Delayed ejaculation issues
I'm a guy who was very much a late bloomer in life. I went on my first ever date, got my first ever kiss and lost my virginity at the grand old age of 24. Before that I had done absolutely nothing. I was of course Hand Solo: Masturbator of the Universe but that wouldn't really differentiate me from any other guy out there.
The first time I had sex I couldn't finish and after that (had sex maybe 20-30 times with my gf before we broke up, most of it being condomless due to her pill usage) I found it really hard. We'd hump for a solid half an hour at least, often times much more before I finished. And that was only if I went absolutely bezerk with my thrusting, otherwise it just wouldn't work for me. Sometimes I just gave up after a while as it was getting annoying and I was tired.
I was always under the impression that virgins can't keep the lid on at first and over time learn to hold themselves back but with me it was the complete opposite and I hate it.
Oral and handjobs were even less stimulating than vaginal intercourse. I couldn't care less about getting head. I tried not masturbating for a while but that had minimal effect.
Now that I am single again, I am a lot less motivated to go out and find a girl(friend) since that magical promise of sex, which films and television had always taught me was the greatest thing in the world, turned out to be not so amazing after all. In terms of pure pleasure, my hand reigns supreme.
What I'm wondering is this:
1) Is it normal for guys who are sexually inexperienced (and perhaps started it later in life) to experience this issue?
2) For those who have suffered from it: did/does it ever get any better? Or am I doomed to a lifetime of unsatisfying sex (assuming by some miracle I convince a girl to go to bed with me)
The first time I had sex I couldn't finish and after that (had sex maybe 20-30 times with my gf before we broke up, most of it being condomless due to her pill usage) I found it really hard. We'd hump for a solid half an hour at least, often times much more before I finished. And that was only if I went absolutely bezerk with my thrusting, otherwise it just wouldn't work for me. Sometimes I just gave up after a while as it was getting annoying and I was tired.
I was always under the impression that virgins can't keep the lid on at first and over time learn to hold themselves back but with me it was the complete opposite and I hate it.
Oral and handjobs were even less stimulating than vaginal intercourse. I couldn't care less about getting head. I tried not masturbating for a while but that had minimal effect.
Now that I am single again, I am a lot less motivated to go out and find a girl(friend) since that magical promise of sex, which films and television had always taught me was the greatest thing in the world, turned out to be not so amazing after all. In terms of pure pleasure, my hand reigns supreme.
What I'm wondering is this:
1) Is it normal for guys who are sexually inexperienced (and perhaps started it later in life) to experience this issue?
2) For those who have suffered from it: did/does it ever get any better? Or am I doomed to a lifetime of unsatisfying sex (assuming by some miracle I convince a girl to go to bed with me)
why dont you join the no masturbation for a year thread thats somewhere. it seems like all your problems are due to masturbation and so you have been desensitised they described how after a year they feel so much better. maybe if u cut back once a week itl get better? or post your question on there?
It can be normal for a lot of men. Especially ones like yourself where it would seem you have become desensitised due to the masturbation routine before you had sex. You aren't doomed for life and maybe the wait a year could be beneficial. However you are not alone, it's the same kinds if issues with men that can't last very long. There are many tips you can look up and here are a few.
1. Breathing a lot delays ejaculation , holding your breath every now and again during intercourse or breathing slightly less reduces this delay
2. The more you masturbate/ have masturbated, the less sensitive you become. Stop masturbation full stop for a long period of time and sensitivity will return
3. Try and array of positions and angles in positions to find what stimulates you most. Making just a slight angle change during certain positions make all the difference.
4. Find what turns you on and utilise it, it may be a fetish that causes you to have delayed ejaculation. Try implementing any fetishism you have into your sex life.
5. Usually, the more foreplay - the quicker you climax due to the excitement build.
1. Breathing a lot delays ejaculation , holding your breath every now and again during intercourse or breathing slightly less reduces this delay
2. The more you masturbate/ have masturbated, the less sensitive you become. Stop masturbation full stop for a long period of time and sensitivity will return
3. Try and array of positions and angles in positions to find what stimulates you most. Making just a slight angle change during certain positions make all the difference.
4. Find what turns you on and utilise it, it may be a fetish that causes you to have delayed ejaculation. Try implementing any fetishism you have into your sex life.
5. Usually, the more foreplay - the quicker you climax due to the excitement build.
Hmm. I might be getting closer to having this problem, think I might join the non-masturbation club over my summer break. To be honest, when you think about it getting desenstised to orgasms is like anything else, alcohol, cola, sweets or whatever. The more you have of something the less of an impact it will have with subsequent uses. Go cold turkey for quite a while. I'm 19 and still a virgin so I'm going to try and give it up completely until I have sex (which I doubt will be for some time, not going to be looking for a girl over the summer because there's someone at my university I have feelings for that I'm going to make an effort to woo next year - don't want to **** up in bed with her if it ever even gets to that :P).
Original post by Anonymous
I was of course Hand Solo: Masturbator of the Universe
obvious answer is obvious.
you say you stopped masturbating for a while? how long is a while? postulating here that it wasn't 'a while' enough. you'd presumably been masturbating for something approaching a decade before you had sex, effectively desensitising yourself the entire time.
as for handjobs and head not being particularly stimulating, this isn't unusual. normally it's because you've choked the life out of your penis with masturbation and/or the girl isn't particularly skilled. if you stopped masturbating and had a girl who knew what she was doing, i predict an entirely different outlook.
Original post by Anonymous
Hmm. I might be getting closer to having this problem, think I might join the non-masturbation club over my summer break. To be honest, when you think about it getting desenstised to orgasms is like anything else, alcohol, cola, sweets or whatever. The more you have of something the less of an impact it will have with subsequent uses. Go cold turkey for quite a while. I'm 19 and still a virgin so I'm going to try and give it up completely until I have sex (which I doubt will be for some time, not going to be looking for a girl over the summer because there's someone at my university I have feelings for that I'm going to make an effort to woo next year - don't want to **** up in bed with her if it ever even gets to that :P).
Waiting for that girl over summer is an awful idea, also you taking long to cum is hardly going to make you a **** up in bed to her, trust me.
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Original post by ElChapo
Waiting for that girl over summer is an awful idea, also you taking long to cum is hardly going to make you a **** up in bed to her, trust me.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
It's not like I'm completely waiting, we've been on a few dates but probably not enough to make things official. She's probably the only girl I actually care about at the minute and I seem to spend more time thinking about her. Not exactly much point in trying to meet someone at home either when I'd be spending about 7 months of the year away from them.
Original post by Anonymous
I'm a guy who was very much a late bloomer in life. I went on my first ever date, got my first ever kiss and lost my virginity at the grand old age of 24. Before that I had done absolutely nothing. I was of course Hand Solo: Masturbator of the Universe but that wouldn't really differentiate me from any other guy out there.
The first time I had sex I couldn't finish and after that (had sex maybe 20-30 times with my gf before we broke up, most of it being condomless due to her pill usage) I found it really hard. We'd hump for a solid half an hour at least, often times much more before I finished. And that was only if I went absolutely bezerk with my thrusting, otherwise it just wouldn't work for me. Sometimes I just gave up after a while as it was getting annoying and I was tired.
I was always under the impression that virgins can't keep the lid on at first and over time learn to hold themselves back but with me it was the complete opposite and I hate it.
Oral and handjobs were even less stimulating than vaginal intercourse. I couldn't care less about getting head. I tried not masturbating for a while but that had minimal effect.
Now that I am single again, I am a lot less motivated to go out and find a girl(friend) since that magical promise of sex, which films and television had always taught me was the greatest thing in the world, turned out to be not so amazing after all. In terms of pure pleasure, my hand reigns supreme.
What I'm wondering is this:
1) Is it normal for guys who are sexually inexperienced (and perhaps started it later in life) to experience this issue?
2) For those who have suffered from it: did/does it ever get any better? Or am I doomed to a lifetime of unsatisfying sex (assuming by some miracle I convince a girl to go to bed with me)
The first time I had sex I couldn't finish and after that (had sex maybe 20-30 times with my gf before we broke up, most of it being condomless due to her pill usage) I found it really hard. We'd hump for a solid half an hour at least, often times much more before I finished. And that was only if I went absolutely bezerk with my thrusting, otherwise it just wouldn't work for me. Sometimes I just gave up after a while as it was getting annoying and I was tired.
I was always under the impression that virgins can't keep the lid on at first and over time learn to hold themselves back but with me it was the complete opposite and I hate it.
Oral and handjobs were even less stimulating than vaginal intercourse. I couldn't care less about getting head. I tried not masturbating for a while but that had minimal effect.
Now that I am single again, I am a lot less motivated to go out and find a girl(friend) since that magical promise of sex, which films and television had always taught me was the greatest thing in the world, turned out to be not so amazing after all. In terms of pure pleasure, my hand reigns supreme.
What I'm wondering is this:
1) Is it normal for guys who are sexually inexperienced (and perhaps started it later in life) to experience this issue?
2) For those who have suffered from it: did/does it ever get any better? Or am I doomed to a lifetime of unsatisfying sex (assuming by some miracle I convince a girl to go to bed with me)
you have been sentenced to 50 lashes for a major sexual offence
Original post by The Tuba
It can be normal for a lot of men. Especially ones like yourself where it would seem you have become desensitised due to the masturbation routine before you had sex. You aren't doomed for life and maybe the wait a year could be beneficial. However you are not alone, it's the same kinds if issues with men that can't last very long. There are many tips you can look up and here are a few.
1. Breathing a lot delays ejaculation , holding your breath every now and again during intercourse or breathing slightly less reduces this delay
2. The more you masturbate/ have masturbated, the less sensitive you become. Stop masturbation full stop for a long period of time and sensitivity will return
3. Try and array of positions and angles in positions to find what stimulates you most. Making just a slight angle change during certain positions make all the difference.
4. Find what turns you on and utilise it, it may be a fetish that causes you to have delayed ejaculation. Try implementing any fetishism you have into your sex life.
5. Usually, the more foreplay - the quicker you climax due to the excitement build.
1. Breathing a lot delays ejaculation , holding your breath every now and again during intercourse or breathing slightly less reduces this delay
2. The more you masturbate/ have masturbated, the less sensitive you become. Stop masturbation full stop for a long period of time and sensitivity will return
3. Try and array of positions and angles in positions to find what stimulates you most. Making just a slight angle change during certain positions make all the difference.
4. Find what turns you on and utilise it, it may be a fetish that causes you to have delayed ejaculation. Try implementing any fetishism you have into your sex life.
5. Usually, the more foreplay - the quicker you climax due to the excitement build.
But the thing is that every guy masturbates and I don't think I do it any more (or less) than most of the male population.
1) Didn't think of that. However as I was doing most of the thrusting, then not breathing will make the whole thing much harder.
2) Really don't want to do that, but I get your point.
3) Tried different positions, only really found one where I could come from. The rest were quite unstimulating for me.
4) Not into fetishes really...yet. Or do milf fantasies count?
5) We had quite a lot of foreplay, didn't seem to help.
Original post by Slazenger
obvious answer is obvious.
you say you stopped masturbating for a while? how long is a while? postulating here that it wasn't 'a while' enough. you'd presumably been masturbating for something approaching a decade before you had sex, effectively desensitising yourself the entire time.
as for handjobs and head not being particularly stimulating, this isn't unusual. normally it's because you've choked the life out of your penis with masturbation and/or the girl isn't particularly skilled. if you stopped masturbating and had a girl who knew what she was doing, i predict an entirely different outlook.
you say you stopped masturbating for a while? how long is a while? postulating here that it wasn't 'a while' enough. you'd presumably been masturbating for something approaching a decade before you had sex, effectively desensitising yourself the entire time.
as for handjobs and head not being particularly stimulating, this isn't unusual. normally it's because you've choked the life out of your penis with masturbation and/or the girl isn't particularly skilled. if you stopped masturbating and had a girl who knew what she was doing, i predict an entirely different outlook.
I stopped for about a month, then restarted again.
Not sure if I'd want a girl who was really skilled in that kind of stuff....just makes me think how many other hot dogs she's had in her life.
Original post by Anonymous
Not sure if I'd want a girl who was really skilled in that kind of stuff....just makes me think how many other hot dogs she's had in her life.
Not sure if I'd want a girl who was really skilled in that kind of stuff....just makes me think how many other hot dogs she's had in her life.
I say this with love: you're in no position to be rejecting women who might actually be in a position to help.
This is probably a mixture of physical problems and mental problems. The anti-masturbation brigade (for once) might have a case here and you should consider their advice more seriously than you have done (you have asked for advice then studiously rejected virtually every suggestion of change which is your right but unlikely to solve the problem).
I think you are also now so fixated on orgasm that ironically that very fixation is the thing stopping it. Next time you're in bed with someone take the pressure off. If you come: great; if not, no worries. The more relaxed you are the more likely you'll enjoy it.
Yes they do count if it's a fetish. Fetishism is known to be a massive psychological barrier if it isn't quenched, if you have a fetish that you fantasise a lot over, especially during sex, this can be a big psychological factor in delayed ejaculation. For example, mine is squirting, and that can stop me.from ejaculation normally if I don't satisfy that fetish from time to time.
You can play it smart and use it to your advantage. Tell girls you won't stop till they're completely satisfied. It'll make you sound like an absolute Don in bed as opposed to someone with problems
Original post by The Tuba
Yes they do count if it's a fetish. Fetishism is known to be a massive psychological barrier if it isn't quenched, if you have a fetish that you fantasise a lot over, especially during sex, this can be a big psychological factor in delayed ejaculation. For example, mine is squirting, and that can stop me.from ejaculation normally if I don't satisfy that fetish from time to time.
Really don't think this is an issue yet for me. My first goal was to have any sex at all (and still is, horny girls don't grow on trees)
Original post by fajitamunch
You can play it smart and use it to your advantage. Tell girls you won't stop till they're completely satisfied. It'll make you sound like an absolute Don in bed as opposed to someone with problems
Thats a good point, yet it doesn't resolve two issues:
1) Sex is still unsatisfying for me
2) Where do I find these willing females?
The obvious, as has been mentioned; stop masturbating so furiously!
Also, get her to use her vibrator (every girl has one these days) for clitoral stimulation whilst you give it to her. It won't just be her who benefits from the added enjoyment
When you get properly familiar with your partner and have sex often I'm sure the psychological element of you problem will deminish and things will improve. Remember, just because you're not finishing all the time doesn't mean you are not adequatly satisfying her.
Also, get her to use her vibrator (every girl has one these days) for clitoral stimulation whilst you give it to her. It won't just be her who benefits from the added enjoyment
When you get properly familiar with your partner and have sex often I'm sure the psychological element of you problem will deminish and things will improve. Remember, just because you're not finishing all the time doesn't mean you are not adequatly satisfying her.
Snap! Well okay it's my boyfriend in the same situation (and it's not you, don't worry!)
I was spazzing that it is all my fault and that I'm just an absolute failure but it's really not that important. Yeah it would be nice but hey, in my opinion it's better than the opposite! I've basically said that to him as well and that it doesn't bother me and because he was a virgin before me I've just said that I'll tell him if it hurts and that he really shouldn't worry and I'm never going to pressurise him into doing something he doesn't want to do etc etc
so yeah try not to worry too much, maybe just top masturbating so much?
One day I'll suggest that to my boyfriend. When I figure out how to tell him without upsetting him
I was spazzing that it is all my fault and that I'm just an absolute failure but it's really not that important. Yeah it would be nice but hey, in my opinion it's better than the opposite! I've basically said that to him as well and that it doesn't bother me and because he was a virgin before me I've just said that I'll tell him if it hurts and that he really shouldn't worry and I'm never going to pressurise him into doing something he doesn't want to do etc etc
so yeah try not to worry too much, maybe just top masturbating so much?One day I'll suggest that to my boyfriend. When I figure out how to tell him without upsetting him
Original post by Lotus_Eater
I say this with love: you're in no position to be rejecting women who might actually be in a position to help.
This is probably a mixture of physical problems and mental problems. The anti-masturbation brigade (for once) might have a case here and you should consider their advice more seriously than you have done (you have asked for advice then studiously rejected virtually every suggestion of change which is your right but unlikely to solve the problem).
I think you are also now so fixated on orgasm that ironically that very fixation is the thing stopping it. Next time you're in bed with someone take the pressure off. If you come: great; if not, no worries. The more relaxed you are the more likely you'll enjoy it.
This is probably a mixture of physical problems and mental problems. The anti-masturbation brigade (for once) might have a case here and you should consider their advice more seriously than you have done (you have asked for advice then studiously rejected virtually every suggestion of change which is your right but unlikely to solve the problem).
I think you are also now so fixated on orgasm that ironically that very fixation is the thing stopping it. Next time you're in bed with someone take the pressure off. If you come: great; if not, no worries. The more relaxed you are the more likely you'll enjoy it.
Well said in all fairness. Beggars can't be choosers.
Maybe you're right about the fixation on the orgasm since in masturbation, that is the only thing one focuses on. Never really thought of sex from such a viewpoint.
Original post by Mockery
The obvious, as has been mentioned; stop masturbating so furiously!
Also, get her to use her vibrator (every girl has one these days) for clitoral stimulation whilst you give it to her. It won't just be her who benefits from the added enjoyment
When you get properly familiar with your partner and have sex often I'm sure the psychological element of you problem will deminish and things will improve. Remember, just because you're not finishing all the time doesn't mean you are not adequatly satisfying her.
Also, get her to use her vibrator (every girl has one these days) for clitoral stimulation whilst you give it to her. It won't just be her who benefits from the added enjoyment
When you get properly familiar with your partner and have sex often I'm sure the psychological element of you problem will deminish and things will improve. Remember, just because you're not finishing all the time doesn't mean you are not adequatly satisfying her.
Well currently there is no "her". The gf that I had was a bit of a fluke, now I'm back in my natural habitat of being foreveralone (well for the time being that is).
Yes she was satisfied but I think sex should be satisfying for both parties, not just one half.
I would give reducing/eliminating masturbation a try but no guarantee it will be successful. I too suffer from this problem, and have done since I became sexually active. In my case I would guess that masturbation isn't the main issue for me as I had sex (@ 17) before I ever started masturbating (@ 18) and this problem has always been present (I am now 21). I also find HJ/BJ don't satisfy me at all and never result in anything.
In my experience it has gotten better through practice and learning what I like more. Originally if I could finish once a week then that was a minor miracle every 10 days or so was pretty common for me. Nowadays, twice a week is possible. So my advice is find a girl who you like and is willing to put up with it and practice. Good luck!!!
In my experience it has gotten better through practice and learning what I like more. Originally if I could finish once a week then that was a minor miracle every 10 days or so was pretty common for me. Nowadays, twice a week is possible. So my advice is find a girl who you like and is willing to put up with it and practice. Good luck!!!
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