Can you be friends with an ex?

Me and my boyfriend are going through a bit of a rough patch. We've been together 18 months and friends for a year before that. At the moment we are on a break as my boyfriend became distant and we agreed to give each other space.

I know that there's nobody else involved and I know my boyfriend loves me; the last time I saw him he was crying his eyes out because he didn't know why he had become distant. We've spoken a briefly a few times, and he has said that no matter what happens he still wants to be a part of my life. He says he'll always love me and at the very least he'd want us to be friends and that he can't imagine me not being in his life.

Is it possible to be friends with an ex? We were friends before we became boyfriend and girlfriend but he'd always liked me and wanted more. I'm slightly apprehensive as I think being friends with an ex prolongs the heartache.

Is anyone here friends with an ex?

Reply 1

Fruitninja

8

Original post by Anonymous

Me and my boyfriend are going through a bit of a rough patch. We've been together 18 months and friends for a year before that. At the moment we are on a break as my boyfriend became distant and we agreed to give each other space.

I know that there's nobody else involved and I know my boyfriend loves me; the last time I saw him he was crying his eyes out because he didn't know why he had become distant. We've spoken a briefly a few times, and he has said that no matter what happens he still wants to be a part of my life. He says he'll always love me and at the very least he'd want us to be friends and that he can't imagine me not being in his life.

Is it possible to be friends with an ex? We were friends before we became boyfriend and girlfriend but he'd always liked me and wanted more. I'm slightly apprehensive as I think being friends with an ex prolongs the heartache.

Is anyone here friends with an ex?

it's probably best being friends

Reply 2

Zarek

21

Haven't achieved this, even after the dust has settled. But I've seen that it can occur. I think the absence of a bitter break up and some mutual feeling that it wouldn't work out and lack of reconciliation hopes are important factors.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Fruitninja

it's probably best being friends

In general or for me and my boyfriend?

Reply 4

Conkerr

6

I'm not and I don't think I could be to be honest.

One of my best friends is friends with her ex but it's a mess tbh. They were friends before dating and if you ask her she'll tell you she'll never date a friend anymore. It's hard because one of them (or even both) still has/have feelings and they're bitter over each other sometimes.

Reply 5

Fruitninja

8

if it gets more awkward between you or your boyfriend its best to be friends

Reply 6

Samonia

13

I'm friends with my ex, i was the first one he told he was gay to (yeah, surprised me too) and we are still good friends. I think it will depend on how you break up and if its messy or not or you break on good terms. just see how it goes and don't expect anything out of it and if your still friends then great :smile:

Reply 7

samina_ay

18

If I'm gonna be honest it doesn't work... maybe for a year or so. But what if in that time he finds another girl and you like him more than a friend...? And vice versa too. It does prolong the heart break. You are best of cutting contact completely..

Reply 8

dean01234

19

I think it is difficult, especially seeing as you've been together for so long its hard just to switch off. Some people, generally 'thinking' types, are good at compartmentalizing this sort of stuff and I know a few couples who have been able to do it. You're right though it can just add to the heartbreak, its much easier to move on when you're not spending time together thinking about how things used to be.

Basically there's no answer we can give you, I'd say that either way you should give it some time after a break up before even trying to be friends again.

No

The only person I know who is in this situation at the moment is my bro. Just got dumped by his horrid girlfriend. I say good riddance, but the very next day she had the nerve to text him and ask if he would still basically be her shoulder to cry on whenever she's got nothing better to do because she's a user and is desperate to make his life even worse, even after dumping him. In this case, I'd send my ex a KYS. Otherwise, I honestly still can't think of any reason I'd want to be friends with an ex. They're an ex for a reason, which means gtfo of my life.

Reply 11

username1726117

14

Personally, I can't be friends with ex's.

I know a lot of people who are friends with their exes though. It entirely depends on circumstances of the breakup, how the individuals cope with being apart etc.

If you are asking this, chances are you couldn't do it yourself as you would be sure of the answer. :smile:

Reply 12

Victoria Jolee

5

in my opinion you can never be friends with someone you still love and love you however you can be his lover :smile:

Reply 13

brainhuman

2

I know someone who had 3 ex's at his wedding. All of whom wanted to marry him.

Reply 14

Katarvi

15

I'm friendly with two of my ex's, though I probably wouldn't go as far as to call them "friends". There are no hard feelings though and we remain in contact. I'd say it's entirely possible and if he needs time and space to figure out what's going on with him, even if that means just being friends, then give it a try.

Reply 15

physicst

16

[QUOTE="samina_ay;64828905"]If I'm gonna be honest it doesn't work... maybe for a year or so. But what if in that time he finds another girl and you like him more than a friend...? And vice versa too. It does prolong the heart break. You are best of cutting contact completely..[/QUOTE

This: sharp to the point...

Reply 16

rongbupt

I don't think that is a good idea. There won't be pure friendship between you anymore. Ofcourse, just my personal opinion.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 17

Anonymous #2

My boyfriend and I have just broken up because neither of us were happy anymore and realised we didn't have that much in common. We were together for four and a half years, and he had a massive impact on my life, and it was possibly the nicest break-up I'll ever have, so I like to think we can remain friends, even if it takes some time and space, because I don't want to lose him from my life completely but at the same time didn't want to carry on in an unhappy relationship. I highly doubt either of us will be on the lookout for anyone else for quite some time, and I don't think either of us know if we've made the right decision either, only time will tell. We still care about each other so maybe it can work. I like to think so but I don't know as I've never been in this situation before.

Reply 18

username47781

20

Original post by Anonymous

Me and my boyfriend are going through a bit of a rough patch. We've been together 18 months and friends for a year before that. At the moment we are on a break as my boyfriend became distant and we agreed to give each other space.

I know that there's nobody else involved and I know my boyfriend loves me; the last time I saw him he was crying his eyes out because he didn't know why he had become distant. We've spoken a briefly a few times, and he has said that no matter what happens he still wants to be a part of my life. He says he'll always love me and at the very least he'd want us to be friends and that he can't imagine me not being in his life.

Is it possible to be friends with an ex? We were friends before we became boyfriend and girlfriend but he'd always liked me and wanted more. I'm slightly apprehensive as I think being friends with an ex prolongs the heartache.

Is anyone here friends with an ex?

Not friends with any of my ex's I personally find it to be friends at least straight away anyway. Sounds like you and your boyfriend need to talk to find out what has gone wrong, communication is such a key.

Reply 19

Retired_Messiah

21

Being friends with an ex is something I have seen happen with many people. Heck, my divorced parents are basically bezzies. That said, I don't have any experience of doing it myself, given my lack exes.

Can you be friends with an ex?

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