Can you mark my answer Question 1 in AQA English 3 June 2014 ?

1. Tom Hodgkinson 'despise's' facebook. He thinks it doesn't connect us with other people instead it prevents us from having fun such as talking, eating, dancing and drinking with his friends. It is a 'gloomy image' for us to sit in a room and send 'ungrammatical notes and amusing photo '. He also says that now days there is 'disturbing competitiveness around friendship' and 'quality counts for nothing and quantity is king'. This means that the more friends you have the better you are. Therefore, you can just 'construct' an artificial representation of who you are to get an approval.
He thinks he is alone in the disagreement of facebook because facebook 'claims' they have 59 million active which he describes them as 'suckers'. Right now '2 million new people join each week' and at this rate facebook will have more than 200 million user by this time next year, however he think that rate of growth will 'increase'.
He say that facebook is 'uncreative' and that it mediates in relationships. He say he is going to do something useful such as reading books. He would rather plants seeds in this back yard then waste time on facebook. However tom is going to stay away from facebook and wants to revert to an old piece of technology which is 'talking'. This is free, easy and delivers a unique individual experience.

Reply 1

gagandeep07

I would award this response 6 marks out of 8:
- You have a clear understanding of the WHOLE text
- Relevant quotes have been used in support of the comments, including increased control with embedding words/phrases

To push this response to the next band criteria:
- Attempt to make concise cross references within the text to demonstrate an advanced understanding, and not just the paraphrasing of the text. For example... "He thinks he is alone in the disagreement of facebook because facebook 'claims' they have 59 million active which he describes them as 'suckers' ". Thus, this acts to reinforce his 'despise', demonstrated from the onset, towards social media because of the deprivation of true physical interaction. - Try to limit the use of quotations. Instead, aim to make your element of inference and perception more expansive i.e. develop your explanations
- Finally, I would recommend that you change the structure of your response to enhance the overall quality of your response. One way to do this is: have an opening paragraph (ONE SENTENCE COLLATING THE WHOLE TEXT). Then, begin the main body chronologically e.g. Firstly, we learn...; Near to the middle of the article, we learn...; Finally, we learn...
This will help to improve the clarity of your response and it helps to ensure that not only is the work detailed, but demonstrates understanding of the whole text.

By incorporating these elements of improvement, it will help to push your work towards the top banding criteria.

Good luck!

Reply 2

May_

I think this would either get 7 or 8, your technique is good, but maybe structuring it chronologiclly would ensure 8, also make sure you refer to the person by their last name!

Reply 3

gagandeep07

I would disagree with the post above. For 7 to 8 marks, the points would need to be a bit more perceptive and unique. Thus, I awarded this response 6 marks because the points could be made more expansive via the development of the explanations and inferences made. In addition to this, it is also essential that you cross reference - as stated in the mark scheme for question. These two elements are key to secure Band 4: 7-8 marks - which is why I awarded 6.

Secondly, I would also recommend quoting the writer by their last name!

Reply 4

May_

At risk of starting an arguement, the technique you need for this question is to simply quote what is in the text in relation to the question asked, there is no need for detailed explanation of quotes but you need to only give quotations, giving evidence of how this person feels. It's doesn't need to be complicated, you just need to answer the question as it is a simple reading question.

Reply 5

gagandeep07

Indeed, the comments mad by the above member are reasonable. However, the AQA mark scheme specifically states for the top band - 'makes perceptive connections and comments about the issues presented in the text'.

That is why I recommend to make your explanations more expansive. This does not refer to the explanation of the quotes, but in fact the inferences that you make....
Typically, question 1 is a 'what do you learn/understand' question and from this you deduce a concise element of inference - which is where the perceptive comments aspect comes in. Just rewording the points explored in the source will limit the mark attained. Clearly however, the above response includes an element of inference but it could be made more expansive to secure the top marks.

Reply 6

crashMATHS

Original post by helpless123

1. Tom Hodgkinson 'despise's' facebook. He thinks it doesn't connect us with other people instead it prevents us from having fun such as talking, eating, dancing and drinking with his friends*Sophisticated interpretation. It is a 'gloomy image' for us to sit in a room and send 'ungrammatical notes and amusing photo '. He also says that now days there is 'disturbing competitiveness around friendship' and 'quality counts for nothing and quantity is king'. This means that the more friends you have the better you are. Therefore, you can just 'construct' an artificial representation of who you are to get an approval. *which means what in the context of the article - what can you understand from this about the writer's opinion?
He thinks he is alone in the disagreement of facebook because facebook 'claims' they have 59 million active*Can you quote this if it's a fact? which he describes them as 'suckers'. Right now '2 million new people join each week' and at this rate facebook will have more than 200 million user by this time next year, however he think that rate of growth will 'increase'.again, what can you understand from this?
He say that facebook is 'uncreative' and that it mediates in relationships. He say he is going to do something useful such as reading books. He would rather plants seeds in this back yard then waste time on facebook. However tom is going to stay away from facebook and wants to revert to an old piece of technology which is 'talking'. This is free, easy and delivers a unique individual experience.

This is a decent response. It is clear and informed and deals with the question well. It addresses all the parts of the question, but lacks slight engagement with the word 'understand'. You occasionally show what the text makes you understand, but this is not done consistently as many points are statements and not interpretations.

You do, however, quote aptly and the embedded quotes do give your answer a great deal of flair and fluency.

The main thing to do here is to try to interpret more perceptively and with greater depth. You can either do this by exploring ideas and viewpoints mentioned in the text thoroughly or by making cross-references between different parts of the text. For example, saying how one part of the text reinforces another and how these concur to a much wider or much more credible interpretation; alternatively, perhaps, how two parts of the text contrast each other and lead you into a different understanding of the writer's viewpoint.

This is a Band 3 response, but it is closer to Band 2 than it is to Band 4, so 5 marks would be awarded. It is closer to Band 2 due to the unfortunate lack of interpretation that you have in your answer and that this question ultimately tests you upon.

I'm happy to answer any questions you may have. Good luck :smile:

(edited 8 years ago)

*made

Original post by May_

I think this would either get 7 or 8, your technique is good, but maybe structuring it chronologiclly would ensure 8, also make sure you refer to the person by their last name!

Original post by gagandeep07

I'd disagree with you both. See my post above.

This is definitely not Band 4 - far from it...

Reply 9

helpless123

Thank's guys really appreciate it

Reply 10

helpless123

In paragraph one, there is a feeling of unbearable experience by the writer. The use of emotive adjectives such as 'hot' and 'unbearably' to describe the weather and atmosphere of Vanuatu. This reflects the writer's own feeling of desperation about being stranded in a new lovely but 'unbearable' island from his conventional day to day life with 'movie theatres , Starbucks on every corner and his beautiful home'. Paragraph one convey's the early feelings felt in island of Vanuatu. In paragraph two the negative feeling are continued, 'hostile darkness descends' shows us that when it gets dark then the place is the writer's enemy. The quote 'that fact alone has me totally creeped out' reflects the writer feeling and thought of being scared. In paragraph nine the writer compares the island of Vanuatu when he was a little kid and he lost his parents in a department store. This shows that the writer is distraught and he just wants to go back home like when he is in the department store where he just wants his parents. The comparison of being lost in the department store helps the reader create an image of being left alone because it's easier to understand the feeling.

Can you guys mark this? This is Q3 of AQA English Language 3 June 2014 Higher Tier and give it a mark out of 8?

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Can you mark my answer Question 1 in AQA English 3 June 2014 ?

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