Favouritism towards one child.
Hi, basically I'm a 20 yo male and I have a half sister who is 7. My father has never shown love for me whereas the daughter is pampered and treated like a princess. He makes time to see her and do activities with her, and is acting like the perfect father figure for her. When I was a kid, there was a lot of tension in the family and my parents split up as a reason, but ever since I have never been close to my father. I've seen him regularly but it was almost as if he "had to" take me out, rather than him wanting to see me.
Even now, he will sometimes ask me to "tag along" when he's with his daughter going for a meal or movie etc. but she will always get priority for even the tiniest of things. This isn't a case of sibling jealousy, it's just that my father is showing complete favouritism to one child and this bugs me.
This causes tension between me and my mother as she isn't happy the way I am being treated, and therefore doesn't want me to see him at times. I have even tried talking Ito my dad about this when I have breakdowns but he simply denies it and thinks I'm being an idiot for saying that.
I would really like some advice on how to approach this, thanks for reading.
Anon as I know people here.
Even now, he will sometimes ask me to "tag along" when he's with his daughter going for a meal or movie etc. but she will always get priority for even the tiniest of things. This isn't a case of sibling jealousy, it's just that my father is showing complete favouritism to one child and this bugs me.
This causes tension between me and my mother as she isn't happy the way I am being treated, and therefore doesn't want me to see him at times. I have even tried talking Ito my dad about this when I have breakdowns but he simply denies it and thinks I'm being an idiot for saying that.
I would really like some advice on how to approach this, thanks for reading.
Anon as I know people here.
Hi
Some of it could be due to Age, your father would have grown and poss trying to make up for things he missed out on with you even poss subconsciously,
Have you tried writing to him explain how you felt when you was younger how you feel now, give examples of the favouritism, it can often be easier to say all you want to on paper and also gives the recipient time to mull it over rather than the direct response required in face to face conversation ?
I think it is also very important for you to tell him what it is you want from him, a 7 year old child is much easier to accommodate and please than a 20 year old man, so some pointer to give him a chance may help.
Obv your mum is slightly biased as 1 she has a negative history will dad and 2- she sees her son being upset which is completely normal but also in some cases where you seem to want to resolve this its not always the most helpful
Good Luck
Some of it could be due to Age, your father would have grown and poss trying to make up for things he missed out on with you even poss subconsciously,
Have you tried writing to him explain how you felt when you was younger how you feel now, give examples of the favouritism, it can often be easier to say all you want to on paper and also gives the recipient time to mull it over rather than the direct response required in face to face conversation ?
I think it is also very important for you to tell him what it is you want from him, a 7 year old child is much easier to accommodate and please than a 20 year old man, so some pointer to give him a chance may help.
Obv your mum is slightly biased as 1 she has a negative history will dad and 2- she sees her son being upset which is completely normal but also in some cases where you seem to want to resolve this its not always the most helpful
Good Luck
Original post by sambob73
Hi
Some of it could be due to Age, your father would have grown and poss trying to make up for things he missed out on with you even poss subconsciously,
Have you tried writing to him explain how you felt when you was younger how you feel now, give examples of the favouritism, it can often be easier to say all you want to on paper and also gives the recipient time to mull it over rather than the direct response required in face to face conversation ?
I think it is also very important for you to tell him what it is you want from him, a 7 year old child is much easier to accommodate and please than a 20 year old man, so some pointer to give him a chance may help.
Obv your mum is slightly biased as 1 she has a negative history will dad and 2- she sees her son being upset which is completely normal but also in some cases where you seem to want to resolve this its not always the most helpful
Good Luck
Some of it could be due to Age, your father would have grown and poss trying to make up for things he missed out on with you even poss subconsciously,
Have you tried writing to him explain how you felt when you was younger how you feel now, give examples of the favouritism, it can often be easier to say all you want to on paper and also gives the recipient time to mull it over rather than the direct response required in face to face conversation ?
I think it is also very important for you to tell him what it is you want from him, a 7 year old child is much easier to accommodate and please than a 20 year old man, so some pointer to give him a chance may help.
Obv your mum is slightly biased as 1 she has a negative history will dad and 2- she sees her son being upset which is completely normal but also in some cases where you seem to want to resolve this its not always the most helpful
Good Luck
You're right he probably is trying to make up on what he missed out, but then i end up being the one worse off in both situations. The thing is I can tell that he's disinterested when he's with me, he's got photos of his daughter all around the house, not a single one of me. He buys her every single thing she wants, yet I had to almost beg if I wanted something, and maybe he'd get it for me.
I had a surgery earlier this year and the man didn't even bother to come and see me in hospital, forget asking if I needed any help from him at the time. I often tell him that I am facing this problem or that problem, and he simply doesn't care. It's as if I'm a stranger for him at times.
I have often thought whether it is a good idea to completely avoid him for a few months and then see how things go. The problem with that is that I've done this in the past and he simply doesn't care.
Your not really a child anymore at 20 as you're over 18, I would suggest trying to develop you're own life a bit, join a group/activity/interest/career or find a partner so you're life doesn't revolve around them so much. Could just be you're father is more comfortable displaying his emotions to female, has improved over time or was under too much stress when younger. So seeing as you can't do much about the situation I would move on, probably a lot worse relationship problems out there that people have I would guess.
has he even got childhood pics of you ?
This is obviously bothering you quite deeply and through my own life i can empathize.
I do feel explaining clearly how you feel and what you want from him in writing is the best option, what happens from there only time will tell.
But i do feel it is the only way to give you both a chance to get your heads around it and either move forward or move on.
Take your time with it write it leave it a day or two re read it try not to make it a personal attack on him as that will be counter productive.
Whats your relationship like with your little sister ? ? any animosity there could also aid in the bad feeling, poss take some 1:1 time for just the two of you get to know each other away from dad, this in itself could aid in the healing process
This is obviously bothering you quite deeply and through my own life i can empathize.
I do feel explaining clearly how you feel and what you want from him in writing is the best option, what happens from there only time will tell.
But i do feel it is the only way to give you both a chance to get your heads around it and either move forward or move on.
Take your time with it write it leave it a day or two re read it try not to make it a personal attack on him as that will be counter productive.
Whats your relationship like with your little sister ? ? any animosity there could also aid in the bad feeling, poss take some 1:1 time for just the two of you get to know each other away from dad, this in itself could aid in the healing process
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- The Official Winchester University Offer Holder Thread 2024
- Year 11 student wanting to study at Norland College
- What is your favourite breakfast cereal?
- What to get my partner for our one year anniversary
- A-Level English
- PGCE Primary interview tips and ideas
- KCL vs. UCL (postgraduate psychology)
- What was your favourite TV show as a child?
- Inside the University's quiet study space for families
- Who is your favourite author?
- Kallisto's Sunday Question: board games
- What's the most overrated Christmas song?
- I hate myself
- What was your least favourite TV show as a child?
- gcse speaking exam
- A Christmas carol high level rescoures
- Advice needed!! Speech and Language Therapy (pre-registration)
- Aqa sociology A level
- Im bored AMA
- Can someone mark this Christmas Carol essay for me please?
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 5 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
