should i move on?
so i've known this guy for 1.5 years and i had lied to him about something. i eventually plucked up the courage to be honest with him, and we broke up. after a few months i emailed him with a full explanation and apology as i felt he was too much of a good guy for me to just leave it like that. he was so understanding and he wanted to see how things go even though he didn't want to be serious with anyone just yet (as he wanted some space in that sense) but we eventually ended up talking daily and things were looking good.
recently, he started to reply less and less to me.. and then told me that he still likes me but it just feels weird to him and that right now he doesn't want to try working through itor be serious with anyone, and that he doesn't know if he will ever feel less strange about it so it would be better to end things completely.
i told him that i have put in more than enough effort to be honest and straight with him, i've put in 8 months of trying to rectify my mistake but i cannot do anymore than just be straight with him and it's totally up to him if he thinks he will ever be able to move on from this ordeal. i also said that it's incredibly difficult for me to like someone and for that reason i'd like to perhaps "reintroduce" each other in a year or two.. give each other some space. because he has seriously considered marrying me (we're not the type to date around, mostly for the purpose of marriage) even after i came clean so i do think he's just really confused right now and doesn't want to lead me on about anything. he said he wouldn't mind reintroducing each other in a year or two as he'll probably feel differently with some time and space. he's also the type to not like just anyone. it's been really hard on him, and he knows i've carried this guilt and has told me before too, that i should stop feeling so guilty and he appreciates that i've been honest with him.
so my question is, he definitely seems like a keeper to me.. should i give him the space and reintroduce myself in a year or two.. or should i just move on?
recently, he started to reply less and less to me.. and then told me that he still likes me but it just feels weird to him and that right now he doesn't want to try working through itor be serious with anyone, and that he doesn't know if he will ever feel less strange about it so it would be better to end things completely.
i told him that i have put in more than enough effort to be honest and straight with him, i've put in 8 months of trying to rectify my mistake but i cannot do anymore than just be straight with him and it's totally up to him if he thinks he will ever be able to move on from this ordeal. i also said that it's incredibly difficult for me to like someone and for that reason i'd like to perhaps "reintroduce" each other in a year or two.. give each other some space. because he has seriously considered marrying me (we're not the type to date around, mostly for the purpose of marriage) even after i came clean so i do think he's just really confused right now and doesn't want to lead me on about anything. he said he wouldn't mind reintroducing each other in a year or two as he'll probably feel differently with some time and space. he's also the type to not like just anyone. it's been really hard on him, and he knows i've carried this guilt and has told me before too, that i should stop feeling so guilty and he appreciates that i've been honest with him.
so my question is, he definitely seems like a keeper to me.. should i give him the space and reintroduce myself in a year or two.. or should i just move on?
What was the thing that you lied to him about?
Without sounding harsh, if I assume it's cheating then he's not being unreasonable to not trust you and to feel weird now.
From what I read in your post it seems he stated twice that he wasn't interested in a serious relationship with you, sounds like he's trying to move on but you keep getting back in touch and almost won't let him move on.
My personal advice would be to let him go and move on with his life and both of you try to find someone else to be happy with, rather than keep messing around and causing each other torment and stress.
Maybe see how he is in two years but if you keep contacting him every few months it's not going to give either of you a chance to get past the issue.
Without sounding harsh, if I assume it's cheating then he's not being unreasonable to not trust you and to feel weird now.
From what I read in your post it seems he stated twice that he wasn't interested in a serious relationship with you, sounds like he's trying to move on but you keep getting back in touch and almost won't let him move on.
My personal advice would be to let him go and move on with his life and both of you try to find someone else to be happy with, rather than keep messing around and causing each other torment and stress.
Maybe see how he is in two years but if you keep contacting him every few months it's not going to give either of you a chance to get past the issue.
Move on for goodness sake. A year or two? He may not even want to talk to you, don't waste your time!
He is not the only man in the world.
He is not the only man in the world.
Original post by guitarbob123
What was the thing that you lied to him about?
Without sounding harsh, if I assume it's cheating then he's not being unreasonable to not trust you and to feel weird now.
From what I read in your post it seems he stated twice that he wasn't interested in a serious relationship with you, sounds like he's trying to move on but you keep getting back in touch and almost won't let him move on.
My personal advice would be to let him go and move on with his life and both of you try to find someone else to be happy with, rather than keep messing around and causing each other torment and stress.
Maybe see how he is in two years but if you keep contacting him every few months it's not going to give either of you a chance to get past the issue.
Without sounding harsh, if I assume it's cheating then he's not being unreasonable to not trust you and to feel weird now.
From what I read in your post it seems he stated twice that he wasn't interested in a serious relationship with you, sounds like he's trying to move on but you keep getting back in touch and almost won't let him move on.
My personal advice would be to let him go and move on with his life and both of you try to find someone else to be happy with, rather than keep messing around and causing each other torment and stress.
Maybe see how he is in two years but if you keep contacting him every few months it's not going to give either of you a chance to get past the issue.
No its not cheating.
And i actually emailed him when we broke up as i felt he deserved a full explanation. I sent the email with the intent of moving on and getting closure. He is the one who wanted to talk to me and see how it goes. I was always aware that nothing is set in stone, we're just seeing how it goes. And it was going pretty well, he said he has no serious issues with me except that it feels weird and perhaps for now we should completely end it. i havent been pushing myself on him at all, ive simply asked if he would feel uncomfortable talking in the future.. and if he does then i will surely cut all contact. He said no, he wouldnt mind being "reintroduced" and he isn't one to sugarcoat stuff for me.
A couple of months ago, i even said that perhaps we should cut contact and he told me that maybe we shouldnt talk daily, but just keep in touch in case he ever does want to get serious. I said okay, as i felt i owed him some time at the very least so i dont think he has been wanting to "get rid of me"
Ah, apologies for my assumption then.
Even with what's stated I do have to agree with the other poster, is he really worth waiting two years for?
People change a lot in two years, especially while they're still young, can you be sure that you'll still suit each other?
Even with what's stated I do have to agree with the other poster, is he really worth waiting two years for?
People change a lot in two years, especially while they're still young, can you be sure that you'll still suit each other?
I think without telling people what you actually did, it is incredibly difficult for people to consult you on things. The way it sounds, it isn't working, so you should best just leave it and move on- for both his and your sakes. But what you did does certainly have an impact on what I would advise you to do- if you had an abortion without telling him that is very different than if you just weren't a virgin when you started dating.
As long as you didn't cheat, I think you can get past anything and is it really worth waiting 1-2 years for something thats not guaranteed. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants and is stringing you a long.
Leave him to it and get on with your own life, he'll soon come running.
Can I ask what you lied about? It might put some perspective on things.
Leave him to it and get on with your own life, he'll soon come running.
Can I ask what you lied about? It might put some perspective on things.
Original post by guitarbob123
Ah, apologies for my assumption then.
Even with what's stated I do have to agree with the other poster, is he really worth waiting two years for?
People change a lot in two years, especially while they're still young, can you be sure that you'll still suit each other?
Even with what's stated I do have to agree with the other poster, is he really worth waiting two years for?
People change a lot in two years, especially while they're still young, can you be sure that you'll still suit each other?
if he could forgive me and get to the point where he has seriously considered marrying me despite my mistake. If he has realised that everyone can screw up and still like me, then i do think he is worth waiting a little bit for. I will obviously not pin all my hopes on this working in the future, but i would like to keep that thought in mind. Do you think thats a ridiculous way of looking at it, or does it make some sense? Lol..
Original post by Huskaris
How old are you out of interest? 17-20 I am guessing?
Were 23/24
Original post by bownessie
I think without telling people what you actually did, it is incredibly difficult for people to consult you on things. The way it sounds, it isn't working, so you should best just leave it and move on- for both his and your sakes. But what you did does certainly have an impact on what I would advise you to do- if you had an abortion without telling him that is very different than if you just weren't a virgin when you started dating.
Yeah, thing is.. ive a feeling he might roam around here so dont really want to say what exactly. But for the most part, most people wouldnt be as composed as he was about this ordeal. Nor would someone else have given me the time of day.. so im sure hes not playing me about. Just genuinely confused right now yet willing to rethink it in the future.
Original post by C_tinie_D
As long as you didn't cheat, I think you can get past anything and is it really worth waiting 1-2 years for something thats not guaranteed. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants and is stringing you a long.
Leave him to it and get on with your own life, he'll soon come running.
Can I ask what you lied about? It might put some perspective on things.
Leave him to it and get on with your own life, he'll soon come running.
Can I ask what you lied about? It might put some perspective on things.
if he could forgive me and get to the point where he has seriously considered marrying me despite my mistake. If he has realised that everyone can screw up and still like me, then i do think he is worth waiting a little bit for. I will obviously not pin all my hopes on this working in the future, but i would like to keep that thought in mind. Do you think thats a ridiculous way of looking at it, or does it make some sense? Lol..
He said its been really tough and hes been indecisive because im one of the kindest people he knows (except for this lie) and he knows i didnt do it out of spite or intentionally.
and its just he might be roaming around so cant really say what the lie was. It was something pretty stupid that i had been lying about in general before i met him, i just didnt tell him the truth until 6 months in when i realised i actually value him too much not to be honest.
Original post by Anonymous
if he could forgive me and get to the point where he has seriously considered marrying me despite my mistake. If he has realised that everyone can screw up and still like me, then i do think he is worth waiting a little bit for. I will obviously not pin all my hopes on this working in the future, but i would like to keep that thought in mind. Do you think thats a ridiculous way of looking at it, or does it make some sense? Lol..
He said its been really tough and hes been indecisive because im one of the kindest people he knows (except for this lie) and he knows i didnt do it out of spite or intentionally.
and its just he might be roaming around so cant really say what the lie was. It was something pretty stupid that i had been lying about in general before i met him, i just didnt tell him the truth until 6 months in when i realised i actually value him too much not to be honest.
He said its been really tough and hes been indecisive because im one of the kindest people he knows (except for this lie) and he knows i didnt do it out of spite or intentionally.
and its just he might be roaming around so cant really say what the lie was. It was something pretty stupid that i had been lying about in general before i met him, i just didnt tell him the truth until 6 months in when i realised i actually value him too much not to be honest.
I can't tell you its ridiculous if you genuinely believe he can forgive you and move on. Like you said, don't put all your eggs in one basket here.
Bet you lied about being a virgin.
Honestly, sounds like you should just move on.
Honestly, sounds like you should just move on.
You have done your part, told him the truth, told him how you feel and what you want.
If he doesnt want to get back together and needs 'time' and 'space' or whatever other excuse he is using, then give him that, stop contacting him and move on with your life. If he wants to be with you he will contact you and make an effort.
In the mean time you can go out and meet new people and you may meet someone even better who you can have a clean slate with and be honest with from the start.
If he doesnt want to get back together and needs 'time' and 'space' or whatever other excuse he is using, then give him that, stop contacting him and move on with your life. If he wants to be with you he will contact you and make an effort.
In the mean time you can go out and meet new people and you may meet someone even better who you can have a clean slate with and be honest with from the start.
not to be mean or anything, but by acting the way you do, you just make yourself look desperate, and I'm sure you're not, move on, he's not the only guy on the planet
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