Went out and got too drunk made idiot out of myself. Any advice?

Hello all,

So here goes, I'm a 23 year old undergraduate....for about 7weeks I've been feeling really low, depressed, and just not really on this planet, since breaking with my girlfriend (of 17months). It was a break up I made because she was cold, unaffectionate and we both had issues. We were a "toxic" combination. I loved her but she didn't seem to reciprocate.

Anyways throughout the time since I left her, my drinking has gradually increased, from drinking once/twice a week to nearly every night. I can average around 4-8 cans a day. Usually I'd drink alone at home, but sometimes as well as this I'd go out during week to the pub.

I don't have a craving or dependency on it per se, but more, once I start I can't stop. Also the psychological aspects of it tend to draw me in. Like whenever I'm anxious, depressed (have history of depression), or bored or life gets too much I started turning to alcohol. It's the numbing and blocking out the pain I seem to want to achieve.

Lately, coursework has been stressing me out, long days, surrounded by individuals that drain my energies, work that I'm simply not motivated for anymore, I'm rapidly declining in health etc....so much so that last week I had decided to pub one particular night.

I went with a friend that I casually know, I had about two pints, then I bumped into some old friends. My friend then left, and I sat with those guys. They kept buying me one or two and I did them. Soon, a few hours later, they leave me on my own, I get upset because I go into this depressive state, and literally sat in pub on my own crying with tears down my face. I'm too intoxicated to notice people around me. But I'm pretty sure they are looking at me.

I then move to another area of the pub nearby to a toilet and sit there, staring into space. I get up, and I go to the toilet (into the cubicle). Next minute, I find myself sat on the toilet, almost semi passed out, like more or less dozing off. Having no control over my bodily functions. I vomit everywhere, and just make a complete mess out of everything. At this point, I remember panicking and thinking "oh god, look at me, the state of my life" in quiet reflection, pretty much wanting to end it all. As I sit there it doesn't seem so long, but then I hear a knock at the door, it's someone asking me if I'm okay, and to come out.

I tell the guy abruptly. I'll be out in a minute. I then seem to be feeling like I am going to pass out. He comes back a short while later and knocks, so I come out to two guys stood there sort of looking at me. Asking me if I'm okay, I say yes and from what I recall I started sobbing saying how so sorry I was for all of this.

I think at this point they were being nice and just wanted to kick me out. So I walked out the toilets, with my sick covered jumper in my hand. They guy hands me my bag, and I walk outside through the pub, can't remember if I tripped over, all I was focussing on was getting to the door at the other end of room. I got there, and sat on/collapsed on the flower bed outside. Sobbing into my hands. I then staggered to taxi place and got home.

I am concerned because of the fact I am very ashamed of this, and also,I am worried that someone from uni had seen me. What do I say if someone spots me in the uni or asks me? Do I accept gracefully or deny? I've been avoiding town, and public places out of fear I am going to get noticed. I suffer from social anxiety anyways, and it's making it worse.

Friends are disappointed in me, family wants to kick me out. It's not enough that I was depressed anyways and had issues. Now I've used alcohol to suppress those, and compounded into more.

How can I remedy this situation?

Tl;dr depressed over breakup, drinking to deal with it, out of control and went out got drunk and made an idiot of myself. Fear the repercussions of someone from uni seeing me and then it coming back to bite me in backside. Constructive criticism?

Reply 1

username1332537

Right. Sounds like you are binge drinking to help your issues. You need help with this. I think you need help with the alcohol problem and help to get over your other problems (ex gf etc. ). So I'd say see your gp about some counselling/ help for the alcohol.
As for people at uni seeing you well it is up to you how much you tell them.You could say you think you had a bug or something I don't know You wouldn't be the first person to do that kind of thing.

Reply 2

nineteen19

I'm really sorry to hear about what your going through. That's horrible.

Firstly as for being embarrassed that somebody saw you, don't worry. It's unlikely they did but if anyone did see you, its very normal for people to get way too wasted on a night out at uni and get into a bit of a state. I did many times as did most of my friends at some time or other. You won't be judged, and don't be embarrassed about the crying either. If I knew you and saw you I would of probably assumed that you may have had done bad news and would just hope that you're okay.
Secondly, about the drinking, I would recommend one of those nhs walk in clinics. If you look it up for your town there's bound to be one. I went to one of these as I previously also had a drink problem. I found them very useful and supportive and didn't feel judged by them.

Generally also as a sufferer from depression, if you don't already id Strongly reccomend going to your gp and using the uni counseling service. I have been on antidepressants for 2 years (since I was at uni, depressed, abusing alcohol excessively and convinced I would amount to nothing). The antidepressants definitely worked for me, as did counseling and these days I feel im doing really good.
I appreciate different things work for different people but I really relate to what you have said and this is what worked for me.
Going through a breakup is never easy and I'm sure a rough patch is all this is. Youl be fine.

Pm me if want to talk more about stuff, id be more than happy to listen.

Reply 3

King Leonidas

Don't worry out getting too pissed/throwing up/making a fool of yourself, most people see a lot worse on a night out :smile:

If anything it's something you can remember and laugh about with your mates when you're older, also a lot of people get emotional when they are drunk so that's ok too. However, you may definitely want to get help with the whole depression thing.

Reply 4

kumori

People make an idiot out of themselves all the time while out, don't worry if anything gets said it would be as a joke. Or someone commenting how drunk you was (not in a bad way)

What is worrying here is the pub served you when you was in that state, they should of refused you alcohol.

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