Do you love your parents?
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My parents divorced when I was a baby and I haven't seen my dad since then, so I have no particular feelings towards him (people seem to think that I must hate him, but I genuinely don't understand how I can hate somebody I don't even know).
As for my mum, I really do love her. Sometimes I don't like her in the slightest. I don't mean it in a typical teenage "I hate my parents" kind of way but our relationship is a bit rocky and sometimes she makes me truly miserable. Despite this, I really can't imagine anything worse than losing my mother and I'll always love her.
I don't understand how you can have no strong feelings towards your parents (since you, OP, don't even seem to hate them, it just seems like you're indifferent) but I suppose if you're okay with feeling like that then that's fine for you. I probably wouldn't mention it to your parents though, they might be a bit offended.
As for my mum, I really do love her. Sometimes I don't like her in the slightest. I don't mean it in a typical teenage "I hate my parents" kind of way but our relationship is a bit rocky and sometimes she makes me truly miserable. Despite this, I really can't imagine anything worse than losing my mother and I'll always love her.
I don't understand how you can have no strong feelings towards your parents (since you, OP, don't even seem to hate them, it just seems like you're indifferent) but I suppose if you're okay with feeling like that then that's fine for you. I probably wouldn't mention it to your parents though, they might be a bit offended.
Interesting. I'm in a similar situation, but I think because of events that have happened in the past I subconsciously tell myself not to love them?
I think the fact that I'm so different to my mum doesn't help either... We've really drifted apart over the years...
My dad 'cares', but not in a fatherly caring way, it's more because he has to. He was a real t****r and cheated on my mum when i was 7 years old (Yes, what a t**t) And then I didn't see him very often at all. When i was about 13 he then moved abroad for 3 years. By this stage I was completely used to him not being there, and although at times I did/do feel sad that he didn't/doesn't seem to care, like i said, i was/am kinda used to it? He was in the army when he was with my mum too... So he's never really been there either way. The frustrating thing is that, when i do see him, I really get on with him. I hate this.
The lack of love towards my mum I'd also say is probably my dads fault too. My mum got a new boyfriend when I was 10ish and was with him (on and off) for around 6 years. He was a nice guy, but our personalities completely clashed (Just my luck eyy?
). We just argued all the time, and of course, my mum took his side. This really hurt the bond between us. I tried to distant myself from my family because I hated arguing, I hated my mum taking her boyfriends side and not mine (whether he was right or wrong), I hated that my mum didn't seem to want to chat to me anymore, I hated that are boyfriend wasn't interested in my achievements and I hated how I seemed to cause arguments between my mum and her boyfriend. I used to come home from school and would go and would either sit downstairs in the conservatory with the dogs all evening, or would isolate myself to my room. Man, life was crap then. My mum and her partner have been separated for 2 years now, but my relationship with my mum is already ruined. She's so different to me, and, although i wish we did have a relationship, I just can't bring myself to be civil to her (Which is horrid i know, i know.) We're so different that it really doesn't help either...
I found that because I didn't have good relationships with family, I made good relationships at school (and obviously had my dogs at home too B-) ). I do have amazing friends that I'd say I was very close to... They'd be the first people to hear about any 'big news' I had... But, that's just me?
Anyway, rant over
And just to clarify, I'm not generally a depressive/pessimistic/cynical person.... I <3 life
I think the fact that I'm so different to my mum doesn't help either... We've really drifted apart over the years...
My dad 'cares', but not in a fatherly caring way, it's more because he has to. He was a real t****r and cheated on my mum when i was 7 years old (Yes, what a t**t) And then I didn't see him very often at all. When i was about 13 he then moved abroad for 3 years. By this stage I was completely used to him not being there, and although at times I did/do feel sad that he didn't/doesn't seem to care, like i said, i was/am kinda used to it? He was in the army when he was with my mum too... So he's never really been there either way. The frustrating thing is that, when i do see him, I really get on with him. I hate this.
The lack of love towards my mum I'd also say is probably my dads fault too. My mum got a new boyfriend when I was 10ish and was with him (on and off) for around 6 years. He was a nice guy, but our personalities completely clashed (Just my luck eyy?
). We just argued all the time, and of course, my mum took his side. This really hurt the bond between us. I tried to distant myself from my family because I hated arguing, I hated my mum taking her boyfriends side and not mine (whether he was right or wrong), I hated that my mum didn't seem to want to chat to me anymore, I hated that are boyfriend wasn't interested in my achievements and I hated how I seemed to cause arguments between my mum and her boyfriend. I used to come home from school and would go and would either sit downstairs in the conservatory with the dogs all evening, or would isolate myself to my room. Man, life was crap then. My mum and her partner have been separated for 2 years now, but my relationship with my mum is already ruined. She's so different to me, and, although i wish we did have a relationship, I just can't bring myself to be civil to her (Which is horrid i know, i know.) We're so different that it really doesn't help either...I found that because I didn't have good relationships with family, I made good relationships at school (and obviously had my dogs at home too B-) ). I do have amazing friends that I'd say I was very close to... They'd be the first people to hear about any 'big news' I had... But, that's just me?
Anyway, rant over
And just to clarify, I'm not generally a depressive/pessimistic/cynical person.... I <3 life
i dont love my parents and i never will
Although they’ve done what they’ve thought best they’ve never made me happy, I have no good memories associated with my parents and frankly if I got told my parents were dead. The first thing I would consider is where I would be living.
Although they’ve done what they’ve thought best they’ve never made me happy, I have no good memories associated with my parents and frankly if I got told my parents were dead. The first thing I would consider is where I would be living.
Original post by TheQuietOne
I don't really feel much for my parents.
A few years ago I spent months working up the courage to tell them that I had social anxiety and depression and I needed help badly. When I finally told them, my Dad got so angry I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. He broke the door to get in, dragged me out, pushed me down the stairs and kicked me as I lay on the floor, shouting that he wished I was never born, he'd rather have my best friend as a daughter, he couldn't believe he had a kid so selfish, attention seeking and messed up as I was. My Mum just stood, watched and agreed with him.
After that any love I felt just vanished and the trust I had for them has gone. I want to love them, they both work so hard to keep us all fed and clothed and housed, but I can't find any feeling for them at all. I can't wait to leave home.
A few years ago I spent months working up the courage to tell them that I had social anxiety and depression and I needed help badly. When I finally told them, my Dad got so angry I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. He broke the door to get in, dragged me out, pushed me down the stairs and kicked me as I lay on the floor, shouting that he wished I was never born, he'd rather have my best friend as a daughter, he couldn't believe he had a kid so selfish, attention seeking and messed up as I was. My Mum just stood, watched and agreed with him.
After that any love I felt just vanished and the trust I had for them has gone. I want to love them, they both work so hard to keep us all fed and clothed and housed, but I can't find any feeling for them at all. I can't wait to leave home.
My (ex) stepfather used to do the same thing to me. My mother did nothing too, just sat around and watched. I hope you are able to move on soon For me, I'm slightly indifferent about my family. I barely remember my own father, so I have no feelings towards him as a parent, but with my mum I'm not so sure. She tells me she loves me but I really don't think there's a strong maternal bond there; she's looked after me her whole life, come to a couple of Sports Days, remembers my birthday, etc, but there are long periods of time where I feel that she doesn't really give a damn about me. I don't know if that will change in the future or if it's me just being immature, but I genuinely have no idea if I love my mother or not. I always feel that, should she die, I'd be sad about it but not heartbroken. I've never really felt any connection to her.
Original post by Kartace
I can safely say i have no idea what that must feel like. I would say i feel sorry for you, but you seem happy enough where you are. I'm no expert on human psychology, but perhaps there are underlying issues.
Have you experienced difficulty with emotional attatchment in any other aspects of life? A lack of empathy perhaps. My brothers are both autistic and a lack of empathy is a major manifestation of autism spectrum disorder. So mabye that could be a possible answer? However, empathy is somewhat different to the "natural" love which you claim to lack.
I suppose it's possible that you may have some psychological "problem" although what you're saying sounds unusual. I have heard of people who describe similar feelings to you.
Just make sure you don't let on to your parents. You owe them that. I hope you find some answers soon
Have you experienced difficulty with emotional attatchment in any other aspects of life? A lack of empathy perhaps. My brothers are both autistic and a lack of empathy is a major manifestation of autism spectrum disorder. So mabye that could be a possible answer? However, empathy is somewhat different to the "natural" love which you claim to lack.
I suppose it's possible that you may have some psychological "problem" although what you're saying sounds unusual. I have heard of people who describe similar feelings to you.
Just make sure you don't let on to your parents. You owe them that. I hope you find some answers soon
Of course he isn't autistic, any deviation from the Disney emotional spectrum doesn't mean a disorder
Many people don't love their parents in a tangible way. I people who's parents never abused them, give them nice food and clothes, send them to top schools, help them financially with other things, but there isn't any real love there.
Empathy and 'love' aren't natually occuring, they develop according to ones nurture. A lack of love doesn't mean abuse or a disorder - it's perfectly plausable that someone's parents could just meet their kids physical needs, continue doing this their whole life, and never really be loved.
(edited 12 years ago)
I love both my parents, my mom more than my dad though as she's the one who raised me. I don't have the same unfailing adoration I had for them as a kid though. I think it would be quite a sad thing if I didn't love them... They've sacrificed a lot for me and I think love is one of the most precious gifts you can give to a person, so my mom especially deserves all the love I can give her.
I don't understand why you don't feel much love for your parents, but I surely do love mine, and the thought of them leaving this world hurts me more than anything else. They have provided so much for me, in terms of basic needs, education, love, care, support and so much more.. I want to be able to provide for them in the future and take care of them when I am capable of doing so. Could your situation be like this because of the way you look at the world?
Original post by Freier._.lance
Nice. You sound like you have the perfect 'family life'. I have two nephews myself, and I sometimes feel like I have a small idea of what having children would be like.
my daughter is driving me wappy at the moment actually. No idea what's up with her, she seems to be permanently angry about anything and everything. Anyway that's another story lol.
Original post by TheQuietOne
I don't really feel much for my parents.
A few years ago I spent months working up the courage to tell them that I had social anxiety and depression and I needed help badly. When I finally told them, my Dad got so angry I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. He broke the door to get in, dragged me out, pushed me down the stairs and kicked me as I lay on the floor, shouting that he wished I was never born, he'd rather have my best friend as a daughter, he couldn't believe he had a kid so selfish, attention seeking and messed up as I was. My Mum just stood, watched and agreed with him.
After that any love I felt just vanished and the trust I had for them has gone. I want to love them, they both work so hard to keep us all fed and clothed and housed, but I can't find any feeling for them at all. I can't wait to leave home.
A few years ago I spent months working up the courage to tell them that I had social anxiety and depression and I needed help badly. When I finally told them, my Dad got so angry I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. He broke the door to get in, dragged me out, pushed me down the stairs and kicked me as I lay on the floor, shouting that he wished I was never born, he'd rather have my best friend as a daughter, he couldn't believe he had a kid so selfish, attention seeking and messed up as I was. My Mum just stood, watched and agreed with him.
After that any love I felt just vanished and the trust I had for them has gone. I want to love them, they both work so hard to keep us all fed and clothed and housed, but I can't find any feeling for them at all. I can't wait to leave home.
I know that feel.
I can't stress the fact that i dislike my father. Some people are very lucky to have loving and supportive parents.
Original post by silent ninja
Clearly you've never lost someone close or from immediate family. So incredibly naive, you have no clue what you're talking about
Original post by JC.
It's very easy to talk the talk;. But like the saying goes, when the flag drops, the b/s stops.
Sooooo... what? am I supposed to wait for my parents to pass away in order to love them? Is that how it works? Sure, I've never had a close relative die, but does it take real death or tragedy to make me love someone?
Original post by Bhumbauze
It probably doesn't mean anything about your ability to love at all, OP, so don't worry about it too much. I have a partner, a 2 year old and another on the way now and I'm basically obsessed with all of them 
. It definitely doesn't mean you'll never feel love for anyone.
. It definitely doesn't mean you'll never feel love for anyone.Thanks. That's reassuring!
Original post by Happymelon
Could your situation be like this because of the way you look at the world?
Ehm, I'm not sure I have any more a unique perspective of the world than anyone else. I'm a pretty pragmatic person, and I like to take things more light-heartedly than seriously -- which is the only way to get through life, believe me! But, that said, I'm certainly capable of empathy, affection, and all of those nice emotions, so it's not like I'm dead inside.
Original post by Coeusful
Ehm, I'm not sure I have any more a unique perspective of the world than anyone else. I'm a pretty pragmatic person, and I like to take things more light-heartedly than seriously -- which is the only way to get through life, believe me! But, that said, I'm certainly capable of empathy, affection, and all of those nice emotions, so it's not like I'm dead inside.
Ehm, I'm not sure I have any more a unique perspective of the world than anyone else. I'm a pretty pragmatic person, and I like to take things more light-heartedly than seriously -- which is the only way to get through life, believe me! But, that said, I'm certainly capable of empathy, affection, and all of those nice emotions, so it's not like I'm dead inside.
Sounds like you are not a sociopath. Not sure if it makes your situation worse or better though. Not loving your parents for no good reason is proper ****ed up
Original post by Coeusful
Sooooo... what? am I supposed to wait for my parents to pass away in order to love them? Is that how it works? Sure, I've never had a close relative die, but does it take real death or tragedy to make me love someone?
That was a polite way of saying I think you're full of b/s.
Original post by Coeusful
Sooooo... what? am I supposed to wait for my parents to pass away in order to love them? Is that how it works? Sure, I've never had a close relative die, but does it take real death or tragedy to make me love someone
Perhaps your notion of love is all wrong. Maybe you have this romantic idea of love (the one pedalled everywhere around you in media). It is in fact common to love someone you can't stand. You most probably love your parents but don't know it. This is mainly because you lack life experience-- situations, relationships, events etc When you mature you'll understand and appreciate this more.
(edited 12 years ago)
I love both my parents dearly and I tell them daily and vice versa! 
They've always been supportive and I could tell them anything (well my mum more so than my dad). I couldn't ask for better parents! If one of them died tomorrow *touch wood they both live a long healthy life* I'd be utterly devastated and really have no idea how I'd cope!
They've always been supportive and I could tell them anything (well my mum more so than my dad). I couldn't ask for better parents! If one of them died tomorrow *touch wood they both live a long healthy life* I'd be utterly devastated and really have no idea how I'd cope! 
Yes - although I never say it loud, but I think that's probably because I don't feel the need to say it... They're both unbelievably supportive, and my Dad dug me out of an incredibly sticky spot with my best friend (in that he helped her, at his own risk); since then he's almost become my life adviser, confidante, you name it. Sometimes I do forget how lucky I am to automatically do so (although, I did go through a period where I just ignored most of the things they said) - I think it's probably to do with a number of things as to whether you love your parents, maybe including their own attitudes/upbringings and personal psychology. Everyone's different, so yeah - nothing wrong with either way really.
I have consciously thought that I love my mum because when I feel depressed or annoyed there is always something she does (at the time or that I remember) that makes me happy again. I love my Dad too but he pisses me off behind belief recently and quite a lot in the past. He is usually the reason I am annoyed. I can't comprehend what you said about someone telling you that they had been in a car crash and you would shrug. If I was told that I would be a emotional mess.
I agree with the feeling of wanting to go into halls, not to get away from them just to have the freedom.
I agree with the feeling of wanting to go into halls, not to get away from them just to have the freedom.
I think you're fairly unique OP. I love my parents more than anything and no matter how old I am, I'm going to be distraught when either of them dies. I appreciate a lot of people don't have a close relationship with their parents and some who feel they 'hate' their parents and consequently aren't overly upset when they die. But I've never met someone who seems to quite like their parents but wouldn't care if they died. 
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