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what is the best way forward?

Basically, I came to uni with my boyfriend of 3 months. went well for a good few monhts, then he sort of changed... drunk really heavily on nights out, never invited me round anymore... and when he did hed ignore me to talk to his friends- that that might be because he didnt tell me what was going on in his day to day life any more, so i found conversation with him difficult- though he did nothing to help that. nothing i seemed to do with good enough. he just stopped responding to anything i did. Then he broke up with me after a year. said we could be friends.

we are on the same course at the same uni, and will be for a few good years to come. We have to see one another every day. If i try and be friendly he gives me one word answers and blows me off; or looks bored. He visibly panicks when im around and gets jumpy. Some times he watches me alot, and i think he wants to talk, but when i try he goes all closed and defensive. This has been going on for over a year now....

i sent him a letter telling him how i felt. because i worried alot was my fault because when he strted pulling away, i backed off too because i thought he wanted space... but he told me that he felt i was purposely ignoring him.. though thats not true as i was always the one initiating meetings up etc. i told him how much i cared for him, and explained how he'd hurt me and i was tired of being made to feel alienated when i approached him to talk etc etc... no response at all- other that when i came back to uni after the hols, for the first time ever HE approached me and asked how my holiday was :eek:

im scared I played it a bit too cool and didn't initate another conversation after that... because hes not made an effort again since and has reverted back tot he ld pattern..

what can i do? stop trying? Is it a lost cause looking for friendship here?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

ps. hes not had a relationship of any sort since me, though i have recently come out of one spanning a good few months, however, the new guy and i are still good mates.

reasons he gave me for breaking up; fallen out of love, finds it hard to organise 2 people, doesnt like to think about 2 people rather than just himself, was too sperate/ different from his new friends, i say things that make him cringe (?!), he insulted one of the outfits i wore to keep me warm and said it made me look a wierd shape and therefore ugly, he felt obliged to take me to everything he was going to and he ddidnt like the obligation