Incapable of making friends at the age of 23?

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By instigating friendships, I mean (for example) when I first moved into halls as an undergrad, this girl who was in the room across from me was the complete opposite of me - she was bubbly and enthusiastic, she offered to show me around etc, and that started our friendship. It's more that they instigate the conversation, and it all depends if you click (which we did, like any friendship). So, people have started conversations with me and I've reciprocated, and it's developed. I stay in touch with these friends, only went to stay with one the other month. I was so lucky in the sense that these girls were just as eccentric as me, very like minded with similar senses of humour which helped no end.

I completely agree with your point about Facebook, which is why I dislike it so much. I know most of it is superficial, but it's just the whole idea that I've said hello and smiled to some of those people on my course, just like many others, however no one ever seems to consider me.

That's the whole problem, I am torn, 60% of me wants to actively seek friendships, but the other part of me doesn't care. Maybe I'm convincing myself that I don't care when maybe deep down I do, but I don't know what to think anymore.

I do go to the gym, but I prefer to go on my own. But it's actually finding people in the first place to go with to other things such as the cinema.

I will always keep in touch with those I met as an undergrad, and I do make an effort. Also, I never really implied I wanted a massive group of friends, all I want is one good friend that will stick. I've tried to leave my comfort soon, but it never works, and I wouldn't have the courage to talk to a stranger!

maybe youre just lucky in that youve met a lot of extroverts whove made a huge effort to seek out friendships, like i said ive always had to initiate conversations with other people, i dont think ive ever had someone come up to me and say hey. and im an introvert! so you should see it as a positive that people do wanna talk to you, get to know you and make the effort with you :smile:

it means you probably seem approachable yknow?

if you clicked with these people then its maybe a good idea to try as much as you can to stay in touch, even if youre miles apart or drift, some friendships like that do last 'forever'.

i completely understand what you mean about people no considering you, i feel that too. i think its more about the other people than it being anything personal about you, like some people are just so wrapped up in their own bubble they dont even think to message you or invite you to things. its not because they purposely think "i wont bother talking to her", more that talking to you doesnt cross their minds, if that makes sense? im the type of person where i always make the effort with the majority of people i know, but there will be the odd person where if im going to the pub or that, i dont invite them, not cos i purposely dont want them there, i just dont consider them? i think it can depend on a lot of things, you just have to try to meet people youll click with, which wont be everyone, it does get harder in your 20s cos people tend to cling onto one or two people and neglect everyone else, not because they dont like you or dont think youre a close friend, but more cos of their own insecurity/fear of being alone.

I know what you mean, in the past ive said to myself ill join clubs and societies at uni cos i really do wanna make new friends, then ive gone the whole year and not even bothered. i think it really does take effort, you really have to push yourself to go out there and try new things. for some people that takes a lot, i was gonna go to an art club one night and spent the whole day torn arguing to myself 'i cba going, i wont know anyone there, itll be awkward, itll be a waste of time' and 'no you should go, itll be fine, youll meet new people, you want to make new friends'. eventually i did go, and it turned out fine, i spoke to 4 people and they all seemed nice enough, im hoping if i go regularly who knows friendships might happen, if they dont, then i still tried and pushed myself out of my comfort zone.

so i think it really does come down to you and how much effort you put it, yeah its really hard at first, but if you put off doing these things now youll only wish you had later yknow?

sorry if i implied you wanted a big group, its more i meant that sometimes its better to have one or two close friends you can rely on and trust fully, like quality over quantity :smile:

Reply 21

DeceitfulDove

I have no advice, just popped in to say you're doing better than me :ahee:

In second year now, have made one friend since freshers last year and I think others would call her an 'acquaintance', the thought of inviting her out for something other than walking to our lectures terrifies me :yy:

and to be honest, I'm happy with it this way, I don't have the time, effort or emotional capability for real friends.

It sounds like you're on the right path, at least you've attempted going to things. And you said you made proper friends at undergrad so you know you have it in you.

Reply 22

azizuddin123

don't worry bro I'm not even on Facebook your not alone keep really busy get a job study hard don't bother about friends

Reply 23

Bkhall

You should like me honestly, congratulations on the weight loss that’s really great, I know this was 5 years ago but can I ask if you ever made any friends?