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What would you grade this essay if it was for IGCSE?

Hello :smile:
Well i have my igcse finals this may, and i am totally unprepared for English as first language, primarily because i am not a great writer, or so I've heard. I would really love it if you could read my descriptive essay, which is about describing a change in weather and judge me, maybe rate it out of 25 to help me better understand and pass a few comments on the same and how i can improve? :biggrin:

I stood on the creek of the most expressive river which flowed with the elements itself, seamlessly blending with my house, which stood like a sturdy yet wrinkled old woman, and inside it; the silent disposition of my family left us with a grump wooden pile which bent over the river. The quiet winds brushed my face gentler than the autumn leaves which fell over my head. The algal overgrowth would never have felt this familiar if only it was not for the greenery which was but all I had ever known. The rose bushes and the miniature trees hustled and bustled with the winds as they changed temperament quicker than the river changed its pace, the silence felt like a clockwork, as every leaf that touched the ground created sounds which felt like the loudest clock I had ever known, going ‘tick tock, tick tock’ with its eternal monotony and endless monogamy. The clouds above me were just as droning as ever, tranquil and rested on the sky. There was not a cloud I couldn’t relate to an object, as they hovered over my head with their absolute stillness. Just as I began to embrace the eeriness, the winds changed pace, and the river changed temperament, the clockwork felt like a juxtaposition of uncoordinated beats as I felt like the conductor of a childish orchestra. The monotony shattered as the clouds became dark and the roses wrinkled as the silence fell apart, it felt like a veil on my tranquil heart, burning and yearning peace but darkness was all it saw. I took a step back as the violent winds smashed everything within sight, the roses and the miniature trees flew with forces even the tranquility of the past couldn’t equal.
Everything changed, as the disinterested creeks of my house amplified, not even the loudest voice could’ve escaped the sound with which my windows shattered, as the stream was shimmering all over, the broken shards flew faster than the river which ran down the endless waterfall. The winds felt like a banshee intent on breaking my ears, as my old house took hits it couldn’t sustain. The frolic of the autumn leaves turned into a violent bee swarm which felt like knives hitting my unprepared face. The clouds extorted the winds for something it couldn’t provide, as the hypnotic clockwork was obliterated by the uncontrolled crashes which were impervious to anything at all. The irrefrangible autumn warmth fell apart as the coldness and the vulnerability poured in. The feeble fours of the walls which surrounded me were screaming for aid, as the floor shook by the impact of the relentless gales.
The gusts were a sweet satisfaction, but the aftermath was all but a ride into the deepest trenches of misery.


Thanks :biggrin:
P.S. i was really lazy to end the essay so i just left it there :P
Thanks again :smile:

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