Boyfriend addicted to alcohol :S Help appreciated x

OP

I was thinking about saying that, but I can't control his life and decisions. I don't want to be a controlling *****.

Reply 5

username1726117

14

Original post by MissFun

I was thinking about saying that, but I can't control his life and decisions. I don't want to be a controlling *****.

It has a direct effect on your relationship, a negative one at that. It is your business, even if it is his choice.

Reply 6

There are varying degrees of alcohol problems. Has it being diagnosed as addiction or is that just your description of it?

Its up to you really. Give him the ultimatum if you don't think he is capable of drinking responsibly and your not prepared to put up with it. Or you can tell him you'd prefer him not to drink. If he drinks, you can give him a chance to see if he can drink responsibly.

Reply 7

OP

Original post by Sternumator

There are varying degrees of alcohol problems. Has it being diagnosed as addiction or is that just your description of it?

Its up to you really. Give him the ultimatum if you don't think he is capable of drinking responsibly and your not prepared to put up with it. Or you can tell him you'd prefer him not to drink. If he drinks, you can give him a chance to see if he can drink responsibly.

He hasn't been diagnosed but he drank every day and it led to the break up eventually. It brings back horrible feelings for me and I won't be happy when he is drinking. Maybe I could wait and see.

Reply 8

username1842595

6

Yes, it is reasonable for you to be angry with this. Eventually, alcohol is going to start controlling the relationship.
Talk to him about how you feel. I would be assertive with him and ask him he can pick the alcohol or you. And if he picks the alcohol, he never really loved you. You aren't controlling the relationship, you are looking out for him.

Reply 9

Original post by MissFun

He hasn't been diagnosed but he drank every day and it led to the break up eventually. It brings back horrible feelings for me and I won't be happy when he is drinking. Maybe I could wait and see.

Why did it break up the relationship? I would judge him on his behaviour towards you and not how much he drinks. To me drinking every day is not a problem in itself, only if it leads to other undesirable behaviour. But if drinking in itself is a problem for you, that is perfectly valid. You have to decide.

Reply 10

OP

Original post by Sternumator

Why did it break up the relationship? I would judge him on his behaviour towards you and not how much he drinks. To me drinking every day is not a problem in itself, only if it leads to other undesirable behaviour. But if drinking in itself is a problem for you, that is perfectly valid. You have to decide.

He felt like the drinking would end up hurting me so didn't want to put me through it, and it meant we couldn't see each other as much as he was drunk often. Yeah it became a problem and its much better now that he doesn't drink.

Reply 11

Mrs House

16

is he drinking in moderate amounts i.e less than 21 units per week? If not, then he has to make a choice between you or the bottle

Reply 12

Original post by MissFun

He felt like the drinking would end up hurting me so didn't want to put me through it, and it meant we couldn't see each other as much as he was drunk often. Yeah it became a problem and its much better now that he doesn't drink.

I'd be asking him why if he thought drinking would end up hurting you before, what has changed since. It is strange that he realised it was a problem for him before but has changed his mind about it.

It is possible for people who previously had a drinking problem, to develop more healthy drink habits without complete abstinence. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Reply 13

He has already detoxed though so there is nothing a doctor can do other than advise not to drink.

Reply 14

Unsolved_Mistry

6

Easy fix, be strict an say only drink when he's with you, that way it's not you or the alcohol it's more a group/social thing and he enjoys spending time with you and drinking, obviously not every time he's with you and if he begins to go overboard you can help him. Explain how you don't want to be co trolling hut supportive and that you understand. Best of luck

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Reply 15

OP

Original post by Sternumator

I'd be asking him why if he thought drinking would end up hurting you before, what has changed since. It is strange that he realised it was a problem for him before but has changed his mind about it.

It is possible for people who previously had a drinking problem, to develop more healthy drink habits without complete abstinence. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

He is convinced he won't get addicted again and that he knows how bad it would be if he did, so I'm hoping he will drink moderately and it'll be fine.

Reply 16

Twinpeaks

18

Original post by Sternumator

There are varying degrees of alcohol problems. Has it being diagnosed as addiction or is that just your description of it?

Its up to you really. Give him the ultimatum if you don't think he is capable of drinking responsibly and your not prepared to put up with it. Or you can tell him you'd prefer him not to drink. If he drinks, you can give him a chance to see if he can drink responsibly.

You don't need to be diagnosed as an alcoholic to be an alcoholic.

Reply 17

Twinpeaks

18

Original post by MissFun

He is convinced he won't get addicted again and that he knows how bad it would be if he did, so I'm hoping he will drink moderately and it'll be fine.

As someone who has studied addiction at degree level, and also as someone whose father is and always has been an alcoholic, he will not drink moderately. It will not be fine. If he is an alcoholic, going backing to drinking will not be moderate. You need to lay down his options, you or alcohol.

Reply 18