Feel like I'm not intelligent enough to be social?

You know that painful realisation...

I feel like I'm doomed to be lonely, becuase I'm not smart enough to converse with other people. I struggle to make friends and the few times I do make friends, I lose them quickly as they find out how boring I am. I only really realised that it's pointless to try and improve when I was in this icebreaker thing at university, whihc forced us to interact with other people on the course. On this, I failed massively, and I as I saw people easily conversing with one another, seeing friendships form right there. I was just there, in awkward silence with this guy, despite his best attempts to chat me up. This happened again and again, unitl the session was done. I've had moments like these before, but that moment is where it hit me that it's hopelesss, I will never have proper friends, ever. I'm too stupid.

Reply 1

RayApparently

21

Well the way you write suggests you're smarter than a great many other posters here on TSR.

Reply 2

MyName??!

13

Original post by Anonymous

You know that painful realisation...

I feel like I'm doomed to be lonely, becuase I'm not smart enough to converse with other people. I struggle to make friends and the few times I do make friends, I lose them quickly as they find out how boring I am. I only really realised that it's pointless to try and improve when I was in this icebreaker thing at university, whihc forced us to interact with other people on the course. On this, I failed massively, and I as I saw people easily conversing with one another, seeing friendships form right there. I was just there, in awkward silence with this guy, despite his best attempts to chat me up. This happened again and again, unitl the session was done. I've had moments like these before, but that moment is where it hit me that it's hopelesss, I will never have proper friends, ever. I'm too stupid.

Who says you have to be intelligent to be social? There's no art or science behind being able to make friends or just to have a conversation.

Reply 3

Brandon26

Everyone is different buddy! It's hard but the trick is not to think about it too much. Go about your business as usual day by day and the right friends will come along. Just be a nice person and people will appreciate you for it.

The friends you have also change over time. In Sixth Form and uni I had a set of friends who I have very limited contact with these days. My new friends are totally new. I only have 4 friends I could class as "long time friends".

Don't overthink it buddy. It might be worthwhile making an effort and joining social groups at uni or your local community. As you get older it gets harder to get out and meet new people but being part of some sort of association or group keeps the door to meeting new people open.

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Reply 4

avengerguardian

Original post by Anonymous

You know that painful realisation...

I feel like I'm doomed to be lonely, becuase I'm not smart enough to converse with other people. I struggle to make friends and the few times I do make friends, I lose them quickly as they find out how boring I am. I only really realised that it's pointless to try and improve when I was in this icebreaker thing at university, whihc forced us to interact with other people on the course. On this, I failed massively, and I as I saw people easily conversing with one another, seeing friendships form right there. I was just there, in awkward silence with this guy, despite his best attempts to chat me up. This happened again and again, unitl the session was done. I've had moments like these before, but that moment is where it hit me that it's hopelesss, I will never have proper friends, ever. I'm too stupid.

Man, I feel like you.

I feel as i try too hard and when i reflect about how i act in the day, i dont like that person i was being.
So i'm going to change for the new term. I'm going to attempt to join societies which really do interest me, rather than the majority of my flat mates want to join.

Don't worry we'll hopefully get there someday

I hope it works well for me...

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 5

turn-to-page394

16

Intelligence does NOT equate to social skills.

And I'm really shy but my way of dealing with 'ice-breaker' situations is just to think : Whatever. It doesn't matter. Just go for it.

Try not to think too much in those situations. Just go with the situation and if it's stagnating, ask them something about themselves (not random but kind of related question).

If in doubt, talk about the weather. Meh. :biggrin:

Reply 6

Casun

You're not alone man, thank you for making me realize that im not either.

Reply 7

CharlieCa50

1

You will find a group of friends who share the same social impairment as you. That doesn't mean you won't have anything to talk about. It simply means your conversations will be limited towards more simpler topics like for example hey John. Hi Paul. What did you do today? I went to see a movie with a friend. Oh cool what was the movie? Oh I saw that movie it was awesome. What are you doing this weekend? Not to much what do you have in mind? I was thinking we can go camping some fishing etc. Now if you know absolutely nothing about fishing and your new friends do this would be a great way to learn slowly what the names of each fish is and everything about fishing. They won't expect you to know this but will be willing to teach you. Now you are knowledgeable on the topic of fishing. The problem with Social interactions is you basically have to find people that match your mental requirements. If you're invited to have coffee with a group of people you just met where as they may all assume you are highly Intelligent and Intellectual and will expect you to understand their in depth conversations whether it may be Politics, Religion, Cultures, History, Famous Painters and perhaps using alternate 10 dollar words replacing the customary words we may be accustomed too.They will be quick to assess you by the way you talk, the way you act, whether or not you have any knowledge to be able to communicate with them and if you do not fit their mental requirements they may come to the conclusion that you have mental deficiency disorders.They may question you whether or not you did poorly in school putting you in a very uncomfortable situation and you will find that those friends have nothing in common with you and may never ever call you. You have the choice whether to be educated and knowledgeable or to remain alone or perhaps within a small group of people. Reading every day. Read about Politics, Religion, History cultures, Physics, Astronomy, . Learn about Globalization and our Environment. Know your Geography. Know your Science and it's always good to know new words that people may introduce to you. By self improvement you will notice a big change in your social skills and this will boost your self esteem and you will not fear the social interaction that is required to make and keep friends.

Reply 8

Valerian190

1

Well. I'm the same. My parents keep saying that i have friends and they like me. But honestly they just roast me because of anything i do. There's nothing i want to try. I've not been impressing someone. There's no point for me. Nobody likes me, if you start think about it. It feels like you're just alone. You do your own stuff. The stuff you love. And you can keep that feeling away from you. If you're bored. Just let your parents know about it. Tell them you want to go somewhere out. In a park. Nature. Somewhere to chill. Take a break.

Feel like I'm not intelligent enough to be social?

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