Am I doomed for life because of what i've just realized in the past couple of days?!
Scroll to see replies
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone, I was hoping I could get some advice on here, so for some reason in the last few days I've been realizing that I am a push over because I remember girls in sixth form who would practically put me down and treat me like crap. One would tell me how I was a lost cause, would end up a failure in life etc. And before anyone thinks they were 'just joking' I would like to think anyone who is constantly saying crappy things about a person is a bad person...I was going through my own personal issues at the time, I never ever insulted them for any reason, and if I ever teased them as a joke they would automatically insult me back even though I literally was just joking. So anyway long story short I used to ignore them and let them treat me badly, and now looking back I feel like a total idiot for taking that behavior. I wasn't scared of them but I just thought it would be the wise thing to not feed them with a reaction. I've also been told by my aunt that I am too soft before. So now I am incredibly worried because I'm scared I can't change as a person as sometimes you can't change who you are? even though I am determined to never allow anyone to mistreat me... Can anyone relate to this sort of situation/had an experience like this? Did you learn from your mistakes? And I am right to assume that those girls were bad people? And what do you all think of people in school that tell you CONSTANTLY that you 'need to reevaluate' if you're doing badly in school? Obviously I looked like a student who was just careless but isn't it just common courtesy to mind your own freaking business?! Thanks a lot for reading this please respond it means a lot x
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRsUACpCnWA
also
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvRPCimXkcw
Good luck?!?
Original post by Anonymous
The thing is I've tried to act like no noise is being emitted from them but when it's people you see often it gets difficult to keep putting up with that treatment, and I feel that bottling up my feelings is unfair to me. I shouldn't have to deal with that treatment, and eventually I did react to them by mocking them, they continued with their crap regardless,
Are you male? Look up 'the red pill'
Original post by Pinkberry_y
Exactly. Some people naturally have a very good judge of character and find this easier and for other people it takes time and the more people they deal with the better at it they become
I honestly think it's actually quite easy, these people don't tend to be patient, they expose themselves very easily by doing things like *****ing to you about others, sucking up to you when they feel like you are useful and have something good going for you, not taking a genuine interest in getting to know you as a person etc. at least these girls fit tended to be like this, I'm sure some people can be just as bad but hide it and wait for opportunities
Original post by Anonymous
Wow thank you so much for such a detailed response, I am not at school anymore no, hoping to go to university next year, thanks a lot that really helped, and everyone else who has posted with advice
Doesnt make any difference. You have to start somewhere and ots perfectly doable. You do need to like yourself and start having some self confidence, even if its just to learn. Lots of people learn sooner, but you have enough time.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone, I was hoping I could get some advice on here, so for some reason in the last few days I've been realizing that I am a push over because I remember girls in sixth form who would practically put me down and treat me like crap. One would tell me how I was a lost cause, would end up a failure in life etc. And before anyone thinks they were 'just joking' I would like to think anyone who is constantly saying crappy things about a person is a bad person...I was going through my own personal issues at the time, I never ever insulted them for any reason, and if I ever teased them as a joke they would automatically insult me back even though I literally was just joking. So anyway long story short I used to ignore them and let them treat me badly, and now looking back I feel like a total idiot for taking that behavior. I wasn't scared of them but I just thought it would be the wise thing to not feed them with a reaction. I've also been told by my aunt that I am too soft before. So now I am incredibly worried because I'm scared I can't change as a person as sometimes you can't change who you are? even though I am determined to never allow anyone to mistreat me... Can anyone relate to this sort of situation/had an experience like this? Did you learn from your mistakes? And I am right to assume that those girls were bad people? And what do you all think of people in school that tell you CONSTANTLY that you 'need to reevaluate' if you're doing badly in school? Obviously I looked like a student who was just careless but isn't it just common courtesy to mind your own freaking business?! Thanks a lot for reading this please respond it means a lot x
I'm sure most people have taken crap from other's then realised they should have stuck up for themselves. I've done that loads of times but sometimes i can't be bothered to fight back with words because it's not worth the hassle plus if you say nothing they don't get the reaction they wanted then it's not as much fun for them
People have always told me that i am too soft and that i'm too nice to people. Personally i think that's an isult because we can't all be mean or nasty and i prefer to be around nice people rather than the nasty one's who like critisizing and putting other's down. There's nothing wrong with you so you don't need to worry about trying to change. People say things like your too soft because it' their own insecurities they are trying to put on you to make you feel bad about yourself because everyone is too soft in certain things like people that lend other's money or put up with being treated like crap in relationships, allowing people to put them down and not sticking up for themselves, etc so we are all guilty of those things and other things
And those girls are just stupid, their not important. When people critisize other's and say mean things that's really how they feel about themselves and it's because being mean to other people makes them forget about their own problems so it feels good to make other people feel bad
Being told to reevaluate if doing badly in school is a stupid thing to say . It does not mean anything , the people who said that need to be specific and give advice on exactly what you could do to improve in school and give a list of things to try if they were just trying to help you but if you did not ask for their help or opinion then you are right they should keep their opinions to themselves but just saying to reevaluate is meaningless
Original post by 999tigger
Doesnt make any difference. You have to start somewhere and ots perfectly doable. You do need to like yourself and start having some self confidence, even if its just to learn. Lots of people learn sooner, but you have enough time.
I know it's sad that I only realized now that I need to put my foot down with people, it's because I was always the quiet shy girl that nobody really messed with anyway that I was so inexperienced, but I will not allow anyone to treat me like crap anymore. And even better that I'll be able to identify that type of person quickly and cut them out of my life
Original post by Anonymous
I know it's sad that I only realized now that I need to put my foot down with people, it's because I was always the quiet shy girl that nobody really messed with anyway that I was so inexperienced, but I will not allow anyone to treat me like crap anymore. And even better that I'll be able to identify that type of person quickly and cut them out of my life
You need to make sure you dont overreact, but find the correct level. read those articles as they will help you understand why balance is important.
Original post by Virgil.
The single resource you need to learn to stop being a pussy, and get what you want out of relationships / life.
Don't listen to this OP.
You need to let go, but learn from your past behaviour. Like many others have said, for many of us secondary school is not our shining hour. Whilst some flourish (even peak) during secondary school, it's their golden years, others are late bloomers. And that's probably just you.
Many people go to uni, forget how they were in secondary school, forget all the labels that are attached to us and stick until we leave school, and start afresh. Be yourself. But with age you'll become more confident, I don't doubt it.
The worst possible advice you can attend to, is one that this wise guy is trying to force on you, to be bitter and unfeeling. He'll immensely regret that one day, because it'll lead him to make some very bad decisions in his life that are not going to make him happy. Just a warning.
Welcome to the doormat club. 
Original post by Twinpeaks
Don't listen to this **** stain OP, it's a load of bollox.
Original post by Anonymous
x
OP, you dont have to listen to my advice. That's fine.
Each to his own ascension or his downfall.
(edited 7 years ago)
[QUOTE=Anonymous;66800142]The thing is I've tried to act like no noise is being emitted from them but when it's people you see often it gets difficult to keep putting up with that treatment, and I feel that bottling up my feelings is unfair to me. I shouldn't have to deal with that treatment, and eventually I did react to them by mocking them, they continued with their crap regardless,
If you don't react in future (not even looking at them) they will eventually get bored. Speaking from personal experience. It may take a while, but persistence is key.
If you don't react in future (not even looking at them) they will eventually get bored. Speaking from personal experience. It may take a while, but persistence is key.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi everyone, I was hoping I could get some advice on here, so for some reason in the last few days I've been realizing that I am a push over because I remember girls in sixth form who would practically put me down and treat me like crap. One would tell me how I was a lost cause, would end up a failure in life etc. And before anyone thinks they were 'just joking' I would like to think anyone who is constantly saying crappy things about a person is a bad person...I was going through my own personal issues at the time, I never ever insulted them for any reason, and if I ever teased them as a joke they would automatically insult me back even though I literally was just joking. So anyway long story short I used to ignore them and let them treat me badly, and now looking back I feel like a total idiot for taking that behavior. I wasn't scared of them but I just thought it would be the wise thing to not feed them with a reaction. I've also been told by my aunt that I am too soft before. So now I am incredibly worried because I'm scared I can't change as a person as sometimes you can't change who you are? even though I am determined to never allow anyone to mistreat me... Can anyone relate to this sort of situation/had an experience like this? Did you learn from your mistakes? And I am right to assume that those girls were bad people? And what do you all think of people in school that tell you CONSTANTLY that you 'need to reevaluate' if you're doing badly in school? Obviously I looked like a student who was just careless but isn't it just common courtesy to mind your own freaking business?! Thanks a lot for reading this please respond it means a lot x
I can reassure you now that people change considerably as they get older and it sounds like you are still super young so you have plenty of time for self-development and figuring out who you want to be ahead of you. I also shy away from conflict but I am learning all the time how to stand up for myself and not be a push over, it just comes with practice, the only thing you need is the desire to want to change and you can!
Original post by Queen Cersei
I can reassure you now that people change considerably as they get older and it sounds like you are still super young so you have plenty of time for self-development and figuring out who you want to be ahead of you. I also shy away from conflict but I am learning all the time how to stand up for myself and not be a push over, it just comes with practice, the only thing you need is the desire to want to change and you can!
Thank you, I highly appreciate that. I feel that in life it is important to speak up for yourself because otherwise you will be the one who ends up suffering. I am annoyed at myself because when people hurt and mistreat me (with words) I automatically pretend I don't care and ignore it but I now feel, wait actually I do care about how I'm being treated because I respect myself so why should I allow them to talk to me like this? Even though I never saw those girls as friends or valued their opinion, I was stupid enough to allow them to make me feel guilty and be nice to them even though I never mistreated them no way near as much as they mistreated me. I literally only did one thing wrong which was mock them once even though they treated me like crap everyday which I ignored. I feel that people who constantly criticize others are bad people, that need to mind their own business. I don't know whether they got some sort of high out of constantly making jokes and criticizing me, but I don't appreciate big mouthed people who think they know everything about you. Especially as we were not friends for life or anything like that where they could say things out of love/genuine care. One of them even once told me 'I don't care I'm just telling you what you need to know' which evidently says to me they were just saying all of those things out of spite.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you, I highly appreciate that. I feel that in life it is important to speak up for yourself because otherwise you will be the one who ends up suffering. I am annoyed at myself because when people hurt and mistreat me (with words) I automatically pretend I don't care and ignore it but I now feel, wait actually I do care about how I'm being treated because I respect myself so why should I allow them to talk to me like this? Even though I never saw those girls as friends or valued their opinion, I was stupid enough to allow them to make me feel guilty and be nice to them even though I never mistreated them no way near as much as they mistreated me. I literally only did one thing wrong which was mock them once even though they treated me like crap everyday which I ignored. I feel that people who constantly criticize others are bad people, that need to mind their own business. I don't know whether they got some sort of high out of constantly making jokes and criticizing me, but I don't appreciate big mouthed people who think they know everything about you. Especially as we were not friends for life or anything like that where they could say things out of love/genuine care. One of them even once told me 'I don't care I'm just telling you what you need to know' which evidently says to me they were just saying all of those things out of spite.
When people say things to you, its very important to assess who they are , why they are doing it and whether it makes sense. Then you can decide whether to take notice or not. If you are unable to do it by yourself then go to your GP and see if you cna get some CBT therapy which should help you start to deal with the problem in a more constructive way.
Original post by 999tigger
When people say things to you, its very important to assess who they are , why they are doing it and whether it makes sense. Then you can decide whether to take notice or not. If you are unable to do it by yourself then go to your GP and see if you cna get some CBT therapy which should help you start to deal with the problem in a more constructive way.
I've always gone with the mindset of sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, but unfortunately I still feel that I will get hurt as a result of not speaking up. But I will read the articles you sent me as they seem really good. An example of a time I realized that I needed to speak up was when I told a colleague of mine who I was friends with that I wouldn't be coming into work one day because I had revision. She then said she wouldn't come in either as she would be 'stressed' due to the lack of staff. The managers were all annoyed because of both of our absences. I felt like I had a genuine reason for why I couldn't come in and she didn't take me seriously because I always joke around and am not firm enough as a person. So people treat you like crap when you don't step your foot down is what I've learnt
Like everyone else has said before, you're not doomed.
You have a lot of growing to do, this is not the person you will be forever, there is always room for natural growth.
You need to set boundaries, put your foot down, give an air of confidence about you, (even if you don't feel it, fake it until you make it) for example:
- Maintain eye contact.
- Be factual and precise about what you say back to them.
- Learn when it's okay to walk away because walking away after you are given abuse doesn't mean you're allowing it to happen, it means you're better than that.
- Stand up straight with your head up.
- Be assertive, not in a dickish way, but telling people what you want from them adding "Please" and "Thank you".
- Do not base your beliefs about your own self worth on what other people say.
- If you're finding it hard to control your emotions when you respond to them (being calm is the best response, they will think it's not getting to you and eventually give up), take up something like boxing and air out your frustration. You have every right to be hurt, but they don't have to know that.
You have a lot of growing to do, this is not the person you will be forever, there is always room for natural growth.
You need to set boundaries, put your foot down, give an air of confidence about you, (even if you don't feel it, fake it until you make it) for example:
- Maintain eye contact.
- Be factual and precise about what you say back to them.
- Learn when it's okay to walk away because walking away after you are given abuse doesn't mean you're allowing it to happen, it means you're better than that.
- Stand up straight with your head up.
- Be assertive, not in a dickish way, but telling people what you want from them adding "Please" and "Thank you".
- Do not base your beliefs about your own self worth on what other people say.
- If you're finding it hard to control your emotions when you respond to them (being calm is the best response, they will think it's not getting to you and eventually give up), take up something like boxing and air out your frustration. You have every right to be hurt, but they don't have to know that.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- I'm in year 11, is it too late for me ?
- [M20]I'm afraid not having Instagram will ruin my life
- I feel terrible about ending a friendship
- I need to explore my sex life before making any long-term commitments
- When you find out that someone who used to bully you is achieving a lot
- I don't know what i look like
- Oxford HAT Test 2023
- Mocks day after Holidays - Panicking No revision
- Hate being tall
- revision technique help
- I'm in love with my same sex best friend
- Can I write a 5000 word essay in three weeks
- Severe anxiety
- I don't know how to deal with everything that's going on...
- How am I gaining weight
- Too risky to try a relationship?
- Not sure how I feel about my girlfriend anymore
- scared my mistakes as a teenager will catch up to me in the future
- Graduate Role Application Anxiety
- TheDailyVent
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
