paranoia and insecurity in relationships driving me crazy

what do you do when youre paranoid and insecure?

id talk to your boyfriend about why you're insecure. don't ever accuse your bf or stop him doing anything, but just let him know when something is playing on your mind and he should put you at ease

use your common sense too and don't get paranoid about every tiny little thing, vent to a friend if you need to

I dont think I do but apparently I interrogate.

He has a friend that in the past he has wanted to sleep with. I spoke with him and he said he likes talking to her and is pretty but isnt interested in her. He said i should stop being paranoid as he doesnt get in relationships often and isnt interested in anyone else. He knows i dont like it that they talk but he isnt going to stop talking to her. I have been obsessing over it the last few days. Nothing i can do

yeah honestly you just have to trust him. unless they talk really regularly then tbh i would worry :P do you trust he loves you? focus on being happy and appreciative for everything he does for you, and focus on showing him you love him too. as long as he loves you he wont hurt you, you have to believe that

Firstly, I'm so sorry to hear you have had bad experiences and been hurt in the past. However, at 25, I'm sure you can acknowledge that it is not healthy for you (or your partners) for you to carry these scars into future relationships. When you 'interrogate' it is likely that you will hear things that will affect your feelings and ego. You also can't expect partners not to talk to friends; it's unrealistic, unfair and nobody is going to respect a control freak. When you make demands, first you should think how you would (honestly) feel if the same was asked of you. You cannot hold your present boyfriend responsible for the sins of your previous boyfriends. This is not to say that your present boyfriend is not now or ever will be, in a given situation ,a complete douche. However, you get to choose whether you spend your days together paranoid and miserable or enjoy your relationship in a trusting, mutually respectful manner until such a time as you feel you need to re- assess. If he is making you unhappy, even after some self reflection and evaluation then the relationship will not work regardless of his 'actual' fidelity. I hope you find happiness and peace with your insecurities , most men really aren't dirtbags x

We haven't said the L word to each other yet. I don't think he feels that strong for me yet :-/ which is another worry. I know what you mean though and I will try to keep focusing on the positive.

how long have you been together?

Yes I do recognise it is not healthy hence the post. I have never told him not to talk to them but there is 1 I feel uncomfortable with as he nearly slept with her just before we started dating.

I feel like I can't control my paranoia. I dont know how to get over my insecurities I dont know what I can do to stop it.

Good morning. I understand it is hard when you have been hurt in the past to trust your own instincts. Have any of these men actually cheated on you ? You have mentioned their behaviour before or after you were dating or what they claim were their feelings during your relationship, but 'confessed' after. When you feel you have been lied to, it is understandable that you would be cautious after. It is when this turns into the spiral of paranoia etc that it needs to be addressed . You seem to be at this point now , hence your post. I understand the feeling of 'what ifs', and picking at the scab can become addictive ...even self indulgent. What is the worst thing that can happen if you imagine these 'what ifs' to their finality ? ...and then what would happen after? If this guy is a douche , then he is going to be one regardless of how much you are torturing yourself by thinking about all the ways he could hurt you. The only thing you can do is deal with the eventuality if it occurs (i.e move on!)
It sounds simplistic but can I suggest a distraction whenever you are feeling like this. The moment you start imagining what your bf might/ would/ could do then go and do something to occupy your mind. If you want to limit a thought process then a physical intervention can quite often be effective.
Also think about the things that he does and attributes that are positive..... If these are few or make you think '....Meh' ...then maybe you do need to go fishing for a better 'fish'. May I ask, does he just talk to this girl or openly flirt with her ( laughing and banter is not the same as flirting). x