Would you remain child free?
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I would like to have children in the future with my boyfriend when we both have stable jobs and somewhere to live, probably around 24/25 years old. I'm not going to go down the route his younger brother did of getting a girl pregnant at 16 when neither of them had jobs, aren't bothering to look for one then breaking up. Not the best start to life.
Original post by Dee Leigh
Having kids as a clone or mini-me, having them to slave away for you, having them as though they are property or as something you 'own', as a 'thing' to live their expectations through, because they are 'cute', to have someone look after them in old age, having them to get benefits, having them so they can be a 'slave' to you, having them as an investment or a commodity or a cash cow...
+ externally speaking, the fact that you would be satisfying your own selfish urge at the expense of the world around you: using up resources in an overpopulated planet....
I don't know if I want a child. I wouldn't have multiple children, because, as I said, I think it's selfish...and I don't want to be selfish :-)
I'd have to spend years sorting things out, homeschool curriculum, parenting approach (should I 'parent' or should I trust my gut? etc etc), where we'll live (Paris or depths of Irish countryside?), what languages I'd bring her up to speak (English as first or painful foreign language?), I'd have to have a good income and be able to afford holidays, impromptu trips abroad. I think I'd overplan for the poor kid so much that I'd be too old to have any in the end. Also there is no assurance that they would turn out anything like me- what if they loved cars and never read and wanted to become very rich and live in Malibu? How deep would this bond be then.
Original post by chinaberry
+ externally speaking, the fact that you would be satisfying your own selfish urge at the expense of the world around you: using up resources in an overpopulated planet....
I don't know if I want a child. I wouldn't have multiple children, because, as I said, I think it's selfish...and I don't want to be selfish :-)
I'd have to spend years sorting things out, homeschool curriculum, parenting approach (should I 'parent' or should I trust my gut? etc etc), where we'll live (Paris or depths of Irish countryside?), what languages I'd bring her up to speak (English as first or painful foreign language?), I'd have to have a good income and be able to afford holidays, impromptu trips abroad. I think I'd overplan for the poor kid so much that I'd be too old to have any in the end. Also there is no assurance that they would turn out anything like me- what if they loved cars and never read and wanted to become very rich and live in Malibu? How deep would this bond be then.
I don't know if I want a child. I wouldn't have multiple children, because, as I said, I think it's selfish...and I don't want to be selfish :-)
I'd have to spend years sorting things out, homeschool curriculum, parenting approach (should I 'parent' or should I trust my gut? etc etc), where we'll live (Paris or depths of Irish countryside?), what languages I'd bring her up to speak (English as first or painful foreign language?), I'd have to have a good income and be able to afford holidays, impromptu trips abroad. I think I'd overplan for the poor kid so much that I'd be too old to have any in the end. Also there is no assurance that they would turn out anything like me- what if they loved cars and never read and wanted to become very rich and live in Malibu? How deep would this bond be then.
But if you had a kid, they would eventually have to become an idividual. They can't just be 'like you'.
I'd love to adopt, definitely 
Original post by Scienceisgood
Also, seeing as I am, well, as many would say "homosexual" but I prefer the term gay. I wouldn't really want to adopt a child unless the somewhat fully understood the concept of it and thus could make their own decision. =l
Also, seeing as I am, well, as many would say "homosexual" but I prefer the term gay. I wouldn't really want to adopt a child unless the somewhat fully understood the concept of it and thus could make their own decision. =l
That's really interesting, I've never thought of that before. Not that I think about gay adoptions in depth but it just took me by surprise for some reason. xD
I do not intend to breed.
I don't want children, never have and never will, I say that with as much certainty as someone who has a desperate urge to procreate has. I am in my late 20s and have a partner I love with all my heart. While some people want to 'make something out of their love for their partner' (as my own mother eloquently described it), I do not want anything to take away from my relationship and children definitely affect relationships.
I disagree that people who have children or people who don't have children are more selfish than one another, and think the accusation of being selfish is a hurtful one regardless of the decision. I have been accused of being selfish because I don't want children, but there are so many ways to 'give back' such as volunteering, helping care for friend's children, helping care for elderly relatives etc. I have heard people say they want to have children for someone to look after them when they are old, or to 'fit in' which aren't very selfless reasons. Yes, having children involves many sacrifices but I am sure that there are many parents who wouldn't sacrifice the same things to look after a child that is not biologically their own. The 'selfish' thing could be argued to death but ultimately, people do what they want for their own reasons, each choice is selfish and selfless in equal measures and such a personal decision should not be questioned.
What really gets to me is people imposing their own choices onto me. I would NEVER question a friend's decision to have a child, even if I thought they weren't capable of bringing up another human being, yet the number of times I am told 'you'll change your mind' is astonishing, as if the decision not to have children isn't acceptable. It's not that I wouldn't make a good parent, I'm sure I would, but I have no desire to be a parent and am more repelled by babies than compelled by them. I find myself constantly having to justify my decision. I accept that people who have and want children make up the majority for whatever reason, and that they often fail to comprehend why people don't want children, just as I don't understand the 'urge' to have them. However, my decision is no more likely to change than theirs is. The day that not having children is acknowledged even half as much as the decision to have children will be a happy day indeed!
As someone who is probably older than most people on these threads, my advice would be stay true to yourself, try to discover what it is that you really want to do with your life whilst drowning out the voices of society and other people, and know that your choice is personal to you and someone else's might be completely different yet entirely as valid.
I disagree that people who have children or people who don't have children are more selfish than one another, and think the accusation of being selfish is a hurtful one regardless of the decision. I have been accused of being selfish because I don't want children, but there are so many ways to 'give back' such as volunteering, helping care for friend's children, helping care for elderly relatives etc. I have heard people say they want to have children for someone to look after them when they are old, or to 'fit in' which aren't very selfless reasons. Yes, having children involves many sacrifices but I am sure that there are many parents who wouldn't sacrifice the same things to look after a child that is not biologically their own. The 'selfish' thing could be argued to death but ultimately, people do what they want for their own reasons, each choice is selfish and selfless in equal measures and such a personal decision should not be questioned.
What really gets to me is people imposing their own choices onto me. I would NEVER question a friend's decision to have a child, even if I thought they weren't capable of bringing up another human being, yet the number of times I am told 'you'll change your mind' is astonishing, as if the decision not to have children isn't acceptable. It's not that I wouldn't make a good parent, I'm sure I would, but I have no desire to be a parent and am more repelled by babies than compelled by them. I find myself constantly having to justify my decision. I accept that people who have and want children make up the majority for whatever reason, and that they often fail to comprehend why people don't want children, just as I don't understand the 'urge' to have them. However, my decision is no more likely to change than theirs is. The day that not having children is acknowledged even half as much as the decision to have children will be a happy day indeed!
As someone who is probably older than most people on these threads, my advice would be stay true to yourself, try to discover what it is that you really want to do with your life whilst drowning out the voices of society and other people, and know that your choice is personal to you and someone else's might be completely different yet entirely as valid.
I'm getting to the stage in life where I need to think about this seriously. I'm getting married this summer and I think in a couple of years time there will definitely be little Sabertooths running around. Honestly I can't wait! 
I would love to have kids, I think I'd make a great dad.
Today I was wandering about in central London and somehow the idea of kids popped into my head. I'm leaving the UK soon and I couldn't help but think how I'll return in say 10 or 15 years time with my kids and show them around. It's gonna be awesome.
I would love to have kids, I think I'd make a great dad. Today I was wandering about in central London and somehow the idea of kids popped into my head. I'm leaving the UK soon and I couldn't help but think how I'll return in say 10 or 15 years time with my kids and show them around. It's gonna be awesome.
I do want kids but with my mental health, I think it's safer not to have them and be child free 
While I'm still young, I am very certain I don't want children. I'm a strong believer in picking your own goals making the most out of the one life you have. I want to live my life for me (yeah ok some people think it is selfish but the arguement for that really don't stand up) and having children would require me to put many limitations on my own life. I plan on taking as many oppurtunities as I can and having to put money aside and focus my energy on caring for someone else doesn't work alongside that. If I had kids i would end up resenting them for stopping me living the life I want. I guess it helps that I have no interest in living the traditional family life.
(edited 11 years ago)
Im going to sound a bit wierd crazy,
All I really want to be in life is a mum, of course im going to build a life for myself a carrer and a name for myself, but my end goal in life is to be married with children, I guess ive had problems with my mum and I want to have a child and bring them up the way i wish i had been brought up.
However if I am not in a stable realtionship, do not have enough money to pay for my baby to have everything it wants/needs then no i will not have kids. I will only bring a child into the world if i can give it the lifestyle it deserves. Ideally I want kids by 26/27 bit wierd for a 19 year old to think !
All I really want to be in life is a mum, of course im going to build a life for myself a carrer and a name for myself, but my end goal in life is to be married with children, I guess ive had problems with my mum and I want to have a child and bring them up the way i wish i had been brought up.
However if I am not in a stable realtionship, do not have enough money to pay for my baby to have everything it wants/needs then no i will not have kids. I will only bring a child into the world if i can give it the lifestyle it deserves. Ideally I want kids by 26/27 bit wierd for a 19 year old to think !
I feel like I'm pretty rare amongst men, in that I want to have kids... Me and my ex- had actually already decided that we wanted three, two girls and a boy... We'd called them Thomas, Molly and Amelia... Still, that was before she ran off with some Irish guy in March.
Still, I do really want to have kids- and I'm still set on two girls and a boy, even if the names change a little bit. Maybe by the time I'm, 26 it might be nice to have kids.
Still, I do really want to have kids- and I'm still set on two girls and a boy, even if the names change a little bit. Maybe by the time I'm, 26 it might be nice to have kids.
(edited 11 years ago)
I'd definitely remain child free, I currently like a guy who has a kid, and that scares me enough 
Original post by Ano1
How has our society got to this point, I think that sounds great! 
I agree that we can all achieve so much with uni, travel the world in our 20s.
But after some years in the office we're going to come to a stage when we ask 'is this it'.
Having kids is the only thing we leave behind unless we are famous.
Leaving your dna behind, and raising your own children should be The priority in life.
Not getting a 1st, and getting pissed until your 40 - and realised you messed up by not having kids.
I agree that we can all achieve so much with uni, travel the world in our 20s.
But after some years in the office we're going to come to a stage when we ask 'is this it'.
Having kids is the only thing we leave behind unless we are famous.
Leaving your dna behind, and raising your own children should be The priority in life.
Not getting a 1st, and getting pissed until your 40 - and realised you messed up by not having kids.
Personally I think this is a very narrow-minded opinion. This might be the case for you but certainly not for everyone. If all everyone left behind was their offspring, nothing would progress and nothing would be achieved. People leave behind so much more and for many people there is so much more to life than having childre. Personally, if I had kids I would think 'is this it?' Not having a career, not being able to travel, see the world and different cultures, I would feel stiffled. You are wrong to suggest that leaving behind our DNA 'should be the priority in life'. After all, we live NOW, not when we are gone. I know of many people who have had kids and do not feel it is the ultimate fulfillment. Getting an education, progressing in our careers, helping other people, those are things that make us feel fulfilled other than just popping out some sprogs. I think you've been brainwashed by television ads.
Yes; aside from the fact I simply don't like children, my priority is my career.
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