Hey guys, going anonymous because people I know use here.
I had a miscarriage last July, I didn't tell anyone at the time but now it has all come out. My ex now knows and I've told a few friends. Before I told anyone it didn't really bother me that much, obviously I was upset but it was an inconvenient time to have a baby so I suppose it happened for the best. But now that I have told a few people, I feel like I need to tell the whole thing. All I told my ex is that I had a miscarriage, after he split up. He'd told me not to contact him or talk to him, he deleted me off facebook and I deleted his number so I had no way to get in contact with him other than actually going to his house, and that's why I didn't tell him that I was pregnant I thought about leaving it until it was too late, then he couldn't do anything about it. It's weird but I feel like I need to tell people exactly where I was when I found out, the time and date etc? In a way to go over it in my own head because I've ignored it for so long, but I have nobody to talk to. My ex won't talk about it.
Since telling people, which in a way was like admitting to myself that it actually happened because at the time I didn't tell anyone and just got on with things, I've become obsessed with pregnancy and babies etc. I really want to get pregnant again right now, except I'm in uni and don't even have a partner so that's crazy thoughts. I find myself so jealous over friends from school who are having babies, a bit of me dies inside whenever I see a scan picture or pregnancy announcement on facebook and I was even looking at prams on the internet the other day and planning what I would buy for my baby it's become like an obsession, and if I told people that they would think I was mad I'm sure.
I know a girl from work who's just had a miscarriage and she's dealing with it completely differently to how I did. She's got support from people, but I just pretended it never happened, and now I can't stop thinking about it.
The worst thing is I'd of been due soon