What is the psychology of my uncle's mean actions

My uncle has been a mean to me for no reason, I'm trying to find the reasons behind his motives, all I can think of is:

1) He is jealous of my success, he's earn't maximum only £16k all his life and when I start my career I should be on more than £21k going up.

2) He has had a sad life, so he has resentement, bottles it up and takes it out on others.

3) He is very immature and his mind in not working properly, he being mean because he has the schoolboy mentality which also means he has had no love in his life.

This is what he has done:

1) I can be a bit quiet, however, it's down to not knowing what to say, on a holiday in Germany, my uncle said when I was 18, "if you don't talk, who will marry you".
2) He went on holiday in 2010, which he visited my house and told me in "I've got you a wife from India" in a sterile, disrespectful way,
3) At my other uncle's house, he said, can you eat this as in to mock my cultural skills.
4) This is the absolute worst that has happened to me:

I was at my uncle's house in 2011, he was sitting their on the sofa adjacent to me, he suddely said "can you cook" I said "yes". Then my uncle and everyone was talking about going to the pub and he was saying he's not going to take me. Then suddenely he said to my dad "are you worried your son's not going to get a wife"..........my dad said he will. There was some more chatter and my dad said I am a man now and with he's fingers pointing, he said "look at him, he's not a man"...........WTF. Then we went home, my main uncle wasn't in the sitting room at that time. He never bothered to phone to apologise or nothing.

5) I remember I was upstaits when he came to my house, when I came down, he called me a "scardy cat" in my language or where is that "scardy cat".

6) I remember when I was looking for work, he started smirking and told my father to get me a job in the factory.

7) At a 2014 christmas party at my uncle's house, we was looking at her daughters engagement video and their was a still image of a nice looking girl and he told me why don't you go for her. So he was picking on me in front of others.

8) When he and his wife came back from India for her daughters wedding in January 2015, he got my father and my sister a present, I noticed they did not get me anything.

9) He came to visit my house over Christmas 2015 and he said do you have a girlfriend, I said no which he went onto say can't you get one, I said I'm not looking for one.

10) Back in 2012 he said you do you have a girlfriend and he said why don't you go out on holidays, I was going to say I've been busy with my work, however, his wife went onto blurt, he's got no friends.

I cannot understand why he is very immature selfish and a bully, I can only think he has had a sad life, he has nothing better to do and he cannot stand me succeeding living a happy life.

What are your thoughts? He is married with two children, one who is studying A-levels and a daughter who is a pharmacist.

Reply 1

Milzime

you know what: don't loose sleep over it. He sounds like he's a top class jerk, not worth your worry tbh.

If it was me, I'd make a situation where he tried to put me down awkward, like say he just made some snide side-comment, like calling you scaredy cat or anything about having/not having a gf, I'd just look him in the eye and go "why would you say that? What are you trying to gain here?" and if I was really mad whack out one of the "it's not funny, it's not clever. It's just sad, and I don't think anybody really appreciates you trying to put me down all the :dolphin:

time"

agh

good luck, but just ignore him, he can't do anything to you really, not unless you let him get to you. :smile:

Reply 2

IanDangerously

Original post by Anonymous

I cannot understand why he is very immature selfish and a bully, I can only think he has had a sad life, he has nothing better to do and he cannot stand me succeeding living a happy life.

What are your thoughts? He is married with two children, one who is studying A-levels and a daughter who is a pharmacist.

You sound overly bothered about something which isn't really a huge issue, its not like he's doing anything terrible to you, just making a few mean comments which a lot of people would laugh off and forgotten about.

Reply 3

Fashion Girl

The "asking if you needed a wife" part is seriously gross (and a little bit mad). I can relate to you there because normally bitter people, bitter about something will always find ways of juicing all the fun out of life for a good kid :angry:

. And they do it in the worst way imaginable: people like these trolled me once with comments about like food (they know no nothing about hygiene!) and because I am from a family who is so good, open minded and understanding, they are always 100percent behind me in everything I do, I found their talks about food totally abnormal. Because of like that, I found those experiences of vocal expectations of eating dirty brownies ( "Eat my brownies, please! I promise you they are delicious!" ) from absolute randomers painfully unforgettable! I never ate their dirty brownies, in the end...only ate and loved my mom's fruit custard! :biggrin: