Are there any girls 23+ who are virgins but NOT out of choice?

OP

Original post by Iamyourfather

I don't know how much this brings to the table. It's like saying: "plenty of people are more worse off than you are". We base our own feeling based on our own circumstances, and quite frankly, being a 23-year-old female virgin without choice is abnormal.

Pretty much this.

Reply 82

Original post by sherlockfan

in my life, 6 I think.

At what ages did each of these events take place?

Reply 83

OP

Original post by TheWaffle

At what ages did each of these events take place?

Im not going to go into detail about it. Some of them i thought were flirting but turned out to be pining after my friends.

Reply 84

Original post by sherlockfan

Im not going to go into detail about it. Some of them i thought were flirting but turned out to be pining after my friends.

Did they happen at school?

Reply 85

OP

Original post by TheWaffle

Did they happen at school?

School, college and university, its the same thing every time.

Reply 86

Original post by Annabelle-xx

Why is it so important for you to lose your virignity? I blame society.

Virginity complex. It's only socially enforced on men but women have a need for validation too you know. Back in my day the whole situation was reversed and y'all had a purity complex

Reply 87

OP

Original post by Smash Bandicoot

Virginity complex. It's only socially enforced on men but women have a need for validation too you know. Back in my day the whole situation was reversed and y'all had a purity complex

Or how about the basic human need for love and affection?

Reply 88

upagumtree

12

Original post by Smash Bandicoot

Virginity complex. It's only socially enforced on men but women have a need for validation too you know. Back in my day the whole situation was reversed and y'all had a purity complex

What do you mean by this?

Reply 89

Original post by sherlockfan

School, college and university, its the same thing every time.

No it's not

I got called a fat spaz by a girl in school. Same girl saying it in uni would just be thought of as a bitch

in school you get stupidly shallow responses without any tact like 'you have a moonface LOL'

In high school you get 'you're nice but' then they go off with the hit guy/girl

same in freshers and clubs

in late uni you get '**** I need to get a job and pay the bills then come home to someone who will cuddle me as we wqtch crap TV, who has time for 6 packs and squat ass?'

People enter the real world and look for a friend-a sexy friend but a friend all the same-not some.eye candy.

Also Le Bf/Gf is no longer this mystical unattainable ideal which will grant us peace and serenity. They're just people, beautifully flawed like we are.

My point being late Uni and postgrad people start valuing PERSONALITY soo much more than they did in high school.

unfortunately you and I have common things in problem

i) depressed by insecurities and life problems (not all our fault, my hypochondria gives me hell at Chhrismas)

edit: whoops my bad, I believe you suffer clinical depression too :frown:

again not your fault...

ii) depressive logic incl. Victim.mentality (cf. Scrotgrot on learned helplessness)

iii) obsessions not shared by our peers

iv) lack of.established identity outside of rampant insecurities

THESE will all hold us back more than our perceived problems themselves...

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 90

Original post by sherlockfan

Or how about the basic human need for love and affection?

Same thing.

HIw can you love someone unconditionally.if you do not love yourself?

Reply 91

Original post by upagumtree

What do you mean by this?

Dat patriarchy telling women to be all sexually repressed and chaste innit.

We have gone some way to deconstructing the purity complex through feminism. Imo more work needs to be done to deconstruct the male virginity complex (validation of masculinity through loss of.his virginity)

Reply 92

upagumtree

12

Original post by Smash Bandicoot

Dat patriarchy telling women to be all sexually repressed and chaste innit.

We have gone some way to deconstructing the purity complex through feminism. Imo more work needs to be done to deconstruct the male virginity complex (validation of masculinity through loss of.his virginity)

Ahh yes I thought that's what you meant but wanted to clarify.

Do you think films like American Pie and things of the same ilk are partly responsible for the male need to get rid of it?

Reply 93

Original post by upagumtree

Ahh yes I thought that's what you meant but wanted to clarify.

Do you think films like American Pie and things of the same ilk are partly responsible for the male need to get rid of it?

Yes in modern dudebro frat boy culture.

Historically we can blame.Chivalry and Romances for this.

Reply 94

Original post by sherlockfan

School, college and university, its the same thing every time.

So each time you explicitly said that you liked them romantically?

Reply 95

Tadpole123

9

Just my 2 cents on the whole issue;
All those saying that you'd definitely get laid by approaching people are likely 14-16, where that would be actually the case. I guarantee that if you were willing to risk it, you could easily get a spotty kid to have sex with you (can't believe I just typed that, I'm only 19 ffs).
However, at some point (for me anyway, and I doubt I'm alone in this), my desire to copulate with anything that had a pulse dropped off, and now I am incredibly discerning in who I'd be willing to sleep with (with a rather damaging effect on my sex life tbh). I know my body better than some random girl, and will be able to have a much more pleasurable experience with *ahem* my hand than with an equally drunk stranger that I met in a noisy, overpriced smelly place.
The only times I've truly enjoyed sex has been with the one gf that I was intimate with, and that was when we were completely inexperienced (i.e. it was objectively pretty **** sex), because of the little jokes, cuddling, and togetherness that you just can't get with a one night stand.

Anyway, went off on a tangent there, but the gist of it is that you should wait until you find the right person, it'll be worth it, and the biggest mistake you could make would be to throw away your virginity like it was something to be discarded as soon as possible.
Having said that, taking part in activities etc, where you will be able to meet people with similar interests is a must if you're going to find someone, unfortunately prince charming isn't going to come swinging through the bedroom window

Reply 96

Original post by Smash Bandicoot

No it's not

I got called a fat spaz by a girl in school. Same girl saying it in uni would just be thought of as a bitch

in school you get stupidly shallow responses without any tact like 'you have a moonface LOL'

In high school you get 'you're nice but' then they go off with the hit guy/girl

same in freshers and clubs

in late uni you get '**** I need to get a job and pay the bills then come home to someone who will cuddle me as we wqtch crap TV, who has time for 6 packs and squat ass?'

People enter the real world and look for a friend-a sexy friend but a friend all the same-not some.eye candy.

Also Le Bf/Gf is no longer this mystical unattainable ideal which will grant us peace and serenity. They're just people, beautifully flawed like we are.

My point being late Uni and postgrad people start valuing PERSONALITY soo much more than they did in high school.

unfortunately you and I have common things in problem

i) depressed by insecurities and life problems (not all our fault, my hypochondria gives me hell at Chhrismas)

edit: whoops my bad, I believe you suffer clinical depression too :frown:

again not your fault...

ii) depressive logic incl. Victim.mentality (cf. Scrotgrot on learned helplessness)

iii) obsessions not shared by our peers

iv) lack of.established identity outside of rampant insecurities

THESE will all hold us back more than our perceived problems themselves...

But OP didn't get to late uni as she had to drop out. So maybe she hasn't experienced the more mature ways a lot of guys handle relationships at that stage and after.

Reply 97