Should I be honest with him and guys would this put you off?
I've been seeing a guy for close to 4 months now, and I think we're getting to the stage where we're going to have sex (we've done some other stuff though he hasn't fingered me yet). Neither of us have brought up the topic of past relationships, so he doesn't know that I lost my virginity at 18 to a guy friend I'd had feelings for, were fwbs for nearly a year and that this is my first relationship. I'm now 19.
I don't want to be dishonest about the fact he's my first boyfriend (he'd most likely find out if I lied anyway) but I don't want him to think I'm a slag for doing what I did, and think I've been sleeping with a load of guys outside of a relationship, when there's only been one guy.
I know that every guy will have a different opinion on this and that some guys would be put off and others less so, but as I want a general idea, I've attatched a poll.
Also, what do people suggest I say when the conversation crops up?
I don't want to be dishonest about the fact he's my first boyfriend (he'd most likely find out if I lied anyway) but I don't want him to think I'm a slag for doing what I did, and think I've been sleeping with a load of guys outside of a relationship, when there's only been one guy.
I know that every guy will have a different opinion on this and that some guys would be put off and others less so, but as I want a general idea, I've attatched a poll.
Also, what do people suggest I say when the conversation crops up?
Scroll to see replies
EDIT: It wouldn't let me post a poll. 
You can't post a poll when anonymous.
If he's a nice guy then he probably won't care that you have only been with one guy. I've been with 2 and I am 24! If it comes up then tell him but I wouldn't bring it up unnecessarily unless you want to know how many girls he's slept with?
If he's a nice guy then he probably won't care that you have only been with one guy. I've been with 2 and I am 24! If it comes up then tell him but I wouldn't bring it up unnecessarily unless you want to know how many girls he's slept with?
If you see it as something that could turn into a long-term relationship then you should DEFINITELY tell him, because he will find out sooner or later from someone else. Which would be so much worse for him, as opposed to finding out from you.
If it does come up in conversation and you want to tell him then go for it, unless he's really unreasonable/unrealistic then he won't care (unless you've given him the impression that you're a virgin).
I don't think anyone can accuse you of doing the wrong thing if you just be honest...you'll never hear "Can you believe that slag, she was totally honest and upfront with him."
Honesty is the best policy,
Good luck!
If it does come up in conversation and you want to tell him then go for it, unless he's really unreasonable/unrealistic then he won't care (unless you've given him the impression that you're a virgin).
I don't think anyone can accuse you of doing the wrong thing if you just be honest...you'll never hear "Can you believe that slag, she was totally honest and upfront with him."
Honesty is the best policy,
Good luck!
If he hasn't asked, why do you feel the need to tell him?!
Original post by HFerguson
Perhaps there is the tiniest possibility that he doesnt care how many previous partners you had? I've seriously never understood why people pay so much creedence to it
Perhaps there is the tiniest possibility that he doesnt care how many previous partners you had? I've seriously never understood why people pay so much creedence to it
Different people with different values from different cultures have different opinions. It's not wrong to care about it, in the same it's not wrong that you don't care about it.
Just tell him but no need to go into masses of detail. Just say that you are not a virgin but he is the first one you have seen as a real boyfriend. If he asks about the specifics, don't lie, but don't gush everything out unneccessarily.
Original post by caseyhayes
If he hasn't asked, why do you feel the need to tell him?!
People like you are the reason people like my best friend are heartbroken!
Original post by goddogit
People like you are the reason people like my best friend are heartbroken!
Hmm? What happened to your best friend?
Whoa, you're not obligated to tell him the details of your sexual history. If he asks, either tell him honestly or say that you don't want to tell him because it's personal - which it is.
You're not being a bad person by simply not mentioning details that - to be honest - he probably doesn't really wanna know anyway. You're only bad if he asks, and you lie. But you reserve the right to not tell him.
You're not being a bad person by simply not mentioning details that - to be honest - he probably doesn't really wanna know anyway. You're only bad if he asks, and you lie. But you reserve the right to not tell him.
Man, we got us some feminists up in here. Sure, girlfriend, you don't gotta tell him! It's your private life!
But, if you're going to date him, and he asks, then it's probably curtious to tell him, and you'd be better for it.
Personally, I don't like girls that have been with a lot of guys in one night stands, or who have been a **** buddy.
If they've had a chain of one night stands, then why bother dating them? Just be friends.
Same goes with **** buddies. But I'd rather that than someone than someone who treats sex like a hand shake.
Though I think I'm alone in this. I'm pretty weird. It grosses me out even kissing random girls. I think sex is something special. My ex thought of it as an activity that didn't mean anything ever. Sure, sometimes its nice just to go at it, but even then I prefer it to be with someone special. Probably why I've been with no one since we've broken up, and she'd been with 3 guys within a month
It's also probably why we broke up
Most guys wouldn't mind. I'm weird. If he asks tell him, if he doesn't, and you don't think it matters, then there is no need to bring it up. Knowing what I know now, it's better to not know. If the number is too low, it's hard to know if she's lieing, and if it's too high I, personally, find it intimidating.
I was raised a christian until I was about 13 though, which probably explains my feeling towards sex somewhat
But, if you're going to date him, and he asks, then it's probably curtious to tell him, and you'd be better for it.
Personally, I don't like girls that have been with a lot of guys in one night stands, or who have been a **** buddy.
If they've had a chain of one night stands, then why bother dating them? Just be friends.
Same goes with **** buddies. But I'd rather that than someone than someone who treats sex like a hand shake.
Though I think I'm alone in this. I'm pretty weird. It grosses me out even kissing random girls. I think sex is something special. My ex thought of it as an activity that didn't mean anything ever. Sure, sometimes its nice just to go at it, but even then I prefer it to be with someone special. Probably why I've been with no one since we've broken up, and she'd been with 3 guys within a month
It's also probably why we broke up Most guys wouldn't mind. I'm weird. If he asks tell him, if he doesn't, and you don't think it matters, then there is no need to bring it up. Knowing what I know now, it's better to not know. If the number is too low, it's hard to know if she's lieing, and if it's too high I, personally, find it intimidating.
I was raised a christian until I was about 13 though, which probably explains my feeling towards sex somewhat
Original post by The_Jammy_Witch
Whoa, you're not obligated to tell him the details of your sexual history. If he asks, either tell him honestly or say that you don't want to tell him because it's personal - which it is.
You're not being a bad person by simply not mentioning details that - to be honest - he probably doesn't really wanna know anyway. You're only bad if he asks, and you lie. But you reserve the right to not tell him.
You're not being a bad person by simply not mentioning details that - to be honest - he probably doesn't really wanna know anyway. You're only bad if he asks, and you lie. But you reserve the right to not tell him.
Wouldn't necessarily agree with the "Oh I can't tell u cos it's personal" argument, surely they have a right to know what kind of person u are?
Original post by Multitalented me
Wouldn't necessarily agree with the "Oh I can't tell u cos it's personal" argument, surely they have a right to know what kind of person u are?
Like, for example, the type of person who doesn't reel out personal information straight away because it is, in fact, personal? Listen, we all have the right to keep some things to ourselves... and equally, the other person has the right to decide whether that's a good enough answer for them.
Besides. Define 'type of person'. People define themselves based on different things. Someone's sexual behaviour is just one element of a much bigger cake.
Original post by The_Jammy_Witch
Like, for example, the type of person who doesn't reel out personal information straight away because it is, in fact, personal? Listen, we all have the right to keep some things to ourselves... and equally, the other person has the right to decide whether that's a good enough answer for them.
Besides. Define 'type of person'. People define themselves based on different things. Someone's sexual behaviour is just one element of a much bigger cake.
Besides. Define 'type of person'. People define themselves based on different things. Someone's sexual behaviour is just one element of a much bigger cake.
I'm saying that if he asks you then tell him so then he can make a judgement of whether he's comfortable with that or not. Lots of people will be put off (depends on what type of values they have) if u didn't tell them your sexual history (doesn't have to be in detail) tbh.
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by Multitalented me
I'm saying that if he asks you then tell him so then he can make a judgement of whether he's comfortable with that or not. Lots of people will be put off (depends on what type of values they have) if u didn't tell them your sexual history (doesn't have to be in detail) tbh.
I've got a better idea. Why doesn't he make a judgement based on who OP is NOW as opposed to who she may have been before. People are in a constant state of change and everyone has their own personal collection of regrets/cock ups when it comes to dating/sex/relationships. And anyway OP doesn't exactly come across as the biggest strumpet on the block.
Original post by The_Jammy_Witch
I've got a better idea. Why doesn't he make a judgement based on who OP is NOW as opposed to who she may have been before. People are in a constant state of change and everyone has their own personal collection of regrets/cock ups when it comes to dating/sex/relationships. And anyway OP doesn't exactly come across as the biggest strumpet on the block.
Well I personally always judge people on the present rather than the past (unless they had a really bad reputation) I can't speak for others though as some will just be more comfortable & some wont
If I were the boyfriend, I certainly wouldn't care if you had sex with 1 or 100 partners before me.
Actually it'll make me feel confident because you wouldn't be inexperienced.
Is the guy a virgin? If he is, it may scare him, indeed he'll feel like he won't be able to live up to your expectations.
Actually it'll make me feel confident because you wouldn't be inexperienced.
Is the guy a virgin? If he is, it may scare him, indeed he'll feel like he won't be able to live up to your expectations.
I personally avoid that conversation at all costs. Some guys can deal with the truth, some cant. But at the end of the day you've only been with one guy. If hes not a wacko then he'll be able to deal with it lol. You dont HAVE to tell him if he doesnt ask. The past is the past at the end of the day.
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