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friendships with the opposite sex when in a relationship..

I have been in a long term relationship of about 2 years with my boyfriend and i often spend time with my other male friends alone, however when i do this my boyfriend gets jealous and annoyed. what are your opinions on your girl/boyfriends spending time with their friends of the opposite sex on a one to one basis? i personally think it is fine as i have never given him a reason to distrust me, but he always says that it is as if i am going on a 'date' with the other guys and he thinks it's 'weird'. surely he cant expect me to only spend time with my female friends and ignore my few male friends?is that what you would expect when in a relationship?

Reply 1

Sazarina88

11

sylvester

I have been in a long term relationship of about 2 years with my boyfriend and i often spend time with my other male friends alone, however when i do this my boyfriend gets jealous and annoyed. what are your opinions on your girl/boyfriends spending time with their friends of the opposite sex on a one to one basis? i personally think it is fine as i have never given him a reason to distrust me, but he always says that it is as if i am going on a 'date' with the other guys and he thinks it's 'weird'. surely he cant expect me to only spend time with my female friends and ignore my few male friends?is that what you would expect when in a relationship?

My opinion is that it's 100% fine in a relationship where you can both trust each other.

Reply 2

Straggler

13

..

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 3

Ron Stoppable

14

Sazarina88

My opinion is that it's 100% fine in a relationship where you can both trust each other

... unconditionally.

Reply 4

lou p lou

2

i'd tell my bf where to go if he had a problem with me having close friendships with guys- but it does work both ways. he lives with 3 girls and a gay guy and i have to be equally happy with that situation (which i am cos they're fab housemates)

lou xxx

Reply 5

Kate.

15

My boyfriend's best friend is a girl, my best friend is a guy. Neither of us have any problems with it. He needs to trust you a LOT more. I hardly have any female friends, but plenty of male friends that I spend time alone with - it doesn't mean I'm going to do anything with them, or even want to - I definitely don't. Haha.

Reply 6

paintedblind

1

How precisely is your relationship going to work if he wants to confine you to only spending time with people of the same sex?

Healthy relationships involve a good deal of trust, and when your partner has that level of possessiveness, it's hardly conducive to a sensible, normal relationship.

Reply 7

~the_one~

1

Has your boyfriend met your male friends? I really think you should start going out as a whole group so that your boyfriend can get to know them/eye up the enemy, then he'll realise the extent of your relationship and perhaps he'll be less stressy about it?!
It's not alot to do if you want to salvage your relationship, i wouldnt be 100% happy if my boyfriend was going out with girls regulary who i had never met.

Reply 8

khil

15

Sounds like he's too controlling. You should reconsider how your relationship is going and talk about it, and watch out for if he is being controlling or if this is just a general trust issue. If he's being controlling, I'd break up with him.

And btw no it's not weird. All my friends at uni except for my one housemate are guys and I'm close friends with 3 out of 5 of them and my bf doesn't have a problem with it. And I have no problem with him keeping in contact with his female friends - I often encourage him to keep in touch with them. I would have a problem if he wants to go out for coffee one-on-one with his ex, but that's his ex lol.

Reply 9

username47781

20

well if your only looking and not touching don't see how its a problem, think your boyfriend needs to chill out a bit.

Reply 10

Berto90

11

While agree with the other posts saying it is fine, I feel that I must point out that if you spend more time with these male friends than you do with your bf, he has a reason to feel insecure.

Reply 11

*loobylou*

Liek others said he sounds like he's controlling. If you have given him no reason to suspect anything would happen he should trust you as there your friends and have probably known them for longer??

My ex was dead funny about me spending time with my male best mate, he infered at one point i had to choose and as you can see i made my decision.

Do you spend more time with them then him?

Reply 12

Chumbaniya

17

If he'd met your male friends and didn't like them, I could understand it, but it would still be your decision. If he's trying to stop you from seeing some of friends purely on the basis of them being male, it's fairly clear he doesn't trust you and is trying to control you. What gives him the right to decide who you can see on the basis of their gender?

Reply 13

kizer

15

Pretty Boy

I wouldn't be happy about it. But, thats because I'm a guy and I know what way guys think. I think if you're not willing to put ur male friends to the side for your boyfriend then you should probably split with him.

I would expect most females to take the opposite view. But I think the best thing to do is to imagine if your boyfriend was spending his time with other girls who you knew were attracted to him.

Don't often agree with you Pretty Boy, but there we go..

This pretty much sums up my thoughts.

Reply 14

myrtille

15

Nearly all of my friends are male, and I spend a lot of time with them. Mostly it isn't on a one to one basis, but I don't think if it was, my boyfriend would have a problem with that. Probably because they're his friends too, so he trusts them.

Reply 15

high priestess fnord

9

Pretty Boy

I wouldn't be happy about it. But, thats because I'm a guy and I know what way guys think. I think if you're not willing to put ur male friends to the side for your boyfriend then you should probably split with him.

I would expect most females to take the opposite view. But I think the best thing to do is to imagine if your boyfriend was spending his time with other girls who you knew were attracted to him.

you have to remember that not all guys are are as sexist as you, or constantly trying to get into their mates pants for that matter. why should it be one rule for men and another for women?

if the guy doesnt trust you then dump him.

Reply 16

jonnyq

high priestess fnord

you have to remember that not all guys are are as sexist as you, or constantly trying to get into their mates pants for that matter. why should it be one rule for men and another for women?

if the guy doesnt trust you then dump him.

most guys are though

it's not that he doesn't trust you, he may not trust your male friends

Reply 17

high priestess fnord

9

jonnyq

most guys are though

it's not that he doesn't trust you, he may not trust your male friends

it takes two to tango 0_o

my bf may make it obvious he doesnt like a certain guy and tell me to be careful but he would never tell me i wasnt allowed to be friends with him. theres a line and telling someone who they are and arent allowed to be mates with is way over that line.

Reply 18

kizer

15

It's not so much being friends with them, it's spending time alone with them. It's odd if your gf spends time alone with other guys when she could be with you. Just like it would be odd if your bf spent time with other girls alone when he could be with you.

Reply 19

high priestess fnord

9

how is it weird if someone wants to go out with their mates?

friendships with the opposite sex when in a relationship..

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