My boyfriend lacks common sense

This may seem a bit of a weird thing to write about, but I'm quite concerned :frown:

I'm 28 and have been with my 30 year old bf for a year. I'm not sure if I just didn't notice it at the start or if it's getting worse, but I'm left in disbelief by a lot of the things he does and don't know if it's normal or I should be worried.

The other day I just managed to stop him as he was about to ram a metal knife into the toaster. He then claimed he had no idea that that was dangerous :eek:

He walks around in his own world, trips over things and often obliviously walks into the road without looking and a few times I've had to pull him back in the nick of time.

He also recently signed a contract for an internet phone even though his phone doesn't have internet! Then he wondered why they wouldn't let him cancel it and now he's stuck with it.

He forgot about a very important appointment he had and ended up waking up 20 mins before it. I told him he would probably make it if he rushed out the door right now, then 10 mins later I find him in the kitchen making breakfast. I asked him what he was doing and he said 'I'm on autopilot in the morning - I have to have my breakfast'. I practically had to yank him out of the door and he luckily made it, albeit a few mins late.

We recently went to visit my family in England and he seemed to not realise he would need money for the 2 weeks so I had to take it out of my bank account (to spare him commission costs) even though I was skint myself. I felt like I was giving my child pocket money or something.

I live abroad (in the country where he's from), but I find myself having to teach him how to fill out forms even though they're in his language and I barely know myself how to fill them out.

I guess I feel more like his babysitter sometimes rather than his gf (I know that's an awful thing to say) and when we have a few days apart during the week (we don't live together) I kind of feel relieved as I don't have to watch over him and make sure he stays out of trouble and I feel I can have a breather.

I get mad at him often for doing things without thinking as it worries me and then he gets mad and says 'I'm not a child', but it frustrates me so much as I feel I can't rely on him. I have a lot going on myself at the moment, but have to let him know when he has a meeting or appointment (because he will have forgotten) and even work out how he should get there as he would get lost himself (no joke) or arrive late. Our sex life is dwindling as I don't feel 'protected' by him as I'm the one looking after him.

I guess I was just wondering if anyone else is in the same situation. I love him to bits and he's great in so many ways - I'm just flabbergasted by his actions sometimes.

Sorry for the long post :frown:

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Reply 1

Kabloomybuzz

I can imagine how frustrating this must be, and what a strain it must be on the relationship.

It may be, for whatever reason, that he lacks independent life experience... Some information on his family life would point to this. Was he perhaps "mollycoddled" growing up?

He could also have some kind of learning disorder, some of the things you mentioned sound a bit like dyspraxia for example. Again, speaking to his family about his childhood might shed some light.

I think with certain things, it might be best to not do things for him or remind him and let him take the consequences for his actions (obviously not situations where he's putting himself in danger) but it may be that the only way he will learn and adapt is to face consequences and learn to avoid them in future. I don't know what the health system is like where you are, but perhaps you could look into dyspraxia (possibly low level autistic spectrum - how is he socially) and see if he can get an assessment?

Reply 2

Confusedlegend

He must be amazing at sex if your still with him after all the hassle he causes you. He's one lucky guy to have a gf like you though

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Reply 3

MyName??!

I think he sounds cute :smile:

and VERY lucky to have a gf like you! :wink:

Reply 4

DanB1991

god... he sounds worse than me!!!!

Reply 5

Orange s0da

What ever you do don't let him shoot your club up, you can't be taking chances on procreating with an imbecile

Reply 6

+ polarity -

did anyone else lol at

Anonymous

He forgot about a very important appointment he had and ended up waking up 20 mins before it. I told him he would probably make it if he rushed out the door right now, then 10 mins later I find him in the kitchen making breakfast. I asked him what he was doing and he said 'I'm on autopilot in the morning - I have to have my breakfast'.

Reply 7

RedArrow

I deserve a girlfriend like this

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Reply 8

SimpVeggie

This is pretty absurd. I agree with the first reply. That said, I don't have a clue while you're still with him. Still, if you can, make sure he learns these lessons. Try and get to the bottom of this as it sounds like a real problem. He sounds like a moron to me.

Reply 9

TheSweatyNerd

Should have let the toaster take him. Natural selection.

Reply 10

Lotus_Eater

It sounds like he is ditzy. You will either need to accept this about him or move on. Trying to change him is probably just a recipe for epic tension.

Perhaps what might help is to cede taking responsibility for him wherever possible. The anecdote about him being late for the meeting didn't truly need to involve you. After you let him know the time you should have then let nature take its course and let his employer deal with him. Allow him to make mistakes and only get on his case when it's stuff that affects you jointly.

Reply 11

Welsh_insomniac

It's strange how uncommon it is to see people who have 'common sense'.

Reply 12

ThatGirl276

Thought you were gonna complain about some minor issues but this sounds pretty worrying :eek:

Reply 13

stargirl63

I'm surprised that he is his age and acts like that, I would have thought that this is something that his parents would have taught him how to do, more than 10 years ago.

Let him take responsibility, because if he continuously relies on you, it's not going to be good for either of you. Let him make his mistakes and learn from them.

Reply 14

Tyrion_Lannister

Sounds like he could be dyspraxic, I'm pretty similar lol. I miss appointments all the time, forget to fill out forms, am **** at keeping time, have the attention span of a spoon. I once got on the wrong bus by mistake and my boyfriend had to rescue me from a dodgy area at night because I got lost . He sometimes moans "you're a grown woman ffs and you can't even organise your life" but most of the time he finds it cute. You're just going to have to live with it OP.

Reply 15

damnation

Original post by TheSweatyNerd

Should have let the toaster take him. Natural selection.

i am laughing so hard at the thought

Reply 16

buzzybee143

Original post by + polarity -

did anyone else lol at

I loled! LOL
ANYWAY it must suck but it's not that bad.. Trust me there are much worse qualities in people that this. My friend is like this. She is very intelligent but lacks the common sense! I have to get her out of a lot of messy situations. I try to call her before we go on a trip to remind her to take her stuff with her. And I try to make her learn from her mistakes. We just help eachother out because at the end of it, nobody is perfect.

Reply 17

redferry

Sounds like my brother to be honest. He was adopted and is a bit behind with a lot of things and very naive. I'm going to have to look after his finances for his lifetime and I guess it can get frustrating. It is worth it though as long as they are a good person and you love them :smile:

Reply 18

Magistl

Original post by redferry

How righteous of you. Great job! (Not sarcasm, even if it may look like it.)

Reply 19

redferry

Original post by Magistl

How righteous of you. Great job! (Not sarcasm, even if it may look like it.)

Well he had such a ****ty start in life and he is such a wonderful person I just want him to have the best life possible really. He just needs a bit of life managing so he doesn't give all his money away or anything stupid like that...