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At what age did you stop asking your parents

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Got a question about Student Finance? Ask the experts this week on TSR! 14-09-2014
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    (Original post by StartSomething)
    Why? Because I asked for a lift now and then?
    Who hasn't asked their parents for a lift. Especially when you live in such a small village that I lived in.
    It's not like I haven't paid them back - since I have been driving I will give them a lift whenever they need it.
    So yes, I was an absolute delight
    No, this:

    When I was 16 I'd just be like, I'm going to this place. Even before that I think

    Ever heard of asking?
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    Obviously none of you have an asian parent.
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    It depends how they're involved.

    On things they don't have any involvement with, I stopped asking at quite a young age - don't remember exactly when, but definitely before I'd taken my GCSEs. For example, "I'm going over the park", "I'm going into town after school", etc.

    On things they aren't directly involved in but might affect them, it was a bit later. Even then, it wasn't exactly a question, but it had a question component - for example, "I'm getting a takeaway for dinner, is that ok?" When I was about seventeen-ish, they started turning into statement, so just, "I'm getting a takeaway for dinner."

    On things they're directly involved in, I still ask them (I'm in my early twenties.) For example, I can't drive and public transport from my town to the hospital is absolute ****, so if I need to go up there and want a lift, I'll ask, "Can you give me a lift to the hospital?" I don't just tell them, "You are giving me a lift to the hospital on Tuesday."


    TL;DR: I'm not so sure it's age dependent, it's more situation dependent. I don't think the problem was "I'm going to Reading" but "Don't book a holiday on this weekend".
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    I was probably about 16/17. My parents still question a lot of the stuff I do though - for instance, if I say "I'm going for a jog" or "I'm meeting my friends at the park", it's parent-speak for "I'm doing drugs".
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    (Original post by Iron Lady)
    No, this:

    When I was 16 I'd just be like, I'm going to this place. Even before that I think

    Ever heard of asking?
    Why ask though? It's not like it was harming them. If they didn't want me to go for a certain reason then they'd tell me.
    Having to ask all the time seems a bit pointless.
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    (Original post by bluemax)
    Im 21, i dont often ask for permission (because thats not an issue) but do keep my parents informed about my whereabouts because thats something they do want to know.
    Pretty much this. OP you should probably have checked with them before you bought your ticket just incase of holidays and stuff. I tell my parents things in advance just so they know not to book anything, and if necessary, they can change plans or in some cases, ask me to change mine. Its just respect really, as you are living in their house!
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    (Original post by StartSomething)
    Why ask though? It's not like it was harming them. If they didn't want me to go for a certain reason then they'd tell me.
    Having to ask all the time seems a bit pointless.
    It shows respect for your parents, darling.
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    (Original post by gagaslilmonsteruk)
    Your parents may hold the view that you may be 18, but you don't act adult enough, therefore they do not trust you. The main reason probably being alcohol.
    HAHA WHAT? What on earth makes you think that? I'm actually very good with alcohol.
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    (Original post by Kenan and Kel)
    and you deserve every neg you get for this, smh
    Couldn't care less
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    (Original post by YB101)
    ...
    Well, in my family at least, it is considered polite to discuss holiday plans rather than just announcing it.

    I am at university and intend on going away for a week with my long term girlfriend (who they know, incidentally), but I am still going to talk to my parents before booking it. This is just because I do live at home in the holidays, and they have a right to know in advance if I am not going to be around for a week. Also, they may have arranged for us all to go see family or something in that week, and it is just polite to ask rather than announce, even if the outcome is exactly the same.

    Just the way we do it though, I guess.
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    (Original post by YB101)
    If you could do this or do that, ranging from the little things such as "can I go to the cinema" to "I'm going on holiday" or "I'm going to *insert big festival here*

    I ask because I'm in a bit of a predicament

    Last summer, when I was 17, I wanted to go to Reading Festival with my best friends. I've always loved the thought of them! At first it was a straight no from my dad (mums easier to persuade), but after a little bit of negotiation (and a cheeky lie), he said yes, HE EVEN PAID FOR MY TICKET AND TRANSPORT!

    I had a blast, and said to myself i'd definitely go again with my best friend who couldn't go. Booked my ticket for 2012 and the other day I went to ask my dad if we had any holiday plan. I told him not to book anything on the weekend of the festival and he went balistic, telliing me i'm not going this year.

    My genuine facial expresion = :eek::eek::eek:
    It just doesn't make sense that he'd let me go out 17 but is so against the idea at 18 when technically i should be able to make decisions for myself.

    Should I try and negotiate again or straight up tell him i'm going, baring in mind I leave home for uni 2 weeks later?
    And at what age did you stop asking your parents for permission to do certain things?

    Help me out please guys!
    Do you think it's a control thing, or is he actually annoyed that you're going and/or restricting holiday time frames?

    My parents have always given me a fairly free rein, and in return I haven't (often) abused that freedom. I can't really remember when I stopped asking permission because even when I did it was always more of a token gesture.
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    (Original post by Fallen)
    Well, in my family at least, it is considered polite to discuss holiday plans rather than just announcing it.

    I am at university and intend on going away for a week with my long term girlfriend (who they know, incidentally), but I am still going to talk to my parents before booking it. This is just because I do live at home in the holidays, and they have a right to know in advance if I am not going to be around for a week. Also, they may have arranged for us all to go see family or something in that week, and it is just polite to ask rather than announce, even if the outcome is exactly the same.

    Just the way we do it though, I guess.
    Yeah that's completely understandable I'd never take myself off on a holiday or festival without telling them, I'd probably need them to help me cause I'll be clueless!
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    (Original post by TurboCretin)
    Do you think it's a control thing, or is he actually annoyed that you're going and/or restricting holiday time frames?

    My parents have always given me a fairly free rein, and in return I haven't (often) abused that freedom. I can't really remember when I stopped asking permission because when I did it was always more of a token gesture.
    I know it has nothing to do with restricting holiday time frames cause as far as i'm aware we aren't actually going anywhere. It definitely is a control thing, although it just doesn't make sense seeing as he let me go last year ?!

    I'm going to wait for him to get home, grab him an ice cold beer and tell him i'm going. I'll see what he says and then back myself up with all the points from this forum.
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    (Original post by YB101)
    Best Answer Yet!

    However, suppose I did want it to be a routine thing, is it up to him to say it should or shouldn't? I love music festivals and gigs (which is another thing he can't stand me going to for some reason :/) and it's only ever 1 festival a year. I plan on going annually (Glastonbury next year fingers crossed) and I don't think he should really have a say in it seeing as it doesn't involve him in any way and i'm soon to be leaving home.

    He can arrange a holiday for whatever date he wants, I don't think it's because of that reason to be honest.
    Maybe he might be under the impression that he'll be paying for it again? One reason I can think of. Perhaps reassure him you've got it all covered, or talk to him and rephrase it, like: "You weren't thinking of booking anything for them dates anyway were you?"

    He can't really have a say in it unless he's involved, i.e transportation and stuff, but if he's not then he can't prevent you. The only way my parents can affect what I do is if I ask to borrow their car, only then do I need to listen to their restrictions, for example I can borrow the car at 2pm rather than 12pm and that's fine, otherwise I don't ask them for permission.
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    (Original post by Iron Lady)
    It shows respect for your parents, darling.
    Showing respect for your parents is doing things for them, being there when they need you, talking to them nicely and not being a little **** to them. My idea of showing respect does not involve asking permission whenever you want to go out - that sounds more like a prison or something. If it really bothered them that much then they would have stopped me.
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    Some of these replies make me feel like my mum's gave me waaay too much independence when I was younger...
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    I don't ask them, but neither do I just book things.

    For example, I'm going to Amsterdam in July with my boyfriend. I didn't know if my family had any holiday plans for them, so I didn't say "Don't book a holiday for such-and-such, I'm going to Amsterdam," but I said, "I'm looking at going to Amsterdam, is the first week of July OK or are you planning on going on holiday?"

    The way you say things has a lot to do with how they'll react.
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    (Original post by YB101)
    I know it has nothing to do with restricting holiday time frames cause as far as i'm aware we aren't actually going anywhere. It definitely is a control thing, although it just doesn't make sense seeing as he let me go last year ?!

    I'm going to wait for him to get home, grab him an ice cold beer and tell him i'm going. I'll see what he says and then back myself up with all the points from this forum.
    Assuming you're right, asserting your position and backing it up with an argument probably won't help. You don't exactly have an equal bargaining position, and if he's angry because you've simply assumed that he'll fall into line with your schedule then playing hardball is not a good idea. You want to grab an ice cold beer, apologise for jumping the gun and ask him for his view on the situation. Don't push the issue of your attendance, and when he seems like he's winding down offer not to go, and to sell your ticket on to someone else. If he's reasonable, he should at this point say no, at which point everyone's happy.
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    He probably worried non stop all the time you were gone, you were only 17 the first time...rape would constantly be going through his mind - drugs and drink is all teenagers do (if he believe whats on the news) So imagine the shock when you announce you're going again? all that panic and worrying, stop being selfish and think of him.

    Also as you said you're going to uni two weeks after you return, he could want to spend as much time with as you as possible before you leave.
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    When going out, i don't ask for permission, i just go......only time i let them know anything is when i plan to go out of the country for vacation.

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