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'Friends' let me down on my birthday
It was my 22nd birthday on Sunday 22nd, and I'd created an event at least two weeks before. I had invited 11 people, 7 said they were coming, 2 were maybe, 1 had to decline and the last person didn't respond.
One said he was back home in Cornwall, when I thought he was in London. Fair enough reason. One girl said she had a thing in London, she told me at least a week before the thing happened. Fair enough reason.
The plan was to meet at a big park in Brighton, The Level and rain was forecast so it would have been eating/coffee shop (one friend is 17 and the other is not a fan of pubs) for a few hours and then pub crawl from about 6. All was fine until the actual day.
The event was supposed to start at 3pm. I use initials for each person to protect identities.
12:20 Friend L says he's at tattoo convention and says he'll come to the park. Fair enough reason, he can do both
14:03 Friend RD says he's ill, possibly hungover but can't be sure
14:03 Friend C sends message, doesn't give reason why she can no longer come
14:06 Message friend HB, wants to meet at 8, had said before he'd be later, fair enough
14:35 Friend RL is looking after ill girlfriend, says can't make it, fair enough
15:00 See Snapchat, friend HP sends snap of going fishing with friend B - hadn't said anything about not coming, both were on the FB event
So I'm sat on my own in a pub on my birthday. Thought "might as well do pub crawl" so started at the first pub on the crawl. Actually cried. Friend RL invites me round to his house, I think out of sympathy, we go to chinese buffet and friend L arrives and leaves after 20 minutes. He's had a new tattoo done. To quote him "people suck".
Saw HB for a few drinks, left just after 11. Not a total disaster in the end, better than last year where Amsterdam failed, 80s club failed and spent until 10pm alone because friends went to oxford street and went to drink with one friend.
The reason why I give you this story is because I want to cut all ties with the four people that let me down, I could also talk to them about it, but I'm not a confrontational person. I'm just completely unsure about what I should do because my birthday means a lot to me. I don't know why these people wouldn't come to my birthday, as I went to their respective events. I don't know what I did to deserve being alone on my 22nd birthday, after a failure of a 21st. It's got me depressed as I wanted my friends to be there at my birthday, after last year failing I had optimism as it was a new group of people, it should have been the best I've ever had.
If there's any way you could advise me I'd appreciate it. I'm probably just being over sensitive, as usual.
One said he was back home in Cornwall, when I thought he was in London. Fair enough reason. One girl said she had a thing in London, she told me at least a week before the thing happened. Fair enough reason.
The plan was to meet at a big park in Brighton, The Level and rain was forecast so it would have been eating/coffee shop (one friend is 17 and the other is not a fan of pubs) for a few hours and then pub crawl from about 6. All was fine until the actual day.
The event was supposed to start at 3pm. I use initials for each person to protect identities.
12:20 Friend L says he's at tattoo convention and says he'll come to the park. Fair enough reason, he can do both
14:03 Friend RD says he's ill, possibly hungover but can't be sure
14:03 Friend C sends message, doesn't give reason why she can no longer come
14:06 Message friend HB, wants to meet at 8, had said before he'd be later, fair enough
14:35 Friend RL is looking after ill girlfriend, says can't make it, fair enough
15:00 See Snapchat, friend HP sends snap of going fishing with friend B - hadn't said anything about not coming, both were on the FB event
So I'm sat on my own in a pub on my birthday. Thought "might as well do pub crawl" so started at the first pub on the crawl. Actually cried. Friend RL invites me round to his house, I think out of sympathy, we go to chinese buffet and friend L arrives and leaves after 20 minutes. He's had a new tattoo done. To quote him "people suck".
Saw HB for a few drinks, left just after 11. Not a total disaster in the end, better than last year where Amsterdam failed, 80s club failed and spent until 10pm alone because friends went to oxford street and went to drink with one friend.
The reason why I give you this story is because I want to cut all ties with the four people that let me down, I could also talk to them about it, but I'm not a confrontational person. I'm just completely unsure about what I should do because my birthday means a lot to me. I don't know why these people wouldn't come to my birthday, as I went to their respective events. I don't know what I did to deserve being alone on my 22nd birthday, after a failure of a 21st. It's got me depressed as I wanted my friends to be there at my birthday, after last year failing I had optimism as it was a new group of people, it should have been the best I've ever had.
If there's any way you could advise me I'd appreciate it. I'm probably just being over sensitive, as usual.
I think it depends on each person, you said some had reasonable excuses. Sometimes cancellations can't be helped. Think about whether the ones who cancelled do this often or if it is only occasional. Sometimes people don't mean to be ****ty but it could mean they don't value your friendship very much. In which case just start distancing yourself from them and focus your time on the friends who actually make an effort.
I hate people like that! It gets me so angry! If you don't want to go or you can't go, then tell me with a decent reason, don't just not show up and assume I will be okay with it, then message me later sayin "hey how was your party? 
" its so ridiculous.
If I were you, I would spend this next year making friends who actually want to celebrate with you. These 4 people who didn't show up are not your friends. There's no respect for you or your time here.
I have a couple of friends who do the same thing to me, they are nice people, then on my birthday they just don't show up, or bail out or whatever, no excuse, no nothing, it pisses me off. I literally don't speak to them, it's clear our friendship is not valued, so what's the point. I have made some new, amazing friends, who will cancel previous plans, who will travel far distances, who, even if they are busy, will still come for a little while...This is what friendship is about. It took me years, but these are my great friends who I have been with now for about 6-7 years.
You're worth more than how they are treating you.
" its so ridiculous. If I were you, I would spend this next year making friends who actually want to celebrate with you. These 4 people who didn't show up are not your friends. There's no respect for you or your time here.
I have a couple of friends who do the same thing to me, they are nice people, then on my birthday they just don't show up, or bail out or whatever, no excuse, no nothing, it pisses me off. I literally don't speak to them, it's clear our friendship is not valued, so what's the point. I have made some new, amazing friends, who will cancel previous plans, who will travel far distances, who, even if they are busy, will still come for a little while...This is what friendship is about. It took me years, but these are my great friends who I have been with now for about 6-7 years.
You're worth more than how they are treating you.
I don't even celebrate my birthday lol
I think this is unfortunately a sad part of growing up, people have other commitments and people just don't give a **** about other people's birthdays any more.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
I also do not celebrate my birthday.
I'd be really angry if I were you. Especially at the two friends that went fishing. Also the friend looking after his girlfriend, seems like a pretty pathetic excuse to me. Also, maybe I misunderstood, but did all your friends leave you to go for a drink with someone else in oxford street?
It was pretty rude of them.
However, if you do it again I wouldn't necessarily organise it through Facebook. Some people don't take Facebook events very seriously, particularly ones where lots of people are invited, and are inclined to click 'yes' then forget about it / decide no at the last minute.
Also, don't put too much stress on 'having the time of your life' on birthdays. Many people in their 20s don't even celebrate them, so that might be why they don't see yours as a big deal. I wouldn't bother confronting them, but if you invite them again, make sure they know that 'yes' means 'yes'.
I'm not saying it's your fault - it's not at all. However, if it's happened twice with two different sets of people then you might need a different approach. I doubt they are all bad people - I suspect they just didn't realise how much it meant to you.
However, if you do it again I wouldn't necessarily organise it through Facebook. Some people don't take Facebook events very seriously, particularly ones where lots of people are invited, and are inclined to click 'yes' then forget about it / decide no at the last minute.
Also, don't put too much stress on 'having the time of your life' on birthdays. Many people in their 20s don't even celebrate them, so that might be why they don't see yours as a big deal. I wouldn't bother confronting them, but if you invite them again, make sure they know that 'yes' means 'yes'.
I'm not saying it's your fault - it's not at all. However, if it's happened twice with two different sets of people then you might need a different approach. I doubt they are all bad people - I suspect they just didn't realise how much it meant to you.
You're the friend from HELL! Imagining being one of your so-called friends I'd have bailed to. People who micro-manage every little thing are not fun to be around so I'm not at all surprised that your party was a bust.
You need to revamp your attitude stat and be grateful that anyone turned up.
You're a diva.
You need to revamp your attitude stat and be grateful that anyone turned up.
You're a diva.
i am so sorry this happened to you that is so awful 
you need to try and get more and nicer dependable friends. I don't think you should cut ties with them, just don't talk to them until they talk to you and make them be the person to start conversations etc..good luck
you need to try and get more and nicer dependable friends. I don't think you should cut ties with them, just don't talk to them until they talk to you and make them be the person to start conversations etc..good luck Original post by stargirl63
I hate people like that! It gets me so angry! If you don't want to go or you can't go, then tell me with a decent reason, don't just not show up and assume I will be okay with it, then message me later sayin "hey how was your party? " its so ridiculous.
If I were you, I would spend this next year making friends who actually want to celebrate with you. These 4 people who didn't show up are not your friends. There's no respect for you or your time here.
I have a couple of friends who do the same thing to me, they are nice people, then on my birthday they just don't show up, or bail out or whatever, no excuse, no nothing, it pisses me off. I literally don't speak to them, it's clear our friendship is not valued, so what's the point. I have made some new, amazing friends, who will cancel previous plans, who will travel far distances, who, even if they are busy, will still come for a little while...This is what friendship is about. It took me years, but these are my great friends who I have been with now for about 6-7 years.
You're worth more than how they are treating you.
" its so ridiculous. If I were you, I would spend this next year making friends who actually want to celebrate with you. These 4 people who didn't show up are not your friends. There's no respect for you or your time here.
I have a couple of friends who do the same thing to me, they are nice people, then on my birthday they just don't show up, or bail out or whatever, no excuse, no nothing, it pisses me off. I literally don't speak to them, it's clear our friendship is not valued, so what's the point. I have made some new, amazing friends, who will cancel previous plans, who will travel far distances, who, even if they are busy, will still come for a little while...This is what friendship is about. It took me years, but these are my great friends who I have been with now for about 6-7 years.
You're worth more than how they are treating you.
The friend who disappointed me the most was one I'd known nearly three years, and spent most of my time with, and would consider my best friend. He only told me on the day he was going to a tattoo convention, why he thought a tattoo was more important than me I'll never know. The other people I've only met within the past year so it doesn't feel as bad, but considering I went to one of their birthdays, they could have returned the favour. But yes, when I saw on snapchat they'd gone fishing it got me more depressed than I already was.
Original post by beckaroo7
I'd be really angry if I were you. Especially at the two friends that went fishing. Also the friend looking after his girlfriend, seems like a pretty pathetic excuse to me. Also, maybe I misunderstood, but did all your friends leave you to go for a drink with someone else in oxford street?
In that case, they literally just went to the shops. They knew it was my birthday, I lived with one of them so he'd heard me mention it every day for at least two weeks! I don't speak to him anymore. The guy caring for his girlfriend I think felt bad when I told him of the dude at the tattoo convention, and the three of us went to a buffet he raved about and that was a really nice part of the day.
Original post by Octohedral
It was pretty rude of them.
However, if you do it again I wouldn't necessarily organise it through Facebook. Some people don't take Facebook events very seriously, particularly ones where lots of people are invited, and are inclined to click 'yes' then forget about it / decide no at the last minute.
Also, don't put too much stress on 'having the time of your life' on birthdays. Many people in their 20s don't even celebrate them, so that might be why they don't see yours as a big deal. I wouldn't bother confronting them, but if you invite them again, make sure they know that 'yes' means 'yes'.
I'm not saying it's your fault - it's not at all. However, if it's happened twice with two different sets of people then you might need a different approach. I doubt they are all bad people - I suspect they just didn't realise how much it meant to you.
However, if you do it again I wouldn't necessarily organise it through Facebook. Some people don't take Facebook events very seriously, particularly ones where lots of people are invited, and are inclined to click 'yes' then forget about it / decide no at the last minute.
Also, don't put too much stress on 'having the time of your life' on birthdays. Many people in their 20s don't even celebrate them, so that might be why they don't see yours as a big deal. I wouldn't bother confronting them, but if you invite them again, make sure they know that 'yes' means 'yes'.
I'm not saying it's your fault - it's not at all. However, if it's happened twice with two different sets of people then you might need a different approach. I doubt they are all bad people - I suspect they just didn't realise how much it meant to you.
I love my birthday! And I wanted this one to be good because it was my '22nd on the 22nd' - and I wanted it to be better than the failure of my 21st.
Original post by Colonel Agansu
You're the friend from HELL! Imagining being one of your so-called friends I'd have bailed to. People who micro-manage every little thing are not fun to be around so I'm not at all surprised that your party was a bust.
You need to revamp your attitude stat and be grateful that anyone turned up.
You're a diva.
You need to revamp your attitude stat and be grateful that anyone turned up.
You're a diva.
I'm a diva because I wanted to meet at a certain time and place, have food in the afternoon then go on a pub crawl in the evening? I like things to be organised and to have a coherent plan. Excuse me.
Original post by Anonymous
i am so sorry this happened to you that is so awful you need to try and get more and nicer dependable friends. I don't think you should cut ties with them, just don't talk to them until they talk to you and make them be the person to start conversations etc..good luck
you need to try and get more and nicer dependable friends. I don't think you should cut ties with them, just don't talk to them until they talk to you and make them be the person to start conversations etc..good luck If I do that then I'll probably never have contact with them again! Which I guess wouldn't be much of a loss.
These kind of friends are c**p but I do think for your sake you need to tell them how it feels to keep getting let down, not just for you but so in future they know its not acceptable to keep flaking especially on birthdays.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Is that your 22nd year of being a troll.
I turned 22 on the 22nd day of the 22nd month, of the 22nd year it was not goooooood
I turned 22 on the 22nd day of the 22nd month, of the 22nd year it was not goooooood
It's my 17th birthday in less than 10 days, I've had a small get together planned for months with a few friends, they then refused to come today because I wouldn't invite someone I hate with every inch of my soul, like wtf is wrong with some people, now I'm hella depressed and will probably end up blackout drunk by then end of the night
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