I would have gone on it with them but during revision all I wanted to do was eat (which is probably again the reason I'm so heavy atm). Anyway, all I hear about is how much weight my parents have lost, and it literally KILLS me that my mum can now fit into my skinny jeans. Oh, and she brags about the fact that she's now half a stone lighter than me. She honestly doesn't realise she's doing it, and has no idea about my previous issues with food so it would seem ridiculous if I suddenly got upset about it, but she's doing my head in.
I don't really know why I'm posting... basically to ask how the hell I get out of the mindset that I now want to start throwing up again, get skinny again and feel good about myself again. I'm worried about going to uni and turning into the mess I used to be.
Sorry for the long post guys.
I have absolutely no idea how to solve this, I'm afraid, as I, myself, have a rather messed up relationship w food. I woke up one day and realised I didn't have the energy to bother so much, and now I'm bigger than ever :P...
Try getting some professional help, as I understand talking to your parents about it can be difficult. There's stuff online where you can get help, talk to someone who knows their thing &c. Throwing up isn't the answer, and it seems as though you know it.
And, the fact that you do have a boyfriend who likes you, should encourage you to like yourself rather than put you down =)
Not sure it's helpful at all, but I reallyhope you can sort things out 'cause life's too short to worry about these things too much.
okay..get professional help...with someone who can help you with nutrition (first priority) and then exercise regimen....so that way you get back control of your lifestyle...
as far as mentality goes..talk to someone..family member ...friend...or even a professional ..someone..who will listen to you..and will help you get over your E.D...tell your parents how you feel...tell your mother what her comparisons do to you...if your Bf is in any way making you feel worse..tell him...
recovery from and ED is long...and never final...there is always a chance of relapse...i know having had an ED myself..=))...and i know it's hard...but all you need is some knocking in of sense into you...and to get ways of being in charge of your surroundings again..(emotions ,reactions etc)..
since you recognise the problem...now you just need someone else to do so too..seek help..professional..=)
P.M me if you need anything more...=)...
P.S- it's easier ( getting help) than it seems..=)
EDIT- also there is another option...it worked for me..plus at that point i was a scared 15year old)
think of ALL the damage this could do to your heart,liver,kidneys,stomach ,lung,teeth...eyes,hair and skin...and heart again(major damage caused to the heart)..too young to have a painful death ...no?
as far as mentality goes..talk to someone..family member ...friend...or even a professional ..someone..who will listen to you..and will help you get over your E.D...tell your parents how you feel...tell your mother what her comparisons do to you...if your Bf is in any way making you feel worse..tell him...
recovery from and ED is long...and never final...there is always a chance of relapse...i know having had an ED myself..=))...and i know it's hard...but all you need is some knocking in of sense into you...and to get ways of being in charge of your surroundings again..(emotions ,reactions etc)..
since you recognise the problem...now you just need someone else to do so too..seek help..professional..=)
P.M me if you need anything more...=)...
P.S- it's easier ( getting help) than it seems..=)
EDIT- also there is another option...it worked for me..plus at that point i was a scared 15year old)
think of ALL the damage this could do to your heart,liver,kidneys,stomach ,lung,teeth...eyes,hair and skin...and heart again(major damage caused to the heart)..too young to have a painful death ...no?
Firstly, your boyfriend is with you for a reason, obviously he doesn't think that you are the fatest and ugliest girl he has gone out with, or if he does (doubtful) he doesn't care because he sees something else in you.
Secondly, TELL your mom that it hurts to hear her brag about all the weight she's lost. I doubt that she would purposefully hurt you like that.
Thirdly, if you are concerned about your weight, start excersising (not too much, obsessive excerise is a sign of anorexia) and watch what you eat (before you put it in your mouth).
Hope I helped.
Secondly, TELL your mom that it hurts to hear her brag about all the weight she's lost. I doubt that she would purposefully hurt you like that.
Thirdly, if you are concerned about your weight, start excersising (not too much, obsessive excerise is a sign of anorexia) and watch what you eat (before you put it in your mouth).
Hope I helped.
Im a guy and i used to SH and was bulimic and ive always been slim. I would do it 20 times a day literally. The best solution is to set yourself a goal in how you want to look. Eat well and healthily and do regular exercise/go to the gym. The best thing is to try and eat little and regulary. If you feel like binging, eat a bit then delay the next time you eat by say an hour by keeping busy. If youre still hungry then eat a bit then wait again. I tend to do this and i only eat unhealthily rarely, maybe if theres nothing left to eat and as a treat. If you do this you wont feel as guilty and you will be less inclined to be bulimic. Also if ive had a bad day of eating isnt of being sick i make sure for a sustained period of time i do regular exercise and eat well and healthily. Hope this helps x
Thanks guys, will try to take this stuff on board.
I did used to go to the gym but being ill (first with a balance disorder and then with swine flu, after which I had to work my arse off to make up all the money I'd lost) had quite an effect!
Will try and talk to my mum, definitely - I'll just avoid all details and tell her it makes me feel like crap I think.
Thanks again guys xxx
I did used to go to the gym but being ill (first with a balance disorder and then with swine flu, after which I had to work my arse off to make up all the money I'd lost) had quite an effect!
Will try and talk to my mum, definitely - I'll just avoid all details and tell her it makes me feel like crap I think.
Thanks again guys xxx
Anonymous
Thanks guys, will try to take this stuff on board.
I did used to go to the gym but being ill (first with a balance disorder and then with swine flu, after which I had to work my arse off to make up all the money I'd lost) had quite an effect!
Will try and talk to my mum, definitely - I'll just avoid all details and tell her it makes me feel like crap I think.
Thanks again guys xxx
I did used to go to the gym but being ill (first with a balance disorder and then with swine flu, after which I had to work my arse off to make up all the money I'd lost) had quite an effect!
Will try and talk to my mum, definitely - I'll just avoid all details and tell her it makes me feel like crap I think.
Thanks again guys xxx
Yeah, sure!!
hope you recover soon..=)
I have had bulimia on and off for about four years, so I also have quite an odd relationship with food! I believe myself to be getting better, how I am doing this is to tell myself that purging is not an option. If I do this then it forces myself to really ask why I want to have a binging session- which is really helpful as it is usually brought on quickly my stress, sadness or loneliness.
I do want you to get out of the mindset, because living with an eating disorder is not a happy time.
This may help- it's a link to a dangers of Bulimia page, it's pretty graphic! But it's a good way to see what damage you could actually be doing to yourself, it did to me anyway.
http://www.2medusa.com/2009/02/bulimic-so-you-dont-think-purging-will.html
Could you tell me what triggers you to binge and purge? I will get a better idea of your personal experience of the disorder and be able to offer you better information!
I do want you to get out of the mindset, because living with an eating disorder is not a happy time.
This may help- it's a link to a dangers of Bulimia page, it's pretty graphic! But it's a good way to see what damage you could actually be doing to yourself, it did to me anyway.
http://www.2medusa.com/2009/02/bulimic-so-you-dont-think-purging-will.html
Could you tell me what triggers you to binge and purge? I will get a better idea of your personal experience of the disorder and be able to offer you better information!
Maybe you could join your parents on weight watchers for a few weeks now exams are over. If your mum sees you going to weight watchers and trying to lose weight then it is likely she will understand you are not happy with your current weight and will then be encouraging and positive with your weight loss efforts.
Weight watchers will probably help as it will give you realistic and healthy targets to aim for and will help you lose a healthy amount slowly but most important steadily. And they do stuff about how to sustain blood sugar levels so you don't feel the need to binge etc. Good luck OP
Weight watchers will probably help as it will give you realistic and healthy targets to aim for and will help you lose a healthy amount slowly but most important steadily. And they do stuff about how to sustain blood sugar levels so you don't feel the need to binge etc. Good luck OP
labotomy
Yeah, sure!!
What's that even meant to mean?
I'm not really in a position to give advice on how to avoid bulimia and the thoughts that lead you to self-induce vomiting. All I can really say is that if you don't like your body and want to change it, then change it, but never do it for anybody else (e.g. your boyfriend) or because of how big/small someone else has become (e.g. your mum). Also, clearly, if you want to lose weight, bulimia is not the way to go about it. It is incredibly dangerous, and can result in your sudden death (this is no exaggeration). It should be a combination of healthy, moderate eating, and a good exercise regime. I wish you the best of luck in overcoming your attitude towards food, and keep us up-to-date.
i have been here before and had a really big urge to binge after not doing it for 6 months. i read something today about addiction, and bulimia was in there. if you have a craving for something and feel like you need to eat NOW, remember the worst pain you were ever in (physical/emotional) and ask if the craving is worse than that pain, and it never is. you realise the craving isnt such a big deal and can stop giving into it.
make exercise something you want to do - like dancing with your music blaring. also find other physical changes you can make apart from weight that will make you feel better about yourself (new hair/clothes/nails/makeup/long baths etc), i find this helps. and good luck! x
make exercise something you want to do - like dancing with your music blaring. also find other physical changes you can make apart from weight that will make you feel better about yourself (new hair/clothes/nails/makeup/long baths etc), i find this helps. and good luck! x
