Bf is always late when we meet

Hi i’m not sure whether to feel some type of way but we are currently arguing as i confronted him saying that this is the 6th time he’s been late on meeting me or meeting at our original meet up spot. i live outside of london and he lives in london closer to the meet up spot but i always manage to get there early or on time. He always sleeps late due to gaming & wakes up late despite him knowing we have plans for the next day. I don’t know what to do cos it upsets me and i’ve expressed it to him but i don’t think he knows how upset it makes me feel

I think you have every right to be upset. It may not sound significant, but in being late he is effectively deciding that his time is more valuable than your time, and that is not acceptable. The fact that he knows of these plans but still stays up late gaming and doesn't wake up in time just demonstrates a lack of maturity. It's very much something a child would do and not an adult. What does he say when you raise this with him?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Crazy Jamie

I think you have every right to be upset. It may not sound significant, but in being late he is effectively deciding that his time is more valuable than your time, and that is not acceptable. The fact that he knows of these plans but still stays up late gaming and doesn't wake up in time just demonstrates a lack of maturity. It's very much something a child would do and not an adult. What does he say when you raise this with him?

When i brought it up to him walking to the station he said i was creating a scene. he tried to apologise on the phone when i got home but at this point it seems insincere. i always tell him actions speak louder than word s

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Oh I am in the same situation!
I also live outside of London but not that far, and he lives in central london.
Whenever, we make plans to meet, he is always late even though he lives so close to the meeting place, sometimes even like a 20 minutes bus journey for him while for me, it takes like 45 minutes by train but I still always end up making it on time.
I often want to bring it up but I also know its because he's got really bad time management skills and he often watching youtube and texting friends so he lost track of the time and he will need to rush to get there and end up being late. It makes me very angry but I just don't want to argue anymore, it makes me tired so I just don't put it in my mind.
How long have you been together and how old are you both? If he's kind of young, maybe it makes sense cause that might just be down to him being immature and a bit selfish

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous #2

Oh I am in the same situation!
I also live outside of London but not that far, and he lives in central london.
Whenever, we make plans to meet, he is always late even though he lives so close to the meeting place, sometimes even like a 20 minutes bus journey for him while for me, it takes like 45 minutes by train but I still always end up making it on time.
I often want to bring it up but I also know its because he's got really bad time management skills and he often watching youtube and texting friends so he lost track of the time and he will need to rush to get there and end up being late. It makes me very angry but I just don't want to argue anymore, it makes me tired so I just don't put it in my mind.
How long have you been together and how old are you both? If he's kind of young, maybe it makes sense cause that might just be down to him being immature and a bit selfish

WE ARE IN THE SAME POSITION OMG we deserve better (joke..maybe) i’m 21, he’s 23. i know it’s childish to post on a threads channel but i needed to know whether i was in the wrong or not. he literally woke up late today because he stayed up till 6am to game like????))))

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous #2

Oh I am in the same situation!
I also live outside of London but not that far, and he lives in central london.
Whenever, we make plans to meet, he is always late even though he lives so close to the meeting place, sometimes even like a 20 minutes bus journey for him while for me, it takes like 45 minutes by train but I still always end up making it on time.
I often want to bring it up but I also know its because he's got really bad time management skills and he often watching youtube and texting friends so he lost track of the time and he will need to rush to get there and end up being late. It makes me very angry but I just don't want to argue anymore, it makes me tired so I just don't put it in my mind.
How long have you been together and how old are you both? If he's kind of young, maybe it makes sense cause that might just be down to him being immature and a bit selfish

also been together for 2 and a half years lol. you need to communicate the issue with him otherwise it will never get sorted. boys have to be constantly reminded they’re so blind

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous #1

Hi i’m not sure whether to feel some type of way but we are currently arguing as i confronted him saying that this is the 6th time he’s been late on meeting me or meeting at our original meet up spot. i live outside of london and he lives in london closer to the meet up spot but i always manage to get there early or on time. He always sleeps late due to gaming & wakes up late despite him knowing we have plans for the next day. I don’t know what to do cos it upsets me and i’ve expressed it to him but i don’t think he knows how upset it makes me feel

Wake up and break up.

1.

You've discussed it with him - he hasn't changed and he doesn't realize what he's doing is wrong.

2.

He doesn't prioritise you - he prefers to play games and wake up late knowing that he's going out with you - he doesnt care.

3.

You said that he said that your making a scene - he's trying to make you think that this isnt a big deal and to just deflect. Again, doesn't want to understand anything.

Whether you've only been together for 3 months or for 3 years, both sides of the relationship should be putting effort in which he clearly isn't.
People may say that he's young and doesn't realise. Unless the man is 12(i hope not), then i doubt this. Just because you are young doesn't mean your blinded from your priorities.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #1

WE ARE IN THE SAME POSITION OMG we deserve better (joke..maybe) i’m 21, he’s 23. i know it’s childish to post on a threads channel but i needed to know whether i was in the wrong or not. he literally woke up late today because he stayed up till 6am to game like????))))

For me, we've been together for about 3 years now. Yesterday he made me so angry again. He keeps saying things and then forgets- last night, he called me when he was walking on the way back home and then said he will call when he is back and finished eating, so he text me saying he finished eating and said he will call in 10 minutes, so I waited and then nothing. An hour later, he texts to say 'I am so sleepy, goodnight'. That's so selfish and inconsiderate.

And two weeks ago, he said he would call at 7pm the previous day but then he forgot because he had to go an interview but I was waiting for him. And then when I called and said how come I didnt hear from him and that I want to break up with him, he got all emotional and angry saying that why can't I support him and that he wouldn't do that again and explain if he can't make it. But it happened again yesterday.

I agree with you- we do deserve better. We deserve someone who actually shows up for us and makes the time regardless if they are so busy.

Reply 8

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous #1

also been together for 2 and a half years lol. you need to communicate the issue with him otherwise it will never get sorted. boys have to be constantly reminded they’re so blind

I'm going to do something about it though- I'm gonna pretend like I'm so busy and then when he calls either I don't answer or I tell him that I'll be done in like 15 minutes and then he call back which I wouldn't answer.
When people realise they are in the process of losing someone, they will start making an effort and appreciate more.

It is definitely worth saying that guys are more prone to these sorts of maturity issues. The brain isn't fully developed until about the age of 25 anyway, but even beyond that it just takes longer for guys to mature into properly functioning adults. I'm not going to suggest that there weren't times (probably quite a lot of times) when I stayed up late playing video games at the age of 23, nor am I going to suggest that I was the best boyfriend there ever was at that age. I know full well now (in my late 30s) that I can and should have been better sooner. However, turning up on time for your commitments shouldn't be an issue at the age of 23. Turning up to see your girlfriend, particularly of several years, shouldn't be an issue either. As I say, it is disrespectful and shows a lack of interest in your own feelings, and I just don't think that's acceptable. Whilst I'm not going to suggest that someone breaks up with their other half over time management skills, I also very much doubt that this is the only occasion when this sort of lack of appreciation of your own feelings shows itself. It is important to remember how old both of you are; at the ages of 21 and 23 I do still think you're closer to children than fully fledged adults. But at the same time even at that age you deserve to be with someone who prioritises your own emotional wellbeing, and can support and love you in a way that should be standard in an established relationship. If he doesn't do that despite your best efforts, you should find someone who will.

Reply 10

Dunnig Kruger

16

Deploy the same principles that would apply to a business meeting. Where good practise is that being up to 20 minutes late is acceptable. We can all get held up by traffic etc. If you will be more than 20 minutes late you phone or text the person you are meeting to let them know. And then allow them to make the decision as to whether to accept your late arrival or to cancel and reschedule the whole meeting.

Let your boyfriend know that you will be applying the same rules. Up to 20 minutes late and you will take no negative inference from his arrival time. At the 20 minute mark, if he hasn't contacted you, you will get on with your day without him. If he does contact you, you can respond with something vague that will leave him wondering, such as "'I've bumped into an old friend." Or "You'll never guess who I've just met! 🙂 " (it could be the ticket collector with whom you exchanged 2 words). And then don't wait for him at the meeting place. Do something else. If he gets there and asks where you are you can reply with a "I thought I'd made it clear I wasn't waiting for you." Or a "Sorry got sidetracked whilst waiting for you. I'll be there as soon as I can. ❤️ " (turn up an hour and a quarter later).

The main thing is that you are applying a clear boundary. One where you are being tolerant over the minor thing of him being 19 minutes late. And where you are assertive over the more important thing of him being 21 or more minutes late.
It's also one where you're aiming to maintain your frame. Which is that every day is a great day for you. And that if he's excessively late that's not going to spoil your frame. You're just gonna deploy Plan B or Plan C for having a great day. You're also going to leave it to his imagination as to what exactly you got up to without him.

Edit: And for dealing with habitually late boyfriends: decline one in three to one in six of his date offers. Decline more often when his timekeeping has been particularly bad. Decline even if you've got nothing better to do. The aim of this is to demonstrate that he can't just take your time and availability for granted.

(edited 2 months ago)

Bf is always late when we meet

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