The LDR conversation - how to approach it?

I'm leaving for uni in just under three weeks (eeek!) I'm currently in Sheffield, but will be moving to London. I'm very excited about starting my degree, meeting new people at uni and living in such an awesome city, but equally nervous about the big move. I'm 23 - so technically a mature student, which I'm hoping may help me a bit, but equally this is the first time I've moved away from home and so I have the same anxieties as many younger students. I'm also currently in a relationship with a lovely guy (29) in Sheffield - we've only been together ten months, but things are good and we're happy. Six months ago I wouldn't have been interested in pursuing a LDR with him, but we've grown closer and things have changed and I now definitely want to give it a go. Sheffield to London is two hours, so not completely impossible. He also has very flexible working hours - he owns a business, which he just has to keep ticking over on the admin side and he's also a sportsman, although he only trains hard near events. So he has tons of free time - so in theory could come to see me quite a lot (money permitting...) We love spending time together, but we also don't live completely in each other's pockets - we've had phases in the relationship where we've been apart for 2-3 weeks and just kept contact up whilst apart and otherwise occupied ourselves with work, friends, hobbies etc.

I know he cares about me, has talked about our future and we're planning a little holiday together in October, so part of me wonders whether the "are we continuing?" conversation is even necessary, but at the same time, we really haven't discussed how we're going to make things work long-distance or how often we'll see each other etc. Every time I try and approach the conversation I just feel so nervous and don't go through with it. It's weird because I usually feel like I can talk to him about anything - as my leaving date creeps closer and closer I keep thinking I can't continue avoiding this!

I think some of my residual fears are coming from the fact that when we first met he didn't want a serious relationship with me (which I was fine with at the time, as I felt the same), but later changed his mind and since then has also been the one that's been more forthcoming with his emotions than me. Early in the relationship he also said that he didn't want to hold me back when I went to uni - that he wanted me to be able to "experiment" and enjoy the uni lifestyle (basically, have loads of sex.) I'm not interested in that - I'll go clubbing from time to time, but am more into chatting in pubs and joining societies/pursuing interests than the 'clubbing scene.' I'm already past being obsessed with clubbing. I guess part of me worries that he'll still suggest this, even though he said this months ago and we've been totally committed to each other ever since. I want to continue a monogamous relationship or I want nothing. I have nothing against those who are happy to pursue open relationships etc. but they're not for me.

So, with the days sliding away, how is the best way to approach him about it - I feel like I'm building it up into such a massive conversation in my head that I keep putting it off!

I'm also well aware that a LDR may not work, but I figure it's better to try and fail then regret not giving it a go! :smile:

Reply 1

TwinnyP

Original post by Anonymous

I'm leaving for uni in.......

I would just be straight. Just say "So how are we planning on seeing each other after I go up to Sheffield? Are we doing every week? Every other week? Am I coming back to London, or are you coming here?"

Etc.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Thanks - yeah. I think I'm probably just making it into a massive deal in my head - I'm going to try and be casual about it and hope that my nerves don't get the better of me again!