Low confidence and self esteem

Are there ways to improve such things? Recent events have shown me, contrary to what I tried to convince myself, that I am extremely unconfident in almost all aspects of my life.

Fundamentally, when I think about myself, I know I am a good person. Im honest, Id do anything for my friends, Im intelligent and I am very level headed.

However, on a day to day basis I seem to have a distinct inability to believe in myself. I really hate my appearance, I hate my clothes and other people just seem to always be so comfortable with themselves and confident.

Im usually one of the people who hear people say things like this and think 'for god's sake you only get one life, just get on with it' etc but recently it has got to the point I feel quite depressed and somewhat frustrated.

Anyone else know what I mean?

Reply 1

Iscariot

11

If you're uncomfortable with your appearance you should do something about it. It's not difficult, either go shopping or to the gym and you've got a complete makeover in the works.

Self-confidence is something which can be difficult to really have. A lot of people say if you don't have self-confidence, just fake it. There's a lot of truth in that, I know some people who appear the most self-confident people in the world, but once you get them by themselves they can seem far more fragile. Honestly if you tell yourself you are self-confident, act as if you were self-confident you will begin to believe it yourself. Sounds kinda weak, but it does work. Obviously how you feel about your appearance I feel is a major contributor as to how self-confident you are. If you feel your 'first-impression' is a good one, and that is based entirely on your appearance basically, then you will feel self-confident in other aspects too.

Reply 2

Sir Joe

1

Iscariot

If you're uncomfortable with your appearance you should do something about it. It's not difficult, either go shopping or to the gym and you've got a complete makeover in the works.

Self-confidence is something which can be difficult to really have. A lot of people say if you don't have self-confidence, just fake it. There's a lot of truth in that, I know some people who appear the most self-confident people in the world, but once you get them by themselves they can seem far more fragile. Honestly if you tell yourself you are self-confident, act as if you were self-confident you will begin to believe it yourself. Sounds kinda weak, but it does work. Obviously how you feel about your appearance I feel is a major contributor as to how self-confident you are. If you feel your 'first-impression' is a good one, and that is based entirely on your appearance basically, then you will feel self-confident in other aspects too.

lift weights and get bigger.

Reply 3

SamTheMan

17

Iscariot

I know some people who appear the most self-confident people in the world, but once you get them by themselves they can seem far more fragile.

So true... I've noticed that so many times. I'm not much of a group person and that didn't help my social life. I hated the whole concept of a group where you decide you're the best people, you criticise other people, where you have to accept the group's habits and ideas, even if it doesn't correspond to who you are. I also hated the fakeness of it all: how people use groups to affirm themselves and feel big.
As you say, a lot of these people, can't affirm themselves socially without the group. I'd rather be the same whether I'm in a group or not and depend on noone.

Fundamentally, when I think about myself, I know I am a good person. Im honest, Id do anything for my friends, Im intelligent and I am very level headed.

That might your problem there. You claim not to be confident but you clearly do not hate yourself. Maybe you should worry less about being a "good" person. You probably have trouble affirming yourself because you don't want to be a bad person. By trying to be a nice good person, you're making yourself vulnerable and allowing people to bash your confidence.

Although I'm being fatalist here, I'd say just be yourself. Confidence will probably come with time. Just try to get out more, become sociable. Don't shy away/be lazy. Socialising will allow you to reaffirm yourself with people. You might not become a big loud-mouth who thinks he's god's gift to women but you will end up being accepted by people for who you are and will end up accepting yourself and feeling good about yourself. Be hard on yourself and force yourself to get out more and seize those opportunities as your friends say.

Iscariot knows what he's saying when he's telling you to pretend to be confident. That will probably work. You will come across as confident. I even agree with the person telling you to develop yourself physically. It seems stupid but it would work too.

Reply 4

rachelrainbow32

2

Stop trying to please other people and concentrate on having fun.

Reply 5

-TMG-

9

As long as you're happy with yourself and you click the link in my sig :P

It doesn't matter what other people think. As long as you're happy then f*ck them with a rusty pole.

Reply 6

silverbolt

19

try this
every morning look yourself in the mirror and say stuff like im a confident person i am good to people i am a funky person to be around and stuff like that,
after awhile it helps

i know, i was a gawky teenager once too

Reply 7

SunburnedCactus

11

Opportunities in this respect rarely just appear. You have to make the effort (unfortunately). Never take yourself too seriously. Remember that no-ones opinion is more valid than the next person.

Low confidence and self esteem

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