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GCSE descriptive writing grade?

Hey,

I am doing my descriptive writing and am wondering what grade this would get at GCSE. I'm doing GCSE with WJEC.

Thanks

The sun was slowly rising above the horizon displaying a stunning radiant of colour in the humid air. Bright streaks of red and orange from the rising sun diffused in the sky which overcame the dark twilight. The golden, glowing sphere brightened in the sky as it rose higher and higher with every passing moment, warming the awakening market. Stall owners began to unpack, setting up their stands for the long day ahead. The air was humid, and saturated in moisture. As the humid morning progressed customers began to flock in and populate the previously desolate street market.

Hundreds of extravagant stalls littered the narrow, side streets of the market, with hoards of customers meandering through; examining the stands of meat, fish, and jewellery. Eager customers surround a stall propped up with a folded piece of dank cardboard, like a flock of wild animals. Piles of vibrant spices filled the lopsided stall, with it's aromatic scent saturating the humid air, creating a multitude of pungent fragrances in the market and it's surroundings. The array of vibrant spices and ingredients piled up, occupying the small wooden stand, not leaving a part of it's surface revealed.

Curious tourists flocked through the market to the smells of the ambrosial meat and sizzling foods which filled the air. A market stall owner flung the chillies and meat in a wok tossing and turning the ingredients, browning them in the hot oil. Peoples tastebuds danced over the sensational smell of food, which you could almost taste as the sweet, fragrant smells rose in the air.

Fine-grained spices from the surrounding stalls was being blown by the increasing wind. Suddenly, a tremendous gust took the traditional conical straw hat of an elderly thai woman. The hat blew and pirouetted in the harsh wind as it flew through the busy market. The woman rapidly galloped through the narrow streets, dodging other market customers in effort to catch up with her hat. Her shopping bags, which she dragged behind her, were full to bursting point with colourful spices and food. Her elderly, fragile hands were being crushed by the weight of her heavy shopping bags.

Cars, vans, and motorbikes narrowly avoided the elderly lady as they furiously drove down the non-existent dirt roads, narrowly avoiding pedestrians. People could smell the engine oil and fumes as they filled the air. Cars rapidly passed and dashed leaving behind clouds of fumes and intoxicating gases which filled the lungs of those around. In the more densely populated areas of the market, an undistinguishable array of static sounds filled the air, which was formed from the sound of bargaining market customers. Customers haggled and bargained with stand owners to get the best price for their goods. The ricocheting sound of beeping cars could be heard all around the market, impatiently demanding customers to to move out of their way.

As the day came to a close, customers began to vacate the busy market. The golden sun was beginning to set and filled the entire sky with the deep colour of rubies, setting the clouds ablaze. The sun's unforgiving heat began to fade as it began its descent below the horizon. The sticky, humid conditions of the market did not vanish and persisted through the night.
On my phone so cant go through it properly, but it looks in the full marks region! :h:

Couple things for perfection;

1. Maybe use different word to radiant in first line
2. consider a semi colon rather than comma to replace the end of second paragraph
3. you repeat narrowly in last part


Those are just quick ways, I'm pretty sure you dont get deducted points just given for showing use of different techniques that you've got covered. Good luck!
Around an A grade due to:
little description and you didn't use language techniques such as oxymoron's, juxtapositions and repetition- it would be an A* if you had made it more interesting and more of a progressive story line to be able to describe more.
For example; the market was full of fruits, with beautiful colours and meat with its foul smell, the old woman couldn't stand the horrendous stench as she barged past all to save herself from the daunting, abhorrent smell.
Reply 3
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Original post by Dexoseman
Hey,

I am doing my descriptive writing and am wondering what grade this would get at GCSE. I'm doing GCSE with WJEC.

Thanks

The sun was slowly rising above the horizon displaying a stunning radiant of colour in the humid air. Bright streaks of red and orange from the rising sun diffused in the sky which overcame the dark twilight. The golden, glowing sphere brightened in the sky as it rose higher and higher with every passing moment, warming the awakening market. Stall owners began to unpack, setting up their stands for the long day ahead. The air was humid, and saturated in moisture. As the humid morning progressed customers began to flock in and populate the previously desolate street market.

Hundreds of extravagant stalls littered the narrow, side streets of the market, with hoards of customers meandering through; examining the stands of meat, fish, and jewellery. Eager customers surround a stall propped up with a folded piece of dank cardboard, like a flock of wild animals. Piles of vibrant spices filled the lopsided stall, with it's aromatic scent saturating the humid air, creating a multitude of pungent fragrances in the market and it's surroundings. The array of vibrant spices and ingredients piled up, occupying the small wooden stand, not leaving a part of it's surface revealed.

Curious tourists flocked through the market to the smells of the ambrosial meat and sizzling foods which filled the air. A market stall owner flung the chillies and meat in a wok tossing and turning the ingredients, browning them in the hot oil. Peoples tastebuds danced over the sensational smell of food, which you could almost taste as the sweet, fragrant smells rose in the air.

Fine-grained spices from the surrounding stalls was being blown by the increasing wind. Suddenly, a tremendous gust took the traditional conical straw hat of an elderly thai woman. The hat blew and pirouetted in the harsh wind as it flew through the busy market. The woman rapidly galloped through the narrow streets, dodging other market customers in effort to catch up with her hat. Her shopping bags, which she dragged behind her, were full to bursting point with colourful spices and food. Her elderly, fragile hands were being crushed by the weight of her heavy shopping bags.

Cars, vans, and motorbikes narrowly avoided the elderly lady as they furiously drove down the non-existent dirt roads, narrowly avoiding pedestrians. People could smell the engine oil and fumes as they filled the air. Cars rapidly passed and dashed leaving behind clouds of fumes and intoxicating gases which filled the lungs of those around. In the more densely populated areas of the market, an undistinguishable array of static sounds filled the air, which was formed from the sound of bargaining market customers. Customers haggled and bargained with stand owners to get the best price for their goods. The ricocheting sound of beeping cars could be heard all around the market, impatiently demanding customers to to move out of their way.

As the day came to a close, customers began to vacate the busy market. The golden sun was beginning to set and filled the entire sky with the deep colour of rubies, setting the clouds ablaze. The sun's unforgiving heat began to fade as it began its descent below the horizon. The sticky, humid conditions of the market did not vanish and persisted through the night.

ok but WHY does EVERY creative writing piece start with weather descriptions like lmfaoooooo it's always the sun the rain or the howling wind, like if I pulled up my gcse writing pieces two thirds would start like that

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