I am currently on a break from communication with my girlfriend. We have been together for over a year, and this is the first time we haven’t spoken everyday. The break was my idea as I need some time to myself to listen to my gut feelings and make sense of them. I’m still struggling to figure out where to go from here so I'm reaching out for some advice. Please tell me your honest opinion.
Almost since the start, I’ve been struggling with feelings of jealousy about her past sexual experiences. I know it’s not fair, but I'm envious of the freedom she had before we met. I am also jealous that other men had casual sexual encounters with my girlfriend without the strings attached that come with a relationship.
I hate it every time she mentions being sexual with other men in the past. She makes me feel like a cuck and it devalues the sexual experiences that we have together. I'm jealous that I can't do the same to her because I don't have a sexual past of my own.
I've realized that this jealousy stems from a strong desire to explore my sexuality with different people before making long-term commitments. The thought of having only one sexual partner for the rest of my life terrifies me, and I feel like it's essential for me to have those experiences to feel complete.
Early on, I remember her telling me she needed to have a bit of casual fun through hooking up to get it out of her system before settling down into a long term relationship. Since then, I’ve been wondering why I didn’t do the same.
We talked through our options months ago and settled on a foursome with another couple. We haven’t revisited the topic since as I can tell she’d rather not do it. Unless she's completely down with the idea, I don’t see how it would work and I fear that it would only make me feel worse.
I don’t want to break up with her. I love my girlfriend so much but what if we met each other too early? She's ready to settle down while I feel like I’ve barely started. I don’t know where to go from here. I have to listen to my needs otherwise they’ll continue to dwell on me, causing me to resent her but I don’t know how to do this without damaging the relationship.
Please can you tell me your honest opinion on this situation. I know this post probably comes across as selfish but I cant change my needs as much as I'd like to. I can't continue to ignore them. Thank you so much for any help.