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Don't feel like I fit into my friend group anymore

I know parts of this will sound quite petty but the whole situation makes me feel a bit awful. I have two really close friends in quite a large group of people. One of them I have known since I was about 8 and the other since I was 11. Now the first friend is very dear to me except I don't see them much any more and they are rarely on Facebook even though thinking back we used to stay up late nearly every night talking and having fun, and respecting each others favourite things and being geeky about only a few things but that was enough for us. I feel so sad that we've drifted, and we both have acknowledged it but don't know where we've gone wrong/ how to fix it.

Now my other friend, she's great. We talk about a lot of the same things and we share a lot of classes together. However she can be almost too nice. One of my old friends was a complete horrible self-centred person to me and when I'd walked out on that friendship she went to my friend with all her troubles but now she's possessive of my friend and gets crazy jealous whenever I'm near and I don't want to get into a fight with her again, it's just not worth it. In fact, I unfollowed her on twitter today after realising we hadn't spoken properly pretty much all year, and immediately she pops up asking and examining why I unfollowed her, and I told her the truth - we just aren't friends. My friend also has another friend, a guy. Now us three used to be very close but I moved back into the area around February and suddenly he just stopped talking to me properly. We'd used to have deep late night conversations and now I mean nothing to him. He's also been a bit stuck-up and irritating and has done some very mean things to my friend but she insists on making it work as she's too nice to confront him about the awful things he's done.

I have other people in the group who I'd like to be closer friends to but we just aren't. It's a shame, I feel disconnected. It is usually me to start the conversation and these two friends of my best friend who I just can't stand any more get in the way of me being closer to her. If we go out as a group I drift between them all and often I think I could easily be forgotten about if it weren't for the fact that I'm the one who tries to keep everything in line. People say they are bored, I make plans and try to fit them around everyone's schedule and truthfully I'm very sick of that now. I feel more like I'm a mother to some of these people. There's too many links between the group of old/complicated friendships that make it seem impossible to have a close relationship with someone outside of class.

Reply 1

shawn_o1

good. you're crying out for "me me me" after getting sick of "them them them"

Reply 2

physicst

Not need to change yourself but change the friend group simple

Reply 3

Treblebee

Hmm, I'm v sorry about this( :frown:

) and I have gone through similar experiences... it is very painful imo, however, it tends to help me if I understand their psychology. It seems like, as is often the case, in your situation, your "friends" (whether they deserve to be called that, idk) are feeling somewhat insecure; this is a problem many teenagers struggle with, and in case you're wondering, you're not alone in feeling like you're not part of the group. They may sometimes feel like it too, which is why they bully - it makes them feel powerful, like they are an important part of the group. Hence, friends at this time of life tend not to be all-weather friends; however - and I know this seems heartless, but it is true - time will pass, and you'll find more mature and self-confident friends who won't bully you. Move on, this is only a tiny phase in your amazing life :smile: