I feel terrible about ending a friendship

I have this friend who i've been friends with for a couple of years (call her Poppy) and lately I've realized that I dont really want to be friends anymore. She lies about everything, says nasty comments about and to people. I didnt notice it before but i did a few days ago and me and her other couple of friends started to avoid her but i feel so bad. I keep second guessing whetjer some of the lies and nasty comments were just bad sarcasm, other groups have ended friendships with her too but i feel bad. I dont think telling her outright is an option because were the only friends she has and i think telling her that would break her shes not open to making new friends though weve been kindly encouraging her to try and diversify her friendgroup but shes just not interested I dont know what else we can do i feel mean avoiding her but i trust people really easily and i felt so betrayed and angry when i realized what she had done but i hate talking about her behind her back and getting evidence for the lies she's told us what am i supposed to do pls help

Reply 1

DataVenia

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Original post by Anonymous

I have this friend who i've been friends with for a couple of years (call her Poppy) and lately I've realized that I dont really want to be friends anymore. She lies about everything, says nasty comments about and to people. I didnt notice it before but i did a few days ago and me and her other couple of friends started to avoid her but i feel so bad. I keep second guessing whetjer some of the lies and nasty comments were just bad sarcasm, other groups have ended friendships with her too but i feel bad. I dont think telling her outright is an option because were the only friends she has and i think telling her that would break her shes not open to making new friends though weve been kindly encouraging her to try and diversify her friendgroup but shes just not interested I dont know what else we can do i feel mean avoiding her but i trust people really easily and i felt so betrayed and angry when i realized what she had done but i hate talking about her behind her back and getting evidence for the lies she's told us what am i supposed to do pls help

The way to assuage your guilty is to be open and honest with her - and talk to her about the behaviour that's bothering you. It might blow-up in your face, or she might be conciliatory and make a genuine effort to change.

By talking about her behind her back, you're own behaviour is getting perilously close to hers.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

I have this friend who i've been friends with for a couple of years (call her Poppy) and lately I've realized that I dont really want to be friends anymore. She lies about everything, says nasty comments about and to people. I didnt notice it before but i did a few days ago and me and her other couple of friends started to avoid her but i feel so bad. I keep second guessing whetjer some of the lies and nasty comments were just bad sarcasm, other groups have ended friendships with her too but i feel bad. I dont think telling her outright is an option because were the only friends she has and i think telling her that would break her shes not open to making new friends though weve been kindly encouraging her to try and diversify her friendgroup but shes just not interested I dont know what else we can do i feel mean avoiding her but i trust people really easily and i felt so betrayed and angry when i realized what she had done but i hate talking about her behind her back and getting evidence for the lies she's told us what am i supposed to do pls help

Heyy Ive been in a similar situation and you will experience this throughout life. If you are directly being affected by her comments or she is making you feel uneasy because she is making fun of others its best to slowly move away from her. It will keep on happening if you don't remove her and unfortunately, she might still carry on making up lies even after you leave, but you know they aren't true so you shouldn't be bothered by it.
My best advice would be to not ghost her completely, but slowly reduce your interactions with her. Don't be rude or obnoxious as you will probably see her again and you dont need to stoop to her level. Just be friendly but not overlyfriendly and hopefully she will get the hint! Dont feel obliged to hang out with people if they are negatively affecting you :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Thank you so much this has really helped me the things she was saying were destroying my confidence and I think slowly moving away from her really is the best decision I can't thank you enough for the reassurance

I feel terrible about ending a friendship

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