3rd June: Coming out - share your stories

Onthis week's Surgery on Radio 1, Aled and Dr Radha will be talking about ComingOut.

Did you come out recently and have a story you want to share with us? Ormaybe you're thinking of coming out, and you're worried about how you're goingto do it?

If you've got anything about Coming Out that you want to talk about,leave your comments here! As always, if you want to be involved in the show,let us know on your message, and one of the team will get back to you!

Note: You can post anonymously in this forum

Reply 1

Roving Fish

22

I came out back in 2012, I did it because I was off to university and at the time I was sure that I was gay.

I found it easiest to tell my mum who took it really well, but I was scared about telling my dad as he was always one to make 'gay banter'/'jokes'. Eventually I told him and he said some initially really hurtful stuff - out of ignorance. He didn't speak to me for a day or so which I was totally fine with and almost expected.

I don't mention it much, it's known in my family but my dad's side doesn't really talk about it. That's fine, my sexuality isn't a spectacle and everyone accepts it - though one or two do think it's a 'phase'.

I've always had a supportive network around me, and I've been quick to remove those people from my life who would potentially bully me for it. Obviously not everyone has this and there are some really bad stories of people coming out, for instance having to take measures such as leaving home. It's important to say that it's for the individual to decide when the time is right for them. I chose as I left for uni because if it went bad, I already had my life sorted away from home. There are support organisations out there and even forums. It feels so much better when you're 'out' - especially now that it's a societal norm in the UK.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I'm too scared to come out as trans. Family would not take it well.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

With university but 3 months away, and a secret looming over me. It's a predicament I wouldn't wish on anyone. Do I tell my parents and go to university open, and expressing who I truly am. Or do I conceal the truth through lack of courage, and feel like I have to continue to hide that side of me in university.

Decisions...

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

With university but 3 months away, and a secret looming over me. It's a predicament I wouldn't wish on anyone. Do I tell my parents and go to university open, and expressing who I truly am. Or do I conceal the truth through lack of courage, and feel like I have to continue to hide that side of me in university.

Decisions...

I picked the University farthest away from me and were no one in my School had ever went to for that reason xD #DoubleLife

Reply 5

jibberjabber25

I would like to come out to my mother who I still live with. We are very close but she has very homophobic views which worry me. She keeps going on about how unnatural gays are. I am thinking of coming out to her in the next few weeks but I have no clue about how to go about it especially with someone with such set views as my mother.

Reply 6

ivybridge

6

I came out properly in Year 7, 2010. However, the odd person knew in 2009. My parents pretend it was never said and do not support me. My father threatened to divorce my mother over it and regardless of what has happened to me, they do not stand by me when it comes to sexuality. I was knifed across the wrist once by a group of 18 year old bullies when I was about 12/13 years old but they did not support me even then.

It's pretty tough but I guess I just have to live with it. My family outside of my brother, mum and dad, are reasonably fair with me but they do not want to contradict my parents and so tend not to talk about it. I've never really felt included or protected by my family and thus have been susceptible to copious amounts of abuse. I have been bullied since Year 2, every day, and called gay/faggot/queer/bender/genderbender/etc. since year two, before I came out.

I do, however, have a lot of good, supportive friends at my new school. My old school was not pleasant though and placed me in isolation for a month because I came out in school and they said that was inappropriate for school.

Reply 7

WishIHadRevised

13

Honestly I don't get why people give gay/trans people such a hard time. It's not something you can change, it's like bullying someone for being a different race, so why bother wasting time and energy?

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 8

Anonymous #4

My parents already know but I told them when I was 14 and they just thought it was a phase, my girlfriend of 6 months lives in another country and I'm going to visit her this summer and it pains me to hear them say she's just my friend but feel like telling them would be like having to come out all over again :frown:

Reply 9

Anonymous #5

I came out to my friends one at a time. They were all unbelievably accepting! I kind of knew they would be because they had been making jokes about me being gay for months!
I came out to my mum about a year ago...well I was forced out. She was snooping around on my phone and found texts that I sent to my best friend about who I liked. She asked me and well I took it worse than she did! I wasn't ready, I totally freaked out and ran away for a couple of nights. She was totally accepting but I just wasn't ready. Seriously if anyone is thinking of coming out, do it on your terms. Don't let anyone force you out or do anything you don't want to!

Reply 10

Comeback

14

Original post by Anonymous

With university but 3 months away, and a secret looming over me. It's a predicament I wouldn't wish on anyone. Do I tell my parents and go to university open, and expressing who I truly am. Or do I conceal the truth through lack of courage, and feel like I have to continue to hide that side of me in university.

Decisions...

Tell them when you're ready. There is never a need to rush.

If you wait until you're settled at uni, and have made friends, then if they're good friends they won't mind at all, so this could be a third option for you.

Reply 11

Wellzi

16

Original post by WishIHadRevised

Honestly I don't get why people give gay/trans people such a hard time. It's not something you can change, it's like bullying someone for being a different race, so why bother wasting time and energy?

When a particular societal norm has been pressed into a culture for so long, people are often hostile to something that differs from it. Until recently, homosexual activities had been taboo since the Romans and Greeks! And of course, to many people, it's still wrong and degenerate in their eyes.

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 12

ivybridge

6

Original post by Wellzi

When a particular societal norm has been pressed into a culture for so long, people are often hostile to something that differs from it. Until recently, homosexual activities had been taboo since the Romans and Greeks! And of course, to many people, it's still wrong and degenerate in their eyes.

Actually, if you really understood Roman and Greek history, you would know that many actually saw men who did not have sex with men as less-manly. It was taboo NOT to have sex with a man.

Absurd as it sounds, that's actually the historical truth

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 13

Wellzi

16

Original post by ivybridge

Actually, if you really understood Roman and Greek history, you would know that many actually saw men who did not have sex with men as less-manly. It was taboo NOT to have sex with a man.

Absurd as it sounds, that's actually the historical truth

That's what I said, I said that Roman times was the last time it WASN'T considered taboo

(edited 8 years ago)

Reply 14

ivybridge

6

Original post by Wellzi

That's what I said, I said that Roman times was the last time it WASN'T considered taboo

You edited :wink:

Reply 15

Wellzi

16

Original post by ivybridge

You edited :wink:

My apologies

Reply 16

Anonymous #6

I'm not out yet, but I'm pretty sure everyone knows. I often get remarks from people asking me about girlfriends and boyfriends - one of my parents friends even straight out asked me, 'have you discovered yourself yet?' which was as awkward and embarrassing as it sounds. I generally go for a neither confirm nor deny approach. It's a matter of time though. I think I'm a panromantic asexual, but I've bounced around a lot trying to find something that fits what I feel I am so I think that's what's holding me back. I don't want to go through the hassel of re-explaining my sexuality if I change my mind at a later date. Plus, I've never really been good at talking about sex stuff with my parents, and I'd hate how awkward the day after would be. I'm thinking of doing it when i'm at uni so I won't have to deal with that.

Reply 17

Anonymous #7

I came out as asexual to my friends in November, they all took it well but one or two think it's a 'phase'. I don't really mind though, as long as they aren't hateful.
I'm waiting until I leave for uni in a few months to come out to my family. My mum is pretty open minded but my dad has very conservative views (bit sexist, homophobic, you know the drill). It was how he was brought up so I'm not angry at him, it just makes me sad. Not sure how the response from my parents will be, I don't think they'll take me seriously but I don't think they'll be hateful either? To be honest I wouldn't mind that, as long as I don't get disowned :P

Reply 18

Anonymous #8

I went to an all female school, where people often threw the word "lesbian" around as an insult. I was even told prior to attending that if I went I'd become a lesbian (because that's how it works. Obviously). Those who were lesbian or bisexual at my school were mocked... I even mocked them myself despite being bisexual,out of fear of being found out myself.

It's only been the last few years that I've been comfortable with coming out to people. All of my friends know and all of them accept it. It's wonderful. I haven't told my parents simply for the fact it's never came up. I've never seen it as an issue and my parents know that I keep my relationships to myself as it is, even if it's a heterosexual relationship. So I have no reason to tell them outright and feel no worry about them finding out.

The only real issue I do have is new people (men... always men) I meet telling me it's just a "phase" and that once I sleep with them I'll be completely straight.... bleugh.

But I do feel lucky, and know that many people don't have a similar experience to me. I wish all the luck in the world to the other people in this thread fighting with whether to come out or not <3