I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, of which about 3 of them he was either unemployed or studying. In terms of financial disparity, i've been the main breadwinner. We live separately and long distance. In terms of how we get on - we have good laughs, have great debates and he's a very interesting guy who I like to spend time with.
In the last few months, he's been setting up his own business. Financed by his mother primarily, but also other relatives. In all fairness to him, it's a great venture and he's very talented. It's going to be some months yet till he starts taking a salary out of it.
I'm very supportive of the business. Whether it's helping him wrap products, designing packaging, designing the business card, helping towards the cost of little things, and I did 90% of his website which took me about 40 hours. I enjoyed it, don't get me wrong. I only get to see him weekends, obviously being long distance, and there will be the odd weekend I chose not to see him because I need time on my own or to see friends.
I finished working on his website the weekend, it took up most of my free weekend and didn't get it live till 1am sunday night. I was in work the next day and shattered on the monday morning.
Even last night I was giving advice to him on twitter and set that up too for him. I did a business degree a couple of years ago aswell as work experience so I can see why he wants my input.
I work full time and live on my own, i fork out the cost to do with travelling.
Needless to say I was relieved when the website was finally finished and everything was up and running. This weekend im going to see him and most of the weekend he will be at a market selling his product. It's exciting because he sold several of them last weekend and I said i didn't mind sitting with him on the stall Saturday and Sunday. To say ive been supportive and generous in my time is an understatement in my view. His mum has equally been very supportive in numerous aspects of the business operations.
I get home from work and look forward to relaxing. He calls me and we have a brief chat about the day and he says he's been looking at Twitter again and how to maximize it's benefits. Then he proceeds to ask me whether I will go through it tonight for an hour or so. I didn't want to do it because I feel like in all honesty he's asking too much at this point given ive done a lot already. He thinks im not excited about the business and said he needs all the support he can get and that my refusal to not help him is indicative of not being supportive or excited. I explained I wanted a night off just to zone out and had worked on the website all weekend. I further explained that i work full time and just want to chill out. He took this as a personal offence because I wont help him. I was very diplomatic when i explained things, but it didnt seem to wash with him. He got quite pissed off and said 'ive got things to do will speak to you later'.
I asked why he couldn't ask his best friend to help (artistic, creative, social media savy), who is on a career break at the moment, and he said he didnt want to, and wanted me because i've been there from the start. I didn't think that was fair and felt pretty exploited by his response.
Any money he has earned is being pumped back into the business, so in terms of taking a salary, that won't happen most likely for several months, maybe slightly longer. His family are definitely aware of how supportive ive been, but dont particularly want their subjective opinion as much as i love them like my own family.
I don't believe in giving to receive, but i pay for everything and have done for several months, even for the travel to go and see him, so I worry that resentment is going to start creeping in because he STILL feels im not giving enough.
I would genuinely appreciate your opinions, and what you would do in my shoes, if you had a similar situation with your boyfriend/girlfriend - taking into account that you do love them very much and are very well suited in most areas.
Thanks guys and girls.