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I avoid being in the kitchen at the same time as my flatmates. Is this odd behaviour?
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Hmm I think it depends on how your flatmates are as people, at first I was sort of similar but as time went on I got to know them and it didn't really bother me any more (I live with 4 postgrads and 1 other undergrad girl) and tbh even though I get on with all of them I dislike 3 of them (all girls btw, annoying as f and one of them occasionally take my food sometimes and doesn't even ask, imma slap dat bitch 
)
One of the guys is aswome though we have conversations for hours.
) One of the guys is aswome though we have conversations for hours.
I was like this for about a year. I just didn't want to talk to anyone, or cook/wash up in front of them - I preferred being alone hugely.
When it gets in the way of other things you want to do though, like eat proper sensible meals at times convenient for you and keep a proper sleep schedule, you have to eventually deal with facing what you don't want to. I think with time you will grow more comfortable. After that first year, I started appearing in the kitchen more to be healthier. I've now lived here 4 years and I still stick to myself but I'm a friendly enough presence, sometimes even having more sociable bouts of hanging out. I use the kitchen/bathrooms whenever I want, don't mind or avoid the few minutes of chat that often happen and don't fear or worry about staying mostly silent either when I feel like it. Admittedly, even now I keep some 'emergency' supplies of convenient food in the room for when the kitchen is particularly jammed and I am feeling particularly unsociable hah.
Everyone seems to accept that I'm just quiet and reserved as a person, I don't think anyone disliked me. I even made good friends with a couple of the housemates despite my nature because they're really cool people. I would hang out or go out with them every couple of months (that's what I tend to be like socially, never suffocating ahah) and still do now that they've moved out. Even while they lived here, I never came into the kitchen expressly to socialise outside arranged house events/parties (some of which I'd decline to attend too) and they've remained comfortable friends so I honestly don't think anyone cares how you decide to spend your time; even if that means only rarely talking to them. They gave me the nickname 'Sadako' for mysteriously being able to enter and leave rooms silently.
As long as you seem nice enough when they do see you, everyone will just assume you are nice enough. That's my sense of it anyway. When I have been more involved with the housemates, more aware of the gossip amongst them (I'm in a house with 14 people currently), I noticed they all talk when a new housemate moves in to say 'I met the new guy/girl briefly, said hello, they seemed nice' then if they happen to be a quiet person (currently there is one guy in the house who is super reclusive like you are now and I was in my first year) the housemates will comment 'haven't seen the new guy/girl again, have you?', 'nope me neither', 'must like to keep to themselves'. Then that's all. People just accept it. So don't worry about that or let it be an obstacle to you pushing yourself into using the house more healthily. No one cares, honestly.
When it gets in the way of other things you want to do though, like eat proper sensible meals at times convenient for you and keep a proper sleep schedule, you have to eventually deal with facing what you don't want to. I think with time you will grow more comfortable. After that first year, I started appearing in the kitchen more to be healthier. I've now lived here 4 years and I still stick to myself but I'm a friendly enough presence, sometimes even having more sociable bouts of hanging out. I use the kitchen/bathrooms whenever I want, don't mind or avoid the few minutes of chat that often happen and don't fear or worry about staying mostly silent either when I feel like it. Admittedly, even now I keep some 'emergency' supplies of convenient food in the room for when the kitchen is particularly jammed and I am feeling particularly unsociable hah.
Everyone seems to accept that I'm just quiet and reserved as a person, I don't think anyone disliked me. I even made good friends with a couple of the housemates despite my nature because they're really cool people. I would hang out or go out with them every couple of months (that's what I tend to be like socially, never suffocating ahah) and still do now that they've moved out. Even while they lived here, I never came into the kitchen expressly to socialise outside arranged house events/parties (some of which I'd decline to attend too) and they've remained comfortable friends so I honestly don't think anyone cares how you decide to spend your time; even if that means only rarely talking to them. They gave me the nickname 'Sadako' for mysteriously being able to enter and leave rooms silently.
As long as you seem nice enough when they do see you, everyone will just assume you are nice enough. That's my sense of it anyway. When I have been more involved with the housemates, more aware of the gossip amongst them (I'm in a house with 14 people currently), I noticed they all talk when a new housemate moves in to say 'I met the new guy/girl briefly, said hello, they seemed nice' then if they happen to be a quiet person (currently there is one guy in the house who is super reclusive like you are now and I was in my first year) the housemates will comment 'haven't seen the new guy/girl again, have you?', 'nope me neither', 'must like to keep to themselves'. Then that's all. People just accept it. So don't worry about that or let it be an obstacle to you pushing yourself into using the house more healthily. No one cares, honestly.
Original post by Anonymous
Do you think the other flatmates would have noticed or do you they're too busy with their own lives and not paying attention?
Do you think the other flatmates would have noticed or do you they're too busy with their own lives and not paying attention?
Depends on your housemates really. Some would just assume you like to be alone and prefer to spend time with your friends than them, but some may suspect there's a problem
While exams are coming up they probably are very busy and may assume you're working
Original post by Octohedral
I don't think jumping on the label of social anxiety label is very helpful (or accurate) here - this just sounds like an introverted personality combined with being young and a student surrounded by strangers. It's only 'odd' or 'social anxiety' if you physically can't enter the kitchen, as opposed to just not wanting to.
This is complete nonsense. Social anxiety is not something that makes it physically impossible for someone to be in social situations. Potentially you could argue that for severe social agoraphobia, when social situations are so overwhelming for someone that they experience debilitating physiological symptoms (first-time panic attack sufferers often report that they believe they are dying), but it is definitely not the case for social anxiety or even social anxiety disorder (social phobia). What is required for social anxiety is an excessive anxiety in social situations. Social phobia is recognised when this anxiety begins to interfere with someone's daily life, which is blatantly the case for the OP. They are going to great lengths to avoid social situations such that they are eating at ungodly hours, they plan their sleep around avoiding others and their hygiene has deteriorated. I do not pretend to be medically trained but I would bet my right arm that they are suffering from social anxiety/social anxiety disorder and I do not think your misinformed judgements are particularly helpful to someone clearly in some distress who may believe from them that they are simply a coward and not in the grip of something that I know from experience can really destroy quality of life.
OP: I would advise you to see your GP and simply tell them what you have told us here.
(edited 9 years ago)
Im kind of the same, i prefer to stay in my room and not talk to them! They might think u are odd but at least you cant hear them saying things about you! i have around 10 flatmates which most of the time sit in the room next door and talk rubbish about people and hear my name included all the time!!! Its like Hello i live here too and i have ears!!!
Original post by The pencil one
Gee thanks.....
pretty sure that was sarcasm
Original post by frida415
pretty sure that was sarcasm
Wow....you really are dense....
Original post by The pencil one
Wow....you really are dense....
I just read the names wrong. I thought you were "polarity" and that you didn't realise "qwertyking" was defending you lol
Original post by Anonymous
Anon because this is very embarrassing.
I avoid going into the kitchen at the same time as my flatmates because I don't like interacting with them or saying hi. This includes seeing them in other places, such as walking out the bathroom. It's not that I hate them personally, but I hate interaction with people in general. It leads me to having very odd eating patterns and when I cook food, I minimise the time I stay in the kitchen as much as possible.
Today, one of them had a few friends over and they were in the kitchen (or milling around the kitchen) from about 11am to 5pm. During that time, I had to eat dry food that was in my room. I managed to sneak into the kitchen to cook something after they left, but I rushed back to my room as soon as I saw one of my other flatmates out the window coming back.
I have also done other strange things like adopted weird sleeping patterns (8pm-4am, for example) or had dirty dishes pile up in my room because I'm afraid of washing the dishes and my flatmates walk into the kitchen.
Is this odd behaviour? If you had a flatmate who did this, would you notice they did this and what would you think of it?
I avoid going into the kitchen at the same time as my flatmates because I don't like interacting with them or saying hi. This includes seeing them in other places, such as walking out the bathroom. It's not that I hate them personally, but I hate interaction with people in general. It leads me to having very odd eating patterns and when I cook food, I minimise the time I stay in the kitchen as much as possible.
Today, one of them had a few friends over and they were in the kitchen (or milling around the kitchen) from about 11am to 5pm. During that time, I had to eat dry food that was in my room. I managed to sneak into the kitchen to cook something after they left, but I rushed back to my room as soon as I saw one of my other flatmates out the window coming back.
I have also done other strange things like adopted weird sleeping patterns (8pm-4am, for example) or had dirty dishes pile up in my room because I'm afraid of washing the dishes and my flatmates walk into the kitchen.
Is this odd behaviour? If you had a flatmate who did this, would you notice they did this and what would you think of it?
If i was your flatmate I wouldn't have thought it was because you wanted to avoid me seeing as you had no reason to. I would have just thought you prefer being on your own as no-one really sees you around.
Odd? Maybe.
Unusual? Not at all. My friend has a housemate that's exactly the same as you. They once spent pretty much the whole day in the social area outside his room (they knew he was in there), and never once did he come out, even to go to the toilet or anything. My friend didn't do this as a trick on him, btw, they just had other friends (including me) over, and we just hung out there.
I also have to admit I've done this too. But only when I've not liked my housemates I tried to avoid them. Otherwise I actively try to be in the common rooms at the same time as them, if anything.
Unusual? Not at all. My friend has a housemate that's exactly the same as you. They once spent pretty much the whole day in the social area outside his room (they knew he was in there), and never once did he come out, even to go to the toilet or anything. My friend didn't do this as a trick on him, btw, they just had other friends (including me) over, and we just hung out there.
I also have to admit I've done this too. But only when I've not liked my housemates I tried to avoid them. Otherwise I actively try to be in the common rooms at the same time as them, if anything.
I did it a lot in my first year. Most of the time I had no reason, I just like being quiet and alone sometimes, and those times would coincide with them being in the kitchen. I live in a studio with my boyfriend now so whoever sees me in my room sees me in the kitchen at the same time, pretty much. I also don't have to look presentable just to go get my lunch, I can continue to look horrific. Just make sure you always have some food in your room if you're thinking of doing it again though.
Original post by Anonymous
Anon because this is very embarrassing.
I avoid going into the kitchen at the same time as my flatmates because I don't like interacting with them or saying hi. This includes seeing them in other places, such as walking out the bathroom. It's not that I hate them personally, but I hate interaction with people in general. It leads me to having very odd eating patterns and when I cook food, I minimise the time I stay in the kitchen as much as possible.
Today, one of them had a few friends over and they were in the kitchen (or milling around the kitchen) from about 11am to 5pm. During that time, I had to eat dry food that was in my room. I managed to sneak into the kitchen to cook something after they left, but I rushed back to my room as soon as I saw one of my other flatmates out the window coming back.
I have also done other strange things like adopted weird sleeping patterns (8pm-4am, for example) or had dirty dishes pile up in my room because I'm afraid of washing the dishes and my flatmates walk into the kitchen.
Is this odd behaviour? If you had a flatmate who did this, would you notice they did this and what would you think of it?
I avoid going into the kitchen at the same time as my flatmates because I don't like interacting with them or saying hi. This includes seeing them in other places, such as walking out the bathroom. It's not that I hate them personally, but I hate interaction with people in general. It leads me to having very odd eating patterns and when I cook food, I minimise the time I stay in the kitchen as much as possible.
Today, one of them had a few friends over and they were in the kitchen (or milling around the kitchen) from about 11am to 5pm. During that time, I had to eat dry food that was in my room. I managed to sneak into the kitchen to cook something after they left, but I rushed back to my room as soon as I saw one of my other flatmates out the window coming back.
I have also done other strange things like adopted weird sleeping patterns (8pm-4am, for example) or had dirty dishes pile up in my room because I'm afraid of washing the dishes and my flatmates walk into the kitchen.
Is this odd behaviour? If you had a flatmate who did this, would you notice they did this and what would you think of it?
No this is normal I do that as well as I am bit friends with my flat mates and I want space when I back home after a long day of school so I don't want more socialising
I've noticed a lot people avoiding cooking at the same time as their flatmates, you're not alone in that. But I do feel that your situation is a bit more extreme, because I think most people only avoid their flatmates on occasion when they're not feeling particularly sociable.
Do you tend to avoid social interaction with other people too, or is this unique to being in the kitchen? If you generally avoid people, you may have social anxiety. It may be worth getting help from your GP, especially since it's affecting your other areas of life, like your sleeping pattern and eating habits.
I used to have severe social anxiety too. PM me if you want to know more about what it's like
Do you tend to avoid social interaction with other people too, or is this unique to being in the kitchen? If you generally avoid people, you may have social anxiety. It may be worth getting help from your GP, especially since it's affecting your other areas of life, like your sleeping pattern and eating habits.
I used to have severe social anxiety too. PM me if you want to know more about what it's like
I can understand, I use the kitchen and do cooking, and I think my flat mates probably might not come in on purpose, although people don't use the kitchen too often.
The problem is you feel like you have to have a conversation when really you only want to pop in to get a bag of crisps, so I can understand why people avoid it.
i avoid going in because I don't know them and they are usually with their partners, but I would never not cook just because someone may walk in, I don't mind ifs hey do.
The problem is you feel like you have to have a conversation when really you only want to pop in to get a bag of crisps, so I can understand why people avoid it.
i avoid going in because I don't know them and they are usually with their partners, but I would never not cook just because someone may walk in, I don't mind ifs hey do.
can i just ask to all those who do this... do you like university or all just purely there for the qualification?
Original post by attentionplease
can i just ask to all those who do this... do you like university or all just purely there for the qualification?
I like some aspects of university (I quite like my course, I had a lot of nights out freshers year, I like living away from home) - I just don't necessarily like living with other people. I'm not cut out for it at all. Obviously I know I could live on my own but that tends to be more expensive and I don't want to isolate myself like that.
Honestly extroverts would probably consider this "odd' behaviour, but frankly I think it's equally "odd" that people feel entitled to your time and feel somehow offended if you don't give it. I didn't particularly like socialising in my halls either, when I'm home I just want peace and time to myself. At the end of the day, you're not hurting anyone. You're just living your life in a way that's comfortable for you. I think if you can get to a place where you're okay with getting food/going out whenever you need to and just say a simple "hey" if necessary, I think that would be best. But don't think you're weird for not wanting to socialise, because you're really not.
(edited 4 years ago)
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