boyfriend

The OP asked for other people's opinions. When people ask for advice clearly everyone who posts has to make some kinds of assumptions.
I just think a man who goes to stripclub, when he has a girlfriend clearly doesnt care much about her, particularly if he knows this might hurt her. I mean even if he desperately wanted to try it, it's not such a huge sacrifice to make for the sake of someone he's supposed to be very close to. If he cant do something so little,I imagine he doesnt actually care that much.

But still, every person has their own values and ideas about what's right, that's just my opinion.

But then given he is going with some mates, isn't it just a social thing rather than a reflection of dissatisfaction with his girlfriend or an attempt to hurt her?

- even if she immensely dislikes it.
- I'm sure he doesnt have to go to a stripclub, but he wants to himself.
- but if his friends jumped of a cliff, would he have to do it as well?

If my bf wanted to go because that was the plan for his friend's birthday then I wouldn't really have a problem with it, it'd be his friend's b'day and I wouldn't want him to miss it plus it wouldn't be like he was going just to look etc, he'd be going for the birthday, if you get what I mean HOWEVER I would not let him get a private dance and if he had to have one to "fit in" with his mates then surely his mates aren't very good mates and clearly have no respect for his relationship with me

The first two are massive assumptions - and in truth I think she displaying confusion not immense dislike to the idea

Thirdly his friends just want him to go for a bit of fun for a night. It's rather spurious to compare that to a life and death decision, no?

If I were a girl and had a boyfriend, yes I'd be pretty disturbed. No offence but it doesn't say a lot about his opinion of you if that's where he chooses to spend his time.

I dont think it's a massive assumption that he doesnt have to go to a stripclub but wants to, thats probably very true.
Yeah, I guess it's not right to compare it to a life or death situation, my point was who does he please, his friends ( and himself too) by going or his girlfriend by not going? I suppose we cant really debate that, since it all depends on their relationship, how close they are etc.
I personally wouldnt want to be with someone who made me feel so unhappy deliberately just so they can have some sleazy fun, but each to their own.

I think he probably wants to as well, but I think it is likely that he would be more than happy to abstain if it were not for peer pressure.

Then again he might ask, why can't he please his friends AND girlfriend, if all they are doing is having a night of fun (it is hardly as if they are hiring a prositute).

But if his girlfriend isnt happy about it (surely no girl would be...), then he cant do both can he. And it is very close to hiring a prostitute I think. Yeah, he doesnt have sex, but he's thinking about it ( and maybe hoping) every second of that dance.

Just a question, if you were really close to a girl, like very much in love, cared about her etc, would you go to a stripclub? And more importantly, would you go if she said she was unhappy about it?

But she is as I said clearly not sure about the issue. You say no girl would be, but some here have. Indeed those with prehaps a more bohemian background might do. I mean at the end of the day what you said at the end of the first paragraph applies for pornography to the same extent and many girls (somewhat reluctantly I will admit) end up accepting that.

As to your question, if she said she was unhappy about it, then no, of course not - but she has not said that she was. As for the first, I wouldn't have an issue with it on principle but yes I'll admit I might consider it expedient not to given the potential signals it gives - and so as not to jeapodise it, as you can't be sure of how long it will be untill you will be in anotehr elationship of that type, if ever. Yet some are far more willing risk takers that me and were someone to take the decision that they did wish to see it despite having a girlfriend, I think they are well within their rights to do so.

we've been to a couple of sex shows in Amsterdam for example, which was fine. xx

It's like, if my bf had sex with someone else, just for the hell of it, wouldnt be so bad compared to him having a real,deep emotional connection with someone else even if they havent slept together.

I'm not sure, an emptional connection is something that is ephemeral. You can't control it at all so why be angry with someone who has had an emotional connection? It is irrelevant unless it is openly consumated in sex, in which case it is an open betrayl, so I don't really get you there. Indeed I would have more respect for someone who did have a strong emotional connection but reisted sex becuase of there other attachments, it shows a stength of charecter and an ability to think beyond just your own needs. In any case then what is wrong with the strip club? Clearly there is no emotional attachment to the girls there