How am i meant to meet and eventually marry a girl?

I'm Pakistani Indian Muslim. My family and myself are not cultural at all (worded right?) so an arranged marriage isn't a possibility. I have no social life though my understanding is that i couldn't talk to girls anyway. I don't get how I'm supposed to somehow meet a girl when it seems i can't? And i have social anxiety which means when i have tried speaking i just make a fool of myself. A crush who's also Muslim, i stupidly basically immediately asked for her number no doubt creeping her out. I've thought so hard how i could try salvage something with her or at least get rid of that impression i gave her, though i can't think of anything. Anyway getting offtopic, yes i know I'm thinking years in advance (I'm 17) but how would i approach a muslim girl? Ideally it'd be my crush but that's not really a possibility.

shaadi.com

You clearly want to sort it out, seek therapy if so. Or, get on with your education/employment/training

Reply 3

thecatwithnohat

20

hello.

Is it me you're looking for?

Spoiler

Reply 4

zarz96

7

Okay well I heard of this new app lol thats apparently the muslim version of tinder lol :K:

I think its called muz match or something weird like that, you could google it?
Hmm, you're only 17! If you go to uni there will be loads of people there and i'm sure you'll be able to find the one! Its super early to start thinking about marriage now. As time goes on you'll make more friends and develop acquaintances, just keep your circle open and you will meet loads of people.

Oh just read you have social anxiety. I know its easier said than done to 'just get over it'. It's gonna be a long process but maybe you should start of slow and try doing small things that scare you and eventually build it up. Ngl there have been times where I've been way too scared to message even my own close friends first due to anxiety. But now as ridiculous as this sounds I do know its all in my head lol. Your SA won't last forever, by opening up to a few people your confidence will grow and as a result your social life.

Most muslim girls are open to the idea of a non arranged marriage (kept halal obvz), once you get to know her through messaging and stuff, I'd try your best to get your family involved even if they aren't that cultural as you say. It just shows the other family that your serious about her, so you can meet up together and discuss.

Reply 5

theo1jinx

16

this calls for TINDER

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by theo1jinx

this calls for TINDER

Original post by scriberg

shaadi.com

Despite thinking of myself as fairly decent looking (although sometimes i feel terrible about my appearance :s-smilie:

) i hate photos of myself, can't stand them at all.

Original post by shawn_o1

You clearly want to sort it out, seek therapy if so. Or, get on with your education/employment/training

For the anxiety?

Original post by thecatwithnohat

hello.

Is it me you're looking for?

Spoiler

It's 2015, marriage is marriage.

Original post by zarz96

Okay well I heard of this new app lol thats apparently the muslim version of tinder lol :K:

I think its called muz match or something weird like that, you could google it?
Hmm, you're only 17! If you go to uni there will be loads of people there and i'm sure you'll be able to find the one! Its super early to start thinking about marriage now. As time goes on you'll make more friends and develop acquaintances, just keep your circle open and you will meet loads of people.

Oh just read you have social anxiety. I know its easier said than done to 'just get over it'. It's gonna be a long process but maybe you should start of slow and try doing small things that scare you and eventually build it up. Ngl there have been times where I've been way too scared to message even my own close friends first due to anxiety. But now as ridiculous as this sounds I do know its all in my head lol. Your SA won't last forever, by opening up to a few people your confidence will grow and as a result your social life.

Most muslim girls are open to the idea of a non arranged marriage (kept halal obvz), once you get to know her through messaging and stuff, I'd try your best to get your family involved even if they aren't that cultural as you say. It just shows the other family that your serious about her, so you can meet up together and discuss.

I am counting on uni or other higher education as i can't see myself interacting with similarly aged people anywhere else, don't really know if i should go though or if i want to, not sure what i want to do in life. The 2 muslim crushes I've had inc current girl, are friends with eachother and both are pretty known i guess? In the Asian community. Aside from school where my crush is the only non white in my classes, i don't associate with any Asians so when i find them i get really easily infatuated :frown:

Reply 7

Tom78

18

Original post by Anonymous

I'm Pakistani Indian Muslim. My family and myself are not cultural at all (worded right?) so an arranged marriage isn't a possibility. I have no social life though my understanding is that i couldn't talk to girls anyway. I don't get how I'm supposed to somehow meet a girl when it seems i can't? And i have social anxiety which means when i have tried speaking i just make a fool of myself. A crush who's also Muslim, i stupidly basically immediately asked for her number no doubt creeping her out. I've thought so hard how i could try salvage something with her or at least get rid of that impression i gave her, though i can't think of anything. Anyway getting offtopic, yes i know I'm thinking years in advance (I'm 17) but how would i approach a muslim girl? Ideally it'd be my crush but that's not really a possibility.

Get out the house, hang out with mates, take up new hobbies, build your confidence and everything else will follow. Perfectly normal at 17.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Tom78

Get out the house, hang out with mates, take up new hobbies, build your confidence and everything else will follow. Perfectly normal at 17.

I have one friend, we go to the cinema now and then but it gets boring and i don't want to appear clingy to him, i always have to suggest going somewhere.

Reply 9

Tom78

18

Original post by Anonymous

I have one friend, we go to the cinema now and then but it gets boring and i don't want to appear clingy to him, i always have to suggest going somewhere.

You go to school or college? Try talking to new people. Hanging out with the people who live near you.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Tom78

You go to school or college? Try talking to new people. Hanging out with the people who live near you.

Last year of high school and i know it sounds like an exaggeration but school is a dead end. My classes are full of people who stick to their cliques and they don't like me anyway. Where i live, pretty sure there's nobody around my age.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

My bump

Reply 12

Pikachu94

15

Original post by Anonymous

I'm Pakistani Indian Muslim. My family and myself are not cultural at all (worded right?) so an arranged marriage isn't a possibility. I have no social life though my understanding is that i couldn't talk to girls anyway. I don't get how I'm supposed to somehow meet a girl when it seems i can't? And i have social anxiety which means when i have tried speaking i just make a fool of myself. A crush who's also Muslim, i stupidly basically immediately asked for her number no doubt creeping her out. I've thought so hard how i could try salvage something with her or at least get rid of that impression i gave her, though i can't think of anything. Anyway getting offtopic, yes i know I'm thinking years in advance (I'm 17) but how would i approach a muslim girl? Ideally it'd be my crush but that's not really a possibility.

The normal struggle for us lot lol
Ur still young give it time then bam go for it it's what I would do honestly

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Pikachu94

The normal struggle for us lot lol
Ur still young give it time then bam go for it it's what I would do honestly

Posted from TSR Mobile

Not to seem like I'm distancing myself from my roots but is it really a "normal" struggle? I have no experience whatsoever with females at all let alone Desi ones. Not to generalize but i imagine the humour and tastes of well white girls differentiates to that of South Asian girls. I'm already unsure of where I'd be in a place with Muslim women as I'm not sure if I'll continue education, even if i was i don't really understand how I'd get to know them in a respectful manner.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Posted before i was done moaning. The few Muslim girls at school, who all happened to be desi, I crushed on easily and get really intimidated by along with subconsciously trying to catch their attention and/or impress them. Sounds so stupid i know, i think it may be because a part of me knows they're a possible partner? Well not at this age of course but you get what i mean oppose to white girls which i find attractive but never crushed on.