Don't think I'm worth any guy's time?

Hi. Firstly I'd like to point out that while I have had chances with men (the latest being a guy I really liked but messed up my chance with), I have never managed to make things work with them due to my depression and low self confidence.

When I was younger, most of my friends were male and I was never romantically interested in them and they weren't me. As I grew up, it became more of the norm for everyone to be getting together, even if it was just childish/ teenagery things. I never got any attention off guys, in fact multiple times was called ugly or too skinny or too much of a tomboy. Negative comments and mild bullying from both guys and later ex-friends and some girls led to me being incredibly critical of myself and the end result is I'm now suffering from severe depression and anxiety.
As I've grown older and entered the world of university, I have had more attention off guys. Sadly this attention has always been unwanted - often wanting me just for sex or casual relations which has really impacted my self confidence.

I'm worried I'll never be able to be comfortable with a guy, both emotionally and sexually because of my depression and low self esteem. I don't think it would be fair for any guy to take on my baggage and I can't imagine anyone wanting to stay with me once they discover that I'm ill. Yet, one of the main reasons I'm depressed is my loneliness and I've always wanted a boyfriend who could motivate me to get better.

Am I right in thinking that there's no point getting a relationship until I'm a little bit 'better' in terms of my illness or is it possible for someone to want to be with me even if I'm ill?
I'm terrified I'll end up alone or the potential boyfriend will tell everyone about my problems which often means that if a guy does try to get to know me, I'll shut him out or cut off things to avoid getting hurt.

What can I do to improve my outlook on things??

Reply 1

ODES_PDES

Things are not that bad.
If guys want you for sex or casual relationships means that you are attractive enough.
Sometimes it takes longer to find your soul mate

Reply 2

samina_ay

It's better to 'better' yourself - so you feel good within yourself. Once that happens - things will fall into place themselves :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by ODES_PDES

Things are not that bad.
If guys want you for sex or casual relationships means that you are attractive enough.
Sometimes it takes longer to find your soul mate

I don't understand why they would as I'm not particularly attractive and when people say I am, I tend to think they're taking the piss or making a joke out of me, maybe that's what they were doing. I think they probably thought I was naive enough. I'm not looking to find my soul mate now haha, I'm only 19! but I do wish I could find someone who genuinely liked me. Thanks though!

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by samina_ay

It's better to 'better' yourself - so you feel good within yourself. Once that happens - things will fall into place themselves :smile:

That's what I'm going to try and do. I've always ignored my illness or thought I would get better on my own but this is the first time I'm taking action to try and sort myself out. I'm always being told that I should try and be happy and love myself first before I let someone else 'in' but I've always been a bit dubious of that. I do acknowledge that the first step is bettering myself so thank you :smile:

Hopefully things will work out eventually.