Help me interpret this conversation, please (big summary on pager 5).
It's very long, but I will definitely rep everyone that helps.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gNgN8AZyJihYrrzxb9T1dumBmx2uYsGvHPsnhBV68pM/edit?usp=sharing
When I saw her for the first time, she was studying the fourth floor of the library. I didn't see her once again until a month later; I wasn't actually actively looking for her, I must say - and I wasn't sure if I was going to recognise her if I was to see her again . When I saw her again, I remember thinking very hard to find something to say, and I ended up tapping her and then asking her "Hey, are you a fourth year chemist?" while knowing full well that she isn't. Her reply was "No, I am a first year biomed". I ended the conversation with "Oh, sorry, my mistake!" while laughing it off. I saw her again, a couple of times, around campus, but I didn't say anything or smile at her because she was with people. It wasn't until I one day saw her sitting alone in the library cafe (eating a baguette) that I decided to go talk to her.
It was a very spontaneous decision that I made; it is something that I would have never done a year ago. I asked her "Hey, is anyone sitting here?" and she replied with "No, you can sit here". I then asked her "Haven't I seen you before" and then she said "Yes, you thought I was a fourth year chemist". I was slightly surprised that she remembered considering more than a month had past between this conversation and the previous one. We then introduced ourselves, spoke about her home country, and then we spoke about our respective courses. I asked for her facebook, and we added each other during the conversation. Also, during that conversation, she dropped a small amount of cheese (from her baguette) on the table - as she did so, she started blushing and making an audible sound will trying to sweep it. I then asked her "What's that?" and her reply was, in a very cute manner, "I was trying to hide it from you". I found it really cute. Everything was going so smoothly that day. We then walked to the library and took the lift together (I was working at the fourth floor - she was working at the fifth). It was only the two of us at the lift, and we didn't say anything while in the lift. A week later, I decided to flirt with her a bit because I didn't want her to friendzone me - I thought she was single. A few hours after flirting with her, she messaged me to inform me that she is taken. She still wanted me to be her friend, and so did I.
That very same day, we both found out that we share the same MBTI personality type (INTJ); I was so excited when she told me that. Our conversations became deeper and more meaningful the second we found out. But then the strangest thing happened the very next day... She unfriended me on facebook. At first, I assumed it was her boyfriend that made her do it. After politely asking her why was I unfriended, she told me that the reason why she unfriended me is because she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to keep in contact with me considering, in her point of view, that I liked her more than a friend. I tried my very hardest to convince her that I hd no feelings for her, and that I will prevent any feelings from ever interfering with our friendship, but she still insisted on cutting contact with me. She eventually blocked me that very same day, before unblocking me the very next day (for, largely, unknown reasons). Her reasoning is that she fears that I will develop stronger feelings for her if I keep talking to her. Yet, she still wanted us to talk to her IN PERSON whenever I see her; she wants us to be acquaintances.
After giving her 6 weeks’ worth of space, I decided to facebook message her again. I informed her, in that message, that I want to tell her some things, but it would take me about a week to write them down (mainly, due to exams). In that same message, I also wrote "I hope your emotions are no longer an issue". It was a bad move, in retrospect, because her reply was "I think we shouldn't talk in any way. And my emotions do not play a role here. Bye!" She quickly blocked me after that. I still emailed her immediately after she'd block me - I told her that "It's quite obvious that you had feelings for me; I was wondering why your personality changed on the Saturday that we last spoke." The e-mail wasn't aggressive, but I tried my best to convey disappointment. In retrospect, she probably didn't, but it felt that way to me for a month or so. Two months later, and she's still, very much, in my mind. She's a big WHAT IF to me - because I only knew her for 8 days. I haven't see her at all, on campus, since the day that she unfriended me. I presume that she decided to stop coming to the library that is located at the main campus. This whole situation, admittedly, made me even more depressed than I was before I knew her. I had so many things that I wanted to discuss with her. Today, I found out that she is dating the 17 year old that I had always suspected to be the boyfriend.
I tried my best to communicate to her that just because I find her cute doesn't mean we can't be just friends. And the only reason why I wanted to stay friends is because she showed characteristics that I also have (and we even share the same MBTI personality type).
The conversation confused me for the following reasons:
She initially wrote "I thought being around me more or seeing me more would increase your feelings towards me" and then she said "please, do talk to me when you see me, okay? We can be just good acquaintances".
When she unblocked me, she asked me about what severe depression is and how is it different from mild depression - this was her first question after unblocking me. But before she even unfriended me she was telling ME about the differences.
I just wish she was more clear; and consistent with her intentions. First she says it's because of my feelings, then at the end she said it's because of how vulnerable I am, I shouldn't talk to someone that I am attracted to because feelings will culminate. I don't know.
The reason why I am still looking for answers is because I find it impossible to move on without concrete answers (it was like this with my former best friend). So I have been asking a lot of questions in hopes that it would help me to get as close to understanding what her true intentions were without going to the horse's mouth itself.
I really want to know why she did things the way she did them in hopes of knowing whether my initial gut feelings match reality. In theory, it should help me to move on a lot faster but, in reality, it might lead to even more questions. And what if it is the case that my gut instincts do, indeed, match reality? I will be in an even worse state than I was before - especially when I know, full well, that I can't change anything. But it is unlikely because I had such a very idealised version of what I wanted out of her.
Unfortunately, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, one person can only control 50% of the situation. The way I tried to control the situation between me and her is the same was I try to control any situation of my life - I like to take control of the situation. It doesn't work for interpersonal relationships because, again, only 50% of the situation can be controlled be any either person.
I was depressed and I had already lost one of my close friends, which made me feel a lot worse, before I'd even met her. I approached her in such an intense manner because I was afraid of losing her to someone else (this was before I knew she had a boyfriend; boyfriends have ended an unacceptable number of my friendships in the past) and I wanted to make a deep friendship as fast as possible due to my condition. In hindsight, it was a bad way to go, but I don't think it is worthy enough to end a friendship with.
Her name means more than just the person that I am referring to, much like how the names "Naomi" and "Andreea" that came before. Subconsciously, it represents the companionship that I have always wanted. The companionship that I have always cried to have. Due to unfortunate circumstances, mum would leave for work while I stayed at home watching TV all day, with no friends or siblings. It has been this way for 15 years. At the time, I was perfectly fine with it. But, like with anything that is very unhealthy, it caught up with me. The "No!" that I shouted and screamed today weren't just tantrums, they were 15 years of loneliness finally coming out of me for everyone to see (and hear).
Another reason why this whole situation has eaten me up is because he seems like almost the exact opposite of me. I don't know him, so I can't be 100 % sure... But I am probably, at least, 80-90% sure.
Let's see shall we:
The boyfriend: Extremely rich, extroverted (by the looks of it), popular, has a lot of friends, has more life experiences than me, doesn't come from a scattered family, didn't have to live alone with NO ONE to talk to through out childhood and teen-hood etc. etc. etc.
He is almost the EXACT opposite of what she wrote "Right, I always click with other introverted intuitive people, I feel kind of awkward around extraverts, since I myself want peace and quiet and alone time and thereby I might not be a good companion for an extraverted person."
I sure AS HELL hope I was wrong about her. I sure as hell hope this was some sort of cruel joke by God. Showing me someone, during the darkest periods of my life where I was so close to ending my own life, someone that I thought is the person that I have been looking for, subconsciously, for as long as I can remember. And then she left without giving me any real explanation. I was left in a mental torture trying my very hardest, EVERYDAY, to unravel some kind of truth.
WHY did I react the way I did when I saw her face for the first?
WHY did I want to talk to her, after only seeing her face once, when there have been so many girls that I find very attractive that I still haven't said a single word to?
WHY did it turn out that she's an INTJ?
WHY do we phrase things so similarly?
WHY did we click so quickly and so substantially?
Everything felt like it was some sort of divine appointment. I thought I had finally found someone I could help to grow (both mentally and spiritually) and, simultaneously, learn from. I thought I had found someone that I could FINALLY reveal my true self to.
But NO... It looks like either my gut instincts was wrong or I just lost everything I had ever wanted in a person to someone that is (most likely) the exact opposite of me. If she was never mine to begin with WHY did she appear? WHY did I feel so strongly about her even before I had said a single word to her? Was I hallucinating the whole time?
For ME... ME OF ALL PEOPLE TO START SCREAMING AND SHOUTING "NO!" IN THE BATHROOM, FOR A GOOD 20 MINUTES, WHEN I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO RAISE MY VOICE.
I DIDN'T EVEN RAISE MY VOICE WHEN MY ONLY BROTHER DIED. I DIDN'T DO THAT WHEN MY SISTER WAS IN A PSYCHOSIS, AND WE HAD NO ONE TO CALL UPON. I FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO EVEN RAISE MY VOICE WHEN MY FORMER BEST FRIEND BETRAYED ME.
I can't control or change anything that has happened, including her decision. My only hope is that I was wrong about her.
I should also note that I will not, ever, communicate with her, in any way, unless she does so first. I know that she is extremely unlikely to even be thinking about what had happened between us (and why would she?). I am doing just for purely my own sake and benefits.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gNgN8AZyJihYrrzxb9T1dumBmx2uYsGvHPsnhBV68pM/edit?usp=sharing
When I saw her for the first time, she was studying the fourth floor of the library. I didn't see her once again until a month later; I wasn't actually actively looking for her, I must say - and I wasn't sure if I was going to recognise her if I was to see her again . When I saw her again, I remember thinking very hard to find something to say, and I ended up tapping her and then asking her "Hey, are you a fourth year chemist?" while knowing full well that she isn't. Her reply was "No, I am a first year biomed". I ended the conversation with "Oh, sorry, my mistake!" while laughing it off. I saw her again, a couple of times, around campus, but I didn't say anything or smile at her because she was with people. It wasn't until I one day saw her sitting alone in the library cafe (eating a baguette) that I decided to go talk to her.
It was a very spontaneous decision that I made; it is something that I would have never done a year ago. I asked her "Hey, is anyone sitting here?" and she replied with "No, you can sit here". I then asked her "Haven't I seen you before" and then she said "Yes, you thought I was a fourth year chemist". I was slightly surprised that she remembered considering more than a month had past between this conversation and the previous one. We then introduced ourselves, spoke about her home country, and then we spoke about our respective courses. I asked for her facebook, and we added each other during the conversation. Also, during that conversation, she dropped a small amount of cheese (from her baguette) on the table - as she did so, she started blushing and making an audible sound will trying to sweep it. I then asked her "What's that?" and her reply was, in a very cute manner, "I was trying to hide it from you". I found it really cute. Everything was going so smoothly that day. We then walked to the library and took the lift together (I was working at the fourth floor - she was working at the fifth). It was only the two of us at the lift, and we didn't say anything while in the lift. A week later, I decided to flirt with her a bit because I didn't want her to friendzone me - I thought she was single. A few hours after flirting with her, she messaged me to inform me that she is taken. She still wanted me to be her friend, and so did I.
That very same day, we both found out that we share the same MBTI personality type (INTJ); I was so excited when she told me that. Our conversations became deeper and more meaningful the second we found out. But then the strangest thing happened the very next day... She unfriended me on facebook. At first, I assumed it was her boyfriend that made her do it. After politely asking her why was I unfriended, she told me that the reason why she unfriended me is because she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to keep in contact with me considering, in her point of view, that I liked her more than a friend. I tried my very hardest to convince her that I hd no feelings for her, and that I will prevent any feelings from ever interfering with our friendship, but she still insisted on cutting contact with me. She eventually blocked me that very same day, before unblocking me the very next day (for, largely, unknown reasons). Her reasoning is that she fears that I will develop stronger feelings for her if I keep talking to her. Yet, she still wanted us to talk to her IN PERSON whenever I see her; she wants us to be acquaintances.
After giving her 6 weeks’ worth of space, I decided to facebook message her again. I informed her, in that message, that I want to tell her some things, but it would take me about a week to write them down (mainly, due to exams). In that same message, I also wrote "I hope your emotions are no longer an issue". It was a bad move, in retrospect, because her reply was "I think we shouldn't talk in any way. And my emotions do not play a role here. Bye!" She quickly blocked me after that. I still emailed her immediately after she'd block me - I told her that "It's quite obvious that you had feelings for me; I was wondering why your personality changed on the Saturday that we last spoke." The e-mail wasn't aggressive, but I tried my best to convey disappointment. In retrospect, she probably didn't, but it felt that way to me for a month or so. Two months later, and she's still, very much, in my mind. She's a big WHAT IF to me - because I only knew her for 8 days. I haven't see her at all, on campus, since the day that she unfriended me. I presume that she decided to stop coming to the library that is located at the main campus. This whole situation, admittedly, made me even more depressed than I was before I knew her. I had so many things that I wanted to discuss with her. Today, I found out that she is dating the 17 year old that I had always suspected to be the boyfriend.
I tried my best to communicate to her that just because I find her cute doesn't mean we can't be just friends. And the only reason why I wanted to stay friends is because she showed characteristics that I also have (and we even share the same MBTI personality type).
The conversation confused me for the following reasons:
•
She was still talking to me (and was invested in the conversation) despite the flirting.
•
She seemed really happy when I told her that we can be "really great friends" after it was revealed that we are both INTJs, when she said "Yes ".
•
Before the unfriending, she used a lot of smiley emoticons. When she unfriended me she initially using sad emoticons. And then when she unblocked me, she didn't use any smiley or sad emoticons/the sad emoticons were replaced with ellipses "..".
•
In fact, there was a significant change to the way she spoke to me after unblocking me.
•
It seemed like she was angry at me during the conversation we had after she unblocked me. As if she was trying to find reasons to be 'mean'.
•
For example, despite everything I had already said she still questioned my depression by saying "May I just say that from seeing you in person you don't look like someone that is depressed. You seemed okay." And then the next thing she wrote was her final goodbye to me.
She initially wrote "I thought being around me more or seeing me more would increase your feelings towards me" and then she said "please, do talk to me when you see me, okay? We can be just good acquaintances".
When she unblocked me, she asked me about what severe depression is and how is it different from mild depression - this was her first question after unblocking me. But before she even unfriended me she was telling ME about the differences.
I just wish she was more clear; and consistent with her intentions. First she says it's because of my feelings, then at the end she said it's because of how vulnerable I am, I shouldn't talk to someone that I am attracted to because feelings will culminate. I don't know.
The reason why I am still looking for answers is because I find it impossible to move on without concrete answers (it was like this with my former best friend). So I have been asking a lot of questions in hopes that it would help me to get as close to understanding what her true intentions were without going to the horse's mouth itself.
I really want to know why she did things the way she did them in hopes of knowing whether my initial gut feelings match reality. In theory, it should help me to move on a lot faster but, in reality, it might lead to even more questions. And what if it is the case that my gut instincts do, indeed, match reality? I will be in an even worse state than I was before - especially when I know, full well, that I can't change anything. But it is unlikely because I had such a very idealised version of what I wanted out of her.
Unfortunately, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, one person can only control 50% of the situation. The way I tried to control the situation between me and her is the same was I try to control any situation of my life - I like to take control of the situation. It doesn't work for interpersonal relationships because, again, only 50% of the situation can be controlled be any either person.
I was depressed and I had already lost one of my close friends, which made me feel a lot worse, before I'd even met her. I approached her in such an intense manner because I was afraid of losing her to someone else (this was before I knew she had a boyfriend; boyfriends have ended an unacceptable number of my friendships in the past) and I wanted to make a deep friendship as fast as possible due to my condition. In hindsight, it was a bad way to go, but I don't think it is worthy enough to end a friendship with.
Her name means more than just the person that I am referring to, much like how the names "Naomi" and "Andreea" that came before. Subconsciously, it represents the companionship that I have always wanted. The companionship that I have always cried to have. Due to unfortunate circumstances, mum would leave for work while I stayed at home watching TV all day, with no friends or siblings. It has been this way for 15 years. At the time, I was perfectly fine with it. But, like with anything that is very unhealthy, it caught up with me. The "No!" that I shouted and screamed today weren't just tantrums, they were 15 years of loneliness finally coming out of me for everyone to see (and hear).
Another reason why this whole situation has eaten me up is because he seems like almost the exact opposite of me. I don't know him, so I can't be 100 % sure... But I am probably, at least, 80-90% sure.
Let's see shall we:
The boyfriend: Extremely rich, extroverted (by the looks of it), popular, has a lot of friends, has more life experiences than me, doesn't come from a scattered family, didn't have to live alone with NO ONE to talk to through out childhood and teen-hood etc. etc. etc.
He is almost the EXACT opposite of what she wrote "Right, I always click with other introverted intuitive people, I feel kind of awkward around extraverts, since I myself want peace and quiet and alone time and thereby I might not be a good companion for an extraverted person."
I sure AS HELL hope I was wrong about her. I sure as hell hope this was some sort of cruel joke by God. Showing me someone, during the darkest periods of my life where I was so close to ending my own life, someone that I thought is the person that I have been looking for, subconsciously, for as long as I can remember. And then she left without giving me any real explanation. I was left in a mental torture trying my very hardest, EVERYDAY, to unravel some kind of truth.
WHY did I react the way I did when I saw her face for the first?
WHY did I want to talk to her, after only seeing her face once, when there have been so many girls that I find very attractive that I still haven't said a single word to?
WHY did it turn out that she's an INTJ?
WHY do we phrase things so similarly?
WHY did we click so quickly and so substantially?
Everything felt like it was some sort of divine appointment. I thought I had finally found someone I could help to grow (both mentally and spiritually) and, simultaneously, learn from. I thought I had found someone that I could FINALLY reveal my true self to.
But NO... It looks like either my gut instincts was wrong or I just lost everything I had ever wanted in a person to someone that is (most likely) the exact opposite of me. If she was never mine to begin with WHY did she appear? WHY did I feel so strongly about her even before I had said a single word to her? Was I hallucinating the whole time?
For ME... ME OF ALL PEOPLE TO START SCREAMING AND SHOUTING "NO!" IN THE BATHROOM, FOR A GOOD 20 MINUTES, WHEN I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO RAISE MY VOICE.
I DIDN'T EVEN RAISE MY VOICE WHEN MY ONLY BROTHER DIED. I DIDN'T DO THAT WHEN MY SISTER WAS IN A PSYCHOSIS, AND WE HAD NO ONE TO CALL UPON. I FOUND IT DIFFICULT TO EVEN RAISE MY VOICE WHEN MY FORMER BEST FRIEND BETRAYED ME.
I can't control or change anything that has happened, including her decision. My only hope is that I was wrong about her.
I should also note that I will not, ever, communicate with her, in any way, unless she does so first. I know that she is extremely unlikely to even be thinking about what had happened between us (and why would she?). I am doing just for purely my own sake and benefits.
(edited 9 years ago)
Scroll to see replies
Original post by Summerdays
It's very long, but I will definitely rep everyone that helps.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gNgN8AZyJihYrrzxb9T1dumBmx2uYsGvHPsnhBV68pM/edit?usp=sharing
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gNgN8AZyJihYrrzxb9T1dumBmx2uYsGvHPsnhBV68pM/edit?usp=sharing
Interpret it to what end, OP?
A tl;dr as a brief overview might help...
Original post by Freudian Slip
Interpret it to what end, OP?
A tl;dr as a brief overview might help...
A tl;dr as a brief overview might help...
Three months ago ago, I randomly started talking to a girl that goes to my college; we started talking as soon as I sat next to her in a cafe at my college. We both enjoyed the conversation, so much so that we added each other on facebook. I started seeing her more regularly at the section of the library that I usually study at; I would chat to her briefly, each time I saw her.
A week later, I decided to flirt with her a bit because I didn't want her to friendzone me - I thought she was single. A few hours after flirting with her, she messaged me to inform me that she is taken. She still wanted me to be her friend, and so did I. That very same day, we both found out that we share the same MBTI personality type (INTJ); I was so excited when she told me that. Our conversations became deeper and more meaningful the second we found out.
But then the strangest thing happened the very next day... She unfriended me on facebook. At first, I assumed it was her boyfriend that made her do it. After politely asking her why was I unfriended, she told me that the reason why she unfriended me is because she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to keep in contact with me considering, in her point of view, that I liked her more than a friend. I tried my very hardest to convince her that I hd no feelings for her, and that I will prevent any feelings from ever interfering with our friendship, but she still insisted on cutting contact with me. She eventually blocked me that very same day, before unblocking me the very next day (for, largely, unknown reasons). Her reasoning is that she fears that I will develop stronger feelings for her if I keep talking to her. Yet, she still wanted us to to talk to her IN PERSON whenever I see her; she wants us to be acquaintances.
After giving her 6 weeks worth of space, I decided to facebook message her again. I informed her, in that message, that I want to tell her some things, but it would take me about a week to write them down (mainly, due to exams). In that same message, I also wrote "I hope your emotions are no longer an issue".
It was a bad move, in retrospect, because her reply was "I think we shouldn't talk in any way. And my emotions do not play a role here. Bye!" She quickly blocked me after that. I still emailed her immediately after she'd block me - I told her that "It's quite obvious that you had feelings for me; I was wondering why your personality changed on the Saturday that we last spoke." The e-mail wasn't aggressive, but I tried my best to convey disappointment.
Two months later, and she's still, very much, in my mind. She's a big WHAT IF to me - because I only knew her for 8 days. I haven't see her at all, on campus, since the day that she unfriended me. I presume that she decided to stop coming to the library that is located at the main campus.
This whole situation, admittedly, made me even more depressed than I was before I knew her. I had so many things that I wanted to discuss with her. We got on so well. I even wrote a poem about her (a week after she blocked me for the second time - I didn't sent it to her).
But please read the conversation, because this overview doesn't do the actual situation justice, I don't think.
Original post by Summerdays
It's very long, but I will definitely rep everyone that helps.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gNgN8AZyJihYrrzxb9T1dumBmx2uYsGvHPsnhBV68pM/edit?usp=sharing
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gNgN8AZyJihYrrzxb9T1dumBmx2uYsGvHPsnhBV68pM/edit?usp=sharing
Read the first few lines. She has a boyfriend, it's a no go.
Unless of course you are of the belief that even the goal has a goalkeeper so why not take a shot.
Original post by Summerdays
x
Okie doke, I read it...
I wouldn't bother pursuing the girl further... not just because she's got a boyfriend, but because she comes across as startlingly devoid of any emotion and appears to be playing games with you. Blocking and unblocking you is cruel and, really, it seems a bit like she's stringing you along, giving false hopes and then backing off again. I don't know the lass personally though, so I couldn't say for sure!
Also, I just wanted to add a quick note on SSRIs and to tell you they're not all bad and I could, at least, offer you some pertinent advice about dealing with your situation, should you ever want or need it. Been there, done that, kinda thing.
You're trying too hard and I'm sorry, but after reading it I'd say that no, she doesn't have feelings for you. She wanted to be friends but you pushed her too hard in the wrong direction :/ sorry xx
To me, having read the conversation, I think she felt uncomfortable with how much information you were sharing when you barely know one another. The way I read it, it seems she didn't want to talk and was trying to get away. By mentioning your matching personality types multiple times, it probably freaked her out and she may have thought it come across as a bit... desperate. After she had blocked you you should have left it as that and not emailed her again. By emailing her she would have gotten even more freaked out as she clearly didn't want to talk to you.
Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, it's the way I interpreted it. She wanted to be left alone and you kept chasing. Hope this has helped
Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, it's the way I interpreted it. She wanted to be left alone and you kept chasing. Hope this has helped
Original post by purplelamp
To me, having read the conversation, I think she felt uncomfortable with how much information you were sharing when you barely know one another. The way I read it, it seems she didn't want to talk and was trying to get away. By mentioning your matching personality types multiple times, it probably freaked her out and she may have thought it come across as a bit... desperate. After she had blocked you you should have left it as that and not emailed her again. By emailing her she would have gotten even more freaked out as she clearly didn't want to talk to you.
Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, it's the way I interpreted it. She wanted to be left alone and you kept chasing. Hope this has helped
Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear, it's the way I interpreted it. She wanted to be left alone and you kept chasing. Hope this has helped
Yeah, that could be it as well. There are so many possibilities running in my head that I am still so confused. I mentioned the personality type multiple times in hopes of doing the exact opposite. She only blocked me, for the second time after that e-mail, but I do regret sending it.
Thank you for you interpretation
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Freudian Slip
Okie doke, I read it...
I wouldn't bother pursuing the girl further... not just because she's got a boyfriend, but because she comes across as startlingly devoid of any emotion and appears to be playing games with you. Blocking and unblocking you is cruel and, really, it seems a bit like she's stringing you along, giving false hopes and then backing off again. I don't know the lass personally though, so I couldn't say for sure!
Also, I just wanted to add a quick note on SSRIs and to tell you they're not all bad and I could, at least, offer you some pertinent advice about dealing with your situation, should you ever want or need it. Been there, done that, kinda thing.
I wouldn't bother pursuing the girl further... not just because she's got a boyfriend, but because she comes across as startlingly devoid of any emotion and appears to be playing games with you. Blocking and unblocking you is cruel and, really, it seems a bit like she's stringing you along, giving false hopes and then backing off again. I don't know the lass personally though, so I couldn't say for sure!
Also, I just wanted to add a quick note on SSRIs and to tell you they're not all bad and I could, at least, offer you some pertinent advice about dealing with your situation, should you ever want or need it. Been there, done that, kinda thing.
INTJs are genuinely not the emotional type, so I don't hold her against it too much. But I don't appreciate how indirect she was with me. If she wanted me to back off because I came on too strongly (which, I admit, I did - I didn't mean to) she should have said. We would probably still be in contact if she did.
I will try therapy for now - hopefully, it will work on its own. But thank you
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Summerdays
INTJs are genuinely not the emotional type, so I don't hold her against it too much. But I don't appreciate how she indirect she was with me. If she wanted me to back off because I came on too strongly (which, I admit, I did - I didn't mean to) she should have said. We would probably still be in contact if she did.
I will try therapy for now - hopefully, it will work on its own. But thank you
I will try therapy for now - hopefully, it will work on its own. But thank you
Ah, some people have different make-up to other people, I'd probably - out of the two of you - be more likely to act in the way you did than in the way she did. Chalk it up to experience, my friend, and you will learn from it, I'm sure.
I'm pleased to hear you're taking positive strides!
Original post by Freudian Slip
Ah, some people have different make-up to other people, I'd probably - out of the two of you - be more likely to act in the way you did than in the way she did. Chalk it up to experience, my friend, and you will learn from it, I'm sure.
I'm pleased to hear you're taking positive strides!
I'm pleased to hear you're taking positive strides!
Yeah, I have learned to take slow it down, even if I think I am on the same wavelength as the person I am interested in knowing. I must admit, my self-esteem is at an all time low because of what happened, but I am trying my best to grow from it.
And thank you!
She only said that I was coming on too strongly after she blocked me the first time around. She told me it was because she didn't want to 'hurt me'. Had she told me, the first time around, that it was because I came on too strongly (which, I admit, I did), I would have backed off and apologised. I was trying my best to assure her that I would do all that I can to completely respect her boundaries. Notice, she still wanted me to continue talking to her in person (as acquaintances), and then she decided to completely cut me off.
I didn't confuse friendliness and kindness for 'flirting' and 'feelings' - it was her behaviourial change, after I told her that I flirt a lot with other girls, that made me think this.
"Also, you seem quite bold in flirting, it was quite an unexpected move and it got me a bit uncomfortable. But I understand, of course, each person has their own technique, not judging, just saying. I am sorry again for this.. hope you understand. Let's just take it on a shallow level right now.. maybe some time in the future when you have found someone or things have changed for you a bit we could be better friends." Despite previously writing, with regards, to the flirting, "No problem whatsoever I know you didn't know [that I have a boyfriend] ".
The way she spoke to me changed, after she unblocked me. Before the unfriending, she was very kind and supportive; she had a conversation with me despite having an exam the very next day. She wrote very long and supportive text when I first hinted to her that I had depression. It was her that initiated the good conversation we had moments after she'd told me about her boyfriend. So for her to unfriend me the very next day was really confusing to me.
After she unfriended me, the way she spoke to me changed a lot. And whenever I typed the word 'INTJ' she would quickly change the subject. And the fact that she called me "a wonderful person" and then got "angry" at me again, for seemingly no reason, is what is also confusing to me.
I think she had the potential to be a very great friend. I wouldn't have minded if she, even, made 'rules' for when and where we can talk (so as long it isn't exclusively just face-to-face conversations). The type of great connection we had (before the unfriending) made me really want to be her friend. Despite everything that happened, I still think she's a good person, it's just that something went wrong between us. When I first spoke to her in the cafe, she was very nice and inviting. I remember, during the conversation, she dropped a bit of cheese from her sandwich, I didn't even see it, but she started blushing and acting very shy, while trying to wipe the bacon from the table with her hands. When I asked her "What's that?", she replied "I was trying to hide it from you" with a shy voice. This occurrence either highlights how self-conscious she is or how 'innocent' she is (or both).
I am not sure if it was pity she felt, because she was quite invested in the conversation we had, she even said that the conversations were "very smooth and genuine". She even seemed happy when I told her that I think we could be great friends.
I am not quite sure how she can claim she was "trying not to hurt me" when she blocked me twice, and did so while knowing how depressed I was (and still am). I don't even understand why she blocked me the first time (the second time is more understandable).
I didn't confuse friendliness and kindness for 'flirting' and 'feelings' - it was her behaviourial change, after I told her that I flirt a lot with other girls, that made me think this.
"Also, you seem quite bold in flirting, it was quite an unexpected move and it got me a bit uncomfortable. But I understand, of course, each person has their own technique, not judging, just saying. I am sorry again for this.. hope you understand. Let's just take it on a shallow level right now.. maybe some time in the future when you have found someone or things have changed for you a bit we could be better friends." Despite previously writing, with regards, to the flirting, "No problem whatsoever I know you didn't know [that I have a boyfriend] ".
The way she spoke to me changed, after she unblocked me. Before the unfriending, she was very kind and supportive; she had a conversation with me despite having an exam the very next day. She wrote very long and supportive text when I first hinted to her that I had depression. It was her that initiated the good conversation we had moments after she'd told me about her boyfriend. So for her to unfriend me the very next day was really confusing to me.
After she unfriended me, the way she spoke to me changed a lot. And whenever I typed the word 'INTJ' she would quickly change the subject. And the fact that she called me "a wonderful person" and then got "angry" at me again, for seemingly no reason, is what is also confusing to me.
I think she had the potential to be a very great friend. I wouldn't have minded if she, even, made 'rules' for when and where we can talk (so as long it isn't exclusively just face-to-face conversations). The type of great connection we had (before the unfriending) made me really want to be her friend. Despite everything that happened, I still think she's a good person, it's just that something went wrong between us. When I first spoke to her in the cafe, she was very nice and inviting. I remember, during the conversation, she dropped a bit of cheese from her sandwich, I didn't even see it, but she started blushing and acting very shy, while trying to wipe the bacon from the table with her hands. When I asked her "What's that?", she replied "I was trying to hide it from you" with a shy voice. This occurrence either highlights how self-conscious she is or how 'innocent' she is (or both).
I am not sure if it was pity she felt, because she was quite invested in the conversation we had, she even said that the conversations were "very smooth and genuine". She even seemed happy when I told her that I think we could be great friends.
I am not quite sure how she can claim she was "trying not to hurt me" when she blocked me twice, and did so while knowing how depressed I was (and still am). I don't even understand why she blocked me the first time (the second time is more understandable).
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by Summerdays
Three months ago ago, I randomly started talking to a girl that goes to my college; we started talking as soon as I sat next to her in a cafe at my college. We both enjoyed the conversation, so much so that we added each other on facebook. I started seeing her more regularly at the section of the library that I usually study at; I would chat to her briefly, each time I saw her.
A week later, I decided to flirt with her a bit because I didn't want her to friendzone me - I thought she was single. A few hours after flirting with her, she messaged me to inform me that she is taken. She still wanted me to be her friend, and so did I. That very same day, we both found out that we share the same MBTI personality type (INTJ); I was so excited when she told me that. Our conversations became deeper and more meaningful the second we found out.
But then the strangest thing happened the very next day... She unfriended me on facebook. At first, I assumed it was her boyfriend that made her do it. After politely asking her why was I unfriended, she told me that the reason why she unfriended me is because she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to keep in contact with me considering, in her point of view, that I liked her more than a friend. I tried my very hardest to convince her that I hd no feelings for her, and that I will prevent any feelings from ever interfering with our friendship, but she still insisted on cutting contact with me. She eventually blocked me that very same day, before unblocking me the very next day (for, largely, unknown reasons). Her reasoning is that she fears that I will develop stronger feelings for her if I keep talking to her. Yet, she still wanted us to to talk to her IN PERSON whenever I see her; she wants us to be acquaintances.
After giving her 6 weeks worth of space, I decided to facebook message her again. I informed her, in that message, that I want to tell her some things, but it would take me about a week to write them down (mainly, due to exams). In that same message, I also wrote "I hope your emotions are no longer an issue".
It was a bad move, in retrospect, because her reply was "I think we shouldn't talk in any way. And my emotions do not play a role here. Bye!" She quickly blocked me after that. I still emailed her immediately after she'd block me - I told her that "It's quite obvious that you had feelings for me; I was wondering why your personality changed on the Saturday that we last spoke." The e-mail wasn't aggressive, but I tried my best to convey disappointment.
Two months later, and she's still, very much, in my mind. She's a big WHAT IF to me - because I only knew her for 8 days. I haven't see her at all, on campus, since the day that she unfriended me. I presume that she decided to stop coming to the library that is located at the main campus.
This whole situation, admittedly, made me even more depressed than I was before I knew her. I had so many things that I wanted to discuss with her. We got on so well. I even wrote a poem about her (a week after she blocked me for the second time - I didn't sent it to her).
But please read the conversation, because this overview doesn't do the actual situation justice, I don't think.
A week later, I decided to flirt with her a bit because I didn't want her to friendzone me - I thought she was single. A few hours after flirting with her, she messaged me to inform me that she is taken. She still wanted me to be her friend, and so did I. That very same day, we both found out that we share the same MBTI personality type (INTJ); I was so excited when she told me that. Our conversations became deeper and more meaningful the second we found out.
But then the strangest thing happened the very next day... She unfriended me on facebook. At first, I assumed it was her boyfriend that made her do it. After politely asking her why was I unfriended, she told me that the reason why she unfriended me is because she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to keep in contact with me considering, in her point of view, that I liked her more than a friend. I tried my very hardest to convince her that I hd no feelings for her, and that I will prevent any feelings from ever interfering with our friendship, but she still insisted on cutting contact with me. She eventually blocked me that very same day, before unblocking me the very next day (for, largely, unknown reasons). Her reasoning is that she fears that I will develop stronger feelings for her if I keep talking to her. Yet, she still wanted us to to talk to her IN PERSON whenever I see her; she wants us to be acquaintances.
After giving her 6 weeks worth of space, I decided to facebook message her again. I informed her, in that message, that I want to tell her some things, but it would take me about a week to write them down (mainly, due to exams). In that same message, I also wrote "I hope your emotions are no longer an issue".
It was a bad move, in retrospect, because her reply was "I think we shouldn't talk in any way. And my emotions do not play a role here. Bye!" She quickly blocked me after that. I still emailed her immediately after she'd block me - I told her that "It's quite obvious that you had feelings for me; I was wondering why your personality changed on the Saturday that we last spoke." The e-mail wasn't aggressive, but I tried my best to convey disappointment.
Two months later, and she's still, very much, in my mind. She's a big WHAT IF to me - because I only knew her for 8 days. I haven't see her at all, on campus, since the day that she unfriended me. I presume that she decided to stop coming to the library that is located at the main campus.
This whole situation, admittedly, made me even more depressed than I was before I knew her. I had so many things that I wanted to discuss with her. We got on so well. I even wrote a poem about her (a week after she blocked me for the second time - I didn't sent it to her).
But please read the conversation, because this overview doesn't do the actual situation justice, I don't think.
If she has a boyfriend there is no way you should even bother giving it a shot ... it means she's not loyal and will most likely do the same thing to you as she's done to him.
Original post by Dodgy Git
If she has a boyfriend there is no way you should even bother giving it a shot ... it means she's not loyal and will most likely do the same thing to you as she's done to him.
I truly wanted her as a friend - I like befriending females because I am more accustomed to them; I am the only male in my immediate family. .
Original post by Summerdays
I truly wanted her as a friend - I like befriending females because I am more accustomed to them; I am the only male in my immediate family. .
If you wanted her as a friend then go ahead ... anything more, don't bother.
Original post by Dodgy Git
If you wanted her as a friend then go ahead ... anything more, don't bother.
She said she doesn't want to be my friend and has blocked me. Did you read either of the summaries I posted?
Original post by Summerdays
She said she doesn't want to be my friend and has blocked me. Did you read either of the summaries I posted?
No ... I grabbed on to what others were saying ...
If she blocked you and doesn't want you as a friend, you need to move on and pick up the pieces.
Original post by Dodgy Git
No ... I grabbed on to what others were saying ...
If she blocked you and doesn't want you as a friend, you need to move on and pick up the pieces.
If she blocked you and doesn't want you as a friend, you need to move on and pick up the pieces.
Yeah, I'll never talk to her again (unless, which I severely doubt) she decides to start talking to me again. But I am still confused on why she did what she did in the manner she did it. I would be able to move on much faster if I knew why.
Original post by Summerdays
Yeah, I#ll never talk to her again (unless, which I severely doubt) she decides to start talking to me again. But I am still confused on why she did what she did in the manner she did it. I would be able to move on much faster if I knew why.
I guess you'll never know exactly why she did it, unless you ask her, but my guess is that her boyfriend found out, they had a row and agreed to block you.
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