Sex drive differences - early 20s

My current boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. He was on his phone texting his friend whilst we were lying next to each other watching a film and I just happened to catch a glimpse of the conversation…

He’s messaged his friend and basically said that my sex drive was unmanageable, if he knew he’d have dipped when he could, how it gets super annoying.. the friend was talking about a girl he’d gone on some dates with for reference.

We had no issues within our sex life as far as I could tell for the first 7+ months, he seemed really into it… he’d initiate sex & seemed like he generally wanted to.

The past 3 months have been awful sexually..
- The very few times we’ve done “it” he’s either ejaculated within seconds (less than 15/20 seconds) or has gone soft before penetrating.
- He never offers to do anything for my pleasure -anymore - fingering etc.

I’m starting to worry about whether he’s still attracted to me or if he actually ever wants to have sex. I wouldn’t say my sex drive is ridiculously high, I only see him on weekends and out of choice would want to do it 1-2 times over the 24 hour period that we spend together. I don’t think 1-2 times is obsessed…

I feel totally embarrassed that he’s gone and spoken to his friend about this & I feel as though he’s made me sound like some sex pest… he’s very attractive & gets a lot of unwanted female attention when we go clubbing etc. I’m simply attracted to him & want the occasional intimacy.

We get on really well most of the time, he’s very affectionate in terms of cuddles/kisses, I’ve met all his friends/family & he always talks about the future.

Are there’s differences likely to end in a failed relationship?
Any advice would be amazing!

Reply 1

medievilq

Other things stressing him and that is now affecting ur relationship. Sometimes his coping mechanisms doesn’t event make him understand that whatever issue he is facing is being a stress on him. Hence when u ask him he will say he’s handling it but at the same time he has crazy sleep patterns and low libido. It’s not you but other things going on in his life that he has not been getting the results he desires

Reply 2

Zarek

Sex drive mismatch comes up in most long term relationships, it just has to be discussed and negotiated. Does seem a bit extreme to brand you insatiable

Reply 3

xxColinxx

Were there any other obvious life changes he experienced that overlapped with the change in his sex drive/sexual behavior?

Otherwise, he might be getting bored in the relationship. As a guy, and from other guys I've known and talked to along the way, we sometimes lose interest after a while in a relationship...the spark starts to go away, including sexually. And then when things do slow down, maybe the WORST thing is to be asked directly about it...
"Are you attracted to me?"
"Do you enjoy when we have sex?"
Stuff like that...

It just makes it more uncomfortable and makes an already delicate situation even worse.

So instead maybe you could just try to keep things fresh and interesting by initiating in different ways or different places. Not that it should be on YOU to put in all the effort... but hopefully you could figure out something that helps light a spark so that he then bounces back with more energy.

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