Lonely and Sad at Uni
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Original post by Fyodor Bingoffsky
well I'm lonely and sad at uni too ... and no one to hang out with basically. Worse still I'm an international which means I have no home to go to until hols. 
Fyodor -
You are obviously really bright, anyone who can even spell Wittgenstein, never mind quote him is really 'up there' for me.
I hope that you can Skype home regularly and then make your room into your little palace. While the other people on your course are going out and getting drunk, you just get stuck into your texts. By the time you have started to build up your circle of friends you will have loads of confidence about your studies. That is why you have put so much effort into leaving home for long periods of time.
Good luck with what you choose to do.
Original post by eileen1992
Hi , well basicly I moved up to Univeristy about 9 or 10 weeks ago. I live about 2 hours away from my home and right now I live in the main student halls at my Uni.
I thought I'd be okay at University but I'm really not , I feel stressed , and lonely. I don't really know why though, I'm not best friends with my flatmates , though they are perfectly nice. Two of the girls in my flat are really close and they're really nice , though they don't really seem to want to hang out with anyone else. My other flatmates are both really nice , and we get along okay , but we wouldn't ever go out together or plan to spend a night together. They've all got other people to hang out with.
I have people that I hang out with on my course , who are all really cool , but they all get on so well with their flatmates they don't really seem interested in hanging out with anyone else but them.
I normally hang out in my best friend's flat with her flat mates , who I get on with so well and go out with at the weekend and stuff . But I feel a bit like they're more my friend's friends and not really my friends. I joined a few societies as well , but all the members are much older than I am and are already friends.
It sounds weird , even though I have people to hang out with all the time , I just feel so lonely and stressed out about meeting people, I wind up crying at least a few times a day. I'm constantly terrified I'm going to wind up all alone , and have really lost all of my confidence and doubt myself constantly. Which I know is stupid because it won't fix anything.
Right now I came home for a weekend (for a pre-planned event , I don't go home all that much as I'm trying to make friends) and just the thought of going back to Uni tomorrow makes me burst into tears, because I just know I'll feel compleatly alone again.
I don't really know if there's anyway anyone can help me really , I think I just had to get this all off my chest , so I really aplogise for the pity-party I just threw , but I just feel so upset and sad all the time and Uni , and being back at home and out with my friends at home has made me even more apprehensive to go back. I feel like everyone else at Uni has they're own friends and I'm constantly tagging along, I just feel awful and sad constantly.
Sorry about the miserable thread , I just had to vent.
I thought I'd be okay at University but I'm really not , I feel stressed , and lonely. I don't really know why though, I'm not best friends with my flatmates , though they are perfectly nice. Two of the girls in my flat are really close and they're really nice , though they don't really seem to want to hang out with anyone else. My other flatmates are both really nice , and we get along okay , but we wouldn't ever go out together or plan to spend a night together. They've all got other people to hang out with.
I have people that I hang out with on my course , who are all really cool , but they all get on so well with their flatmates they don't really seem interested in hanging out with anyone else but them.
I normally hang out in my best friend's flat with her flat mates , who I get on with so well and go out with at the weekend and stuff . But I feel a bit like they're more my friend's friends and not really my friends. I joined a few societies as well , but all the members are much older than I am and are already friends.
It sounds weird , even though I have people to hang out with all the time , I just feel so lonely and stressed out about meeting people, I wind up crying at least a few times a day. I'm constantly terrified I'm going to wind up all alone , and have really lost all of my confidence and doubt myself constantly. Which I know is stupid because it won't fix anything.
Right now I came home for a weekend (for a pre-planned event , I don't go home all that much as I'm trying to make friends) and just the thought of going back to Uni tomorrow makes me burst into tears, because I just know I'll feel compleatly alone again.
I don't really know if there's anyway anyone can help me really , I think I just had to get this all off my chest , so I really aplogise for the pity-party I just threw , but I just feel so upset and sad all the time and Uni , and being back at home and out with my friends at home has made me even more apprehensive to go back. I feel like everyone else at Uni has they're own friends and I'm constantly tagging along, I just feel awful and sad constantly.
Sorry about the miserable thread , I just had to vent.
this sounds like i wrote it ''/
what uni are you at?
x
Original post by hg345
Hi people from Sheffield! I don't really get on with my flat either. Sucks cause I've tried but they grouped off really early. Before I'd even gotten here! Don't know what I'm doing about accommodation now! Us guys should just live together 
haha
hahaIt's uncanny how Sheffield has completley dominated this thread :') Are you at the Uni of or at Hallam? See, a few months ago I was all aliebfilwebfil over who I'd stay with, but now, even though I haven't got anyone firm, I'm abit more chilled. I'm all stressed and disorgansied at the minute so I'm just gonna chillax over the holidays (aaaah, can't wait), then see how next semester goes, and throw myself into it a litte more
I wouldn't want to be commiting myself to anything until February/March time anyway.What course are you doing, btw?
I'm lonely too...I live at home but haven't really made any friends on my course. We are in uni so little I spend most days sat around at home by myself. I'm a very quiet person and find it hard to make new friends, especially after being let down by many 'friends' in the past.
I've tried to join clubs but generally just get ignored sat in the corner despite how hard I try!
I've tried to join clubs but generally just get ignored sat in the corner despite how hard I try!
Original post by apassingfeeling
Yup, uni of Sheffield Oooh, which module? How are you finding it? Are you at one of the student villages? I'm at Endcliffe and another part of why I hate it there is because it's so far away from places... all those hills! I'm not fit enough for it 
Oooh, which module? How are you finding it? Are you at one of the student villages? I'm at Endcliffe and another part of why I hate it there is because it's so far away from places... all those hills! I'm not fit enough for it Im in Ranmoor Village and I'm not enjoying my course at all :/ just want to go home but I know my family will all be so dissapointed in me...
Original post by swirly-pop
Im in Ranmoor Village and I'm not enjoying my course at all :/ just want to go home but I know my family will all be so dissapointed in me...
Which block are you in in Ranmoor? That's where I'm staying! PM me
Original post by AlligatorTears
It's uncanny how Sheffield has completley dominated this thread :') Are you at the Uni of or at Hallam? See, a few months ago I was all aliebfilwebfil over who I'd stay with, but now, even though I haven't got anyone firm, I'm abit more chilled. I'm all stressed and disorgansied at the minute so I'm just gonna chillax over the holidays (aaaah, can't wait), then see how next semester goes, and throw myself into it a litte more I wouldn't want to be commiting myself to anything until February/March time anyway.
What course are you doing, btw?
I wouldn't want to be commiting myself to anything until February/March time anyway.What course are you doing, btw?
University of Sheffield
and yeah that's what I've decided to do. I know people who have committed and now regret it! I'm doing Sociology/Social policy. You?Original post by swirly-pop
Im in Ranmoor Village and I'm not enjoying my course at all :/ just want to go home but I know my family will all be so dissapointed in me...
which course are you doing? Its not too late to change Im sure, have you thought about asking?
Original post by swirly-pop
Im in Ranmoor Village and I'm not enjoying my course at all :/ just want to go home but I know my family will all be so dissapointed in me...
Don't worry, you're not the only one. There are loads of people from Sheffield feeling the same way as you (as you can tell from this thread :P)
And btw, I'm in Ranmoor too and I hate it lol.
This happens to LOADS of people, in fact its probably the top or second main reason for people dropping out.
This is going to come across a little harsh, so dont read it if you dont want tough love.
The problem isnt the people you are with, its you and your expectations and insecurities. Noone has instant-best-friends when they go to Uni, it usually takes until the middle of the second year or later to get a really reliable group and settle down. You need to understand this and get over it.
If you cant stand the feelings of lonliness this probably means in the past you have been heavily dependant on others to maintain your mood. Learn to support yourself now or spend half your life miserable.
This is going to come across a little harsh, so dont read it if you dont want tough love.
The problem isnt the people you are with, its you and your expectations and insecurities. Noone has instant-best-friends when they go to Uni, it usually takes until the middle of the second year or later to get a really reliable group and settle down. You need to understand this and get over it.
If you cant stand the feelings of lonliness this probably means in the past you have been heavily dependant on others to maintain your mood. Learn to support yourself now or spend half your life miserable.
Original post by apassingfeeling
Oooh I'm so glad to hear that not everyone in Endcliffe is having the time of their lives! By the way that my flatmates talk it sounds like everyone is going out and having brilliant nights every night... i'm in Derwent, what about you? The putting it into perspective how unfit I am is the very reason I hate the hills! :P
Oooh I'm so glad to hear that not everyone in Endcliffe is having the time of their lives! By the way that my flatmates talk it sounds like everyone is going out and having brilliant nights every night... i'm in Derwent, what about you? The putting it into perspective how unfit I am is the very reason I hate the hills! :P
I'm in Derwent too! yes, I haven't become best friends with any of my flatmates either. They're all a really lovely bunch, but it's quite difficult for me to really be myself around such a huge group of people. did you come to the corp party in derwent last week, by any chance? That was my flat hosting it.
I didn't expect this to have happened to so many people...aside from myself, that is.
I came to uni expecting to make new friends, but now I don't hang out with anyone from my flat, my course or any society. I do have my best friend from college in my uni, she's got her flatmates and coursemates and all though. It does get pretty lonely sometimes, but I've come to term with it. When I think about it thoroughly, I don't feel compatible with anyone and would not want to try so hard to get along with them. So what am I complaining about, really? It is my own choice.
And I'm still loving my (rather peaceful, comtemplative) uni experience. Enjoy yourself, no one dies because of this.
I came to uni expecting to make new friends, but now I don't hang out with anyone from my flat, my course or any society. I do have my best friend from college in my uni, she's got her flatmates and coursemates and all though. It does get pretty lonely sometimes, but I've come to term with it. When I think about it thoroughly, I don't feel compatible with anyone and would not want to try so hard to get along with them. So what am I complaining about, really? It is my own choice.
And I'm still loving my (rather peaceful, comtemplative) uni experience. Enjoy yourself, no one dies because of this.
Original post by Edzor92
I'm afraid this a 'cruel to be kind' response, so listen up:
Your attitude is all wrong. You're attitude towards happiness and the control over your life is very external. By this I mean you are relying on external events/situations/stimuli to govern your happiness and percieved control of your situation. What you need to do is become someone who relys on an INTERNAL attitude towards the happiness in your life and what control you have over it. What this basically is, is seeing the current situation you're in as one that you have predominately made that way by your actions.
People can interpret events and their consequences by two distinct categories:
- Me/Not Me
- Always/Not Always
- Everything/Not Everything
Let’s examine one situation and see how a Me, Always, Everything man reacts compared to a Not Me, Not Always, Not Everything man.
Len gets fired from his job:
- If Len tends to a Me, Always, Everything thinking style then he might explain this event by saying, “I’m such an incompetent accountant. I was always out of my league at the office (Me). I’ll never be able to find another good job. (Always). My wife is probably going to leave me now. Man, my life is so screwed up. (Everything).”
- Now if Len has a Not Me, Not Always, Not Everything explanatory style, then he might explain this event by saying, “I got fired because there just isn’t very much work for me to do anymore, and the company is trying to be more efficient. (Not Me). The economy is really making holding a job difficult. But things will eventually turn around. (Not Always). The job wasn’t a good fit for me anyway; I really wasn’t using my true talents. At least I have a good wife at home to help me through this (Not Everything).”
Instead of relying on whether the other people who you want to become proper friends with want to make the effort with you, or hang out with, mainly because they are comfortable with their already established social circles, you need to take control of the situation, and do something about it. Get more involved with them, hang out with them more, do whatever you can (and, this could apply particularly to your situation, act like you are already good friends with them. Your post says a lot about you generally see yourself as an outsider, and they are not genuine friends to you like they are to each other. Change this attitude and it could be extremely helpful in your case). Whatever you do, stick it out with them, keep trying, and if it really isn't working, branch out and meet new people...from ANYWHERE.
Not sure if I explained it too well, but I read about it on this really good men's advice site I found called The 'Art Of Manliness'. It's american, but incredibly useful. Even though it is a men's website (and you a woman obviously), it is very useful.
See this link to read fully what I'm trying to tell you about, and please, if you want to change your situation, DO read it:
http://artofmanliness.com/2010/02/03...anatory-style/
There are a whole five parts, and I have found them very inspiring. Indeed, the whole website is brilliant.
Hope this helps.
Your attitude is all wrong. You're attitude towards happiness and the control over your life is very external. By this I mean you are relying on external events/situations/stimuli to govern your happiness and percieved control of your situation. What you need to do is become someone who relys on an INTERNAL attitude towards the happiness in your life and what control you have over it. What this basically is, is seeing the current situation you're in as one that you have predominately made that way by your actions.
People can interpret events and their consequences by two distinct categories:
- Me/Not Me
- Always/Not Always
- Everything/Not Everything
Let’s examine one situation and see how a Me, Always, Everything man reacts compared to a Not Me, Not Always, Not Everything man.
Len gets fired from his job:
- If Len tends to a Me, Always, Everything thinking style then he might explain this event by saying, “I’m such an incompetent accountant. I was always out of my league at the office (Me). I’ll never be able to find another good job. (Always). My wife is probably going to leave me now. Man, my life is so screwed up. (Everything).”
- Now if Len has a Not Me, Not Always, Not Everything explanatory style, then he might explain this event by saying, “I got fired because there just isn’t very much work for me to do anymore, and the company is trying to be more efficient. (Not Me). The economy is really making holding a job difficult. But things will eventually turn around. (Not Always). The job wasn’t a good fit for me anyway; I really wasn’t using my true talents. At least I have a good wife at home to help me through this (Not Everything).”
Instead of relying on whether the other people who you want to become proper friends with want to make the effort with you, or hang out with, mainly because they are comfortable with their already established social circles, you need to take control of the situation, and do something about it. Get more involved with them, hang out with them more, do whatever you can (and, this could apply particularly to your situation, act like you are already good friends with them. Your post says a lot about you generally see yourself as an outsider, and they are not genuine friends to you like they are to each other. Change this attitude and it could be extremely helpful in your case). Whatever you do, stick it out with them, keep trying, and if it really isn't working, branch out and meet new people...from ANYWHERE.
Not sure if I explained it too well, but I read about it on this really good men's advice site I found called The 'Art Of Manliness'. It's american, but incredibly useful. Even though it is a men's website (and you a woman obviously), it is very useful.
See this link to read fully what I'm trying to tell you about, and please, if you want to change your situation, DO read it:
http://artofmanliness.com/2010/02/03...anatory-style/
There are a whole five parts, and I have found them very inspiring. Indeed, the whole website is brilliant.
Hope this helps.
Brilliant.
+rep
Hey guys.. thought i may be the only one who felt a little alone in Sheff!!
My flat mates are the same, they are very close and tend to just want to stay in all the time and watch films or hang out in couples (as they have bf's and g'f) they arent my kind of people as they don't really go out or are that sociable. I wanna have some fun, go out, meet new people and socialise and its hard when you don't have a lot of people here you know!
If any of you fancy meeting up for a night out, or even a social drink and chat then im up for that!
I'm first year, 19, female, studying tourism management, love fashion, travelling and generally having fun!.. message me on here, or find me on fb.. my name is Badur Adel T.
My flat mates are the same, they are very close and tend to just want to stay in all the time and watch films or hang out in couples (as they have bf's and g'f) they arent my kind of people as they don't really go out or are that sociable. I wanna have some fun, go out, meet new people and socialise and its hard when you don't have a lot of people here you know!
If any of you fancy meeting up for a night out, or even a social drink and chat then im up for that!
I'm first year, 19, female, studying tourism management, love fashion, travelling and generally having fun!.. message me on here, or find me on fb.. my name is Badur Adel T.
Hey guys.. thought i may be the only one who felt a little alone in Sheff!!
My flat mates are the same, they are very close and tend to just want to stay in all the time and watch films or hang out in couples (as they have bf's and g'f) they arent my kind of people as they don't really go out or are that sociable. I wanna have some fun, go out, meet new people and socialise and its hard when you don't have a lot of people here you know!
If any of you fancy meeting up for a night out, or even a social drink and chat then im up for that!
I'm first year, 19, female, studying tourism management, love fashion, travelling and generally having fun!.. message me on here, or find me on fb.. my name is Badur Adel T.
My flat mates are the same, they are very close and tend to just want to stay in all the time and watch films or hang out in couples (as they have bf's and g'f) they arent my kind of people as they don't really go out or are that sociable. I wanna have some fun, go out, meet new people and socialise and its hard when you don't have a lot of people here you know!
If any of you fancy meeting up for a night out, or even a social drink and chat then im up for that!
I'm first year, 19, female, studying tourism management, love fashion, travelling and generally having fun!.. message me on here, or find me on fb.. my name is Badur Adel T.
Original post by Afia B
Hey guys.. thought i may be the only one who felt a little alone in Sheff!!
My flat mates are the same, they are very close and tend to just want to stay in all the time and watch films or hang out in couples (as they have bf's and g'f) they arent my kind of people as they don't really go out or are that sociable. I wanna have some fun, go out, meet new people and socialise and its hard when you don't have a lot of people here you know!
If any of you fancy meeting up for a night out, or even a social drink and chat then im up for that!
I'm first year, 19, female, studying tourism management, love fashion, travelling and generally having fun!.. message me on here, or find me on fb.. my name is Badur Adel T.
My flat mates are the same, they are very close and tend to just want to stay in all the time and watch films or hang out in couples (as they have bf's and g'f) they arent my kind of people as they don't really go out or are that sociable. I wanna have some fun, go out, meet new people and socialise and its hard when you don't have a lot of people here you know!
If any of you fancy meeting up for a night out, or even a social drink and chat then im up for that!
I'm first year, 19, female, studying tourism management, love fashion, travelling and generally having fun!.. message me on here, or find me on fb.. my name is Badur Adel T.
heya
id be up for that! sounds fun ive got friends here but none of them want to go out!! a bit rubbish! Where are you from? xim from lincoln, what about you?.. add me on facebook and we'll sort something out chick?
Original post by pinkangelgirl
heya id be up for that! sounds fun ive got friends here but none of them want to go out!! a bit rubbish! Where are you from? x
id be up for that! sounds fun ive got friends here but none of them want to go out!! a bit rubbish! Where are you from? x
I feel the same. I've got loads of people here that I talk to, and my flatmates are all cool. But i still feel lonely. I'm not used to spending time alone really (at home i've got a massive group of friends and a bf), so get really upset when I have to. And now everyone's talking about who to live with next year, and it's stressing me out because, even though i've got a few options, i'm not completely happy with what's going on, and i have no idea if i even want to be here next year.
But i've spoken to a few of my uni mates about how i'm feeling, and it's surprising how many people feel the same way. I think the Xmas break will do us all a bit of good. Bring it on, only 7 days until i'm home!!
And i hope you're feeling better now? How is it going OP?
But i've spoken to a few of my uni mates about how i'm feeling, and it's surprising how many people feel the same way. I think the Xmas break will do us all a bit of good. Bring it on, only 7 days until i'm home!!
And i hope you're feeling better now? How is it going OP?
hey no, this thread is OTT- Sheffield is FABULOUS! trust me i love it here! just making friends is difficult, unless your lucky with your flat mates
i love it here! just making friends is difficult, unless your lucky with your flat mates Quick Reply
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