I feel sorry for you I really do.
I'm probably not going to convince you but I really think this should'nt be a problem. The teachings you look at stem from a time where beliefs included such things as sperm contains babies, and it just goes inside the women and grows (they had no concept of the womans egg). Because of this they came to the conclusion that masturbation was murdering babies. We now know that this is not the case. ******* is perfectly natural, it is the way you rid yourself of sexual frustration when you can't have sex. If God wanted you not to **** then he would have not given you such a strong temptation. He would have only given it to you once you were married in a loving relationship.
Some Christian philosophies.
Situation ethics: would say it causes no one any harm if you masturbate and would be a better alternative than have you struggle against your natural desires.
Natural law: could be interpreted to say that it is not bad because at the moment you do not have the opportunity to procreate, if you did and you masturbated that would be wrong.
It doesn't go against any of Kants precepts.
This is one of the sad things I find about some strains of Christianity, they turn sex into something shameful. Some strains even teach against taking pleasure in it.
Masturbation has been the norm since we were monkeys, it harms no one. Do you know other animals who get sexually frustrated? Dogs, and we castrate them to stop this.
To point you in a direction I don't want you to go in, in Christianity masturbation is often referred to as Onanism, or the crime of Onan. He was this guy who had sex but pulled out and came on the ground.
But seriously, live your life through reason, not what some old guy or some old book tells you. If the bible said cutting your hair was a crime against God would you not do it?
The sad thing is probably yes.
If God had that big a problem with it you'd think that Jesus would have something to say about the subject would'nt you? he doesn't. Red letter Christians only follow what Jesus actually said and see everything else as human fabrication. I have respect for that viewpoint.
Also if you just leave it you will eventually come in your sleep. You won't be able to help it. Would God make you come in your sleep when you cannot control yourself 24-7?? these are all questions that your faith has not come up with any descent answers.
Goodluck