Feel deeply ashamed that my parents are on benefits.
This is a long post but I'd be grateful if you could hear me out.
My parents are immigrants and have been in the UK for nearly two decades now and throughout most of those two decades have been on various welfare benefits. Neither of them have qualifications, and for cultural reasons my mother is a housewife and father is supposed to be the breadwinner. My father (who controls the finances) has done odd jobs part time here and there but he doesn't stick to anything mostly because he ends up falling out with employers, or says that the job is too hard/too long etc, although he has said he has had health problems. I wouldn't say that they have really even tried to improve their station in life since coming to the UK; compare that to some of my friends who also have immigrant parents who came to the UK with very little but are now really well settled. On top of that we are a sort of dysfunctional family but I won't go into that.
In all honesty, they are the types of people on benefits ('scroungers', unmotivated, ungrateful, lazy, leeches) that most people in this country loathe. They often spend money frivolously (mainly my father) as soon as they have some in excess (like flying back home frequently, electronics, sending money back home etc). Other times they have taken out multiple bank loans and we have accumulated huge debt. We have always been struggling financially, sometimes not even having enough food for groceries (big family).
One thing that they have gotten right, almost purely thanks to my mothers sacrifices, is focus on education. I am studying medicine at university, and my siblings are still at school. Most of my peers come from very wealthy, successful and educated families, which makes me feel hugely inadequate and alienated even though I like to think I mix in well and don't show it. Funnily enough many people would think I'm from a middle class background because of my accent (went to a decent state school) and being well put together, although I do fear that there are some 'tells' which I'm probably unconscious of, that give my real self/background away as a con-woman
Try as I might, I can't change my parents' decisions and subsequent situation in life. I would love nothing more than to improve my station in life and become like those other very well educated and settled, flourishing families that I come across in my social circles, when/if I have a family of my own, and to give my children opportunities that very never afforded to me. Still, I cannot help feeling like my past will always tarnish me, and currently it does affect my sense of self worth.
Has anyone felt similarly? Even if you haven't, I'd still like to hear your thoughts on this
My parents are immigrants and have been in the UK for nearly two decades now and throughout most of those two decades have been on various welfare benefits. Neither of them have qualifications, and for cultural reasons my mother is a housewife and father is supposed to be the breadwinner. My father (who controls the finances) has done odd jobs part time here and there but he doesn't stick to anything mostly because he ends up falling out with employers, or says that the job is too hard/too long etc, although he has said he has had health problems. I wouldn't say that they have really even tried to improve their station in life since coming to the UK; compare that to some of my friends who also have immigrant parents who came to the UK with very little but are now really well settled. On top of that we are a sort of dysfunctional family but I won't go into that.
In all honesty, they are the types of people on benefits ('scroungers', unmotivated, ungrateful, lazy, leeches) that most people in this country loathe. They often spend money frivolously (mainly my father) as soon as they have some in excess (like flying back home frequently, electronics, sending money back home etc). Other times they have taken out multiple bank loans and we have accumulated huge debt. We have always been struggling financially, sometimes not even having enough food for groceries (big family).
One thing that they have gotten right, almost purely thanks to my mothers sacrifices, is focus on education. I am studying medicine at university, and my siblings are still at school. Most of my peers come from very wealthy, successful and educated families, which makes me feel hugely inadequate and alienated even though I like to think I mix in well and don't show it. Funnily enough many people would think I'm from a middle class background because of my accent (went to a decent state school) and being well put together, although I do fear that there are some 'tells' which I'm probably unconscious of, that give my real self/background away as a con-woman
Try as I might, I can't change my parents' decisions and subsequent situation in life. I would love nothing more than to improve my station in life and become like those other very well educated and settled, flourishing families that I come across in my social circles, when/if I have a family of my own, and to give my children opportunities that very never afforded to me. Still, I cannot help feeling like my past will always tarnish me, and currently it does affect my sense of self worth.
Has anyone felt similarly? Even if you haven't, I'd still like to hear your thoughts on this
You are not your parents. You don't really have any right to feel embarrassed or to change them. You shouldn't feel ashamed. Simply choose a different path for yourself and instill different values into your children. I assume they have given you a loving home and plenty of opportunity to live life differently - to judge them and say you are ashamed in this way is quite harsh.
Hi I assume you are of Pakistani origin were you born in this country? I would say that in the future maybe when you are working you won't be as ashamed.
Also do you friends ever ask what your parents do for a living if so what do you tell them?
You're medic from the underclass. It doesn't get much better and much more impressive than that.
I study PPE at Oxford, going into the final year of my undergraduate studies this year. I come from a Finnish agricultural estate, but my household is quite affluent, and the cultural capital on the level of British middle class. Personally, I would be very impressed and full of admiration for you for being from the real precarious bottom of the British society and undergoing so much fatigue as to study medicine.
However, I am progressive and left-wing in my views. I must warn you in advance that there is so much middle class snobbery and the bourgeois superiority in the British education system that you will be better off never disclosing your socio-economic background until you complete your medical degree and this will be fait accompli. While I even love to date a person from such background (because for me it highlights the individual's determination and hard work ethic), some people would really look down on you and their attitude towards you would irrevocably change.
I study PPE at Oxford, going into the final year of my undergraduate studies this year. I come from a Finnish agricultural estate, but my household is quite affluent, and the cultural capital on the level of British middle class. Personally, I would be very impressed and full of admiration for you for being from the real precarious bottom of the British society and undergoing so much fatigue as to study medicine.
However, I am progressive and left-wing in my views. I must warn you in advance that there is so much middle class snobbery and the bourgeois superiority in the British education system that you will be better off never disclosing your socio-economic background until you complete your medical degree and this will be fait accompli. While I even love to date a person from such background (because for me it highlights the individual's determination and hard work ethic), some people would really look down on you and their attitude towards you would irrevocably change.
Original post by karl pilkington
Hi I assume you are of Pakistani origin were you born in this country? I would say that in the future maybe when you are working you won't be as ashamed.
No I'm not and yes I was born in the UK.
Original post by William Pitt
You're medic from the underclass. It doesn't get much better and much more impressive than that.
I study PPE at Oxford, going into the final year of my undergraduate studies this year. I come from a Finnish agricultural estate, but my household is quite affluent, and the cultural capital on the level of British middle class. Personally, I would be very impressed and full of admiration for you for being from the real precarious bottom of the British society and undergoing so much fatigue as to study medicine.
However, I am progressive and left-wing in my views. I must warn you in advance that there is so much middle class snobbery and the bourgeois superiority in the British education system that you will be better off never disclosing your socio-economic background until you complete your medical degree and this will be fait accompli. While I even love to date a person from such background (because for me it highlights the individual's determination and hard work ethic), some people would really look down on you and their attitude towards you would irrevocably change.
I study PPE at Oxford, going into the final year of my undergraduate studies this year. I come from a Finnish agricultural estate, but my household is quite affluent, and the cultural capital on the level of British middle class. Personally, I would be very impressed and full of admiration for you for being from the real precarious bottom of the British society and undergoing so much fatigue as to study medicine.
However, I am progressive and left-wing in my views. I must warn you in advance that there is so much middle class snobbery and the bourgeois superiority in the British education system that you will be better off never disclosing your socio-economic background until you complete your medical degree and this will be fait accompli. While I even love to date a person from such background (because for me it highlights the individual's determination and hard work ethic), some people would really look down on you and their attitude towards you would irrevocably change.
Thank you and I absolutely agree with your perception on middle class snobbery. It's always especially awkward when people ask what my parents do, because I don't really know what to say. It's also awkward people (both fellow students and other doctors) ask me which school I went to and if it was a grammar school or private, only; the possibility of someone having attended a state-funded school doesn't even cross people's minds since most people went to grammar/private school and there is a palpable change in people's attitudes when they learn of this fact.
Also what do you mean by not disclosing this until I have completed my medical degree and it being fait accompli?
I feel the same as you with this. I have a single mum with mental health issues that hasn't worked for about six years (although she does volunteer at the church a few hours a week) my mum doesn't work because she has chronic anxiety and has severe panic attacks a lot that mean most days she can't even walk to the shop round the corner. For me, I always argue with my mum about this, that I want to get my own money and buy my own house (majority of my family live in council houses and most recieve benefits to help with low income, we're a really low working class family). I'm the first in my family to go to university with the aim to be a teacher and whilst it's not even an impressive job, for me it's shifting status and creating the life I want, not what I was born into. We must both have the determination, motivation and ambition to actually change things for ourselves and I think it's great that you are studying such a prestigious degree and changing things for yourself because it's so easy for those born on the welfare system to grow up with that ideology. (Although unlike you, my accent is horrendous despite attending the best school in my county! haha)
Original post by William Pitt
You're medic from the underclass. It doesn't get much better and much more impressive than that.
I study PPE at Oxford, going into the final year of my undergraduate studies this year. I come from a Finnish agricultural estate, but my household is quite affluent, and the cultural capital on the level of British middle class. Personally, I would be very impressed and full of admiration for you for being from the real precarious bottom of the British society and undergoing so much fatigue as to study medicine.
However, I am progressive and left-wing in my views. I must warn you in advance that there is so much middle class snobbery and the bourgeois superiority in the British education system that you will be better off never disclosing your socio-economic background until you complete your medical degree and this will be fait accompli. While I even love to date a person from such background (because for me it highlights the individual's determination and hard work ethic), some people would really look down on you and their attitude towards you would irrevocably change.
I study PPE at Oxford, going into the final year of my undergraduate studies this year. I come from a Finnish agricultural estate, but my household is quite affluent, and the cultural capital on the level of British middle class. Personally, I would be very impressed and full of admiration for you for being from the real precarious bottom of the British society and undergoing so much fatigue as to study medicine.
However, I am progressive and left-wing in my views. I must warn you in advance that there is so much middle class snobbery and the bourgeois superiority in the British education system that you will be better off never disclosing your socio-economic background until you complete your medical degree and this will be fait accompli. While I even love to date a person from such background (because for me it highlights the individual's determination and hard work ethic), some people would really look down on you and their attitude towards you would irrevocably change.
Totally agree with this point.
You should never, ever feel ashamed of your background, status, class, whatever.
Be proud of what makes you, you. If you had a different up bringing, maybe you wouldnt be like this?
IF you're working class, so what? Is it a sin or a crime?
Don't spend your life trying to live up to others expectations or trying to appease them. Be proud of you.
Also, you're not responsible or your parents' choices. Yes, i understand that you may not want to promote how your parents are on benefit, but that shouldnt define you, or your parents. There is a lot more to people and their characteristics.
Be proud of what makes you, you. If you had a different up bringing, maybe you wouldnt be like this?
IF you're working class, so what? Is it a sin or a crime?
Don't spend your life trying to live up to others expectations or trying to appease them. Be proud of you.
Also, you're not responsible or your parents' choices. Yes, i understand that you may not want to promote how your parents are on benefit, but that shouldnt define you, or your parents. There is a lot more to people and their characteristics.
I'm from a similar background, though I was raised by a single mother, I know who my dad is but he plays no part in my life. I'm not really ashamed of my mum though. Throughout most of the time she was on benefits she had three dependents and worked as a lunchtime supervisor in a local secondary school. It's the best she could do. Now she has found that if she were to get a full time job she would lose more than she would gain, and the employees at the jobcentre have told her that she should stay as she is, only working part time.
The main disadvantage for me is that I can't get a full time job either without it causing financial problems for my mum, which also means I can't earn enough to move out. I'm currently planning to go back into education for an MA, that way I can finally get a career going and she might find herself in a position in which working will actually be beneficial. As far as the government are concerned her job is being a full time carer for my autistic brother. So if he gets a job that responsibility will be lifted and they can both work full time and maybe she'll finally be able to get her own place, away from this council house she's felt trapped in for nearly 20 years now.
I'm not ashamed of her because I don't think one should be ashamed of anything one doesn't have real control over.
The main disadvantage for me is that I can't get a full time job either without it causing financial problems for my mum, which also means I can't earn enough to move out. I'm currently planning to go back into education for an MA, that way I can finally get a career going and she might find herself in a position in which working will actually be beneficial. As far as the government are concerned her job is being a full time carer for my autistic brother. So if he gets a job that responsibility will be lifted and they can both work full time and maybe she'll finally be able to get her own place, away from this council house she's felt trapped in for nearly 20 years now.
I'm not ashamed of her because I don't think one should be ashamed of anything one doesn't have real control over.
Ooooo you don't think teaching is an impressive job!!! I've just qualified as a teacher, 4 years at university is not easy and being a teacher is IMPRESSIVE!!!!
Original post by Anonymous
I feel the same as you with this. I have a single mum with mental health issues that hasn't worked for about six years (although she does volunteer at the church a few hours a week) my mum doesn't work because she has chronic anxiety and has severe panic attacks a lot that mean most days she can't even walk to the shop round the corner. For me, I always argue with my mum about this, that I want to get my own money and buy my own house (majority of my family live in council houses and most recieve benefits to help with low income, we're a really low working class family). I'm the first in my family to go to university with the aim to be a teacher and whilst it's not even an impressive job, for me it's shifting status and creating the life I want, not what I was born into. We must both have the determination, motivation and ambition to actually change things for ourselves and I think it's great that you are studying such a prestigious degree and changing things for yourself because it's so easy for those born on the welfare system to grow up with that ideology. (Although unlike you, my accent is horrendous despite attending the best school in my county! haha)
Original post by Anonymous
This is a long post but I'd be grateful if you could hear me out.
My parents are immigrants and have been in the UK for nearly two decades now and throughout most of those two decades have been on various welfare benefits. Neither of them have qualifications, and for cultural reasons my mother is a housewife and father is supposed to be the breadwinner. My father (who controls the finances) has done odd jobs part time here and there but he doesn't stick to anything mostly because he ends up falling out with employers, or says that the job is too hard/too long etc, although he has said he has had health problems. I wouldn't say that they have really even tried to improve their station in life since coming to the UK; compare that to some of my friends who also have immigrant parents who came to the UK with very little but are now really well settled. On top of that we are a sort of dysfunctional family but I won't go into that.
In all honesty, they are the types of people on benefits ('scroungers', unmotivated, ungrateful, lazy, leeches) that most people in this country loathe. They often spend money frivolously (mainly my father) as soon as they have some in excess (like flying back home frequently, electronics, sending money back home etc). Other times they have taken out multiple bank loans and we have accumulated huge debt. We have always been struggling financially, sometimes not even having enough food for groceries (big family).
One thing that they have gotten right, almost purely thanks to my mothers sacrifices, is focus on education. I am studying medicine at university, and my siblings are still at school. Most of my peers come from very wealthy, successful and educated families, which makes me feel hugely inadequate and alienated even though I like to think I mix in well and don't show it. Funnily enough many people would think I'm from a middle class background because of my accent (went to a decent state school) and being well put together, although I do fear that there are some 'tells' which I'm probably unconscious of, that give my real self/background away as a con-woman
Try as I might, I can't change my parents' decisions and subsequent situation in life. I would love nothing more than to improve my station in life and become like those other very well educated and settled, flourishing families that I come across in my social circles, when/if I have a family of my own, and to give my children opportunities that very never afforded to me. Still, I cannot help feeling like my past will always tarnish me, and currently it does affect my sense of self worth.
Has anyone felt similarly? Even if you haven't, I'd still like to hear your thoughts on this
My parents are immigrants and have been in the UK for nearly two decades now and throughout most of those two decades have been on various welfare benefits. Neither of them have qualifications, and for cultural reasons my mother is a housewife and father is supposed to be the breadwinner. My father (who controls the finances) has done odd jobs part time here and there but he doesn't stick to anything mostly because he ends up falling out with employers, or says that the job is too hard/too long etc, although he has said he has had health problems. I wouldn't say that they have really even tried to improve their station in life since coming to the UK; compare that to some of my friends who also have immigrant parents who came to the UK with very little but are now really well settled. On top of that we are a sort of dysfunctional family but I won't go into that.
In all honesty, they are the types of people on benefits ('scroungers', unmotivated, ungrateful, lazy, leeches) that most people in this country loathe. They often spend money frivolously (mainly my father) as soon as they have some in excess (like flying back home frequently, electronics, sending money back home etc). Other times they have taken out multiple bank loans and we have accumulated huge debt. We have always been struggling financially, sometimes not even having enough food for groceries (big family).
One thing that they have gotten right, almost purely thanks to my mothers sacrifices, is focus on education. I am studying medicine at university, and my siblings are still at school. Most of my peers come from very wealthy, successful and educated families, which makes me feel hugely inadequate and alienated even though I like to think I mix in well and don't show it. Funnily enough many people would think I'm from a middle class background because of my accent (went to a decent state school) and being well put together, although I do fear that there are some 'tells' which I'm probably unconscious of, that give my real self/background away as a con-woman
Try as I might, I can't change my parents' decisions and subsequent situation in life. I would love nothing more than to improve my station in life and become like those other very well educated and settled, flourishing families that I come across in my social circles, when/if I have a family of my own, and to give my children opportunities that very never afforded to me. Still, I cannot help feeling like my past will always tarnish me, and currently it does affect my sense of self worth.
Has anyone felt similarly? Even if you haven't, I'd still like to hear your thoughts on this
I came from pretty much the same situation as yours except that mine was worse because my parents were divorced and so only had my mum fending for me and my 3 sibling (plus she was always too busy working to teach us the importance of education).
Your experiences//background will define you whether you like it or not, but you have a choice in how it defines you. You can either cry about it and feel sorry for yourself, or you can say to yourself that you're going to do everything you can to get out of your situation and not make the same mistakes your parents made. It seems like you're on track to doing the later, so good for you.
You do what's right for you, there will be hardships in life and there are students who've got it much worser than you right now i can guarantee. Grind down hard and you do you, let your parents support you and everything but at the end of the day don't feel ashamed. Atleast you have a roof over your head and meals provided
Original post by Anonymous
No I'm not and yes I was born in the UK.
what are you then Indian or chinese or what
Original post by Anonymous
This is a long post but I'd be grateful if you could hear me out.
My parents are immigrants and have been in the UK for nearly two decades now and throughout most of those two decades have been on various welfare benefits. Neither of them have qualifications, and for cultural reasons my mother is a housewife and father is supposed to be the breadwinner. My father (who controls the finances) has done odd jobs part time here and there but he doesn't stick to anything mostly because he ends up falling out with employers, or says that the job is too hard/too long etc, although he has said he has had health problems. I wouldn't say that they have really even tried to improve their station in life since coming to the UK; compare that to some of my friends who also have immigrant parents who came to the UK with very little but are now really well settled. On top of that we are a sort of dysfunctional family but I won't go into that.
In all honesty, they are the types of people on benefits ('scroungers', unmotivated, ungrateful, lazy, leeches) that most people in this country loathe. They often spend money frivolously (mainly my father) as soon as they have some in excess (like flying back home frequently, electronics, sending money back home etc). Other times they have taken out multiple bank loans and we have accumulated huge debt. We have always been struggling financially, sometimes not even having enough food for groceries (big family).
One thing that they have gotten right, almost purely thanks to my mothers sacrifices, is focus on education. I am studying medicine at university, and my siblings are still at school. Most of my peers come from very wealthy, successful and educated families, which makes me feel hugely inadequate and alienated even though I like to think I mix in well and don't show it. Funnily enough many people would think I'm from a middle class background because of my accent (went to a decent state school) and being well put together, although I do fear that there are some 'tells' which I'm probably unconscious of, that give my real self/background away as a con-woman
Try as I might, I can't change my parents' decisions and subsequent situation in life. I would love nothing more than to improve my station in life and become like those other very well educated and settled, flourishing families that I come across in my social circles, when/if I have a family of my own, and to give my children opportunities that very never afforded to me. Still, I cannot help feeling like my past will always tarnish me, and currently it does affect my sense of self worth.
Has anyone felt similarly? Even if you haven't, I'd still like to hear your thoughts on this
My parents are immigrants and have been in the UK for nearly two decades now and throughout most of those two decades have been on various welfare benefits. Neither of them have qualifications, and for cultural reasons my mother is a housewife and father is supposed to be the breadwinner. My father (who controls the finances) has done odd jobs part time here and there but he doesn't stick to anything mostly because he ends up falling out with employers, or says that the job is too hard/too long etc, although he has said he has had health problems. I wouldn't say that they have really even tried to improve their station in life since coming to the UK; compare that to some of my friends who also have immigrant parents who came to the UK with very little but are now really well settled. On top of that we are a sort of dysfunctional family but I won't go into that.
In all honesty, they are the types of people on benefits ('scroungers', unmotivated, ungrateful, lazy, leeches) that most people in this country loathe. They often spend money frivolously (mainly my father) as soon as they have some in excess (like flying back home frequently, electronics, sending money back home etc). Other times they have taken out multiple bank loans and we have accumulated huge debt. We have always been struggling financially, sometimes not even having enough food for groceries (big family).
One thing that they have gotten right, almost purely thanks to my mothers sacrifices, is focus on education. I am studying medicine at university, and my siblings are still at school. Most of my peers come from very wealthy, successful and educated families, which makes me feel hugely inadequate and alienated even though I like to think I mix in well and don't show it. Funnily enough many people would think I'm from a middle class background because of my accent (went to a decent state school) and being well put together, although I do fear that there are some 'tells' which I'm probably unconscious of, that give my real self/background away as a con-woman
Try as I might, I can't change my parents' decisions and subsequent situation in life. I would love nothing more than to improve my station in life and become like those other very well educated and settled, flourishing families that I come across in my social circles, when/if I have a family of my own, and to give my children opportunities that very never afforded to me. Still, I cannot help feeling like my past will always tarnish me, and currently it does affect my sense of self worth.
Has anyone felt similarly? Even if you haven't, I'd still like to hear your thoughts on this
You can't pick where you come from or your family.
You can't change other people they have to do it themselves.
Because if this try not to feel embarrassed about them socially and just remember they love you which is all that matters
Posted from TSR Mobile
Well Done Anon; you've worked very hard to get to where you are now and that's really cool of you - thanks for doing so, and keep it up.
I can relate to what you say about feeling alienated from those around you. I much like you, at least so far, have mostly seemed to have fallen into friendship groups of people who are a lot more affluent than me whether it be culturally, educationally or financially.. Just like you, it doesn't get picked up on, in fact, I've had professionals like teachers and health practitioners assume my parents are affluent just because of how I appear to them - the "posh" southern accent doesn't help, nor does the prose - in fact, it made me feel quite bittersweet about people in general, how superficial things can seem and how unreasonable people can be, and many don't even realise it. Things are usually a lot more complicated than what it first seems, in fact, my own parents have starkly different backgrounds even though they are from the same country.
Your parents might be surviving off of benefits but there maybe underlying problems of their past which you aren't or haven't, been made aware of?
It's not easy to have a tough upbringing in a different culture often during difficult circumstances, with a lack of support, be it emotionally or educationally - this in turn damages people's mindsets.
It's ok to be upset that your parents don't seem as productive as those of your immigrant cohort but there's probably many reasons beyond their control which made it very likely they would end up how they did.. Be upset, if you must, but not ashamed. It is absolutely not your fault and it mighn't have been all under their control as much as you'd like to think or be led to believe?
Please don't blame yourself. And try not to blame them altogether either.
Realise that things aren't easy, and when you look at it all with a numbers perspective, you've done something really awesome.. Doctors are mostly middle and upperclass citizens, and so, meanwhile not surprisingly, many newly qualified training doctors are predominantly from a family of various well educated citizens, especially so a family of doctors.. You are every bit as much admirable as they are; do not undervalue yourself, and it is probably needless to say, but do not inflate yourself to look down on others either. Be sensible. Be what your parents weren't able to. They weren't awful, they just weren't great, most of us are the same.
Your situation very much makes sense. You are statistically much more likely to come across these more affluent people because they had various things bolster their chances of reaching there without realising. You on the other hand, much like your parents(?) have had various things lessen your chances but unlike your parents you've done many many more things right. Again. Please don't be so hard on yourself and your parents; they managed to do some thing right considering where you are right now and given the impression that you've written this with modesty?
As is clear from what I've written and from what we know - It's no secret that a lot of the working class unfortunately feel under pressure.
As a kid I grew up without ever feeling poor and yet somehow during my teens various medical and mental problems began to surface noticeably - things seemed so strugglesome and tiresome ever since then. I've realised my parents aren't ideal - perhaps this might be what you're feeling about your parents?
I do not look down on my parents for their lack of wealth or other shortfalls, nor do I feel ashamed about them being my parents.
I do however feel that sometimes I can look down on their society for allowing my them - to various extents - not be able to grow up pleasantly to then in turn give my siblings the kind of attention they would have been able to have had should financial constraints not have been so damaging to my parents's mental states.
I might be incredibly lucky and I might not be, and the same can be said for you, likewise everybody else in different ways to different degrees. There are many things we can't control, and sometimes those things can make the very things we can control seem as if we can't - don't let that happen; you don't have to be ashamed of your parents.
I appreciate my parents. Without realising it they've taught me more than I could ever repay, the same can be said of society - we've all got flaws - but it's up to us folk whom strive to be rational and sensible to pick up on these flaws and manage them for our wellbeing and for those around us; it should be just as you've said..
We should become decent and pass that on to the next generation of offspring.
This isn't special to me, nor to you, this happens up and down the country, from east to west all across the the world in all of society, repeatedly at different times, with different rates, in different places.. You and I - whilst we're different, we're pretty similar, it's the same for everyone else.
Please don't feel inadequate Anon, you are very likely a huge inspiration for your siblings, and whether or not your parents are able to demonstrate it well, they're probably hugely proud of you.
Heck, I don't even know you and yet I'm touched by your first post.
It shows the fact that your mother made sacrifices for your education - it really hits and shows people can't be all that bad? The rest of what you say just draws parallels with so many poor and even the rich who are often unnecessarily made to feel inadequate because of superficial reasoning.
You're doing good man. Keep it up. Like I said, It is ok to be upset about some things but try to make it for the right reasons so as to not let it **** up your judgment like it might have done many others, then you can be happy the very things you once felt ashamed of are the very things that have made you what you are today and tomorrow.
Anon. I'm just a 19 year old who hasn't accomplished anything but you're en-route to becoming a doctor - you're the kind I look up to; you are a hero, my kind of hero. Again, I have to thank you.
I hope to work as hard as you have, and I also hope to be able to inspire others like you have I.
Damn it, since I've rambled and written so much here I'm going to Anon'ise myself here too before I fire off the submit button - cheers to us both continuing the strive to be decent and happy people!
Lastly,
Hero's don't need to be seen, they just need to be heard - much like you Anon,
Stay cool.
I can relate to what you say about feeling alienated from those around you. I much like you, at least so far, have mostly seemed to have fallen into friendship groups of people who are a lot more affluent than me whether it be culturally, educationally or financially.. Just like you, it doesn't get picked up on, in fact, I've had professionals like teachers and health practitioners assume my parents are affluent just because of how I appear to them - the "posh" southern accent doesn't help, nor does the prose - in fact, it made me feel quite bittersweet about people in general, how superficial things can seem and how unreasonable people can be, and many don't even realise it. Things are usually a lot more complicated than what it first seems, in fact, my own parents have starkly different backgrounds even though they are from the same country.
Your parents might be surviving off of benefits but there maybe underlying problems of their past which you aren't or haven't, been made aware of?
It's not easy to have a tough upbringing in a different culture often during difficult circumstances, with a lack of support, be it emotionally or educationally - this in turn damages people's mindsets.
It's ok to be upset that your parents don't seem as productive as those of your immigrant cohort but there's probably many reasons beyond their control which made it very likely they would end up how they did.. Be upset, if you must, but not ashamed. It is absolutely not your fault and it mighn't have been all under their control as much as you'd like to think or be led to believe?
Please don't blame yourself. And try not to blame them altogether either.
Realise that things aren't easy, and when you look at it all with a numbers perspective, you've done something really awesome.. Doctors are mostly middle and upperclass citizens, and so, meanwhile not surprisingly, many newly qualified training doctors are predominantly from a family of various well educated citizens, especially so a family of doctors.. You are every bit as much admirable as they are; do not undervalue yourself, and it is probably needless to say, but do not inflate yourself to look down on others either. Be sensible. Be what your parents weren't able to. They weren't awful, they just weren't great, most of us are the same.
Your situation very much makes sense. You are statistically much more likely to come across these more affluent people because they had various things bolster their chances of reaching there without realising. You on the other hand, much like your parents(?) have had various things lessen your chances but unlike your parents you've done many many more things right. Again. Please don't be so hard on yourself and your parents; they managed to do some thing right considering where you are right now and given the impression that you've written this with modesty?
As is clear from what I've written and from what we know - It's no secret that a lot of the working class unfortunately feel under pressure.
As a kid I grew up without ever feeling poor and yet somehow during my teens various medical and mental problems began to surface noticeably - things seemed so strugglesome and tiresome ever since then. I've realised my parents aren't ideal - perhaps this might be what you're feeling about your parents?
I do not look down on my parents for their lack of wealth or other shortfalls, nor do I feel ashamed about them being my parents.
I do however feel that sometimes I can look down on their society for allowing my them - to various extents - not be able to grow up pleasantly to then in turn give my siblings the kind of attention they would have been able to have had should financial constraints not have been so damaging to my parents's mental states.
I might be incredibly lucky and I might not be, and the same can be said for you, likewise everybody else in different ways to different degrees. There are many things we can't control, and sometimes those things can make the very things we can control seem as if we can't - don't let that happen; you don't have to be ashamed of your parents.
I appreciate my parents. Without realising it they've taught me more than I could ever repay, the same can be said of society - we've all got flaws - but it's up to us folk whom strive to be rational and sensible to pick up on these flaws and manage them for our wellbeing and for those around us; it should be just as you've said..
We should become decent and pass that on to the next generation of offspring.
This isn't special to me, nor to you, this happens up and down the country, from east to west all across the the world in all of society, repeatedly at different times, with different rates, in different places.. You and I - whilst we're different, we're pretty similar, it's the same for everyone else.
Please don't feel inadequate Anon, you are very likely a huge inspiration for your siblings, and whether or not your parents are able to demonstrate it well, they're probably hugely proud of you.
Heck, I don't even know you and yet I'm touched by your first post.
It shows the fact that your mother made sacrifices for your education - it really hits and shows people can't be all that bad? The rest of what you say just draws parallels with so many poor and even the rich who are often unnecessarily made to feel inadequate because of superficial reasoning.
You're doing good man. Keep it up. Like I said, It is ok to be upset about some things but try to make it for the right reasons so as to not let it **** up your judgment like it might have done many others, then you can be happy the very things you once felt ashamed of are the very things that have made you what you are today and tomorrow.
Anon. I'm just a 19 year old who hasn't accomplished anything but you're en-route to becoming a doctor - you're the kind I look up to; you are a hero, my kind of hero. Again, I have to thank you.
I hope to work as hard as you have, and I also hope to be able to inspire others like you have I.
Damn it, since I've rambled and written so much here I'm going to Anon'ise myself here too before I fire off the submit button - cheers to us both continuing the strive to be decent and happy people!
Lastly,
Hero's don't need to be seen, they just need to be heard - much like you Anon,
Stay cool.
I didn't say but my parents aren't on benefits but they are very low income but that shouldn't take away from what I've written.
It seems like your resentment comes from comparing yourself to others, stop doing it!!
Everyone is different so stop hating your family and learn to love them, you will be much happier
Everyone is different so stop hating your family and learn to love them, you will be much happier
Original post by Anonymous
xxxx
I come from an extremely similar background to you OP, and I'm also currently at medical school surrounded by the offspring of affluent middle class families. People are always surprised to hear that I come from a working-class background because apparently I don't "look" or "sound" like the part. But there's no point in me hiding where I come from - this is who I am, and if people don't like it then frankly they can **** off. Just because other people's parents may have more money than mine, it doesn't make them any better than I. One day after I graduate I'll be on the same wage as most of the other people on my course regardless of their socio-economic background and none of the "I'm rich you're poor" attitudes will count for ****.
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- How do I tell my parents that I don't want to do law?
- Friend in Haram Relationship!
- Rant (not a question but comment on it if you want)
- good universities for any computer related course with no a-level maths
- I feel so deflated
- i flashed on omegle when i was 13/14 and years later i worry
- How to stop crying after being rejected?
- are you dumb if you do a foundation year for a uni degree?
- Good universities without maths A-level “Urgent”
- Is there a benefit to being alone?
- Studying part time HNC while getting universal credit? Help me!
- Dating matters
- Break up
- im feeling lost and hopeless for my future
- please answer this
- Guilty about being rude to my parents
- Advice.
- why is life so unfair? why do privileged people think of themselves higher?
- Class presentation anxiety
- Parents ashamed of my social interaction
Latest
Trending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutTrending
Last reply 5 days ago
My friend might be getting extra time and i hate it.Last reply 6 days ago
Just found out about UCL stat test but can't afford to sit itLast reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 3 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset about
